Thursday, May 7, 2009

What Makes A Manny - Maintaining MannyWOOD

What Makes A Manny? Maintaining MannyWOOD

Well, it looks like Manny is in some deep shit right now for testing positive for something... what? who the fuck cares. Let's just say it's roids and call it a day, right? Fuck you ESPN. This also means Jose Canseco is going to come out of the woodwork again with his "I told you so." Fuck that guy too. So let's dig in here..

Manny's statement, which I'm sure he wrote entirely himself.
"Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was OK to give me," Ramirez said. "Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now.

"I do want to say one other thing; I've taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons. I want to apologize to [Dodgers owner Frank] McCourt, Mrs. McCourt, [manager Joe] Torre, my teammates, the Dodger organization, and to the Dodger fans. LA is a special place to me and I know everybody is disappointed. So am I. I'm sorry about this whole situation."
Dude knows how to play the PR game much better than Bonds ever did. Then again, he did pass 15 drug test over the past five years and he hasn't tested positive for steroids. He only tested positive for taking something that can sometimes be taken by roid users to get off roids.

That's the confusing part. If he's been juicing then he's been doing it forever because Manny has been putting up the same numbers his whole career. Either that or they haven't helped him for shit.

So what is this performance enhancing drug? Potentially simply a Boner pill

Source: Ramirez’s substance a sexual enhancer

LOS ANGELES – A source close to Manny Ramirez(notes) said Thursday that the illegal substance for which the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger tested positive was not “an agent customarily used for performance enhancing.”

At least not on the baseball diamond. The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said.

Ramirez tested positive for the substance during spring training, then was administered a second test more recently, and it also was positive. Major League Baseball notified Ramirez of the second positive test after Wednesday night’s Dodgers victory over the Washington Nationals. Ramirez admitted to having taken the substance and declined to appeal. His 50-game suspension begins today.

“The substance is not a steroid and it is not human-growth hormone,” the source said.
Come on. The MannyWOOD comments aren't going to stop, are they? So you're getting time off for a doctor's prescribed pill? Here's where the MLB is being stupid. Have you've seen a baseball game on TV lately? It can't go more than two hours without a Viagra ad popping up.

Goes to show you: trust your doctors

And for those of you who are asking why he simply didn't take it to the physicans in the club. Yeah, because this worked so well with J.C Romero
On July 22, Romero bought a supplement at the GNC store in Cherry Hill. He had it checked by his personal nutritionist, who said there was nothing in the supplement that was illegal. There was no warning on the label. Romero mentioned it to Phillies strength and conditioning coach Dong Lien.

There seems to have been some confusion in testimony during the October arbitration hearing. According to Romero, Lien told him to get a second opinion; Romero took the supplement to a second nutritionist, who cleared it. In the hearing, Lien testified to that fact, but at another time he said he suggested Romero not take it. Romero in no way blames Lien.

"What they now say I should have done was call the drug hot line," Romero said. "But I had it checked out by nutritionists, and I was following the guidelines laid down by the players' association in spring training."

To me, its the MLB that just looks bad now. You can punish players all you want, but where are the preventative measures? It's like a beaten wife pressing charges on her husband for like the 50th time. Yeah, its bad, but who's fooling who here?

They're taking it to new extremes with banning every pill. I know that viagra/etc is actually a banned substance in a lot of sports though I don't know exactly why. But what preventative measures are you really going to take here? To what extent do we need to invade the lives of players to satisfy our desire for some illusory concept of purity? This is like asking how sausage is made. You should not ask how it's done. Simple as that.

ESPN jumped on the bandwagon of it being some female fertility pill called HCG.. um, HCG is also used for male fertility treatment, but let's go ahead and assume the worst thanks ESPN. The funny shit here is that it was legally prescribed by a doctor. It's not like he was going to the back alley for this fix.

Sports media is all about big headlines. I now hear that they don't know if Manny will be ever included into the Hall Of Fame. Let's see what gets you denied from the HOF:

Betting on Baseball games Fixing a World Series Game Wanting to maintain a boner.

At some point someone is going to say "If only Manny retired after 2008, he would be in Cooperstown, but now.." and I'm going to find that person and push him down a flight of stairs. I know what's the next headline:
"Should we put an asterisk on those two Red Sox series championships????"

Then again, Baseball has been missing old man outrage lately. You know, those freaky people who still take a pencil and book to the game and mark down every pitch. Yeah, those guys are just scary.

Wasn't it only a couple of months ago when A-rod admitted to using roids? Look how quickly we forgot about that once he comes back tomorrow. Those old facts and statistics are all meaningless now. Just face it folks and realize it's all just a game.

With that, I'll leave you with this terrible pun.

Manny, you're in a tight spot. I know, we all make our boners, go off half-cocked and then pussyfoot around the issue. But I'm glad you came forward and took it on the chin. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're doing the right penis.

1 comment:

OSTerizer said...

I though this was going to be an entry about male nannies, the manny if you will. I am disappointed. Ugh,