Friday, September 3, 2010

Teaparty Guide To Washington

The Tea Party Goes To Washington

We already knew that the Tea Party suffered massive cases of Xenophobia. So it comes as no surprise when you come across some Tea Party blog that wrote a "Travel Guide" for Washington DC"
Safety and Mores

DC's population includes refugees from every country, as the families of embassy staffs of third world countries tend to stay in DC whenever a revolution in their homeland means that anyone in their family would be in danger if they went back. Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country (e.g. Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia) with whom they may have political or military tensions. It's rare to meet anyone who gets really offended, but you can still be aware of the issue.

Many parts of DC are safe beyond the areas I will list here, but why chance it if you don't know where you are?

If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night. There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them.

Here are the parts of DC Tea Partiers think to be unsafe and a highlighted zone that you should avoid.

I have to admit, it's a little less racist than I expected it to be. I was sort of expecting a "HERE BE BLACKS" marker in the legend or something. Shit like this get me
"There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them."

I don't get this logic. When I go to different areas I try my damn hardest NOT to look like a tourist. I want to embrace the experience and do whatever the locals do. By avoiding places or acting like a tourist I'm cheating myself of an experience I would otherwise not have.

But I suppose it's real important that a Tea Party vacation to Washington NOT include seeing the constitution at all cost. I mean, their head may explode if they actually realize what is written on it.

Shit, someone should go advise Joe Biden that he's in a dangerous neighborhood and needs to be careful. Make sure to not take the yellow line, you might end up in... Alexandria!

Don't you dare take the Blue or Orange line either. You might wind up in Georgetown! Hide you wallets there. Is it too much to ask for to pray that they're guided into Anacostia. I know I don't ask for much, god, but if there's one thing you can grant me, grant me that.

To be honest, I'm actually pretty familiar with DC geography from playing fallout 3. So I suppose I can see why the Tea Party would advise against that area, they're just worried they'll run low on .32 ammo in super mutant country.

I have a friend who is in Washington and his reaction to all this was "White people not from DC don't understand that you don't need to be afraid of black people here. You need to be afraid of Hispanics."

Ah, racial sensitivity.

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