Friday, February 5, 2010

By The Books Oral Sex

By The Books Oral Sex

In an effort to keep this streak of sexual related topics in this, the shortest month that has been taken over with love and affection, we move on to a news story that was from last week, but I felt the need to hold it back. I mean, I can't just blow my load and whip out all the news stories on the day they come out. I have to stretch them out some and make them last. Wouldn't want to run out of material too soon. Annnnnnnnnnd enough of the thinly laced euphemisms, here's the Oral Sex story;
After a parent complained about an elementary school student stumbling across "oral sex" in a classroom dictionary, Menifee Union School District officials decided to pull Merriam Webster's 10th edition from all school shelves earlier this week.

School officials will review the dictionary to decide if it should be permanently banned because of the "sexually graphic" entry, said district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus. The dictionaries were initially purchased a few years ago for fourth- and fifth-grade classrooms districtwide, according to a memo to the superintendent.

"It's just not age appropriate," said Cadmus, adding that this is the first time a book has been removed from classrooms throughout the district.

"It's hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we'll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature," Cadmus said. She explained that other dictionary entries defining human anatomy would probably not be cause for alarm.
Just so you're clear on what happened.. THEY TOOK AWAY THE GOD DAMN DICTIONARY BECAUSE IT HAD ORAL SEX IN IT! I think it's time I finally write that childrens book I always wanted to write. I'll make a killing selling "Words for Kool Kidz" with definitions of "wee wee" instead of penis.

I have to say that parents are terrible. How could you remove a book from an entire school district because ONE KID read the dictionary definition of oral sex? How do you know they even understood it? Lets look at what the Merriam Websters dictionary says about this word:
oral sex
Function: noun
Date: 1973
: oral stimulation of the genitals : cunnilingus, fellatio
The average fifth grader doesn't know what "oral" or "stimulation" or "genitals" means. But then again, they can just look up those words in the same book. So the problem grows exponentially from there as they learn meanings of more and more words. Dear god, what will we ever do if they learn those words? Clearly the only solution is to ban education in real Americ--ooooh yeah, wait. That's what they've shooting for some time now to achieve.. Clearly the only real solution is to ban all the words entirely.. Well, except for the words from our lord and savior, Jesus Christ!

It's a good thing that none of them have access to a bible. There's some pretty warped stuff in there that would give kids nightmares and confuse them to new levels altogether. I mean, Jesus had a hooker as a friend. What up with that. And I'm sure there's a lot about sodomy in there. On that subject, they should probably ban pencils as well. I have always said that those things looked pretty phallic. Just a note, kids. Remember to use them eraser side first. You really don't want to go to the nurses for that sort of thing..

Then again, who needs to stick pencils up their hoo-ha when you have sexually graphic text. That stuff is a major turn on, right? When i was in second grade i read the dictionary definition for orgasm and it had a black and white stencil of a woman with her mouth open and i got a boner so i can see where these parents are coming from really

How could anyone possibly think that Merriam webster is prime masturbation material. I mean, yeah, just smell those pages and you might be sporting a half stiffy, not to mention the stock they're using..... God damn, no wonder page 347 was always sticky. It was as if the book was asking for it. But seriously, how can this be even remotely possible;
Board member Randy Freeman, an elementary school teacher and parent to four daughters in Menifee schools said he supports the initial decision to ban the dictionary temporarily.

Freeman said it's "a prestigious dictionary that's used in the Riverside County spelling bee, but I also imagine there are words in there of concern."
How the fuck are educators just now waking up to the idea that kids might look up naughty words in the dictionary. How the fuck does no one know this happens and has happened for probably centuries and why does anyone actually care?

Do I have any teacher readers here? I know my gal is a potential teacher, so I suppose I could ask her in two years when she's one. My sister is one but I don't talk to her nearly enough to even begin to ask her questions about her job. I just need someone to explain why administrators like this always bend over backwards to please one dumbass parent? Would it be so hard to just blow them off? Or would that spark some kind of conflagration of crazed parents who normally don't give a shit what you tell them about little Timmy on Parent/Teacher night, but are for some reason suddenly concerned that there's a book teaching them what Oral sex means.

It's come to my attention that American Christians and the Taleban are remarkably similar, they should just stop fighting and make out already. It's like people would rather have their children not know what their penis is. Perhaps someone could invent a shroud that children would wear so that they may not glimpse their own genitals. Just imagine how wholesome they'll be if they never knew anything about sex!

I remember looking up swear words in the dictionary ALL.THE.TIME. when I was like 10. What I learned was really shocking, but not in the way that you may think. You see, I learned the true definition of the words. Such things as "Bitch", and you know what, it warped me for life. Mainly because a female dog is certainly not as insulting as what I thought those bullies were calling my mother. Maybe we should also ban calculators because you can spell BOOBS on it?

It's not like the dictionary has something really graphic or it insist that "in which the performer MUST swallow". I mean, you only really should swallow for people you care about, right? Maybe then I may have a problem with it, but to take the whole dictionary away is just fucking stupid.

Most of all, it's a good thing that the children these people have gallantly prevented them from looking up a specific term in the dictionary.. will no longer think about sex or sexual terminology and will consequently not get their information from far less reputable, accurate, and reliable sources like their equally clueless peers. It's not like they have any real form of sex ed in schools anymore. Parents have pretty much asked for all of their kids to get pulled out. Oddly enough, those same kids will believe that the pull out method is the best method in having sex.

How about they just put libido suppressants in the kids cafeteria milk so they can't get it up and be done with it already. Just cut out the middle man altogether. Give them enough medication to numb them from every possible feeling they could ever attempt to try to have. Then again, white people shouldn't breed anyway. They just pass along the white man's guilt. It's about high time we put an end to that vicious cycle. If you're not going to tell your kids about sex, you can at least given them the option to get a proper education it.

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