Friday, December 31, 2010

Party Hard..

Party Hard

It would be highly irresponsible of me to encourage excess amounts of drinking. You know, especially after I just wrote a piece about encouraging mass suicide. So perhaps I'll plead the fifth here. It's not like you need me to tell you to drink a lot tonight. It is New Years, the time when everyone just wants to chug any and everything to make sure that the year ends with no regrets and the new one starts with a massive hangover as well as the lesson of "man, I probably shouldn't drink like that anymore"

But sure enough, there's an ad campaign promoting responsibility and I just want to make fun of it. So here we go. Can anyone tell me the lesson learned from this following ad campaign?

How about DON'T PUT YOUR DRINKS ON THE POOL TABLE! At the very least use a goddamn coaster, sheesh! Just look at how she's got him pinned helpless against the table! Cunningly cutting off his path to escape with her raised leg. Clever girl.

Just look at how much the two other people wish they had even a little bit of human contact. Part of me feels like they're actually looking at each other and not at the people making out. Like, maybe they're thinking "Hey, wanna have some fun as well? I'll get the shots!"

I really don't understand this advertisement. Is she suppose to be fat? She doesn't look any bigger or smaller than the girl in the background. Why is it exactly that getting shit faced drunk was so bad of a thing? Oh, is it because she's engaging in activity which allegedly will be embarrassing later, and the ad is a plea for moderation?

Perhaps the lesson is to not make out in a bar because you'll be making everyone else sad and unhappy and being all gross like.

I do know the lesson of the next image and it's very simple.... Don't drink! You might temporarily overcome the inane restrictions society has arbitrarily placed upon you.

But maybe the original poster had a point about the whole making out in public. Making out after you're 24 is tacky and pointless. Get on with the sex already. You're not Archie and Jug-head. Get on with what matters.. getting it on. For which, Alcohol can more than be a helpful tool with.

Why yes, you may look like a creep.... to the sober people. But to the drunk people, you'll look totally cool. Or at least potentially like some sort of strange magical creature come to bring them some more beer as well as good tidings and three wishes. One of which will be used to make the room stop spinning.

This next set of the same advertisement is geared towards making sure you don't piss off friends and loved ones. Well, mainly to make sure that you stick to getting into bar room brawls with total strangers and not with your close "friends".

I don't get this one either. Perhaps you could use alcohol to filter out those morons who aren't actually your friends. You know, if your friendships aren't drunk-proof, then you have really shitty friends and should consider going out and getting new ones.

This whole notion of people losing their friends is a good thing because then they can go make friends with some others who aren't a bunch of uptight prudish judgmental grudge-nursing assholes.

Well now, this advertisement is just reinforcing the sexist notion that women can't hold their liquor. Besides that, women generally have little to no problem in telling you how they feel when they're sober. Why do you think they will let loose with the insults only after a couple of drinks?

Oh no, a total cunt who's boyfriend you were flirting with while drunk is totally not going to be your friend anymore. You know what that means, right? Fuck it. Sleep with him and then rub her face in it. I mean, seriously. What's the worse thing you can tell your friend while drunk? That you slept with her man? That you know he's cheated on her with someone else?

Usually the shit that comes out while drunk is the shit that has been buried not-so-deep and it just goes to show you that your friendship isn't as deep as you thought it was to begin with. So if anything, alcohol is doing you a favor and helping to push you in a direction you should have gone to a long time ago.

I'm not saying you're a good friend, all I'm saying is that alcohol is liquid courage. As highlighted in this next ad.

Oh yes, I know this one all too well. It' the embarrassment of drunkenly sitting by yourself in a fun bar with a dart board, pool tables, drunk friends while other people enjoy life. This ad just simply shows that when you're drunk you think you're cool when you're really not. Guess what, even sober you think you're cool when you're really not. That's life.

Is this such a bad thing? Probably. But you're drunk, so you won't realize you were a dick till way after. It's the people who aren't drunk that really get to see how much of a dick you are. And it's there fault for not being drunk as well. Cause then they'll be blinded by how much of a dick they are, as well as how much of an self absorbed asshole they're being.

So what's the next ad fighting against? Well now, it must be your street cred....

Oh noes! I showed my frontal fat/milk sacs to my idiot friends! You know, if your friends haven't at some point seen you naked or nearly naked, then you're really doing it wrong. Oh, I'm sorry. Did society instill the notion that the human body is something gross and should always be covered up at all times by layers and layers of clothing? Get over it. Their tits/cock/pussy/butt cheeks.

Evidently this is a big enough concern that they had to spend the money on two of the same warnings that drinking may lead to you showing your fun bags to your friends. You know, I don't know about you, but I don't think this is the worse thing in the world.

The problem with all these images is that they're suppose to happen. It's like going to the movies and not seeing the trailers. What's the point of partying with a bunch of people who can't hold their alcohol and wish to let their inhibitions out if you're going to beat it into their skulls about moderation.

I ask, what's the point of partying at all if a bunch of fucked up shit didn't happen? That's the warp and woof of getting wasted. It's like going on Google and pressing "I feel lucky". Yeah, sometimes you may end up with puke on your clothing or having to take care of some stumbling drunk, but then it's balanced out with the times someone makes a complete fool out of themselves or the potential nearly naked late night pool raid.

Just look at all the ads in this post. If you scroll through those images, it's like exactly what you see being out on a really long, fun night of drunken stupidity.

At least those ads are not as stupid as this little video clip that I'm about to embed here. I mean, this has got to be the worse and most stretched out possibility in terms of drinking and creating an issue. I don't know how to even put it into words how stupid the ad is, but let's let it speak for itself.

Yes, that's right... Drinking and getting shit faced at a party (where everyone else is drinking) can lead to killing someone's baby. You know what, what the fuck is she even doing at a party when she's that round and pregnant? How about not going to the local kegger when you're knocked up.

And it's not even the issue of being drunk. Usually when you're really drunk, you don't stumble around like that if you're falling. You simply drop like a brick. You don't have the common sense to stumble about. The only thing you can possibly do is just stop any motor skills. So this notion that the drunk killed a baby is stupid.

Imagine the people behind this whole campaign. People who think these are really important messages. Forget about the social ineptitude that you are showing in a crowd. How about you focus on the real issue.. drunk driving.

If you're going to drink... DON'T DRIVE. It's that simple. Especially not tonight. I mean, if there's one night you don't want to be on the road even with a slight misalignment of your tires, it's tonight. Cops will be out in full force. If you're getting buzzed or anything past two drinks.. it's better to just sleep where you fall.

That's a simple enough public service announcement, right? On the other hand... do show boobs. Yes. there you go.

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