Friday, October 15, 2010

Knott's Wants To Know....

Knott's Wants To Know....

Around this time of year is when Knott's makes double it's money. Not only do they make the regular park sales of poor kids going on a cheaper amusement park field trip that isn't Disney, but then when the sun goes down they have their annual Halloween Haunt. This is the original and probably the more classic in terms of Halloween scares.

I've been here probably a half dozen times in my life. You expect the scares and to be honest, after working at the competition of Universal's Horror Nights, I have to say that Knott's really has its work cut out for it to keep control of that legacy of being the best option out there.

So I understand the need to bump it up a notch or two but is it really necessary to take it this far? Look at the following ad


To be honest.. Who the fuck wouldn't want to see a midget bleed? They're fucking creepy! I'm sure there's many people who hate small people but really don't want to see them, or anyone bleed. Blood is gross. It's a fluid from the body. No one wants to see that. How am I suppose to attract a date to Knott's with that selling point?

"Hey, how about you and me, this Friday go see a midget bleed?"

Any girl who says yes to that has some major issues that I don't want to explore. That's not even scary. Where's the suspense in that? And no matter how much you claim that they may be half the height but hold double the blood, I'm not buying it. It's logically impossible. Where does that blood come from? Is the midget some sort of D&D bag of holdings?

Oh fuck. Now I'm totally not going to get fright sex cause I just used a D&D reference. That and my girlfriend isn't much of a horror fan to begin with. But still, I exposed the nerd card a bit too quickly and dug it too deep with a D&D reference.

Back to the hatred of TLC's main programing. I'm still not sure where this selling point comes in. Is there really that much of a hatred of small things? Well, I know Snooki, from MTV's the Jersey Shore has to be in this line up.

Now that I think about it, yeah. I'd want to see her bleed. But only if it's one of those bloody painful deaths. I think I already bleed in that monthly way on the show. God, not even steel wool will get those images out of my retinas

So I guess I'll ask again for Knott's.. Do you want to see a midget bleed? If you not cut it, will it not be double the brutality?!

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