Sunday, January 18, 2009

Bush Not Feeling The Blues.... Cheese

Bush Not Feeling The Blues.... Cheese

Bush doesn't care about cheese eaters. He just imposed a huge tariff on French cheese products.
The quintessential French blue cheese found itself the unlikely focus of a trade war after the Bush administration took punitive action for the European Union's ban on imports of US hormone-treated beef.

America imposed a 100 per cent import duty on a long list of EU products on Thursday, but singled roquefort out for a 300 per cent tariff.

Producers of what the French hail as the "king of cheeses" for its salty tang and creamy finish are furious at the move. They claimed that the action was a parting shot by a Bush administration still piqued by France's opposition to the Iraq war and that President George W Bush had taken his final revenge against a nation once maligned by Americans as "cheese-eating surrender monkeys".

"Roquefort is a French symbol and we're paying for its fame," said Robert Glandieres, president of producers of the cheese, which is made in the Midi-Pyrenees region from sheep's milk according to a 1,000-year-old tradition.

"Maybe the Bush administration indulged itself by making this decision just before it leaves – no doubt because we resisted it."

He added that the new duty would "chase Roquefort out of the American market altogether".

The newspaper Le Monde said that the US action meant that Mr Bush's presidency "will end on yet another crisis".

Well that's just petty. This is basically the perfect ending to this administration. Maybe I'm not looking at this adjectively enough. Perhaps this is just meant to stimulate domestic blue cheese production? One could hope as I do love cheese.

But at least I know where we stand now. If I go into Whole Foods now I can expect to have all the imported good shit bumped up in price. And when you factor in how much more it is in Whole Foods anyway before you bump it up, that's a lot of cash to shell out for something that's moldy and old. If you buy fancy cheese in America, you're letting Bush literally rape you. You gotta smuggle that shit bro.

The reason why American cheese doesn't compare to their Canadian and French counterparts is because the FDA requires all milk used in cheeses to be flash pasteurized. That's the main reason why I started an illegal Eggnog speakeasy in my basement. Big brother doesn't allow raw eggs to be used in Eggnog, even though that's how it traditionally was made.

So you're probably wondering why Europeans are so scared of hormone beef? It comes down to the two different mindsets.
Americans: Well there's nothing proven to be bad about injecting cows to the eyeballs with cocktails of growth hormones and shit
Europeans: Well there's nothing proven to be not bad about injecting cows to the eyeballs with cocktails of growth hormones and shit

But the EU is quite right to ban unhealthy, worthless crap like American mass produced beef. The amount of shit they put in our beef, I look at my steaks every time I make any sort of red meat product with a shifty eye wondering how much corn this cow has been fed. For those of you playing at home, Corn fed cows aren't the healthiest. They normally don't eat corn on the cob in their natural habitat.

I also have to wonder why the executive branch is allowed to just throw tariffs around whenever they want. I mean, shouldn't there be some sort of checks and balances in there? Let's take a look at what else they've been charging higher import fees on.

The U.S. will continue to charge higher import fees on many targeted goods such as Roquefort cheese and truffles. It has now added dozens of new products from pork, poultry and beef cuts to types of oats, sausages, mineral water and chewing gum.

In exchange it has dropped some types of onions, carrots, Dijon mustard and other products.

Wow. That list is rather long and well, I really want some imported sausages. The stuff we have here is often very poor in quality. And they charge on mineral water? seriously? Chewing gum? What the hell are we wasting our tariffs laws on?

American cheese is basically recycling the parts that would get tossed out anyway. I suppose if you think about it, it looks like we are the ones who care more about the environment. If you want a truly American dining experience with good cheese in America, you have to visit an exotic place called..... The Olive Garden, When you're here you're Family®

Scratch that. There's an Olive Garden in Los Angeles near Beverly Hills. Looking at it makes me very angry. Why would you eat at the Olive Garden in Los Angeles? Why would you eat at the fucking Olive Garden in Los Angeles?!

You have so many highly rated places to stuff your mouth and you're eating at the Olive Garden? You know what, you people don't deserve good blue cheese! I'm glad Bush did this. It just puts you Olive Garden eaters out of the price market for GOOD cheese. No need to waste the good stuff on you lot. That's for damn sure!

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