Monday, December 19, 2011

To Il For This World

To Il For This World

Ding Dong, The Il is dead!

A tearful television announcer dressed in black said the 69-year old had died on Saturday of physical and mental over-work on his way to give "field guidance" - a reference to advice dispensed by the "Dear Leader" on his trips to factories, farms and military bases.

Kim Jong-un, Kim Jong-il's youngest son, was named by North Korea's official news agency KCNA as the "great successor" to his father, which lauded him as "the outstanding leader of our party, army and people."

Video from Chinese state television showed residents of Pyongyang, the North Korean capital, weeping while KCNA reported people were "writhing in pain" from the loss.

He was indeed to Il for this world, and now our glorious leader is dead. What's the reaction?

Oh wait. That was actually for his father. So what will be the reaction of King Jong Il? Well, I imagine it'll be something like this.

"Meanwhile, the Yonhap news agency said the South Korean military has been placed on emergency alert, as shares on the stock market in Seoul fell nearly five per cent"
Huh, looks like somebody's panicking. Though overall, let's take a count on the bad guys of the world. Bin Laden, Ghaddafi, and Kim all go down inside of 7 months of each other. It looks like 2012 is set to be a "rebuilding year" for bad guys. Till then I guess we can have some fun with it. Much like what you should do whenever anyone popular dies... Have a drinking game for them:

okay here's the rules:

1. get your beverage of choice and a shot glass
2. log in to facebook
3. take a shot every time you see the word "ronery"
4. get alcohol poisoning and join your brother in juche heaven
And if you're sober enough after that, maybe we should look to the future. For example, is there any hints on what a Kim Jong-un glorious leadership will look like? Not yet, but oh man, I can kind of imagine him hanging out with Nicolas Cage's goth son.

But this does mean that one of my favorite websites to browse has seen its last update. Goodbye Kim Jong Il Looking At Things

At least it's not some Atlas Shrug sort of bullshit....

God fucking damn it. Why yes, for twelve years everyone has been asking "Who is Kim Jong-il?" This is King Jong-Il speaking. I'm the man who's taken away your victims and thus destroyed your world...

You would think that his death would have, you know, done something to reunify, free capitalist Korea and create a Kpop version of this classic:

Instead all it has done is this:

That's some crazy Stockholm syndrome they got going on there. Oh well, they're going to love the abusive man they'll love. As for me, I guess there's nothing left to do than to pour out a 40 for my nigga King Kong Jong-il!

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