Sunday, March 8, 2009

Here's Salt In Your Eye

Here's Salt In Your Eye

I often wonder who buys the stupid shit on tv that they advertise to anyone up that late. The magic bullet, any home gym system that promises abs in seconds.. Well, this is one of those they can run the ad for right before all the Church services start on Sunday morning.

Get yourself some Christian Salt
CRESAPTOWN, Md. (Map, News) - You've heard of kosher salt? Now there's a Christian variety.

Retired barber Joe Godlewski says he was inspired by television chefs who repeatedly recommended kosher salt in recipes.

"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'" Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.

By next week, his trademarked Blessed Christians Salt will be available at the Web site of Memphis, Tenn.-based seasonings manufacturer Ingredients Corporation of America.

It's sea salt that's been blessed by an Episcopal priest, ICA President Damon S. Arney said Wednesday. He said the company also hopes to market the salt through Christian bookstores and as a fundraising tool for religious groups.

Arney and Godlewski, 73, said a share of the proceeds will be donated to Christian charities, but neither would specify a percentage.

...Godlewski said his salt, packaged in containers bearing bright red crosses, has at least as much flavor and beneficial minerals as kosher salt - and it's for a good cause.

...If the salt takes off, Godlewski plans an entire line of Christian-branded foods, including rye bread, bagels and pickles.
Not to say that this particular person is an example of the usual short-sighted thinking of the North American fundamental christian persuasion, but... what an idiot.

Praise Jesus someone finally decided to do this. I've been avoiding all those delicious Jewish foods because I don't want to turn into a filthy stinking JEW. Now I can eat bagels and pickles and not have to worry about rotting in hell with those fucking kikes!

The Jewish Conspiracy group had no comment on this news piece

Christians, you keep your wine and stale crackers and let the rest of us enjoy bagels in peace. Oh, and Maryland, stay classy. Always stay as classy as producing salt of the earth people like this. I do have to take into consideration that Western Maryland is not actually part of Maryland, but is a mislabeled part of West Virginia. With that in mind, I'll still say that Maryland is pretty god damn trashy.

Let's look at the bible for a minute
Matthew 5:13 "You are the salt of the earth..."
Wait.. does that mean this Christian salt is going to be made out of.... PEOPLE?!??!?!?!? Not to mention that 'Blessed Christian Salt' has either gotta be free, or it's ironic, since in(most branches of) Christianity it's sinful to sell a blessing, or an object for more because of a blessing.

I do like this line of the article.
"I said, 'What the heck's the matter with Christian salt?'" Godlewski said, sipping a beer in the living room of his home in unincorporated Cresaptown, a western Maryland mountain community.
Yeah, I highly doubt he was sipping his beer like some top-hated gentleman when he thought of this idea. I suppose "Pounding beer brewed in his only bathtub, in his corrugated-steel-roofed cabin lit by bacon-grease lamps at the end of a road marked 'privit proparty'" is a mouthful, yeah. I'm surprised he wasn't spitting chewing tobacco when they interviewed him

I do believe the Bible is very clear about using Christianity as a franchise like this. At least, after the merchants were driven from the temple and whatnot. It's not like this is the salt of Christ, collected from the sweat of his armpits. Sprinkle it on your peas, in remembrance of him.

I thought they already had Christian Salt

Oddly enough, it's both Kosher and Vegetarian safe.

I have to wonder if Christian salt turn me into a self loathing, closet homosexual cruising airport bathroom stalls at 3am? No? Then it's not GOP acceptable. I hear Christian Salt is good on Freedom Fries.

Christian rye bread... Christian bagels... Christian pickles... Should we expect Christian Matzah? Christian gafildafish? Christian kugel? To all you Christians, Keep your salt, but hands of the Jewish bagels! No way you'll improve on perfection. Don't you dare touch latkes. I'm sure you'll just find a way to mess it up somehow.

She should be the logo character on the Christan salt.

It's not actually kosher salt, it's koshering salt. It's not a Jewish conspiracy to take all your money. This is what happens when rednecks get media attention. Kosher salt is NOT blessed by a Jew. Rabbis don't bless things. It's not a Jewish idea.

Kosher salt is physically different from other forms of salt. It has more surface are per mg than table salt or sea salt. It's good for koshering meat because it draws the blood out of them easier. It's recommended because its large jagged crystals stick to the meat and don't dissolve. In actually nearly all salt is kosher, including ordinary table salt.

Kosher salt x 75 - Even at such a small size you can see the huge nose like structure

I also want to point out that "kosher pickle" doesn't mean that it's kosher. It means that garlic has been used in the brine like traditional Jewish pickle makers in New York. A "kosher dill pickle" may very well not meet kosher requirements.

Just because Hebrew National uses the slogan "We answer to a higher authority", doesn't make it all that much better anyway. They still have to

Jews and Christians aren't all that apart. Christians, pre-Jesus, weren't allowed to eat pork. Something to do with being that it walks, has cloven hooves, but doesn't chew its cud. But not eating something when you're starving seemed like a silly idea and whatever pope decided to over turn the whole rules of Moses.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this guy has the right idea and I'm going to start selling Atheist salt and make millions. It'll be a 6-inch perfect cube that's a single salt crystal. It won't be used for flavoring, just for annoying your dinner guests.

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