Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Change We Can Believe In

Change We Can Believe In

Put your hand in your pockets and feel around. What's in there? More than likely loose change. Chances are you've carried those pennies in there for a while. Too lazy to make exact change when buying and sitting in your cup holders, ash trays or in those stupid leave a penny/pick a penny place holders. Well, they've decided in the interest of spicing up pennies, they're going to make them pretty.

Next year, the penny will be getting not just one new look but four of them, the first changes to the 1-cent coin in 50 years. The U.S. Mint unveiled the new designs during a ceremony Monday at the Lincoln Memorial. The coin changes are part of the government's commemoration next year of the 200th anniversary of Lincoln's birth.

Lincoln's profile will reman on one side of the coin but the Lincoln Memorial will be replaced on the other side by the new images, with a different one being introduced every three months...
The change in your pocket that you currently don't care about is going to be prettier. If you have been living under a rock for the last couple of years, they've been doing this with quarters. Putting a single image that represents a state on them. Only quarters aren't useless. You can get a newspaper with them, you can go to the arcade (if it's not one of those faggot ones that takes tokens only), you can flip it to make choices. It's an endless wonder what you can do with them. Pennies are only good to stuff socks with when you're hoping to knock someone out in a fight.

They are so worthless that people throw them away rather than go through the effort of merely carrying them in their pockets. They cost more to make than they are worth and is irresponsible for us to use copper on something we keep around to simply through in fountains in an effort to make a wish. But the biggest problem faced with ever even thinking about ridding ourselves of this waste of metal is the zinc providers.
The nation's sole supplier of zinc "penny blanks," Jarden Zinc Products, is lobbying the federal government to protect its interests.

The subsidiary of Rye, N.Y.-based Jarden Corp., paid Baker & Daniels LLP $180,000 in 2006 to fight legislation that would have allowed retailers to round off cash transactions to the nearest nickel, effectively creating a penniless society.
Jarden's lobbyist in Washington, Mark Weller of the law firm Sonnenschein Nath & Rosenthal LLP, said House staffers recently assured him the latest bills won't open the door to another effort to rid the penny. "We're satisfied, but we need to stay on top of that," Weller said.

A federal disclosure form filed Tuesday shows that Jarden spent up to $10,000 in the first half of 2007 on lobbying expenses.

Fuck them. This is capitalism at its finest. If you can't find a better use for zinc, then you should go out of business. And yes, before you ask I do remember that Simpsons 1950's educational video "A World Without Zinc". I don't care. If they can't survive in the free market they deserve to go under.

I know what I'm asking. To get rid of the penny would mean that all the prices will be rounded up. So all you morons out there that round down that $4.99 and say it's only $4 instead of $5 will not be happy. What ever will become of the .99 cent menu? I'm sure people will survive by seeing that items cost a buck instead. How about we simply round. You know those nickel things we use? It's no problem to round to the next 5 or 0. Simple as that.

A penny I don't mind.

While we're on the subject, let me prove Sarah Palin's point in which I'm from a big city and not a "pro-American." Presidents shouldn't be on money either, worshiping long-dead plutocrats is creepy. Why is andrew jackson's face on money? He doesn't deserve to be printed on toilet paper let alone official american legal tender. He's a racist who ignored the rulings of the supreme court and brought about the trail of tears.

Sure he had a lead ball stuck in his chest all his adult life. But fuck that. If that's all it takes to get your face on money then there's a whole lot of rappers out there that need to be on money. Where's my 50 cent image plastered on two quarters so it makes a profile shot when put together?

Another Penny I don't mind

Also, what's up with America flipping the bird to blind people. Well, I guess that's not that bad since they're blind and they can't see. But what the fuck. We make all of our notes the same size. After the 'beties kicks in, I want to still be able to use money without having some stupid folding corner system.

I'm sure I sound like Andy Rooney and I should be getting some sleep between my episode of Matlock, but shit, even he complained about this.

Like just about everyone else, I save my change. At night, I empty my pockets and then I hang my pants by closing the dresser drawer on the cuffs. In the morning, I take a few quarters, but I dump the rest of the change in coffee cans.

I just came from the bank, and I feel great. These cans are all empty now.

There is nothing more annoying than going to the checkout counter in a store and getting four pennies change from a dollar for something that costs 96 cents.

The U.S. Mint ought to stop making pennies. Last year, they made almost 7 billion of them. For what? You can’t buy anything with a penny, and they’re a pain in the pocket.

This week, I took cans filled with change to the Commerce Bank in New York. Commerce was the only bank I found that has a machine that converts change into real money free.

Some companies charge almost nine cents for every dollar of change you convert to paper. Seems like a rip-off.

The change-counting machine was cuter than necessary: "You win. Press button to make your selection."

It did the job in a hurry, though. And it took me about 10 minutes to feed in the seven cans of change.

There were a few glitches: one metal washer in a batch. When I finished, the machine spit back a handful of coins, too. It turns out it doesn’t like French francs, English pence or Euros.

The machine then gives you a receipt. I had six silver dollars, just one 50-cent piece, 171 quarters, 1,745 dimes, 1,010 nickels, and 3,594 pennies. It came to $310.19.

I took that receipt to the cashier and she gave me the cash with four pennies change. Anyway, it was the best money I’ve made all year -- and no deductions. Now, if the Mint would just stop making those useless damn pennies. I’d only need about two of these cans for change.

By Andy Rooney © MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

So join me in my attempt to stomp out the penny.

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