Tuesday, November 13, 2018



At this point, I have no buried 3 cats in a span of about four weeks. I don't know what I can say about my state of mind right now. Indiana was my sort of ride or die cat. He was the one that I saw him be born and now I stayed with him until he passed away 10 years later. He constantly jumped on my shoulders and liked to just hang out on there. I guess he was used to doing that when he was a kitten and it wasn't a big deal, but he kept on doing it long past the point where he was way too big and his lack of knowledge in how to not claw my skin was a concern.

Indiana passed away today. I don't really know of what. He hadn't shown much of any signs of declining health. He's an indoor only cat. Mainly because he had always been so terrified of the outside world. It's really a wonder why I named him after an explorer that I admire. Be it fictional and all. I guess it goes back to when he was a kitten and he would jump over the blocking that was put up to keep them in. But the moment he got over it, he would cry and want to be put back in with his siblings.

Out of his litter, he was the one that I wanted to keep because he looked like his father, the first stray cat I saved, Charlie. Charlie didn't last too long after that because of life on the street - he refused to become an indoor cat. When I found homes for his siblings he looked completely sad that he had no friends to play with.

Eventually two of those siblings got brought back because the household we gave them to were terrible to pets. So he got his sisters back. And then finding Fred in the street provided him a lot more friends. Fred is the other cat that recently passed away. Along with Indiana's mother, Helena.  Though thru and thru, Indiana was my cat. He just loved me and would constantly want to sleep next... or, more to the point, on top of me and would want to get on my lap.

I really don't know what else to say other than.. wow. I didn't expect him to pass away so soon. I mean, yeah, he's 10 years old, but still.. he looked fine just days ago and took a turn for the worst. Holding him in my arms most of all last night as he sort of eased into and out of and then back into blankness was probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to do.

I just have to realize that he wouldn't have had much of any life outside. He always had me to just jump on and cuddle with. He even went under the blankets a lot and dutched oven that shit before running out. The cat was a jerk... but the most cutest kind of jerk possible.

I will miss you so much Indiana. This year has really pushed me to far points of lows. I mean, does 2018 just have this desire to see what exactly I have to be thankful for next week? Cause man, this is some cruel streak that has been happening. Just got to stay positive. Just got to remember the good. Realize that I made a difference to all those who I lost this year in my cat colonies. To all the personal loss I have had all around and man, there has to be better things to come, because I honestly don't know how much worse it could actually get.

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