Saturday, December 18, 2010

For The Man Who Has Nothing...

For The Man Who Has Nothing...

If you're stumped on what to give the person in your life who has no earthly possession, rants about how black helicopters hover over his backwoods shed and feels the government is going to come down on him for all the stock piled guns he has.. well, there's this handy website to guide you through what to get him....

Off The Grid Christmas - Your one stop shop for all your crazy anti-government relatives. A website that tells you that a terrorist act can bring down the government and our nation in one quick swoop at any moment. You hear that? AT ANY MOMENT THOSE COMMUNIST PIGS COULD WIN!

The website is the ultimate in fear mongering. Just look at what the time table looks like in an attempt to sell you their dried food.
Day 1 - There's mayhem at the grocery stores. People are fighting over the last few jars and boxes of food.

Day 2 - People still have food in their homes. They eat lightly. Everybody is on edge

Day 5 - Now people begin to run out of food. Neighbors come knocking. "Do you mind if we eat with you?"

Day 10 - Small bands of armed thieves are making their rounds, stealing food at gunpoint. You hear gunshots down the street.

Day 15 - People are dying. The neighbors you thought you knew so well have become strangers to you. They're not acting normal anymore. People are desperate. But the government can't help because... There's no food left!
But don't worry about that. You're a mother grizzly and you know how to take care of your little cubs. The best way to do that is by stocking up on some of the crappiest tasting food around. But hey, it beats being like the neighbors and having to resort to cannibalism!

That whole story was fucking funny. Yes, small rebels are out there looking for food and you hear gun fire in the background.. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?! If only this website had guns for sale. Then again, if you're shopping for your hermit relatives at this site, they probably already have a stock pile of weapons at the ready for when the time comes to either protect themselves from nomad thieves or the government.

And if you can't find anything on that website for them, well then, do I have an excellent property investment for you! With the record high foreclosures going on, it's the perfect time to pick up some land. Where else can you type up mail bombs to the people who are plotting against you?

There's no better place to do that than where it's already been done. In the Unabomber's Montana Land.. which just happens to be for sale!
Unabomber's Montana land for sale; 'very secluded'

LINCOLN, Mont. (AP) — A 1.4-acre parcel of land in western Montana that was once owned by Unabomber Ted Kaczynski is on the market for $69,500.

The listing — by John Pistelak Realty of Lincoln — offers potential buyers a chance to own a piece of "infamous U.S. history."

"This is a one of a kind property and is obviously very secluded," the listing says. It doesn't say who owns the property.

The forested land, which had been listed at $154,500, does not have electricity or running water. Photos posted with the online listing show tall trees, chain-link fences topped by barbed wire and a tree with "FBI" carved into it, though it's not clear why. Pistelak said Friday he couldn't immediately comment on the listing, and he didn't return phone messages on Sunday.

The property does not include Kaczynski's cabin, which is on display at the Newseum in Washington, D.C.

Kaczynski is serving a life sentence for killing three people and injuring 23 during a nationwide bombing spree between 1978 and 1995. The Harvard-trained mathematician railed against the effects of advanced technology and led authorities on the nation's longest and costliest manhunt before his brother tipped off law enforcement in 1996.

Kaczynski was captured at the Lincoln, Mont., cabin in April 1996. He pleaded guilty in 1998, and is housed in a maximum security prison in Colorado.

Government investigators labeled him the Unabomber because some of his attacks were directed at university scholars.
There's a lot of grown up men who collect Star Trek memorabilia and Dr. Who DVDs. But the real adults in the world will be buying the cabin occupied by the anarchistic serial bomber. How could you pass up such a beautiful view like this?

And would you look at that, the price has also been reduced! I don't know about you, but I want to live somewhere secluded, I'm thinking of getting myself an early Christmas gift and buying this land myself.

Well, that is if I hadn't already sunk my money into a property that has been a money pit. I does sound like a better investment than buying this property that was used on some silly subscription based cable show.

It's a shame that the place had all those sex scenes with Sasha Grey happened here, so the place must smell like asshole all over. No way

In writing this I realized that I had my information all wrong about the Unabomber. I thought he was called that because he acted alone, like how a unicycle only has one wheel. But apparently he was called that because he targeted Universities and Airlines. I guess those two things don't turn into acronyms very well.

So before Kaczynski's identity was know, the FBI used the handle "UNABOM" (UNiversity and Airline BOMber) to refer to his case, which resulted in the media calling him the Unabomber.

You know, the Unabomber case was very interesting because the judge spent weeks and dozens of pages justifying that while he was sane, competent to stand trail, competent to assist and make his own defense, he was not legally allowed to represent himself. It's like the judge made him a prisoner of his court appointed lawyers and wouldn't let him have any input into his own defense. Took away pretty much all his civil rights in the process.

What a terrible judge and a travesty of justice. So this whole land sale shouldn't be considered cashing in on some controversy.. No! Not at all. No sir! This is just a prime 1.4 acres in the middle of nowhere.

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