Monday, October 25, 2010

Paranormal Activity: Boobs

Paranormal Activity: Boobs

If any porn companies take that name, at least name one of the actors after me... you know one of the actors who has a huge co.....mmand of the English language. I think those porno's these days have evolved in their scripts, haven't they? I wouldn't know as I don't keep up with the format.

Fun fact - Did you know that 20% of the internet traffic in the evening is from folks streaming from Netflicks? True story. So that means that folks are more than happy to watch movies, say one where it's a home video recording of some demon annoying a family instead of watching amateur porn on the internet... also done on a shitty home video camera.

On the subject of shitty hand held camera films, let's talk about Paranormal Activity. It's sequel, Paranormal Activity 2 scored a whopping 41 million in the box office this past weekend. Considering that Paramount only spent 13 million on the production, prints and advertising of the film, Paramount is already making bucket loads of cash and it's clear we have a new Halloween scary movie replacement for the Saw franchise.

You remember that home movie looking ghost story film from last where a douche bag day trader and his girlfriend got a camera and documented their boring lives till some demon came into the picture somehow and was getting even on the stupid day trader and his rather large breasted girlfriend.

Over all, I didn't hate hate the film. I mean, a day trader died. But I found the jump scares to be pandering and a little heavy handed. The plot didn't make much sense and it was left vague as to allow the viewer to insert their own justification or just scare them into thinking that some asshole chaotic evil demon could just come in and wreck shit for no other reason than he's a demon. But it made a shit ton of money and was produced for the down payment of a car. So you knew it was going to get a sequel.

I mean, given the level of dialogue and the glaring lack of plot, character development and everything else that makes up a good movie, this one did pack the crowds in for what was considered a classic ghost/haunting story that people just eat up around this time of the year. So it was perfectly done and on a shoe string budget.

I bet the number one question you had was how were they going to put Katie's boobs into this one and how prominent will her tits be in the film? Are they going to win acting awards? More than likely they'll be up for best supporting character. Maybe I got that wrong. The boobs win best characters and the bra is the best supporting character.

It's pretty clear that they were playing them up at some points. She's seen in a bikini in the pool in one scene and in another scene while playing with the baby she has a seriously low cut outfit with a lot of cleavage just in your face.

Then again, what kind of red blooded American doesn't like cleavage? The host of the Late show, Craig Ferguson once responded to an email from a girl about how to get men to stop starring at her breasts and he made an excellent point.

"...I don't think theres anything you can really do, men will stare at your breasts, unless their polite... Then they'll pretend not to. Which is what we do, we pretend that we're not looking, but we are, and whenever you think 'Is he looking at my breasts?' his is, 'Was that guy looking at...' yes. Can't help it sorry, try not to, the thing you got to understand is we can't help it, its hardwired, I don't believe in the objectification of women, I believe I'm post-feminist, but when I see a woman... I look at her breasts, and you know what? They're awesome!"

Now look at him on the subject here;

So yeah, there's cleavage and then there's a demon. Sounds about right. Though the sequel isn't all about big boobs. You have to toss in something for the other fetishes in there. How about Japanese school girls for those who rather have that? You folks get that two in a Paranormal Activity franchise film because there's actually TWO Paranormal Activity 2 films coming out.

Here's the Japanese remake sequel, It's in post production and due for late November. Paranormal Activity 2: Tokyo Drift

The film follows a Japanese exchange student, who returns home after visiting San Diego and unwittingly brings the evil from the first film into her family’s house.

The film chronicles the young woman’s videotape recordings in their house and the shocking realization of the supernatural force that her family must defeat.

It's pretty comical to see a film have to official sequels that go completely different directions. If we're to buy into the story of the sequel, then it's practically impossible for the demon to just up and follow an Asian school girl back to Japan. The sequel taught us that this is a sort of Rumpelstiltskin demon who was simply trying to cash in on a deal.

I say about time. Can we put that whole creepy girl who died a wrongful death ghost to rest already? Now it's time to put in the vengeful demon who likes boobs and/or babies to take up the lime light and star in as many ghost stories on the big screen while making hollywood stars out of waitresses from Boca de Beppo.

"Why yes, you can have the Pope room for a party of 10 or more."

For a quick review, the sequel was a lot better than the first. I really didn't care for it, but given the chance to see the second one for free I went for it and really enjoyed it. It expanded on the first one and played well with the time line while also bumping up the notches on what this demon was after and how it tied into the first one as a sort of prequel/epilogue. Over all, it had the best aspects of the first film and added a lot to it while retaining the boobs..

I still have one question about the glaring plot hole in the first. If your place is haunted by some unknown spirit, why the fuck are you sleeping with the door wide open to the dark scary hallway? I mean, really? I realize the ghost has no problem with opening closets and going through the attic or fucking with shelves, but at least with the door closed, if it is opened you can see what sad sad monster is coming in..

Oh wait, Sad Keanu haunts everyone's hearts around the world. The most probably and more realistic thing to do in that situation would be to just fucking run to the nearest hotel and hope it doesn't follow you. If it does.. run some more.

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