Saturday, October 18, 2008

Cause It's Thriller... Now?

Cause It's Thriller... Now?

On Saturday October 25th at 6pm the world will catch a brief glance at a bunch of witty people attempt in some tragically bad way to get attention. Thrill Around The World is something like a public cry for help or attention. Perhaps a little of both.

As much as I'm a fan of zombies, this is taking Zombie Walks one step towards the creepy side considering you are mimicking a Michael Jackson dance.. in public. And without the use of alcohol which is something I would not dare attempt sober. To these brave souls, it's an event to get their thrill on.

The funny aspect here is the inmate who had to play the female character.

I would be sorry for these folks if it wasn't for one thing.. I hated Thriller. It scared the shit out of me as a kid. I ran out of the room whenever it came on. Perhaps I just knew long before everyone else that MJ was not to be trusted with children. It was my survival instinct kicking in telling me to run away from this scary freak. Clearly something was off when a zombie was dancing instead of shambling!

One of my first memories of being dreadfully frightened by thriller was at my grandparents house around this festive Halloween season. We were all sitting around watching whatever Halloween themed show was going on and then Thriller showed up on the screen. It freaked me out. Holy shit what were these horrible things and why were they dancing around? I grabbed my younger cousin by the hand and ran out the door. This happened every time the video came on.

Proof that no one does it better than Bollywood.

I wasn't scared of Dracula or vampires. Werewolves could suck my balls. Frankenstein? Please. He's not even a threat. But Michael Jackson as a hip swinging zombie dancing around? Scared me shit less. So the mere fact that people are going to try to dance around in a sort of drunken, total strangers coming together for the first time to do a difficult dance sequence way confuses me. It will be a mess. A total mess.

That doesn't look like a dance move...

Perhaps it should be a reminder to me of how bad I was scared of Michael Jackson and zombies with rhythm. I should take a moment and thank Michael for instilling such fear into my childhood. When I think about doomsday/horror situations that could happen or that I would find myself, a zombie infestation is the only one I can say with certainty that I would not only survive, but I would have a lot of fun with.

I bought countless books. Watched countless zombie films. Studied all the potentials of the dead coming back again and how to handle them. Bring them down, survive and move in the a destroyed world against a relentless horde of eternal slumber-rejects. There would be no stopping me. I'd be one of those having too much of a good time shooting zombies I tell you. It's actually a little frightening to think about how much I'd enjoy it. So perhaps I'll stop talking about that gleefulness there.

Years of living in fear of a that Peter Pan syndrome singer has made me into a better person. Well, "Better" can be argued. Either way, I wont be laying down to any brain hungry corpse anytime soon. That much is certain and it's all thanks to a music video by Michael Jackson. If not for his work, I would be some big pussy now afraid of zombies instead of getting past my pansyness out of the way when I was younger. Hell, I might have been afraid of things like the dark or worm laying crickets. Pfft. What kind of pansy would I be then?

So on October 25th, go out and dance your silly, unorganized out of sync dance if you want. I'll be in boarding up my door, arming up my reinforced armor plated bus and loading up my guns.... that or hiding in the corner because what the fuck, why would you dance in public like that by choice? I don't know. All I do know is that come Z-day, it'll be poetic justice if I find myself faced against a zombie Michael Jackson. Let's see you moonwalk your way out of a machete. lobbing off your head. Got to keep gun fire to a minimum. Wouldn't want to attract stragglers to my location.

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