Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Water Bottle That's Hard To Swallow

A Water Bottle That's Hard To Swallow

I'm not sure what to say in order to prepare you for this next news article. Other than I have a hard time swallowing this story..
FULLERTON, Calif. - A man was arrested Tuesday in California for ejaculating twice into a female co-worker’s water bottle.

Officers say that in January 2010, 31 year old Michael Kevin Lallana entered a female co-workers office at the Northwestern Mutual Mortgage Company in Newport Beach, California and ejaculated into a water bottle that was on her desk. The semen-filled water bottle was left on the office desk. The female later returned and drank the contents of the water bottle. The victim reported feeling ill after drinking the water.

Police say that approximately three months later in April 2010, Lallana again ejaculated into a water bottle that the same female co-worker left on her desk. Again the victim returned to her office and drank from the semen-filled water bottle. This time, after feeling ill again, the victim sent it to a private lab to be tested.

In June 2010, the female was contacted by the private lab who confirmed that the water bottle contained semen. The victim reported the incidents to the Orange Police Department.

In early July, following further investigation by the police and the Orange County Crime Lab, the defendant was linked through DNA to the crimes. Lallana was arrested Tuesday outside of his home.

Lallana was charged with two misdemeanor counts each of releasing an offensive material in a public place and assault, with sentencing allegations for committing a crime for sexual gratification.

If convicted, he faces a sentence ranging from a minimum of three months to a maximum of three years in jail with mandatory sex offender registration.

It sounds like this guy is a total cock and this chick really got shafted. This should be a real worry about people. Then again, I don't drink water, fish fuck in it.

Okay, I'm going to make some pretty offensive comments, but I don't want you to think I approve or am in any way defending the dude who jerked off into her water. The guy is so brazen and disgusting. Not only does he enters this lady's office twice in three months to jerk off into her water bottle, pushing her into sending the water bottle off to the lab for testing.

I wonder what she suspected was in her water. Did she think she was being poisoned or did she just know it was semen? Did she get a tummy rumble and then went "Oh, well this is the same semen based rumble I had a few months ago, better have this bottle independently tested!"

I have to question how exactly she became ill by swallowing cum. Did he have an STI or something? Why would semen make her ill. Porn has taught me that women swallow it all the time without ever getting sick! One time I ate taco bell and it made me feel ill. Maybe someone jerked off into my burrito.

More than likely she's lying about feeling ill because it sounds a whole lot better than "I detected a distinct semeny substance floating in my water." Saying that it made her ill is a great way to further press charges against the bastard.

Which in this instance is fine. This was one twisted sicko who needs to be taken outside of society for a couple of years. But it still leads one to wonder how exactly she didn't notice jizz in her water bottle. Even if you shook it up, those thick stands wouldn't completely dissolve and will just end up making it slightly murky.

Besides that, how are you not going to notice some salty sticky strand like stuff floating in your bottle? Semen goes all strange in water. Anyone who's jerked off in the shower can tell you that. How the fuck does semen diluted in water make you ill? Even STI's have a hard time transmitting through semen, and in any case they have incubation periods. You wouldn't instantly fall ill. So how exactly does semen fuck up anything in your stomach?

One guess would be that she was using one of those aluminum water bottles that is growing in popularity. Though this incident marks the death of the aluminum water bottle industry. Mark my words on that. All thanks to one sicko who couldn't keep it in his pants.

As much as I found the crime to be confusing and shocking, I was also shocked to hear that "releasing an offensive material in a public place" is a crime. When did that happen and can I get arrested for farting in public?

No comments: