Thursday, December 2, 2010

If You Want To Believe, You Might As Well; Says NASA

If You Want To Believe, You Might As Well; Says NASA

Actually, they didn't really say that. I'm putting words in their mouth because, well, it seems silly, but NASA is being cryptic about something and are having a press conference today about it.
NASA Sets News Conference on Astrobiology Discovery; Science Journal Has Embargoed Details Until 2 p.m. EST On Dec. 2

WASHINGTON -- NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life. Astrobiology is the study of the origin, evolution, distribution and future of life in the universe.

The news conference will be held at the NASA Headquarters auditorium at 300 E St. SW, in Washington. It will be broadcast live on NASA Television and streamed on the agency's website at

Could this.. um.. actually mean they're going to announce first contact? I mean, extra terrestrial life certainly can exist considering the vast size of the universe. You want to see how big this mofo is? Check out this video..

I mean, yeah, it could just be damage control for the upcoming Martian cable leak, but maybe we should prepare ourselves and welcome our new ____ overlords.

What if it's some sort of hyper intelligent bacteria on the moons of Saturn? Or maybe they'll knock out another planet off the list. Pluto was only the start. Saturn itself could be discovered to be just a bunch of gas

You figure that any extraterrestrial life forms we will ever discover will be terrible imperialistic war criminals who will just steal our resources. Given our foreign policy it's the only thing good that could ever happen to us. I feel bad for the rest of the world though, they didn't deserve it. Then again, they'll at least be used to slavery.

It would suck to live anywhere else in the galaxy though. While I don't have hard hitting facts on this, I do think that any multicelluar life form evolving in an earth-like planet over billions of years would probably be an easy target for gamma rays or harsh constant winters.

So I'm going to guess they just found proof of shadow people spying on us from an alternate universe. Just like on Fringe. Either that or Mel's hole is actually filled with Reptilians. Yes, I always had a feeling that listening to Art Bell's Coast to Coast AM broadcasts would come in handy in this modern day and age.

Maybe this is what the world needs. I'm sure that after a while of dealing with a new species to hate, we'll end up developing some sort of species identity and be totally against this new alien stealing our jobs and marrying our women.

Come on, you don't think that someone sick fucks will want to fuck with a new species? There's a fetish for everything, my friends, and I'm sure that there's already people out there planning to be the first one on their fantasy football team league to brag about nailing one of them alien hotties with three tits and gills.

Then that would probably be assuming that we could ever coexist peacefully with another sentient species. They'll probably be taken in like the shrimp people in District 9 and we all know slavery isn't really peaceful co-existence. We'll gladly put them under our boot.

So that's the main reason why our existence will always be alone in the universe. Especially for a NASA worker. They're just used to it. We should just send out porno and episodes of family guy in Voyager 3.

Or it could be worse...
CAPE CANAVERAL (AP) - NASA Confirms Existence of God
Yes, that would truly be horrifying. I don't need to remind you that the belief in extraterrestrial life form is inconsistent with the belief in pure reason and empiricism.. You know, what I am, an Atheist. So with that, I can't on good faith say that there's any sort of aliens visiting us.

So NASA is probably just going to announce that space is fucking big and we have no budget to explore anything worth a damn. So it's all a hyped up announcement that the government told them to make to attempt to steal some thunder from the Wiki Leak scandal.

It should be known that if NASA ever found anything genuinely interesting, you would probably find out about it long before any press conference. Just saying.

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