Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Whispering Dead

The Whispering Dead

Well, it's been a little over a week since the Walking Dead ended its very short season and while I said I wouldn't write another one for a while... well, it's a show about zombies, you should figure that zombification of topics would come about. Don't try to shoot this in the head, it wont work. Just let it consume your brains

Especially since it just was nominated for a Golden Globe. I mean.. really? REALLY? I like the show and all, but there was some major issues with it that it shouldn't have been nominated. I mean, on the season finale of the walking dead, the CDC doctor whispered something in Rick's ear.

This isn't a new concept for film at all, it makes you wonder what exactly was said to the character for a while and they can plug and play and old bullshit that they want on there. But it does leave the viewer with one thing it shouldn't really hope for... time to inflate the expectations to levels that the writers would never be able to meet said expectations.

You might as well say that it's what Murray whispered into Scarlet Johansson's ear in Lost in Translation. Oh yeah, for the record he told her the name of a really good divorce lawyer. But as we speak, a crack team of internet nerds are running through possibly every different combinations of words that Doctor Jenner could possible whisper into a persons ear. Here's a couple of guesses....

"We would have had an extra hour if your son didn't plug in and play Ms. Pac-Man for four hours last night."

"I think that Daryl guy might be a little nuts."

"I'll see ya in anotha life, brotha"

"Never tell Daryl about the button that opened the door. He just looked so satisfied that his hacking with an axe opened it, and I can't take that away from him."

"Rick... they just brought back the McRib... don't let them take that away from us."

"Rick, if you ever go into a bookstore, whatever you do, do not read the comic book titled The Walking Dead or else you will be spoiled on what may or may not happen in this version of the story"

"FYI that big guy with the shotgun tried to rape your wife last night in the game room....purple monkey dishwasher"

"I can't believe no one in your group has ever seen a zombie movie."

"You know, when you first told me your name I thought you said "Riddick" and I thought, just maybe, humanity stood a chance against these damn Necros. Now I think you're all fucked though, Rick."

"Had to use all that hot water, eh? Couldn't you just fuck like normal people on a bed?"

"Never trust a guy with a mustache"

"They look like monsters to you?"

"Three words. Marvel Zombies Crossover"

"Strike that motherfucker out."

"Sometimes you have to roll a hard six."

"I've been peeing in the CDC showers for weeks"

"You'll never guess what were in those diplomatic cables"

"Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down."

"Dogs can't look up."

"I killed Mufasa..."

"I hid a stash of whiskey down the street, it's in the bank's vault."

"Smoke weed everyday"

"Live every day of your life as if it was shark week."

"Have you ever seen 'The Accused?' Because I think your wife and buddy were reenacting a scene from it in the rec room."

With the CDC destroyed, I suppose that means the only thing left for them to do is to go to the Air Force base south of Atlanta that Shane mentioned. But when you think about it, Shane seemed pretty okay with the idea of heading to a military base, despite seeing how the Army butchered unarmed patients in the hospital who looked to be uninfected in an attempt to spread control of the zombies.

And what was up with the abuse victim stealing the grenade? No wonder Ed beat her. She was always stealing his grenades. How do you forget that you found a grenade? Yeah, he just got laid for the first time in a month, but you'd think that you'd remember a round ball in your pocket. "Hey, I'd swear that I had a grenade when I came into camp. Did someone steal it?"

"Look guys, when I came to camp, I had a fucking grenade with me.. well, now I don't. Look, I'm not even mad. I realize that in these hard times a grenade may be like a good thing, but it's mine. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna shut the lights out and whoever has my grenade can bring it up to the desk and I won't even know. Clean slate and it's all behind us, alright?"

Now back to the guesses...

"..... and we call it the Aristocrats!"

"The blood test revealed who the final cylon is.."

"Live every week like it's Shark Week."

"I'm sorry, Rick, but the military is trained only to shoot at center mass"

"Paul is dead."

"Rosebud's the sled."

"Love actually kinda sucked"

"Snape kills Dumbledore."

"All this has happened before, and it will happen again... "

"There was a camera in the shower. Thanks for that fresh material"

"You've had a piece of toilet paper hanging out of the back of your pants all morning."

"Do you like books about war? Do you like to watch movies about... gladiators? Have you've ever seen a grown man...."

On a final serious note, the two guesses that make the most sense are "Everyone is already infected with it and it's activated when you die" or "Your wife is pregnant." Remember what the doctor said after Rick came to ask about the blood test - "No surprises."

Not "you're all fine," not "everybody's safe," but "no surprises."

It could have been that the blood test was a chance for Jenner to confirm something that he might have been hypothesizing about before the lab screw up and the low fuel situation. He'd probably saw that all the people in the CDC had it in their system and it was dormant. So getting a blood sample from outsiders to confirm that it's in their system as well, just would show that everyone has this in them.

And the final guess is "Your wife is pregnant" Because let's face it.. we're going to get to that part of the comics sooner or later. Let's hope the show doesn't pussy out on talking about that subject of who was the father like the comic book did.

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