Living Without VD

Living Without VD

I have to be honest with you folks, I don't care for Valentines Day. Here we are ten days away from that Hallmark Holiday. Ok, Nine days. Sorry, I was a bit lazy in posting this warning because I was gearing up with Superbowl related blogs. I want to remind you folks that with Valentines day comes inconvenience, cost and obligations. You have a nine day head start. I suggest you start running now.

Now this doesn't make me some cold, heartless bastard. Hell, I'm currently writing a 30 ideas for dates blog feature here. It's pretty clear that I can, when called upon, present some pretty awesome plans for a date. But I have to admit that I have no interest in limiting it to only one day when everyone else is doing it. Nor have it when stores are going to charge you up the ass for it. Valentines day has got to the point where you feel you're bent over and taking it by the flower, chocolate and card companies.

You may feel obligated to go all out with the flowers, candy, champaign or even renting out a limo for the night. Let me slap some sense into you. DON'T DO IT! Just drop out during Valentines day. You don't want to be stuck making dinner planes, reservations or hotel room deposits. If you were going to go the route of flowers you're way too late.



I saw on Costco.com a couple of weeks back that if you wanted two dozen roses and ordered them so far in advance, you'd be able to buy them on the cheap. But that road has come and gone. If you're late on that boat you're facing triple the normal prices for things that will die fairly soon. If you're going to buy flowers, buy them for your mother.

This view isn't jaded because of my heart being broken or anything like that. I'm actually perfectly happy in my position right now in life. I just feel like I shouldn't be governed by some hallmark holiday as to when and how to show my feelings. I will not be a slave to a holiday or be pressured into some sort of situation simply because the calendar says it's some day. Much like Christmas lost the meaning of being with loved ones and turned into a "What are you giving me" holiday, Valentines day may have, at one point, actually meant something. It no longer represents that same meaning

During this time of the month you see all those destroyed men come out of the wood work. When you go out on Valentines day you see these beaten down guys. You ever see someone who is wearing a jacket and tie and they look extremely uncomfortable because they're not normally wearing anything like that and it's clear that they're not comfortable? It looks like they were dressed by the undertaker. They'd rather be put in a casket than dress like that. They sit there and look like they just want to die. As if they'd rather be at a Carl's Jr. than at whatever food eatery they're at working on their prefixed meal.



So even if you're going to your favorite eating establishment you're not going to be able to order off the menu. Add in that you're going to be going out on a night where everyone and their mother goes out and you have yourself facing some massive wait times. Not to mention terrible service. I do not envy waiters on Valentines day. You have every yahoo that comes out ONLY on holidays like this so when they give you a 10% tip and act like they're splurging on you, you have to grin and bear it. Not to mention their expectations are higher because it's a "special night out" while their manager is telling them to get them fed and turn that table around to make more money off it.

To them you're another two top table that can sit someone new after you finished scarfing down your meal. It's all about turn around and not at all about quality of food or service that matters on that night. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the overpricing for no other reason besides they can? So when your girl is looking at the menu trying to find the most expensive bottle of champaign or wine on there, just remember that it'll cost you even more than the usual over charge for a decent bottle of wine. But hey, at least they'll sleep with you right. I mean, isn't that what the booze is for?



Speaking of which, what the hell is this idea that getting sex is something special on Valentines day? That somehow the guy has to earn it by doing all these feats of strength and monetary value in order to swoon the partner? The guy is also giving sex as well. I would imagine that sex is just as enjoyable for women as it is for men. Having it be some reward or gift at the end of the night really doesn't make it sound like you're into the guy to begin with. As if you're treating sex as a bargaining chip. Talk about the ultimate version of re-gifting.

The worse part is that Valentines day falls on a Saturday this year. You're going to get stuck with a weekend outing. A weekend in Vegas or a weekend in Cancun and you're going to be stuck with the bill. Is it really worth it? I have to ask this of the ladies. If the guy wont do something for you on February 9th, what's so special about the 14th that makes them any better? It's still society forcing them to do it because it's some holiday.

No matter what though, these husk of former human flesh guys are the same ones who you'll see between now and February 13th at the mall looking like the walking dead. Perplexed by how sizes work at Victoria's Secret asking the employee that closely resembles their girlfriend to try something on to see how it looks.. "You look about her size, can you try this out for me?" It's really just sad. I follow them for fun when I'm bored. I sneak into the card stores to see these guys sweat it out trying to figure out which card that would do. The reality of it is that they don't feel comfortable saying anything that card has. You just don't feel right putting your name on that card. They'd rather get in and buy something and get the hell out. You're better off handing them $50 and telling them to go to the mall themselves. "Here's a gift card, GO CRAZY!"



I really don't blame them. I have to ask again, why put yourself through this? Valentines day is a holiday for chicks. There's nothing in it for a guy. You don't have to share kindness on that day. I don't see why I should give anyone anymore than they give me. Materially, emotionally or any other way. Most women I have known are the cheapest creatures on Earth. So when it comes to materialistic goods, they like to receive but they don't like to give. I'm not saying all women. I know a few who are excellent givers. But like they say, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Doesn't make it any less broken.

The Holiday has its roots to when the Roman Saint Valentine was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. How we get "send people chocolate and love one another" out of this makes as much sense as does Easters "Hide the Eggs from Jesus" does.

Now Valentines day has become a competition in consumerism. The girls at work are comparing the sizes of roses they get and it doesn't say anything more than "Look at how much my vagina is worth." It's the same when you see them showing off their wedding rings and it's really not very romantic.



Here's an idea that you can take to the bank. How about you save the money from those roses and you invest into something with more of a shelf life. The pragmatic approach here would be to pay your god damn bills. We're in the middle of a piss poor economy and job loss is at an all time high. How about you save that cash from flowers and you don't default on your mortgage payment. That's if you're lacking the balls to not do anything on Valentines day and you buckle into the demands.

My advice? Go out to a cool, hip looking bar. Lola's is a perfect example of this. You'll get the enjoyment out of seeing those shattered men trying to make that "perfect" evening while also enjoying a couple of drinks and then the newly single women come into play. Those others who broke it up and are just pissed about the hallmark holiday will be more than happy to drink up with you.

The easy way out is simply not answering the phone on Feb. 14th.

Super Blow XLIII

Super Blow XLIII

Remember a couple years back when Janet Jackson's tit was displayed for the world to see on the 50 yard line? Well, this one takes it and scores the touchdown in terms of broadcasting bloopers.

Super Bowl porn hits US viewers

US sports fans in Arizona got a surprise when their TV coverage of American football's Super Bowl was interrupted by a pornographic film.

Tucson-based KVOA-TV said it was "dismayed and disappointed" after some cable viewers had their match coverage disrupted towards the end of the game. The company said the material was only seen by viewers of one cable network. "KVOA will investigate what happened and make sure our viewers get answers," company president Gary Nielsen said.

"When the NBC feed of the Super Bowl was transmitted from KVOA to local cable providers and through over-the-air antennas, there was no pornographic material," he added. Comcast, the cable company whose viewers saw the material, said it was investigating. Local media outlets reported that they received calls from furious viewers.

The clip showed a woman unzipping a man's trousers, followed by a graphic act between the two.I just figured it was another commercial until I looked up," viewer Cora King told the Arizona Daily Star."Then he did his little dance with everything hanging out."

The interruption happened just after the last touchdown by the Arizona Cardinals, who lost the match to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

I like to believe that this was a bit of a premature dick slap in the face to the Steelers by an overzealous Cardinals fan. It's these kinds of thing that makes these events worth watching. Too bad it wasn't nationwide.



I dunno, guys. I'm gonna write it off as a wardrobe malfunction. No one could hijack a broadcast signal these days, the last time was during the Max Headroom days. Now that was a signal broadcast to remember! I can hear it now on news reports "Tyler Durden was not available for comment."

So what's all the talk about? See for yourself if you feel inclined to see a big dong on your computer screen. This is what comcast viewers saw.

I do not see the "graphic act" referred to in article. Unless shaking your dick back an forth is somehow an intimate two person game that I've just never been exposed to.

I know what you're thinking. Showing a dude's penis on-air during the Super Bowl is wrong. Their could be children watching. But it's kind of funny considering that a few years ago Fox was showing ads for not one, but TWO erectile dysfunction pills. This clip just showed that those pills worked!


They're happy they won.. but sad they missed it.

If Comcast gets fined, then they'd actually have a reason for jacking up prices for a change. Fortunately there is no one with the authority to fine Comcast for showing obscenity. Criminal obscenity charges could be leveled against them, but that seems pretty unlikely since they were presumably not actually the ones who intentionally chose to show the material.

I could imagine the reaction by those with Cox cable who didn't see this; "Nuts, I was recording it, but alas, I have Cox!" It should have been Cox cable that made this mistake. It would have been more satisfying to have someone tell me they saw a cock while watching Cox cable. Forget getting rickroll'ed, this seems like the latest internet craze, DickRoll.

I think the question we are all thinking here is what was that clip from and where can I get the rest of the video? Well, as your answer man I can deliver on that. It is from Club Jenna's "18 'n' Up Wet Poons."


Oh the good ol' days of superbowl bloopers

Really though, I guess the Super Bowl can't get around nudity during it's broadcast whether it happens on stage during the halftime show or not. I guess in a couple of years we're due for full on penetration during the game.

This probably caused quite a stir in the 14-60 year old male crowd watching with their wives/girlfriends/parents/grandchildren who panicked in the notion that their computer porn somehow made its way on to their television. That must have been the most terrifying half minute ever.

What's hilarious is that there are at least ten seconds before we actually see his junk where it's obvious what's going on and any responsible parent would have turned off the damn TV. The wife and kids must have thought it was another racy Superbowl commercial coming up.

Either way I still appreciate the humor in this. Some dude will undoubtedly be fired

30 Dates Of Nights: 1

30 Dates Of Nights: 1

The L.A. Times released this article about eight dates under $25 in Los Angeles. While I was a bit surprised that I had already done a couple from that list without knowing it was such a normal date thing to do, I wasn't happy that they would only offer up eight ideas. Call me creative but I think I could come up with a lot more than eight. Hell, give me a minute and I'll book you up for an entire month.

Perhaps it's because the L.A. Times is just facing hard times and laying off many that their employees could actually use the list of $25 and under dates. That's not bad at all. I think with the economy the way that it is and the fact that you don't want to just go around pissing money away, $25 and under dates can be fun if they're creative enough. Maybe I'm just a half way decent planner and a bit creative but here's 30 dates you could go on.

Why 30 dates? Well, I needed a witty title and theme for the blog and all I could think of was the comic book 30 days of night and the idea that Jesus did his desert wandering for 40 days. I picked the one that had more believability to it.

Also, I do not like Valentines Day. I think it's rather silly to put that much effort into one day when everyone else is putting the same amount on the very same day. It loses meaning when everyone else is doing the same exact thing. But that's a subject for another day. So please, don't do any of these on Valentines Day. Not because it's cheap but because I'd rather you do nothing on Valentines Day to rebel against the Hallmark Holiday. If you're going to use these ideas at least do them when they're least expected. The surprise will go a long way on actually surprising them.


Beach Bonfire

It's not the safest thing in the world to do but if you're so inclined to play with fire, may I suggest you take it away from the Parks and Forest areas and keep it near water? In this case, the beach is a wonderful place to keep these potentially out of control blazes confined to.

It's not very known but you there is a couple of beaches on the Southern California coast that actually allow you to have a bonfire. Dockweiler Beach in Playa Del Rey is one of them. West and East of Balboa Pier in New Port Beach is another good location with less airplane noise but more OC smugness.



For your outing you will need the following items:

Some fire wood - $5 for a few bundles
Bag of Marshmellows - $2.00
Some Chocolate bar to cut up - $1.00
A Box of Graham Crackers - $2.00
Various small amounts of meat to grill up - $5
Some Hot Chocolate/ Drinks - $5
Beach Parking - $5 (unless you want to make it a "romantic" walk from the free road parking)
Total = $20-25

With any Beach location you're going to have to get their a bit early to stake your claim on the often in demand concrete fire pit. Bring some chairs or just use a log to sit on, a beach towel or blanket to keep you warm if the fire doesn't and you have yourself the view of the ocean on one side, lights on a hill on the other and the ever so often noise of a plane flying by. Believe me, it wont effect the mood.

The key here is that it's all covered in the fire pit there. Your food will cook over the open flame which also provides some essential warmth. The key to the food is trying to come up with some sort of contraption to hold up whatever meat you picked to cook. Remember, it's a date. So you shouldn't need more than a pound or two of whatever to cook up.



Setting up the firewood is the key here. Pretend they're like Lincoln logs and just stack them up and light the middle. All you have to do is simply learn how to start a fire and keep it going. It's so easy a caveman can do it. Well, maybe they couldn't get the whole fire thing down for a couple centuries. But once they did they stopped having to drag their potential wives by their hair and just let the s'mores do the talking.

Eventually the camp fire burns out and you're left there on the beach with the stars above you, the ocean sound constantly in the background and an evening spent talking about anything, complaining together about the sand getting everywhere and happily stuffed with s'mores and other treats all for an inexpensive but very rewarding and enriching adventure.

The "GI Joe" Movie Is Everything Wrong With American Foreign Policy

The "G.I. Joe" Movie Is Everything Wrong With American Foreign Policy


Hell yeah, America! Back to where it belongs -- deploying military units accountable to no one and contemptuous towards any attempt at oversight. So far we have:

1. toppling of a major French monument (naturally we have to save France again, weaklings)
2. a covert military unit that doesn't have to answer to anyone
we answer to no one *slides on sunglasses*


Fuck you geneva conventions, you pansy faggots

I know. It would be pretty boring and anti-summer blockbuster rules if G.I. Joe needed to go and solve the issue with soft power, the whole movie would be them getting approvals from different government agency's to ok the use in language that goes into the letter they send Cobra. Then at the end the pace really picks up when they only have 24 hours to come up with a presentation to give the UN.

Then the trailer says that it's from the director of The Mummy like that's something to be proud of. G.I. Jane is a better movie and I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that it was a lot more awesome than The Mummy. But hey, we do get a Brandon Fraiser cameo as shipwreck. Everyone's favorite G.I. Joe village people character. Stephen Sommers should be castrated for Van Helsing. That seriously was one piece of shit film.

Besides, We already had a GREAT G.I. Joe movie with an awesome intro


I'm not even complaining because of nostalgic reasons. I'm sure if I saw that in anything these days I would spew out my liberal nonsense. I guess I just don't think there's a reason to bring G.I. Joe into the real world. Who wants to see G.I. Joe strap a car battery to an iraqi taxi driver's balls. This will be another one of those movies the manchildren will heap scorn on while it goes on to earn hundreds of millions of dollars and they go hunting for all the action figures at Target and Wal-Mart anyway, right?

Though opening weekend they will pay money for the midnight showing and mash "10" with their cheetos-encrusted fingers on IMDB before heading off to GameFAQs to express how "OMG EPIC" the movie was. Then a year later it'll be back to whining, crying and complaining about how nobody takes children's IPs seriously like they do in between sips of their Mountain Dew.



Kind of like Transformers all over again. And kind of like Transformers, we wont know what the fuck is happening on the screen. I mean, what the hell is going on in that street scene. Jesus christ I can't make heads or tales of what is flipping around. I assume it's snake eyes and storm shadow but still... can't they make it look at least understandable.

Both franchises were pretty much half hour commercials to buy toys. Oh yeah, they also provided helpful life lessons in every episode.



The coolest thing to do with GI Joe action figures was to break them into pieces and then use their parts to create or repair other GI Joes. I would both love and hate my G.I. Joe action figures. Maybe it was because I paid my Dad a couple of weeks of allowances to mail away for some special Cobra Commander and Joe helicopters and THEY.NEVER.CAME! Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure he never actually sent it away and used the money to buy some pot.

I guess I'm going to have to see this movie the same way I would approach having angry sex with a conservative. Just go full on it with bitter hate and hope there's some enjoyment out of it. Otherwise I wont have anything to see during the summer. It's all either Old TV made to film or sequels. Even the shitty summer movies this year are especially terrible.


Dennis Quad's agent is only allowed to read bad scripts

The Superbowl sure did show off a lot of crappy movies that will make millions waste a lot of money. At least The Dark Knight's political message was fighting terror with terrorism only creates more terrorism. G.I. Joe on the other hand, decided to extend their reach into a fully international unit, not an American/NATO one anymore.

I give Cobra credit. Taking out the Eiffel tower? Well played. Sure, Team America already did it, and some would say BETTER. It's no acid burn, but the Eiffel tower seriously needs to be replaced with something better looking. It's like a precursor to the terrible architecture of the mid to late 20th century. Fuck Brutalism and bring back art deco.


Ray Park.. because going to convention to convention selling Star Wars autographs is far worse terrorism.

Seeing it fall on screen should be a reminder that the eiffel tower was just a giant dick built up to make up for the french getting destroyed by the Germans. Oh, also a way for eiffel to rob the government.

I always liked how G. I. Joe was a self-depreciating nickname American soldiers gave themselves because their commanding officers considered them interchangeable and expendable, and the WWII propaganda machine turned it into a cutesy "our good ol' boys" thing.


Hell. To. The. YES!

So on one hand it's thinly veiled propaganda, and a crass attempt to cash in on the public's nostalgia for 80's saturday morning cartoons. and on the other hand, sienna miller in pvc psuedo-dominatrix gear. I can tell you one thing. Sienna Miller is way more attractive than Osama Bin Laden could ever hope to be. So on that aspect alone, I think the terrorist have won at being extremely sexy.

One thing is for certain, Redheads are never something wrong with American foreign policy or anything... ever.

Take Me Out With A Bong Rip

Take Me Out With A Bong Rip

I saw drudge headlining this earlier and I don't get the anti-drug stance of conservatives. Is it because fun is immoral? But if you haven't heard about it yet.... OH NO! Micheal Phelps Smokes Dope!

THIS is the astonishing picture which could destroy the career of the greatest competitor in Olympic history.

In our exclusive photo Michael Phelps, who won a record EIGHT gold medals for swimming at the Beijing games last summer, draws from a bong.

The glass pipes are generally used to smoke cannabis.

God, that article makes him seem like a baby rapist. That is not Michael Phelps. That's every single white guy in a college dorm in the last 40 years. Who cares right? We'll apparently some people

Very dissappointing. The guy should be better than this. It's not about anything more than class, and now it's obvious he has none.

quote:

this is ridiculous. for many years michael was a role model for both myself and my children because of his determination and dedication. no he is getting wasted and doing drugs? what sort of role model does that? the behavior of michael is idiotic and foolish.

quote:

Phelps is a loser!!!!! Its too bad that weed is more important than his career, He needs to grow up!

yes his career is in shambles

quote:

Voice of reason, here: Michael, you need to get your act together. Stop drinking, drugs, and carousing. You want a fulfilling life, not a degrading one. You know what is right, so do it; do what is right and you will have adventures far better than you could imagine. Don't trust me, read it for yourself in the Bible, the New Testament.

Has there ever been a recorded case of a person proclaiming themselves "the voice of reason" and then saying anything at all worth listening to? It's pretty fun to watch idiots abruptly disown someone they previously idolized. For all of you who are saying that he should have to give those medals back, fuck of.



When did professional athletes start doing stupid shit that could jeopardize their careers if caught? Oh yes.. when professional sports first came about. The dude has lil wayne on his ipod playlist how is this a surprise? With a swimmers lung capacity i bet he do some sick ass bong rips. I guess that explains his 12,000 calorie diet.

For a kid who got a DUI at age 19, this isn't surprising. I like to dream that Phelps was ripped out of his mind before each race. I mean like he smoked an entire 8th and drank a 12 pack but he still just MURDERED everyone. If he was ever sober he would be faster than a damn torpedo.


Shiny Role model.. how did he ever fall?

If you kids start smokin the pot you're gonna end up like that poor Micheal Phelps boy. It would be a terrible shame to see everything he stands for go up in smoke.

Yes, yes. He's representing his country..... In swimming. Great. We're number one in self-propulsion in water. Fuck yes. USA numba 1 muthafuckas. It's really not all that impressive. National hero is a bit absurd.

I mean, sure, plenty of people probably think of him that way. There's also a lot of people that think of Dale Earnhardt that way, judging by the commemorative plates. But it's not something that really matters in the long run. Records will eventually be broken and the little kids in the mid-east are still going to get fat trying to imitate his daily food intake.


Can you tell where he's hiding his Bong at?

Americans have an unnatural and insane fear of marijuana this is new. I don't do any drugs but I can't figure out why the fuck everyone freaks out over marijuana yet cigarettes are cool?? Now if only he could do a line of coke off his gold medals. That'd be swell. I find it appalling that such an athlete who has trained so hard and accomplished so much uses such a small bong. Why isn't he wearing his medals. maybe he pawned them to fund his habit that dope fiend

We Can Be Heroes, Just For One Day... I Just Wouldn't Want To Be.

We Can Be Heroes, Just For One Day... I Just Wouldn't Want To Be.

A show is born to innocence. A show demonstrated it was good. Why then did it go so horribly wrong? Was it will? Was it destiny? Was it complete fucking incompetence? To fight evil, one must know evil; one must journey back through time and find that fork in the road, where Heroes turned one way and shows of lasting quality turned another.

You made me this way, Heroes. Ever since I watched season two, the most drawn-out, tedious, needlessly-slapstick-and-romance-enhanced torture session of my life, I've hungered for punishing entertainment experiences. I have come to feed on the anger and betrayal. That pain, I'm always so grateful for it now, because it's the only time I know I'm still human. But for all the wretched movies and music I've voluntarily inflicted on myself in the past year, nothing managed to sustain its horribleness for eleven hours. A numbness filled my mind with cotton and ice.

Finally, I've found a way to recreate, and perhaps even surpass, my initial agonies. I stored season three episodes in my DVR, where they undoubtedly tainted other recorded programs with their rotting putrescence, until I could no longer bear the cursed anticipation, then I subjected myself to a fourteen-hour marathon. I endured an evil twin, amnesia (again), more jittery quick cuts than the entire Saw franchise, and more variations on the phrase "How is this possible? You're dead!" than I could have imagined possible. As soon as the ordeal concluded, my eyes retreated behind a glazy film, and I started scribbling the revelations laid bare by this masochistic viewing approach.

A Goonies-related epiphany:
Angela Petrelli is a slight variation on Mama Fratelli's tale. Disappointed with the antics of her two favored sons, a sinister Italian matron unleashes a monster child who's been kept in captivity. Like the Fratelli mutant, Sylar turns out to be a misunderstood nice guy - at least for a few minutes. But remember, Sloth didn't stay tame forever, either. He became pretty goddamn brutal in his spinoff sequel The Hills Have Eyes.

New catch phrase that must end now:
Claire Bennett: "It ends here."
Peter Petrelli: "This ends now."
Noah Bennett: "This ends today."

Let the old catch phrase fucking die, already:
Hiro Nakamura: "Save the cheerleader!"
Nathan Petrelli: "Save ourselves, save the world."

Most accurate occupational depiction:
Freshly appointed Senator Nathan Petrelli, who manages to avoid any congressional votes, duties or appearances throughout the entire season.

Worst introduction of a mystical black man:
Wandering shaman Usutu eventually gets to feed time-travelling imp Hiro hyena dung while spouting wise-elder quotes like "The future can only be the future for so long, then it becomes the present" and "Evil forces gather. The dark sun rises." First, though, he must crack a Britney Spears joke and deliver a product-placement quip ("No service here [in the African desert], you should've gone with Sprint"), as if he were devised as a comic foil for the two already-clownish characters with whom he briefly interacts before being beheaded.

Best unintentional reference to Hayden Panettierre's horrifying singing career:
Electric Elle, discussing Sylar's botched hanging: "Maybe his suicide was a wake up call."

Grace in the face of tragedy:
1) Angela Petrelli's not-at-all suspicious first words to the doctor after learning the husband she'd poisoned had died: "I'd like a cremation as soon as possible."

2) Tracy Strauss, twin sister of split-personality skank Niki Sanders, wears fashionable white and retarded oversized sunglasses to a press conference at which her husband, President Nathan Petrelli, laments the deaths of 200,000 people in a nuclear blast. On a related note, most of the zombie-eyed future sketches are vague, with unspecific locations and broadly rendered faces that, if used as police sketches, would place half the city under suspicion. However, the painting of this disaster considerately includes a "Welcome to Costa Verde" sign in front of the mushroom cloud.

Abstinence-inducing sex scenes (Not coincidentally, these were the only two sex scenes):

1) Wrong-headed scientist Mohinder says he needs to make useless twin Maya angry in order to stop her fatal Hershey's tears from flowing. He starts espousing idiotic theories and touching her inappropriately, but this turns out to be alarmingly unrelated. After injecting himself with super powers, Mohinder enjoys a brief stint as a sweaty shirtless douchebag, during which he rips off Maya's shirt during an unwatchable seduction. It's worth noting that Mohinder later crawls nakedly out of a gelatinous afterbirth cocoon.

2) Nathan saves Tracy from plunging to her death during a sub-Charmed flying sequence. Rewarding him with spectacle, she demonstrates the ability to freeze objects with her touch. Nathan observes "your hands aren't even cold," then kisses her immediately. Ladies, take note: Suicidal depression and frigidity are the ultimate turn-ons!

Files of the Forgotten:

Remember Monica Dawson, the little girl who inspired beleaguered New Orleans viewers to stand up and cheer with her inspiring ability to mimic what she saw on TV? Well, she died, I guess. But fear not, Katrina-ravaged metropolis, for I predict she will soon be available to inspire you and teach you how to live and love again! It seems Monica revived when a funeral-home worker watched an idiotic sci-fi soap opera that featured multiple resurrections.

Remember Caitlin, the uninteresting Irish lass with whom amnesiac Peter had an interminable tryst before leaving her stranded in a disease-infested futuristic dystopia? Apparently Peter doesn't. Neither do the shows writers. Eh, good fucking riddance.

Blue-Collar Comedy Villain:

Flint's power seems pretty lame (see, there's already someone who makes fire with their hands, but his flame burns blue). However, he serves another purpose - recruiting slack-jawed yokels to watch one of their own kick ass on that city-folks show with the Indian fella and his fancy science words. This balding hick drawls plenty of yee-haw punchlines ("you want him crispy or well-done?") Even when he attempts to rape a hostage, he's still providing redneck comic relief ("I hear Stockholm Syndrome is like Spanish Fly!")

Mohinder's Burden:
Mohinder's narration seems to exist outside continuity, as you might expect someone who's rapidly becoming a reptilian deathbringer to have a bit more of a panicked tone to his philosophical ramblings. However, they're actually Future Mohinder's punishment for killing two people, even though his victims were conveniently a wife-beater and a drug-dealer. He's been sentenced to babble incessantly, ignored by all who hear him.

There is good and there is evil. Right and wrong. Heroes and villains. We're a ship without a storm, the cold without the warm, the throw before the toss, the hand that writes and quickly moves away. We wait in silence for these times when sense can be made of this show's ludicrous plots, when meaningless characters come into focus. And if we have the strength to be endure absolutely anything, then what we find there, staring back at us, is our own reflection, bearing witness to the duality of life. And each one of us is capable of both the dark and the light, of good and evil, of either, of all.

The Economy Superbowl

The Economy Superbowl

So it's time for the superbowl again. As a fan of television and not so much the game, I look forward to watching the ads that they come up with.. Only there's a small hitch.. it seems like there doesn't seem like a lot of companies want to advertise this year.

A week before Super Bowl XLIII, NBC is still in “active negotiations” to sell its last few commercial spots.

That’s why some advertising wags are calling Super Bowl 2009 the Economy Bowl.

This close to game time, it’s unusual to have any of the 67 time slots unsold.

The network, which will show next Sunday’s game between the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers, had no trouble getting takers for its record-high $3 million-per-half-minute spots — before Labor Day.

After that, sales fizzled along with the economy.

This year, notable previous advertisers, including General Motors and FedEx, have said they’re taking a break from the chance to reach 90 million to 148 million viewers, depending on who’s doing the estimating.

“A lot of advertisers are a little gun-shy,” said David Shoffner, spokesman for SpotBowl.com, which monitors Super Bowl commercials and viewer reaction.

“They’re thinking of the message it sends to their employees and stockholders who might view it as extravagant to spend a record amount when they’re laying off employees or cutting dividends.”

So this is the Economy Bowl when it comes to the ad dollars being spent. Which is a bit of a tragedy. I couldn't give a rats ass about the Arizona Cardinals and the Steelers are clearly going to win this game. So the only thing of any interest would be the commercials during the actual event. Otherwise it's better to just go out and do some shopping during the game. You'll be surprised how empty stores are.



But no, I'll tough it out. In this hard economy you have to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and watch whatever they're able to give to you. There will be those who embrace being cheap. One company doing this is Miller. A company who realizes that spending 3 million for 30 seconds is rather silly and decided to only put out for a one second spot

MillerCoors said Tuesday that it will premier a one-second ad for its Miller High Life brand during the Super Bowl broadcast Feb. 1.

The spot will focus on the brand’s current campaign that features the burly High Life delivery man who aims to reinforce the brand as a “good, honest beer at a tasty price.” MillerCoors notes that air time for a 30-second commercial during the game is selling for as high as $3 million.

“Miller High Life is all about high quality and great value, so it wouldn’t make sense for this brand to pay $3 million for a 30-second ad,” said High Life senior brand manager Kevin Oglesby, in a press release. “Just like our consumers, High Life strives to make smart choices. One second should be plenty of time to remind viewers that Miller High Life is common sense in a bottle.

And if one second of your life is wasted on anything better than this, I'd like to know about it! Then again, that's for their low brow label. I'm sure they're tossing money left and right for the ads for Miller Lite. So as ghetto as Miller Highlife is, I think I'll buy one from my local liquor market tonight to honor their one second dedication.

After drinking all that cheap booze, I bet you'd be more open to some wild experimentation. Perhaps you'll even dabble in.... dare I say it... Vegetarianism. Peta sure hopes so as is seen with all the controversy with their offering to the Superbowl ad pool.



But you wont see it because NBC thought it was too provocative. Either that or they're with everyone else in thinking that Peta is out of their god damn minds. I fail to see how this is worse than some of the GoDaddy.com ads. But its PETA so I could really care less about their complaining.

I have to admit that my boner dropped when I saw the PETA logo. How exactly does being a vegetarian make you better at sex? these people want to rename fish to sea kittens. They are fucking insane. They make any claims they can to get what they want. I'm starting to think joining PETA is just an excuse to constantly take your clothes off. I guess what Peta is really saying with these ads is exploiting animals - bad, exploiting women - good.

On the subject of sex selling. Hollywood loves to advertise during the big game. It's the best place to plant all your summer blockbusters in the middle of the media attention without looking like a huge attention whore.

One of them is my childhood government propaganda/toy commercial show that is being turned into a summer film. G.I.Joe. is getting the teaser released during Sundays big game and I'm sure you all can't wait. Here's a taste of the posters.



But I have to question the timing of when this G.I.Joe film is being released. After all, the Army suicide rate just hit a 30 year high. Clearly knowing isn't half the battle. Or at least not the half of the battle that keeps you alive. I'm sure watching a two hour circle jerk to our childhood will bring up soldier morale. Perhaps the real way to support our troops is to not send them to war in the first place... Maybe This is because Obama will repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

When they say "support the troops" that doesn't mean people are going to like you when you get back. You won't come back and magically those millionaires that called you trash and never hired you to work for them, will all of a sudden throw bags of money at you and pat you on the back. In fact they probably won't even tip you at the TGIFridays you end up working at because no one else will hire you.

I'm not a military type of person. I don't like being told when to take a dump or when I'm allowed to eat. That's my choice! Not to mention who to kill. But this isn't G.I.Joe's fault. They only provided me toys like Captain Gridiron, a guy with footballs for grenades. Speaking of which, you mean to tell me that the movie doesn't even have that character in it? This superbowl teaser would have been awesome if he was in the film.

But I give G.I. Joe credit for one thing for influencing, my taste in babes...


OOOOOooh yeah. These two shaped my childhood in so many ways. Scarlet and Baroness. One for a redhead kick and the other cause, well.. The Baroness is hot. Plain and simple.

So yeah. This blog has really been super in itself. It has went from talking about the down economy and how it is effecting the superbowl, cheap beer, Peta nonsense and then G.I. Suicide rates.. So much like the half time show, this is one big mess!

Happy Superbowl Sunday, folks!