Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Huffing Into Another Media Giant's Arms

Huffing Into Another Media Giant's Arms

So it looks like AOL, in what is probably their last great bid to pull themselves out of irrelevance, has been gobbling up hundreds of journalist and sites. The Huffington Post is the latest one.
By combining HuffPost with AOL's network of sites, thriving video initiative, local focus, and international reach, we know we'll be creating a company that can have an enormous impact, reaching a global audience on every imaginable platform.

Ha! I can't wait to hear what she has to say about this on Left, Right and Center. Oh wait, that would be me admitting I listen to NPR and KCRW! Fuck. Of course not, I'm, some average joe six pack with JackFM cranked on my radio because they play what they want. How edgy and hip.

But it leaves one to wonder what exactly is AOL getting in this purchase.. Let's look at what's on the Huff post..

National Anthem FAIL! Tara Reid Makes Major Fail.

You have shit like Alec Balwdin opinion editorials. Catty fashion pieces on Oscar de la renta and Michelle Obama. Stupid hick republican does a dumb hick republican thing. Video of exceptionally smug Bill Maher saying something really retarded. Oh yeah, can't forget the Paparazzi picture of some underage celebrities poon.

What the fuck is this bullshit? Hey AOL, how about you buy this blog out. I mean, it's clearly written a whole lot better than the shit that is on the Huff post.

Besides that, what is it with Huff post subliminal thread of shaming women? Well, never mind that, there's nothing subliminal about it.

So let's look at AOL's numbers..

who is giving aol money to fund day/day operations i just dont get it

huffpo is terrible? aol is desperate?

color me fucking stunned

Which leaves me to wonder how does AOL actually stay in business? Though I guess this can help with that..
"AOL is the most f-----up, bull---t company on earth," says one, who joined AOL in what he calls, "the worst career move I've ever made."
"In 2006, AOL informed its American customers that it would be increasing the price of its dial-up access to $25.90". In 2006? Really? Who the fuck is still using dial up in 2006?

It seems like back in the years when dial-up and high speed subscribers had about half the residential market each AOL made a bold move by scrapping their high-speed service and going with dial up, which even then did not make much sense. Did they really expect people to enjoy dial up service?

I mean, do you remember back in the 90's when your poor friends had Juno or Net-zero so they could get e-mail and you'd laugh at them a little because the poor fools would have to go to the library to check their e-mails and look up grainy Captain. Janeway fake nude bitmap images on usenet.

I bet there's going to be a free huffington post subscription cd in every American mailbox. And even then I'll think it's a lot of garbage. But hey, you too can receive the Huffington Post directly to your mailbox!

Yup, everyone knew that the day that AOL-TimeWarner was valued more than General Motors was the day capitalism got so ridiculous that people demanded an end to the era of "casino capitalism," and the US has been a nation of socialist ideals ever since then...

Oh wait, that was only in my drug induced state of mind. Nevermind. Has anyone mentioned that AOL spent over 40% of its total cash on hand on this deal? Why yes, Huff post is worth nearly half of my assets. I clearly will recoup this loss quickly.

So what's it looking like now?

Ha ha ah ah ha ha ha. None of these things are any good. There's plenty on there that I have never even heard anything about them. I did her about Mapquest, but you know everyone has before they find out that Google Maps does that service a lot better.

But really, Huffpost COLLEGE and Huffpost DIVORCE? Really?! TechCrunch is also a pretty terrible website. It's going to be really funny to watch Arrington's Posts now that he's reporting directly to Arianna.

It boggles my mind that the Huffington Post is just a blog that someone bought for millions of dollars. Exactly how many page views does it take to recoup $250 million after operating expenses, assuming it's in the 5 ads per page range.

Oh, what am I talking about, they're all going to die when the ad industry implodes anyway. Facebook can't make actual money and Google hit a brick wall in terms of growth years ago. Come on, Second Dot Com boom! When will you come and rain down your awesome justice.

Well, anyway. Congrats Arianna for selling out. She must have cleared like 300 million on this deal. I guess the question I have to face is where will I get my corporate-free news now?

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