Sunday, April 18, 2010

There Will Be Blood

There Will Be Blood

While I appreciate the value of blood donation there's one thing that just seems wrong. It seems like a crock of shit for tight-fisted assholes to go sit down for a half hour and then eat some cookies, get a sticker, and walk around all smug "Guess who saved a life today."

Nah bro, you really didn't. That blood will just sit in the bank for a few months till it goes bad and gets thrown out because it was at the bottom of about 80 bags from the other assholes like you, and if it does get used it won't be for some poor young accident or gunshot victim. It'll be for a fucking 70 year old tea party asshole who needed it after open heart surgery when he had a ooronary jerking it to sean hannity (while telling himself it was to sarah palin)... so in OALY terms, a net negative.

But hey, it's the best way to keep up appearances without actually giving money to charity or anything. Fuck those poors for trying to leach off a HERO type-O life-saver like yourself. How about you just donate your blood down the fucking drain, you idiot.

And before you tell me to go fuck myself for not donating blood. I have. Even though I'm just writing this to rationalize my fear of needles and all, I still have given blood in my day but you know what, I never bragged about it.

There's other reasons why people give blood. The sorority girls at your school who host the blood drive will possibly respect you enough and suddenly find you attractive enough to date because you gave some blood?

Just admit there's selfish reasons behind your donation. I mean, they call you every single time a blood drive is coming up so you can meet other like minded uncaring 0+ Twats. It's like the singles and mingles section to produce future offspring that has perfect blood to give.

And for those of you with -O+, it's like the king who turned everything he touched into iPads. Come down to earth. giving blood may be good but it's not a miracle. How often do they run out? I mean, these aren't livers we're talking about. How often does someone in middle America die because the hospital was out of the appropriate blood type? I think the answer is never. But hey, enlighten me.

That's what I thought. The only problem now is that there might be a critical mass of people who stopped donating after reading this ever-so-popular blog. But I have it on good authority that no one reads this and most of all, any nerd who does wouldn't have their blood accepted anyway.

Last year they were giving out VIP tickets for Warped Tour to anyone who donated blood. I would say that would be a reason NOT to donate any. I heard talks about putting into effect a program that would allow you to get a blood donor card if you donate regularly, and in case of an accident you get priority on blood or something like that. I'm not sure how it works because I don't give blood for rewards, but that's fucking disgusting.

It's bad enough we already give our blood to the government in metaphorical methods, we're literally going to give it to them now? What's wrong with us? I spend my hard earned dollars on nutrients to create this blood and I'll be damned if I'm going to give it away for free. That's socialism, if you didn't know.

Besides, in all likelihood the blood will be used to save a wounded veteran, making you an accessory to war crimes. Then again, anyone living in American or Europe is already complicit in war crimes, so who cares, I guess?

Maybe you should donate blood after all since it's already all over your hands. I mean, donating also requires a very small amount of effort. You just sit there. Besides all that, who will feed all the vampires if you don't?

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