Friday, October 3, 2008

Money Meet Mouth

Money Meet Mouth

With a title like that, you'd think that this was some sort of economy blog. NOPE! I've been there, done that, have the t-shirt. No more of that shit till another stupid thing happens in the news that I'd like to mock endlessly. This quick note is about Baseball. Is there anything more American than a Dodger Dog (Haawwwt Dawwwwg) in your hand and a cold beer in another, sitting on your ass watching grown men hit balls as far as they can.

All summer long you've enjoyed this sport and as Fox has put it, you can't script October. Trust me, they've tried. It ended a huge failure in the 94 baseball season when the Yankees SAG members and Dodgers SAG members couldn't come to a compromise on residuals for the home video market.

1994.. the year that didn't have this at Dodger stadium

Here we are experiencing October baseball. So who's ready to put some money where their mouth is at? I like my boys in blue. It's been 20 years since they won a world series, with Manny, Nomar, Maddox, Penny, Lowe, Blake and Torre I'm ready for another championship. So my meager $20 for the Dodgers to take it in the office pool isn't much when you look over to Vegas to see how many jonesing for a bet are willing to plop down.

I know one man who's itching to put something on the line. Mayor Anotonio Villaraigosa. Our fine mayor, in tradition of making completely pussy friendly bets with rival teams. In this case Villaraigosa has made a wager with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley. So you must be wondering what exactly is on the line?

His name is Tony Villaraigosa and he has a gambling problem...

If (or should I say When considering the cursed) the Dodgers win against the Cubs, Chicago will have to hand over their 2016 Olympic Bid that Los Angeles lost. If the Cubs win, Chicago gets to take LA Times owner Sam Zell Back.

Now I'm torn. I really don't want the Olympics in Los Angeles again. I'm still trying to sell off all the stupid cartoon Bald Eagle crap from the last time it was here over twenty years ago. You can't give this shit away. Los Angeles is full of traffic as it is. We don't need to lure more tourist into our fine city.

Then there's Sam Zell. Any journalist will tell you that he has been a human house pet to the paper and only pisses on it every other day. Slashing jobs and destroying content. Reporting news that is days old. It's a piece of shit now. I used to look forward to opening the paper. In this modern day of internet news, the LA Times is a thing of the past.

As much as it pains me to say this, Dodgers, I think we're going to have to take a fall. Am I going to have to cheer for the Cubs now? How about we just put up a different bet on the line. If Dodgers win, Chicago changes The Friendly Confines as their motto to The worthless Chicago team. And if the Dodgers lose, they'll.. I dunno. stop putting ketchup on hawwwt dawwwgs

This makes me think of something else. I really think these sort of bets are lame. It's like when the mayor of Boston bets a crock of clam chowder and the mayor of green bay bets a wheel of cheese. What kind of bet is that? I'd like to see two teams face off from cities who's mayors have massive gambling problems. It'll be interesting to see where they'd take a bet.

Here's some of my ideas as to a wagers to put your money where your mouth is at.

Losing city has to have every city hall employee show up to work naked on the following Monday.

Six months worth of sanitation budget, straight up.

Losing city changes all border signs to read "now entering loserville" for one week.

Losing team moves all of their scheduled home games to winning teams' stadium, concession sales from relocated games go into city slush fund.

Losing City does the others laundry for a month

Sexual favors. Nuff said

Mowing the lawn of all the other cities residents while wearing their wife's Sunday dress

Playing for pink slip, yo.

Bragging rights.. to sleeping with the losers moms! Ooooh SNAP!

City hall, straight up.

So come on Cubs. Fuck, either way we're boned with this series. So.. is there any Cubs fans out there willing to put the curse on the back burner and let it ride?

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