BP Cares... About Nothing

BP Cares... About Nothing

By now it should be noted that BP really doesn't give a shit about much. I mean, let's look at the following picture.



Now what sort of mind set must have been going through their heads?

"Hardhats or respirators, hmm give them hardhats!"

That kid does own though. I imagine his mother is saying something like:

"TOMMY! GET AWAY FROM THOSE... gentlemen!"

At least Tommy will get a chance to go to Disney. I'm sure he'll hear this at the park;

Welcome to Walt Disney's Magic Kingdom. Thanks for checking in. Please find your complimentary Mickey Mouse fun air circulation mask on top of the dresser. If you have trouble fitting the mask on, or you find yourself breathing unfiltered air, please do not hesitate to speak to one of our cast members.

Images like the one above don't make me happy. In fact, when I hear news stories like Alabama prison inmates to aid in relief efforts and hazardous waste operations it makes me feel like it's not great news because it dawns on you that BP isn't providing appropriate safety equipment like respirators that will prevent these prisoners from dying horribly from the VOCs

Then again, it's probably a better alternative than spending their lives in American prisons and at least they didn't use they didn't use live prisoners for the junk shot. Prison inmates are fucking disposable human beings to them. No wait, let me correct that. People are fucking disposable human beings to them. But hey, who else are they going to find to do the job for $4.80/hr?

I mean, I know 90% of all black people can't swim, but do they really need life jackets for oil clean up duty? That's racist BP! Life jackets and hard hats. You really have to be fucking kidding me, BP. God damn.

So what's so bad about the clean up? Remember, dispersant is usually sodium hydroxide based. You might know it as lye. It has a great side effect of turning fat (like the thing that fish and dolphins and all kinds of cute shit are made out of, into soap.

What about the real question.. Oilcanes. You know, since it is hurricane season and when hurricanes pass through the oil filled ocean, they will pick up the water. The best part of those will be that BP will successfully argue that they are not responsible for any of the inland disasters or cleanup as it was a natural disaster that they had no control over. Consequently, all the oil that was in the gulf will mysteriously also be missing from the gulf after hurricane season, therefore mission accomplished and this nightmare will finally be over. Anyone seeking claims from the devastating oilcane should contact their insurance companies for compensation as BP does not consider those to be valid claims.

Then, you know insurance companies won't honor any claims because people didn't have the foresight to buy oil insurance. Can someone call an insurance company and ask for oilcane insurance? Maybe see if the fees are lower if you only cover non-flaming oilcanes. I hope that dispersant can't mix with water well or it'll make a toxic organ-failure inducing death rain. I guess the worse part is that the 2010 deepwater spill hasn't even had 1% of its bioimpact yet.

You thought birth defect rates in south east Asia were bad, wait till you see what comes out of Louisiana and Alabama around, oh, 2050 or so. Dispersant is suppose to mix with both water and oil. It is a surfactant. Pray to your blood gods that its nastiest components degrade quickly. This is the least dangerous part of the dispersant that might lifted onto land.

I literally would prefer sodium hydroxide to pepper the entire south than the contents of that hurricane of black death. It's as if I asked you to please lick a shrek cup. Thousands of children have already done me the favor of doing that. Though McDonalds isn't dealing with mass graves.

So a good question would be how much has Exxon paid for the damages they have done. This is a sad reminder, but in 1994 Exxon was ordered to pay a $5 billion punitive damage judgment for being grossly negligent fucks, in addition to all the other crap. This was tied up in litigation until 2008 when the supreme court said "lol just kidding" and cut it to $500 million. Just as a side note, Exxon makes $500 million in sales every 12 hours.

It really is almost comedic at just how perfectly wrong all this is going. Where was anyone with any sense as to the worse case scenario? Surely there must be someone with expertise to have had planned for a situation like this. Okay, so nobody knows what to do. This has literally never happened before and no one has ever run the numbers to figure out what would happen in a situation like this because the government never required them to because, hey it's the free market!

Did you ever have a teacher that was so incompetent and apathetic about her job that she never actually read anyone's homework, she just checked that you turned in a sheet of paper with writing on it so you could just use the homework from another class or even an already turned in assignment from the previous day without her noticing or caring? Well that's every regulatory agency in America.

Now imagine you're also having sex with this teacher....

All I'm saying is after 9/11, Bush was able to drum up public support to start two wars, so surely Obama will leverage the oil spill to start a huge alternative-energy initiatitivhahahhhahahahaha ah. Oh man. I completely overwhelmed myself with laughter there. Hmm, How long until the well runs dry and Obama can give a speech about how it's "important to move on" and "not point fingers"? God damn, Obama really has been useless in the grand scheme of his presidency on any real issue.

Oh. Oh... what's this?

SURFACE OBSERVATIONS AND SATELLITE IMAGES INDICATE THAT THE BROAD
AREA OF LOW PRESSURE CENTERED BETWEEN THE EASTERN TIP OF HONDURAS
AND JAMAICA HAS BECOME BETTER DEFINED THIS EVENING. SURFACE
PRESSURES HAVE BEEN FALLING IN THE AREA AND THERE HAS BEEN AN
INCREASE IN THE SHOWER ACTIVITY. UPPER-LEVEL WINDS ARE GRADUALLY
BECOMING MORE CONDUCIVE FOR DEVELOPMENT AND THE SYSTEM COULD BECOME
A TROPICAL DEPRESSION BEFORE IT REACHES THE YUCATAN PENINSULA IN A
COUPLE OF DAYS. THERE IS A HIGH CHANCE...60 PERCENT...OF THIS
SYSTEM BECOMING A TROPICAL CYCLONE DURING THE NEXT 48 HOURS.

Oh man. I've been waiting for this. It's like Christmas and Santa's going to take a shit on everything possible!