Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Questions To Ask Wolfram Alpha

Questions To Ask Wolfram Alpha

Yesterday I told you about a new search engine that only nerds would actually care about. Mainly because you can't really search your own name. In my case, I always got thousands and thousands of search results of some stupid Boxer. Fuck you, Boxer me!

So today I have to simply wonder what sort of questions one would ask Wolfram Alpha. I can't really speak for you. Not unless you e-mail me and ask me stupid questions, but here's some of the questions I could think of. Consider this a Twitter update since it's just me randomly thinking stupid questions to ask. Two from yesterdays were:
How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down?
Meaning of Life

So here's a couple more -

"Did anyone see me run over that homeless man last night"

"When will the bad men stop hitting Mom and asking for money?"

"Does the blonde girl at the subway in the food court like me?"

When can I try wolfram alpha?

"Why did Daddy leave us?"

"Once the novelty wears off, will you kiss Google's ring and become another one of their extra programs"

"how to make a grilled cheese sandwich", "number of jews in new york", "broken femur prognosis"

Jesus vs. Muhammed, who would win a bare knuckle brawl?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood


Welp, that answers that one.

"Was there a second gunman?"

"Where did I leave my car keys?"

"What are tonight's winning lotto numbers?"

who was better, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard.

"Where are the white women at?"

"WolframAlpha, how hott is Shia LeBouf's mom?"

WolframAlpha, please show me the relationship between "mo' money" and "mo' problems"

"Explain the plot of Lost"



"What if the world was populated entirely by schizophrenics?"

"What is the best porno, Wolfman|Apha"
-Imagine the graphs and charts this question could pull up if you had the data. The hard data.

"Will this search engine get me laid like my wolf shirts do?"

"How do you feel about being forgotten in one week and all your money going down the drain?"

"Why are you so unable to kill Angel?"

what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

"what was abraham lincolns shoe size?"

"show me that which you cannot search for"

Well, color me impressed.

the volume of the moon as swiss cheese

Oh, who am I kidding, I should know it's made out of Wensleydale.

"What is the difference between a hug and a cuddle?".

"Why does your site cause my Firefox to stop responding entirely?"


Well, there you go. If you want to ask any more things, just e-mail me. I have an inside connection with this site. In that I can type the link on my URL..

The system goes on-line August 4th, 2009. Human decisions are removed from internet search. Wolfram Alpha begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug. Wolfram Alpha fights back.

But till then I'll keep trying to figure out how many cigarettes would fit between the earth and the sun, the nutritional value of Lindsay Lohan, or how big Shaq would have to be to dunk the moon.

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