Thursday, June 10, 2010

Which Graduation Card To Get? Play The Race Card Hallmark Style

Which Graduation Card To Get? Play The Race Card Hallmark Style

Well it is the season for graduations. That means that there's a lot of gifts to be given and since Father's Day is coming up, you can lump together two worthless celebrations. But the real question remains.. what card are you going to get that special person for this most awesome day of entering the work force and leaving school behind?

Wait a minute... what's this? A racist card?!?! I'm not sure when society got to be this stupid or this petty, but it seems that those who have nothing else to complain about have finally squeezed off something else to be all bitchy about... Graduation cards.

I'm not sure what to say here. People are hungry to be racially offended just like the good ol' days that they'll jump through any logic hoop they can so it would give them a reason to cry out and gnash their teeth. Who is writing these fucking greeting cards these days? Black people don't understand astronomy, news at 11!

Why yes, let's have a press conference about a greeting card that may or may not be racist. Now that African Americans have overcome the oppression of Hallmark cards there is nothing stopping America from realizing MLK's dream, right? Meanwhile all kinds of flgrantly racist shit gets not a single drop of attention. Thank you local News outlets.

I can say this since I worked at a local TV News outlet, they suck. They suck terribly. The amount of fluff pieces put into a daily broadcast compared to actual hard news... well, let's just say that I have more serious content in my worthless blog than they do. This whole thing is stupid and it's a reason why I hate local TV News.

In that story there is about 0.00% racism in that card. They're trying to play the race card and it's so sad... ha, get it? Race card. I wonder if Hallmark will cash in and make one of those? On that note, Hallmark cards are so terrible. You can search for hours and you'll never find one that is even remotely funny. So while it may not be racist, I fully support that this, as well as every other Hallmark card, be removed on the basis that it is stupid.

This isn't the first time this incidence has happened

I mean, face the facts. A normal greeting card is boring enough, and at least with those you can pretend to be happy about receiving it for a few seconds and then put it away after faking that you read it. This has a goddamn speech you have to sit through. I'm willing to bet that the person who brought that card into the office where it was first reported as racist was the only person who has ever bought that card.

This whole story reminds me of Col. Kurtz from Apocalypse now, "They can drop napalm on villages but can't write fuck on their airplanes" corporations can rape the earth and enslave human beings and exploit the laws and never back down or admit fault on these issues but if something is vaguely culturally offensive, they can't retreat fast enough and profusely apologize and pull the the product.

It's pretty clear that this card is an astronomy joke because they talked about planets. Doesn't this make the NAACP look dumb about the sky above them? Then again, the NAACP representatives in the video looked as old and out of touch as hell, is there a possibly more unflattering shot than at minute 1:48 of the first video?

How is it that a black person who lives in the same town as the L.A. Police have nothing more racist to worry about than a misheard hallmark card? Some one tell me the answer to that shit because I'm all out of ideas and guessing just makes my head hurt at this point. I just hope that no one ever lets them see this next ad;

If you're like me, you should also not see the problem with this is. Everyone agrees that the world would be a better place without niggles. All those annoying niggles everywhere. MY NIGGLES some ten megabyte broadband niggles. Y'all NIGGLES be some 56 Kilobaud niggles.

Get it.. It's cause it sounds a lot like NIGGERS!

Say whaaat? Yeah. I'm sorry, I just turned offensive all up in here. That's a first. I mean, this blog was suppose to be kid friendly.. Speaking of which, remember that one time in Who Framed Roger Rabbit when Donald Duck called Daffy Duck a nigger? Yeah, me too!

And to think, all of this shit hit the fan because someone couldn't tell the difference between an L and an R. It's like they're Japanese or something. I couldn't embed this clip, but it's well worth clicking to laugh at some Political Correctness.

Maybe all you should do what I do. When you are out finding a card for a holiday just find one that sets up a really dumb joke on the cover and on the inside you replace the expected lame punchline with something vulgar or obscene. One time I got my sister a card where the outside it said something like "Some people think the holidays are dumb and stuff" and the inside was "Those people get fruitcake can fuck themselves."

If I can find a good pop-up card, next year the bitch is getting Goatse as a surprise.


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