Monday, October 15, 2012

And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU!

And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU! 

Wait, WHAT?! Is the Nobel peace prize comity really actually doing this? Did they just realize that Time did this with Youtube (YOU) being the Time person of the year and just figure, why the fuck not copy that same model? Because really, this is pretty fucking silly.

Perhaps we need to back up a little here and explain. The Nobel Peace Prize this year was awarded to the European Union. 
The European Union has won the Nobel Peace Prize, despite a year marked by riots on streets of many capitals and the looming prospect of an acrimonious break up amid an economic crisis caused by the euro.

Chin up, America. Maybe next year the Pentagon will win it. "This year's Peace Prize goes to...... WHITE PEOPLE! You earned it, fellas'. Live it up!"

Okay, so what exactly happened here? Because every time I try to make some sense of the 21st century world of politics and the pieces start to fit together, this kind of shit just happens and completely breaks my mind. This seriously cannot be real. 
Geir Lundestad, the Nobel committee secretary, has long wanted to give the EU the peace prize on the basis of post-war Franco-German reconciliation, because it “helped to consolidate democracy in Southern Europe” after the end of fascist regimes in Spain and Portugal and for its role in helping the transition in eastern Europe after the collapse of Communism.
Gee, thanks for advancing Neo-liberal capitalism increasingly in everything you've done since the 1950's. We do in fact have a medal and jackets. Yes sir, today the Nobel Peace Prize was given to the concept of a treaty. Though, considering Obama received his Nobel Peace Prize, it's only fitting that the irony levels this is awarded to keeps on going.

Congrats to everyone in the EU, good job all around. I can't wait till next time when Peace will win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or is it Death? Yea, Death might win it as well. I would have suggested that it was "Given to the school of the Americas, but then I realized that Kissinger had already won it. I mean, what's next? Will Monsanto win the Nobel prize for medicine and physiology?
"Peace" wins Nobel peace prize, celebrates by buying four horses
By now I'm just going off the assumption that Alfred Nobel isn't actually dead. He's just a vampire that survives by drinking irony. Otherwise how do you explain this? Sure, "no longer being at war" is, in itself a very technical way of look at "peace", but this just seems very strange.

I'm pretty sure that by now, all you E.U. citizens are just graciously accepting this happily and waiting on where your share of the prize money is.

I can tell you, and I hope no one forgets these little facts, that the accompanying cash prize of one million Euros equates to 1/40000th of the amount made by EU member nations in arm sales in 2009 alone. Arms export licenses from EU countries equaled a record €40.3 billion in 2009. Which was up 20% since the 2008 numbers. And with  €9.6 billion in sales going to regimes in the middle wast which subsequently used them to brutally suppress demonstrators during the Arb Spring, this whole thing somehow equals a nice shiny Peace Prize.

Don't forget, Sweden is also the number one weapon exporter per capita, selling weapons for around €1,5 billion in 2010. But maybe it'll be different this time. I mean, they give the prize to Obama and he bombs more people than ever before. Now that the EU wins, the only correct ironic conclusion is that World War 3 will happen soon. How again is this considered a 'Peace Prize'? 

Well, to be fair, we all should've seen this coming back when they named the prize after someone who invented dynamite. Naive of the guy sure, because dynamite's original purpose was so you could build more tunnels through rock and stuff like that. But then again, it was also supposed to be the weapon to end all weapons that no one dare use like the atom bomb! 

Either way, this is all just that last exit for gas sign before a long trip. We're very quickly approaching a singularity in which the polarities of irony will shift. Causing The Onion to become real life and vise versa. 

In fact, it's pretty much this that we may see that it already happened.

No comments: