Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Very Merry CIA Christmas To You

A Very Merry CIA Christmas To You

If there's one thing that I like about working in the movies is that we can make up our own shit at random and eventually people will accept it as truth. Take for example the CIA. I love it when movies show the CIA as the good guys. It's nothing but pure fantasy when you really think about it.

What, you actually think the CIA is the good guys? HA! Oh how wrong you are.

WASHINGTON — One of the CIA’s most important secrets in the war on terrorism was hiding in plain sight, on a leafy residential street along a busy set of train tracks in Romania’s capital. There, tucked in the basement of a government building, the CIA ran a clandestine prison, former U.S. intelligence officials said.


Unlike the CIA’s facility in Lithuania’s countryside or the one hidden in a Polish military installation, the CIA’s prison in Romania was not in a remote location. The building is used as the National Registry Office for Classified Information, which is also known as ORNISS. Classified information from NATO and the European Union is stored there. Former intelligence officials both described the location of the prison and identified pictures of the building


The basement consisted of six prefabricated cells, each with a clock and arrow pointing to Mecca, the officials said. The cells were on springs, keeping them slightly off balance and causing disorientation among some detainees.


During the first month of their detention, the detainees endured sleep deprivation and were doused with water, slapped or forced to stand in painful positions, several former officials said. Waterboarding was not performed in Romania, they said.


After the initial interrogations, the detainees were treated with care, the officials said. The prisoners received regular dental and medical check-ups. The CIA shipped in Halal food to the site from Frankfurt, Germany, the agency’s European center for operations. Halal meat is prepared under religious rules similar to kosher food.

Former U.S. officials said that because the building was a government installation, it provided excellent cover. The prison didn’t need heavy security because area residents knew it was owned by the government. People wouldn’t be inclined to snoop in post-communist Romania, with its extensive security apparatus known for spying on the country’s own citizens.


For the CIA officers working at the secret prison, the assignment wasn’t glamorous. The officers served 90-day tours, slept on the compound and ate their meals there, too. Officers were prevented from the leaving the base after their presence in the neighborhood stoked suspicion. One former officer complained that the CIA spent most of its time baby-sitting detainees like Binalshibh and Mohammad whose intelligence value diminished as the years passed.

For those of you who don't like reading... why the hell are you here? But once we're past that part and you're still not sure what that wall of selected text means, here's the short of it. The CIA tortured people, but they gave them halal food so it's alright. And it's not like the CIA agents that performed the torture lived in better conditions that their prisoners, all things considered.

Just look at that. They had to do 90 day tours in sleeping in the same sort of conditions. It must have been pure torture on them to endure such levels of not ideal living conditions while carrying out acts of torture.

I do wonder why it was a secret though. I'm not sure how keeping it a secret deters the citizen on the street who is thinking about poisoning my neighbors dog to not carry that act out or he'll be tossed into a prison he doesn't even know exist.

And even with it being a secret, I'm pretty sure that the CIA would find a way to fuck things up somehow. Remember that time when the 3 CIA agents tried to infiltrate an inner circle of a crime organization and were brutally murdered because of it? And that one guy in Pakistan shot 2 people and got jailed. The CIA fucking sucks at actual spy work when you think about it. They haven't successfully overthrown a regime that hasn't come back to bite them in the ass. Their only effective at waging death from above using unmanned air drones and chances are the kills they get from that are all going to be civilians as well.

The CIA, for all its claims, is an absurdly bloated and enormous intelligence organization compared to basically any other country in the world. In some strange way it mirrors the population it recruits from because the CIA is generally filled with insanely stupid people that are protected from the consequence of that stupidity by secrecy.

It's not like these people are some dudes in suits with cold calculating plans to take down foreign governments like some giant chess game. They're mostly just educated racist shitheads who happen to have an unlimited secret budget and the world is their playground.

That's really what the CIA is all about. They're like the only child of rich parents that tries to start a business chain which inevitably fails horribly. And then mom and dad are there to pick up the pieces and let them try stupid shit all over again like opening up a pizza parlor chain.

It's the only way to explain shit like that time when they tried to topple the French government with paratroopers and failed because the CIA failed to recognize that the country and its army loved its current benevolent generalissimo.

How about the time when that Al-qaeda double (or was it triple) agent set off a suicide bomb in the middle of a CIA camp and killed a half dozen CIA officers, including some really high ranking people. Do you remember that those CIA officers had baked him a cake and were just about to present it to him.

Furthermore, I man, didn't they just invent crack anyway? War on drugs are just a way to cover up the clear sign that the CIA is more harmful than any sort of drug or pregnancy.

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