By The Books Oral Sex

By The Books Oral Sex

In an effort to keep this streak of sexual related topics in this, the shortest month that has been taken over with love and affection, we move on to a news story that was from last week, but I felt the need to hold it back. I mean, I can't just blow my load and whip out all the news stories on the day they come out. I have to stretch them out some and make them last. Wouldn't want to run out of material too soon. Annnnnnnnnnd enough of the thinly laced euphemisms, here's the Oral Sex story;

After a parent complained about an elementary school student stumbling across "oral sex" in a classroom dictionary, Menifee Union School District officials decided to pull Merriam Webster's 10th edition from all school shelves earlier this week.

School officials will review the dictionary to decide if it should be permanently banned because of the "sexually graphic" entry, said district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus. The dictionaries were initially purchased a few years ago for fourth- and fifth-grade classrooms districtwide, according to a memo to the superintendent.

"It's just not age appropriate," said Cadmus, adding that this is the first time a book has been removed from classrooms throughout the district.

"It's hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we'll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature," Cadmus said. She explained that other dictionary entries defining human anatomy would probably not be cause for alarm.

Just so you're clear on what happened.. THEY TOOK AWAY THE GOD DAMN DICTIONARY BECAUSE IT HAD ORAL SEX IN IT! I think it's time I finally write that childrens book I always wanted to write. I'll make a killing selling "Words for Kool Kidz" with definitions of "wee wee" instead of penis.



I have to say that parents are terrible. How could you remove a book from an entire school district because ONE KID read the dictionary definition of oral sex? How do you know they even understood it? Lets look at what the Merriam Websters dictionary says about this word:

oral sex
Function: noun
Date: 1973
: oral stimulation of the genitals : cunnilingus, fellatio

The average fifth grader doesn't know what "oral" or "stimulation" or "genitals" means. But then again, they can just look up those words in the same book. So the problem grows exponentially from there as they learn meanings of more and more words. Dear god, what will we ever do if they learn those words? Clearly the only solution is to ban education in real Americ--ooooh yeah, wait. That's what they've shooting for some time now to achieve.. Clearly the only real solution is to ban all the words entirely.. Well, except for the words from our lord and savior, Jesus Christ!

It's a good thing that none of them have access to a bible. There's some pretty warped stuff in there that would give kids nightmares and confuse them to new levels altogether. I mean, Jesus had a hooker as a friend. What up with that. And I'm sure there's a lot about sodomy in there. On that subject, they should probably ban pencils as well. I have always said that those things looked pretty phallic. Just a note, kids. Remember to use them eraser side first. You really don't want to go to the nurses for that sort of thing..



Then again, who needs to stick pencils up their hoo-ha when you have sexually graphic text. That stuff is a major turn on, right? When i was in second grade i read the dictionary definition for orgasm and it had a black and white stencil of a woman with her mouth open and i got a boner so i can see where these parents are coming from really

How could anyone possibly think that Merriam webster is prime masturbation material. I mean, yeah, just smell those pages and you might be sporting a half stiffy, not to mention the stock they're using..... God damn, no wonder page 347 was always sticky. It was as if the book was asking for it. But seriously, how can this be even remotely possible;

Board member Randy Freeman, an elementary school teacher and parent to four daughters in Menifee schools said he supports the initial decision to ban the dictionary temporarily.

Freeman said it's "a prestigious dictionary that's used in the Riverside County spelling bee, but I also imagine there are words in there of concern."

How the fuck are educators just now waking up to the idea that kids might look up naughty words in the dictionary. How the fuck does no one know this happens and has happened for probably centuries and why does anyone actually care?



Do I have any teacher readers here? I know my gal is a potential teacher, so I suppose I could ask her in two years when she's one. My sister is one but I don't talk to her nearly enough to even begin to ask her questions about her job. I just need someone to explain why administrators like this always bend over backwards to please one dumbass parent? Would it be so hard to just blow them off? Or would that spark some kind of conflagration of crazed parents who normally don't give a shit what you tell them about little Timmy on Parent/Teacher night, but are for some reason suddenly concerned that there's a book teaching them what Oral sex means.

It's come to my attention that American Christians and the Taleban are remarkably similar, they should just stop fighting and make out already. It's like people would rather have their children not know what their penis is. Perhaps someone could invent a shroud that children would wear so that they may not glimpse their own genitals. Just imagine how wholesome they'll be if they never knew anything about sex!

I remember looking up swear words in the dictionary ALL.THE.TIME. when I was like 10. What I learned was really shocking, but not in the way that you may think. You see, I learned the true definition of the words. Such things as "Bitch", and you know what, it warped me for life. Mainly because a female dog is certainly not as insulting as what I thought those bullies were calling my mother. Maybe we should also ban calculators because you can spell BOOBS on it?



It's not like the dictionary has something really graphic or it insist that "in which the performer MUST swallow". I mean, you only really should swallow for people you care about, right? Maybe then I may have a problem with it, but to take the whole dictionary away is just fucking stupid.

Most of all, it's a good thing that the children these people have gallantly prevented them from looking up a specific term in the dictionary.. will no longer think about sex or sexual terminology and will consequently not get their information from far less reputable, accurate, and reliable sources like their equally clueless peers. It's not like they have any real form of sex ed in schools anymore. Parents have pretty much asked for all of their kids to get pulled out. Oddly enough, those same kids will believe that the pull out method is the best method in having sex.



How about they just put libido suppressants in the kids cafeteria milk so they can't get it up and be done with it already. Just cut out the middle man altogether. Give them enough medication to numb them from every possible feeling they could ever attempt to try to have. Then again, white people shouldn't breed anyway. They just pass along the white man's guilt. It's about high time we put an end to that vicious cycle. If you're not going to tell your kids about sex, you can at least given them the option to get a proper education it.

Shocking News: Fewer Teenagers Are Believing Your Bullshit

Shocking News: Fewer Teenagers Are Believing Your Bullshit

It should come to no surprise that less and less teens are actually buying your load of bullshit when it comes to anti-drug ads. That's at least what the L.A Times is saying

The federal government's annual report of kids’ alcohol and drug abuse seems reassuring: Compared with earlier in the decade, use of hallucinogens was down in 2008, marijuana use was way down, and use of methamphetamines was way, way down.

But the researchers and public officials who crunch those numbers warned that some of the statistics gleaned from an annual survey of 46,000 American eighth-, 10th- and 12th-graders were worrisome.

Though drug and alcohol use seems to be declining or holding steady, there has been slippage in teen disapproval of such practices and perception of the risks, officials warned.

Take marijuana use, which had declined steadily among teens since the mid-1990s. This year, 19.4% of high school seniors said they had smoked marijuana at some point in the prior 30 days, as did 13.8% of 10th-graders and 5.8% of eighth-graders. The downward trend has stalled in the last two years, and kids' attitudes suggest a reversal may be ahead.

In 1991, 58% of eighth-graders said they thought occasional marijuana use was harmful. By last year, that number had fallen to 48%, and this year, to 45%.

In a Washington, D.C., news conference Monday, Gil Kerlikowske, the Obama administration's drug czar, called such numbers "a warning sign."

"When beliefs soften, drug use worsens," said Kerlikowske, whose office is expected to release its first policy initiatives to combat and treat drug abuse in February.

University of Michigan researcher Lloyd Johnston, who oversees the annual survey, said there was "serious softening" in the perceived risks of LSD, inhalants and the party drug Ecstasy -- a sign that "a new generation of kids are interested . . . in rediscovering these drugs, because they don't understand why they shouldn't be using them."

Johnston also flagged a phenomenon the survey has recently begun to track -- "extreme binge drinking," or the consumption of more than 10 drinks on a single occasion. Coming on the heels of the weekend death of South Pasadena's Aydin Salek, an 18-year-old suspected of having succumbed to alcohol poisoning, the survey's findings suggest that such high-risk drinking is not unusual among older teens.

Binge drinking, defined as consumption of five drinks or more in a row, has declined since peaking in 1983. But Johnston said there has been "not much decline" in numbers of extreme binge drinkers.

Among high school seniors, 11% said they had drunk 10 drinks or more in a row in the two weeks prior to the survey; 6% said they'd had 15 or more.

The survey also showed that U.S. adolescents continue to raid their parents' and friends' medicine chests. Use of prescription painkillers is at an all-time high: 10% of high-school seniors reported taking Vicodin for nonmedical reasons in the last year, and 5% reported taking OxyContin.

Dr. Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, which has commissioned the survey for 35 years, said at the news conference that teen use of prescription stimulant drugs is holding steady, with just over 7% of 10th- and 12th-graders reporting they had taken amphetamines -- drugs prescribed to many kids in treatment of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder -- for nonmedical reasons. Volkow said that in many cases, teens take these drugs before tests or study sessions as "cognitive enhancers."

Although fewer kids reported taking Ritalin, much of that decline was because kids had merely shifted to Adderall, a newer ADHD drug.

The officials said that youths report some confidence that prescription drugs are less harmful than street drugs.

In the survey's first accounting of where kids get drugs, it found that 66% who reported illicit drug use said they got the drugs from a friend or relative. Almost 19% said they got drugs with a doctor's prescription.

How long were they really expecting this little charade to last? The whole premise of the advertising campaign was to scare children by telling them lies. Did they think that these kids wouldn't grow up into adults and realize it's all a bunch of bullshit? It's like Santa Clause. Eventually the truth floats up to the surface.



Maybe I should underwrite a grant to get requiem for a dream shown in every kindergarten class in the country. I'm sure there will be plenty of people who support that action. But on the other hand, Kids these days, what with the internet and all, are legitimately much smarter than previous generations and this is evidenced through much better writing ability, critical thinking skills, and political awareness.

They ain't geniuses and they're still utterly embarrassing, but they're a damn lot smarter than kids before. Even the stats in this study show evidence of this. Kids know that drug use is not very harmful, and yet choose to not do drugs anyway. Where as kids in the past thought drug use to be more harmful and did comparatively more drugs. Kids are making informed choices and it's not because of the war on drugs.



Perhaps, just perhaps these stats show a more informed population. Kids are actually learning that drugs are not the devil and are still choosing not to use them as much. So it's sort of comical when they still consider occasional marijuana use "harmful". Back in my day, they'd bring in a cracked out hobo to scare the shit out of you. Nothing like a gently weeping man in the front of the classroom to scare kids off drugs, or in my case, make me hate cops.

To be honest, nobody has ever needed a cop to come to their class to inform them that maybe heroin and crack aren't great. All DARE did for me was bring psychedelics to my attention. They sounded pretty cool. And as it turns out they are pretty neat in the way they'll allow you to experience The Matrix. If you want to see how it feels, pop in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas or any other Terry Gilliam film and you're half way there.



I also had anti-gang education in addition to anti-drug education. Yeah, I was in that part of town. They told us that gangs often have initiation ceremonies wherein the members of the gang get to rape your mom. I don't doubt that has ever happened, but let's be real here. That's probably kind of rare. You can't pass that shit as completely real. Unless of course your kids are complete morons. Or your educators are also.

I remember watching an episode of Law and Order in the 9th grade and I kept asking the teacher if the cops could get away with it, like breaking open doors without warrants or throwing people on the ground that had voluntarily surrendered. All the teacher could tell me was that "yeah, of course. They caught the rapist after all." I'm not going to defend a rapist, hell I'm not even sure why I used it as an example, but I've seen the way that a cop works.. Not gonna happen that way.



I'm a little surprised that ten drinks is extreme binge drinking. I mean, I'm a fucking lush apparently. If there's no last call or if I'm at a friendly kick back and I have all the night to indulge myself, I'm at least knocking back 15. Shit, just the other week at an event I had at least 7 drinks and I was still way sober by the end of the night. Sober enough to drive home safely.

When you think about it. Of all the drugs one can abuse, pot is by far the most benign. It's really a case of one vice in exchange for another. Liquor abuse will make you slow and fat and destroy your kidneys. Amphetamine abuse fucks with your circulation and makes you a sweaty jittering mess. Hallucinogen abuse makes you lose touch with reality and yourself.



Pot abuse, on the other hand, makes you funny, charming, handsome and brave. That is if you're not one of those lazy pot heads. Fuck those douches. But the US government will never, ever, ever admit that illegal drugs are not harmful 100% of the time, because neither party wants to be seen as being soft on crime. They live in a bubble

"When beliefs soften, drug use worsens," said Kerlikowske, whose office is expected to release its first policy initiatives to combat and treat drug abuse in February.

This is literally the opposite of the truth. The best thing we could do for the war on drugs is not make drugs taboo so that kids get bored with them. Just like we did with prescription medication and yet people don't take prescription medication as a form of drug abuse. Did you know that prescription painkillers kill more people than heroin and AIDS combined? And that shit you can get with a doctors note over the counter.



Salvia can give you a much uglier, more frightening and uncomfortable version of the DMT experience and is legal to boot. So make some sense out of all that if you will. I know I can't. The worse part about Salvia is the way retarded head shops promote it as a sort of legal alternative to weed, which couldn't be further from the truth. See also "Purple sticky" brand Salvia. Why any news agency ever started reporting that it was a legal form of pot was beyond me. It's far from it and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who wants to simply skirt the law to get their high.

In my experience, eating mushrooms could have been probably my least favorite drug experience, its like chewing on a bunch of twigs. Though the pay out was pretty interesting. One thing an ex discovered was that if you ever have an relationship issues, taking ecstasy together would be a great way to fix any relationship problems and be completely open with each other. I'm just going to leave this topic off on that note.. Cause really, do I have to say anymore?

Kids Just Want To Get Drunk

Kids Just Want To Get Drunk

During this festive time of year when excess is in style, in shopping and eating it's hard to forget the main one.. Drinking. It's the season that you get the most public service announcements to curb drunk driving. Especially if it's a little wet out, holiday celebrating can lead to you wrapped around a telephone pole.

It's a big deal to discourage that heavy amount of drinking but for one reason or another, it happens. Maybe it's because the days are shorter and it gets darker sooner. Which means you can go out for those Happy hour drinks and continue on to the night life or whatever. One important lesson here is that with all the gift giving of booze and the vast amount of alcohol offered, it makes it easier for kids to get a hold of that and indulge themselves.. sadly though, today's youth isn't smart enough for that sort of thing.

No no. The kids are not alright. In their effort to find new and funny ways to get fucked up, they've found new things to number the sense and this isn't your grand dad's moonshine...

The best way to drink hand sanitizer is straight, like whisky, and down it “like a shot,” explains Tyler, a Grade 10 student who lives in Toronto. Undiluted, the alcohol-based liquid tastes a little like “vodka and bug spray,” he adds.

The alarming comment from the 15-year-old mirrors a growing number of news reports about teenagers and children drinking the antiseptic hand-cleaning products. Most hand sanitizers have an alcoholic content between 60 and 90 per cent, which means that even small amounts have led to a number of cases of alcohol poisoning in younger children. That percentage is much higher than even that of most hard liquors, giving it an appeal to kids looking for a quick high, explains Jane Wells, a drama teacher at Toronto’s after-school Care Program. Wells has come to know a lot about this subject: she discovered that a group of eight- and nine-year-olds drank hand sanitizer at school just before she took them on a school walk. When she noticed them acting strange and giggling, they first told her they had been drinking alcohol, but after some probing, confessed it was really the hand cleaner. They told her they’d been enticed by the promise of alcohol “right on the bottle,” she says.

This kind of situation creates a problem for schools. The liquid, jokingly called “booze ooze” on parenting blogs, is one of the best defences against H1N1 and other colds and flus, says Jonathan Kerr, a Belleville, Ont.-based family doctor and member of the board of directors for the Ontario College of Family Physicians. But with reports of children drinking it or setting it alight (it’s flammable), Kerr says, schools face an “interesting dilemma.”

A number of Canadian schools have banned alcohol-based hand sanitizer from the premises. In some schools in Cape Breton, it isn’t allowed in the classroom, and provided to children only when there isn’t soap and water. Parents are discouraged from giving bottles to kids, although it’s not confiscated unless it “causes problems” at school, explains Ambrose White, director of operational services for the Cape Breton-Victoria school board. Lee County schools in Florida initially banned the substance, but then relented last month because of the threat of swine flu. Winnipeg schools won’t use the alcohol-based kind for safety reasons, but have introduced non-alcohol-based sanitizers, which are about as effective, according to studies, but can be more expensive.

Ossington/Old Orchard Junior Public School in Toronto allows kids to use it in the classroom, but the bottles are kept under close scrutiny on the teacher’s desk or within eyesight. “Teachers have control over it,” says someone who works at the school but did not want their name used. Kids are allowed to use it, but they are watched “as they squirt so they don’t lick it.”

The preference among kids who have tried it, according to an informal poll done by Maclean’s, is to drink hand sanitizer straight. It dries out the throat, and tastes bitter and foul—in short, nothing like the fruity flavours it promises, such as warm vanilla sugar, Japanese cherry blossom, coconut lime verbena, cucumber melon, midnight pomegranate and nectarine mint. These not only sound enticing, they come in “pretty bottles” that are seductive to young children, explains Christine Crosby, a grandmother who publishes Grand, an online magazine about grandparenting. Crosby, who has two grandchildren aged five and eight, is hyper-vigilant around the product—she’s heard of children being rushed to hospital with alcohol poisoning after taking a swig. “It’s everywhere at the moment,” she says, “and it can be scary.”

Eighteen-year-old Kyle, who did not want his last name used, lives in Barrie, Ont. He drank strawberry-flavoured hand sanitizer on a dare at a party, but he draws the line at sniffing, because it would “burn your nose right out.” That’s not to say it isn’t done: online footage of kids sniffing hand sanitizer makes it look painful. But it might be more common than its enjoyment factor would suggest: a Texas teen was accused of sniffing the hand sanitizer to “induce a condition of intoxication, hallucination and elation,” according to a Denton County court petition. The charges were dropped because hand sanitizer is not an abusive inhalant under the Texas Health and Safety Code. His father, Richard Ortiz, claimed his son sniffed only because he liked the smell.

Having had one scare already, Wells is extra careful and vigilant with it now around her students. “It’s worrying,” she says. “You are loath to say ‘Don’t drink that!’ because they might not have thought of it until you said it.”

So yeah, lets not discuss the idea of proper drug education or anything like that. Lets not discuss that non-alcohol based sanitizers increase bacterial/viral resistance, because alcohol is just great at destroying cell walls. Nope, lets just call it the NEW HIGH! Wooooo hoooo. Don't tell the crack heads or they'll all have sanitized hands when asking for change.

I know, another day, another moral panic. I've been seeing the sanitizers in schools more and I wondered when someone would get the "clever" idea of drinking it. I hoped they like going blind. Most of the other chemicals in that stuff are quite dangerous. Then again, I bet maybe only 20 children have done this ever and it's literally the biggest non-issue in the world. I mean, really, a kid somewhere found a way to get fucked up! Call in the news! I welcome you to the wonderfully strange world of Jenkem



I guess we should let them do it. Hopefully they'll kill themselves and they wont be able to pass on their retarded genes. Especially with all the yellow 7 in the Mt. Dew making them sterile. What the fuck kinda kids can't buy weed or steal some real liquor these days? How about the slew of medical drugs that other kids are getting. Xanax, ritulin and Aderall are actually the really widespread shit and it's easy as hell to buy in high school these days. But no one wants to focus on the prescription drugs freely available because that's the parents fault.

If you asked the teachers, they'd probably say that when they were kids they expected us to have some uber-awesome technology that we could just wave our hands under to sanitize them instantly. Something like a UV hand sanitizer. Than again, something that powerful in killing germs would more than likely work the same way as a microwave and melt our skin off. But that's besides the point, ask any teacher and they'll tell you they fear germs the most since they're right there in the front lines of seeing all the ugly germs that the kids bring in on a daily basis. Maybe someone should invent a safe one of those. But nah, let's just buy the cheapest thing we can and fill up the landfills with those gel containers that we use constantly.



Let's just focus on the way kids are getting shit faced on hand cleaners and not touch on the subject that hand sanitizers in schools is a ludicrous over-reaction and that we managed not to have them for most of the 20th century without vast amount of children dying. There's no need for them at all. If there's an outbreak of a particularly nasty disease you should just close the school instead of farting around with antiseptic sprays. Most advanced nations have medical systems that don't over-prescribe antibiotics/viral, that encourage bed rest, and sometimes even given orders to not go in to school/work as to prevent spread.

I do have to wonder where on the moral panic meter this all falls in comparison to the choking game and the rainbow parties. Cause this is some serious wino shit these kids are doing. Back in my day we'd find vacant houses with HVAC systems, cut the hoses and huff the freon. Why aren't these kids getting creative like my generation? We used to drink Vanilla essence in high school. Back then Vanilla essence was about 70% alcohol and some vanilla.. I guess. But it would be perfectly legal to buy and at lunch they would down it mixed with milk. People would get all smashed but just smell like someones OD'd on milk shakes from the canteen.



People idealize childhood but 90% of it is being bored as shit, wishing you could get fucked up somehow. It's the sad reality. This is more reason to legalize weed for children. At least that would be some justification for creating games like where girls give you blow jobs if you tug on the right color bracelet or want to collect different color lipsticks on your cock. Damn, couple that with the drug dealers handing out freebies, I think I want to go back to school!

You know you don't need antibacterial goop to prevent the spread of disease. Just wash your goddamn hands with bar soap. Just running water eliminates like 98% of germs. At least according to Bill Nye. Be smart and use those purell bottle for other things. I used to fill them up with everclear and sneak alcohol into concerts and movies.



If anything, we should get rid of those hand sanitizers would be to get these kids to be more creative. Kids need to learn how to make moonshine. No, Moonshine will not make you blind or kill you. That's just a myth created by the big businesses. You do realize that the real reason moonshine is illegal is NOT because you can accidentally make it toxic and kill your friends/family. It's because it's relatively easy to make in commercial quantities therefore easy to dodge taxation. Much like Tobacco. Both are easy to dodge taxation. Making moonshine is pretty damn easy and safe.

Methanol is a product of all fermentations, and is not naturally produced in any quantity in the making of beer or wine to harm anyone, even if stupidly distilled. You can only get it by fermenting sawdust, or something equally retarded. Similarly, distillation, if done using proper methods and not a car radiator, purifies alcohol. Methanol boils off at a different temperature than ethanol, and can easily be discarded. Everything you've heard about moonshine is literally the remnant of unscrupulous bootleggers from prohibition, and the resulting propaganda campaign from the government. Read up on the whiskey rebellion sometime.



Anyway, that's distillation. We're talking about home brewing, which has been done for centuries and has never killed anyone because no pathogen can ever grow in beer or wine. You can make beer/wine without any dangers. Even hard cider is as tame as a kitten. Take apple juice, add yeast, let sit. Simple as that. You can make it in a bucket. It really is that easy. If you want to get one of those Mr. beers makers, I have never been carded getting one of those and in four weeks, you can have your own beer.

The whiskey rebellion is a nice example of how every US president was a bourgie peice of shit. Hamilton got Washington to pass an excise tax on corn likker, which was big in the mountain south as a cash crop (turn left over corn into likker, haul into town, sell for fun and profit). It was also regressive, so that small producers paid a whole shitload more than big producers, who got a bulk rate. Guess who was a big producer of corn likker? That's right, George Washington.



So the hillbillies got real mad at this and got to revoltin', George continues to be a douche bag and sics the national guard on them. They all head west into the unspoiled wilderness of what would become Kentucky and Tennessee, and thus that is the home of whiskey in the US.

You can still find moonshiners all over the mountain parts of SC, NC and WV/VA though. Corn likker's pretty tasty but I recommend against white lightnin, which is literally just fermented sugar water. That shit's real bad. In the end it's all easy to do but it's mad illegal and the ATF will literally take your house if they catch you. So just be careful if you're going to start a distillery.



For all the children reading this thread at home. Do not drink hand-sanitizer. Use fucking soap, shit heads. I should just leave you with this final note, teenagers of today. You have much more flexible bodies. Enjoy them while it lasts.

A Picture That Needs 1000 Words: VII

A Picture That Needs 1000 Words: VII

You know the drill. Pictures with words with them because even though a picture can say a thousand words, I like typing them for some reason. Add in that I have been blogging daily now for a while and you can assume this is just some fill in blog that, while entertaining and insightful to the mind I carry in my head, is just filler for those bigger post. So I present you with this picture and the tons of words to follow it.



A picture released Friday from New South Wales, Australia, police shows an X-ray of Chen Liu’s skull. Children playing in marshland found the 27-year-old immigrant’s body last November. He was shot 34 times in the head and neck with a high-powered nail gun.

Humanity is fucking doomed. Nail guns represent the worse of America. The longing to rebuild shit and do it yourself and the need to shoot things. Don't get me wrong, I like doing stuff myself. I've been working on my place for a long time now. What did I learn? That not only will it not go faster if I shot things at the wall, but doing it yourself takes fuckin' forever!

Don't get me started on the children. Who the fuck sees a dead body and thinks to themselves that they should shoot shit into the skull and see if anything happens? When I was little I hit a tree when I was bored and feeling like I needed to take out my anger on something. Years later I saw the markings on that tree (what can I say, my sisters pissed me off) and I felt bad. Not cause I'm some tree hugger. Mainly because I felt like shit, if that tree felt that, I feel like shit.

That was a tree. Not a dead person. Hell, there I go even giving these kids the benefit of the doubt that they FOUND the body and not created it. When I watched that scene in The Wire that had Snoop shopping for a nailgun, that picture is how I figured we'd find the bodies in the vacants. I was later proved wrong, but that doesn't change the fact that I could think that shooting a nail into someone's head would be a fucked up way to go.

So there you go. The kids aren't alright. Someone is giving them nail guns and we have to find out who and stop them. Kids shouldn't have nail guns. Nuff said.

The Kids Aren't Alright

The Kids Aren't Alright



As Hank Hill would say it, That boy ain't right. Only he should have meant boys. Kids these days are far from alright. First off we have an 8 year old shoots and kills his father and another man. Very strange.

ST. JOHNS, Ariz. (AP) - Police in this small eastern Arizona community are looking into the possibility that an 8-year-old boy who is charged with killing his father and another man with a rifle had been abused, the police chief said Saturday.

"I'm not accusing anybody of anything at this point," he said Saturday. "But we're certainly going to look at the abuse part of this. He's 8 years old. He just doesn't decide one day that he's going to shoot his father and shoot his father's friend for no reason. Something led up to this."

On Friday, a judge determined there was probable cause to show that the boy fatally shot his father, Vincent Romero, 29, and Timothy Romans, 39, of San Carlos, with a .22-caliber rifle. Under Arizona law, charges can be filed against anyone 8 or older. The judge ordered a psychological evaluation of the boy.

Melnick said police are pushing to have the boy tried as an adult, but he acknowledged it's unlikely a judge would grant that motion.

"This is a severe double homicide, premeditated, and that's the right thing to do," he said. "We're going to use every avenue of the law that's available to us, but we're also looking at the human side."

Now you may need a moment here to soak that all in. Come back when you're ready. First there's many people that are just screaming to give the little niglet the chair or the gun crazed that shout out that if the parents had more guns this never would have happened because then they'd have guns to shoot the kid who took their guns. Lastly there's the Big Lebowski who would have simply said 8 year olds dude. I guess the whole matter now is if we do give an 8 year old the death row sentence we'd be trying to out-do Iran with the fucked up conservatism stance.

An 8 year old on death row would be an awesome new low in the "Lets try and out-do Iran with the fucked up conservativsm" stakes.

Who's excited for the Law and Order SVU episode ripped from the headlines?



Then this one is a little off. This dumb ass died after running away when he couldn't play video games...

TORONTO — Investigators believe it's likely Ontario teen Brandon Crisp died after falling from a tree in the rural area northeast of Barrie, Ont., but they're not sure yet how long he survived in the outdoors before perishing.

Autopsy results on the body of the teen, found just over three weeks after he ran away from home, reveal he died of injuries to the chest.

I would have felt worse if he was kidnapped or hit by a car, but this was honestly just a dumb kid. So he's not allowed to play Call of Duty on Xbox and thus he ran away from home in an act of aggression to show them. Because nothing says "I deserve to play video games" like running far away from said video game. Then to end up climbing a tree for who knows what reason and ends up dead. Stupid Stupid Stupid.



I say stupid because this who situation went from a kid turning up missing and even having Microsoft chip in 25k as a reward to finding him and then turned into a case where the kid was just a dumb ass and ran away from home, failed to climb a tree and died a painful death.

I know fall damage in Call of Duty 4 is much more forgiving. I'm sure little Brandon is calling people faggots in heaven now. Then again, I really hope there isn't an afterlife because if there is this kid has to live (...dead?) with being the world's biggest joke for all of eternity. Being a teenager, running away because he can't play xbox, and dying from falling out of a tree?

If he had spend more time outside instead of sitting in front of the TV he would have known how to climb a tree better I guess. I know there wont be any gg respawn in 2 min gogogogoogo in this kids lack of future

Then we finally have this little tyke.

Here is why I'm asking grown-ups to vote for Barack Obama. I am 7 years old so I can't vote......

My mom told me that I shouldn't base my election analysis on "feelings" (I like him/her) or "beliefs" (I share his/her beliefs) but on logical arguments. She asked me to create my own rational explanations for my support of Obama. Here is one of my arguments:

McCain and Palin are not be qualified to be President / Vice President of the U.S. The President's job is to do good for the country and the world. To do good for the country, the President must make smart decisions on important situations.

Governor Palin believes the world is 6000 years old. This is absurd. This is not a rational belief. This is a mistake. Scientists, experiments and evidence have shown this to be completely false. Therefore, she is not rational. If she is not rational, she should not be allowed to be President or Vice President.

Please vote for Barack Obama.

Why?! I understand the concern but when I was 7 I wasn't concerned about the president. I was more worried if Donatello and Ralphie would make up in time before Shredder planned another evil plot. Let the children go and be children. Yeah, we're fucking it up and getting them into major debt that their generation and the following generation after them wont be able to pay. But it shouldn't cause them to get gray hairs already. Let them live an existence of just enjoying the fun carefree days without the concern on who is president.

Shit, that stuff is inane even for me and I actually like to follow politics for the simple subject of mocking it. Let the children play. They don't need to worry about getting abused and having to kill their father and face a death sentence. Nor should they be dumb enough to run away because they can't play Xbox longer than they want to. Most of all, don't introduce them to politics yet. You're just pandering at that point.

Wont anyone think of the children?

This Is Halloween!

This Is Halloween!


Well kiddies, it's the day of the year when you get to beg and plead for free treats from random strangers even though you're told every other day of the year to not take anything from them in fear that they are sex offenders. Live it up. Then again, Halloween is no longer for kids only.


Maybe I'm just getting old...

Back when Elvira, mistress of the revealing costumes, started hocking cold ones to a nation of drunk 80's people it got the ball rolling for something sinister, something different in the direction that Halloween had gone prior to that. No more great pumpkin, Charlie brown. It has become a day to party it up in nearly nothing and not be called a slut for having it all hang out.

"sexy" women's Halloween costumes are another horrifying example of the merger of corporate capitalism and patriarchal society and their powerful grasp on holidays which are meant to be a time of equal enjoyment for all parties. But perhaps it's the supply side economics saying that the only costumes they make are sexy whatever costumes so if a girl just wants to run down to bob's costume emporium that is all they have and if she doesn't make the effort to make her own she is stuck with those half naked ones.

Perhaps the attention that comes with it helps. I saw a dude dressed up as han solo in carbonite and his girlfriend was dressed up as slave leia and she was pretty pissed that everyone was more interested in his costume.



Another issue is that Some girls can pull short shorts off and some can't pull a sheet over the body. You really have to be careful when you walk that line. A lot of times it just ends up looking like a huge muffin top over flowing monster out of whatever "Sexy" costume that once was on the rack.

Now let me get one thing straight. Sexy isn't wrong. Far from it. Ladies, feel free to be sexy on the other days if you want, it's ok. I'm not sure if the mentality is that guys wont go to parties unless their's hot chicks in revealing clothing there? As if the normal party attire isn't enough, on the one day you are allowed to wear whatever you want, you just spice up that costume with a little bit of nothing to be had under it.


Well this is scary

Maybe it's just super empowering to wear a short skirt and fishnets and be objectified even more than usual and have drunk dudes refer you to by your costume instead of your name. Generally guy's costumes say one of two things

1) check how cool i look as a cop/soldier/batman/whatever
2) WOO I'M CRAZY LOOK I DRESSED UP AS A GIRL/TOILET/WTC ISN'T THIS A GREAT JOKE?!?! I'm mad, me.

I knew a guy in high school who would dress up like a woman whenever there was some kind of event that made it socially acceptable for a guy to dress up like a woman. every single time. Maybe he was just afraid to come out. Who knows. But the point is that the inner exhibitants come out in full force on Halloween.


Don't cross the streams!

Then again, if we gloss over the slutty wear we get over to the dark side of the Holiday, the hard religious right. You know the type. They want to change Halloween to something different because they are afraid that it has too much in common with satanic or witchcraft related items. I heard one school board wanted to even change it to "Black and Orange day", which makes even less sense than I care to think about.

In all, Halloween is a fun time when anyone can attempt to be anything and not be judged for it. If your inner desire is to not get dressed and show it all off, well, more power to you. If your goal is to conform others to your jaded view point on what a Holiday should be, then well... I only hope you get candy corn and dental floss in your goodie bag.


This little Halloween lover may be
the President one day

I'd ask for one thing out of this new national dress like a slut day, don't have fun at the expense of the little ones. I saw a lot of kids just walking around with their cute costumes of Superman, fairies, witches and other such things and I see that today should be about them first. Let's take it a step back before the Mistress of the dark days. Sure, have fun and all that. But if you see a kid asking for candy, be a pal and help them out. In this PC world where we scare our kids into believing anyone they don't know wants to rape and kill them, how many chances does a kid have to get candy for dressing up in something they look up to? It'll shape the way they see this wonderful holiday and I want as few tainted from today as possible.