Saturday, July 31, 2010

Welcome Back To The Herpes Shore

Welcome Back To The Herpes Shore

I.. really don't know how to justify it other than it's like watching a car wreck on the side of the road. You want to look away. You really don't want to see the headless body of the passenger laid out on the pavement, but you look anyway. You can't justify it other than there's some level of morbid curiosity there.. That's you're waiting for that massive fuck up that makes your life feel more whole and happy that you're not them. This is my fascination to the Jersey Shores.



How else can you admit to watching it? Well, I guess you could go the ironic route. Years ago we've accepted that MTV will never show music videos again and hey, at least this isn't The Hills, right? But sure enough, the whole gang are getting back together to have a second season of Jersey Shore. This time they've taken their long box of issues down to Miami.

And when I say that the gang is getting back together, I mean the whole gang. The once self-exiled Angelina, who left due to some boyfriend issues last season is brought back. You have the other cast members who are a car wreck all to themselves. It's only a question of time and amount of alcohol consumption before they do something stupid.



At first hearing news that a season 2 was going to happen I sort of dreaded it not being watchable. I mean, watchable compared to season 1. In that first season there was some innocence there. They had this misguided notion that they were celebrities and it got them in situations where they got into fights and punched around a lot. That was pure comedy.

This time they actually are pseudo celebrities. The small amount of sincerity they had going will be completely gone. You don't think just walking around Florida's beaches gets them with groupies and asked to take pictures/autographs? Or I could be wrong and they'll be even more full of themselves which could just as easily lead to them still getting into stupid hijinks and eventually punched in the face even more.



I have to point out that Pauly has got to be the biggest walking cliche ever. I mean, besides his attitude, he has gotten every cliche tattoo that existed in the past 10 years. Tribal Dragon, tribal angel wings, bicep band, Celtic cross, elbow star thing. How much more of a tool can he be?

I think Vinnie has to be the best cast member of the show because he's somewhat aware of what's going on. He's the sort of straight man of this buddy comedy of over the top characters. It does seem like he knows it's all a joke and that he can squeeze all he wants out of his 15 minutes of fame.



Besides, he already fucked the situation's sister, everything else he does is gravy from here on out. Then you have the return of Angela. And I wonder why they even bothered. Did she realize that leaving like 2-3 episodes into the show the last time really destroyed her ability to make millions of bucks?

I mean, no one gives a shit about Angelina. No one. What exactly has she been busy doing after realizing that she fucked up by leaving the show? I guess bartending and doing nothing. Last season I was sort of glad she left when she did because it felt like she was preventing any of the guys from getting laid. Then after she left and they continued to strike out every night, I realized all that really left was another reason for everyone in the house to get into more fights. So tossing Angelina just meant you have someone else to light that fire of a potential fight... So it's actually a welcome surprise.


The only question that remains is who will bang Angelina first? The Situation or Pauly D? Put your money down on this one, it's a bet worth taking. Then again, maybe neither will and she'll probably just leave again before the third episode.

But for those of you who are already worried that this new season of fun is going to be it for your ability to see fucking morons make fools out of themselves on television, fear not, this piece of news broke yesterday when Snooki was arrested.
What you’re witnessing here is a drunk as all hell Snooki getting arrested in Seaside Heights, N.J. today while filming an episode of Jersey Shore. TMZ says she was picked up for disorderly conduct, but based on these photos of her buying a beer bong, I’m going to assume someone called in an eight-year-old boy getting shit-faced on the boardwalk. Or possibly a small bear cub. Then again, these officers don’t look like they’re from the game commission.


That imagine right there makes me never want to have kids. Or at least be scared shit less that my kids will eventually end up like that. But that should be a huge spoiler for Jersey Shore season 3, when they return back to the actual Jersey Shore.

And if you can't wait for that, then perhaps you'll have the Asian version of Jersey Shore in K-Town, if MTV plans on picking it up.

As if the world could handle another Snooki, singer-model-actor Tyrese Gibson is producing a show called "K-Town," which TMZ dubbed "Like Jersey Shore', but with Asians." The pilot was shot in Los Angeles a week ago and has yet to be picked up by MTV, but if the drinking, muscles and attractiveness of the cast are factored in, it could be a big hit.

The cast is already set up on Twitter, where you can catch bon mots from former exotic dancer Scarlet Chan such as "I love the orgies scene in True Blood.. I wanna hook up with a Vampire so bad." Word. Or try out Peter Le, who runs a softcore wesbite and shames Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino with his rippling abdominals. In fact, Queerty takes up the burning question of Le's straightness, and dubs him "The Situasian."

Oh man... that sounds.. truly truly awful. I mean, I always associate K-town with All you can eat Korean BBQ and cheap rent. I guess the comedy will be there whenever morons act stupid, right.