Pork Barrel Spending On The Bailout Plan
America's economy is on the brink of a disaster that will make the last eighteen disasters it was on the brink of in the last year look silly in comparison. How did this crisis come about? I'm no economist, but I did tune in to conservative radio and it seems that we loaned all of our money to poor people that spent it on welfare and gay marriages instead of paying it back.
The three branches of government (Presidential, IRS, Oak) have been scrambling to put together a bailout bill to fix this problem by giving nine hundred billion dollars to pretty much anyone who will take it, so long as they provide documentation to prove that they reside on either Wall Street or Main Street. Although many believe the bailout plan in its current form is crazy, it's destined to pass because one senator remarked "It's so crazy... it might just work" and no one could refute his logic.
Now that the bailout bill is on the fast track to being put into action, all sorts of provisions that have nothing to do with the economic crisis have been snuck in. Such additions are traditionally dubbed "pork barrel" spending because barrels of pork are famous for having unexpected prizes within their wooden wombs, like Babe Ruth rookie cards or handguns or the mummified head of the elephant man.
Most of the time, pork barrel spending slips under the radar and the responsible politician does a celebratory fist-pump or laughs while giving the finger to a map of the United States (alternative: renting a para sail and giving the finger to the actual United States after reaching maximum altitude). Not today. It's time to point out the most ridiculous provisions that have been added to the bailout plan and publically shame those who are responsible.