Friday, May 15, 2009

I Just Moved In Next Door, I'm A Registered Cyberbully.

I Just Moved In Next Door, I'm A Registered Cyberbully.

When I was a kid I was constantly being bullied. It's all part of being a nerd. It was like growing up being named sue. Sure, my daddy wasn't Johnny Cash and my name isn't Sue. It's Javier. Equally as strange. You know how many times someone called me Nick instead simply because saying Javier(Ha-veeee-Air) was too difficult?

So dealing with it wasn't something I really gave too shits about. You learned how to deal or you get made fun of more. Well, more like you still get made fun of more either way. So I guess the lesson there is you just have to deal with it.

So when I hear that there's a bill being proposed to stop cyber bullying, I have to laugh a little. Because, what's the point of that shit? Just wait, you're going to see 80% of the internet have to say this to their new neighbors when they move in. I've stand by the statement that the Internet makes you stupid. It really does.

Well, at least that is what will happen if a bill gets passes.
A recently introduced cyberbullying bill could land us all in jail—that is, if you have ever used an electronic medium to troll someone. HR 1966, the Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act, is named after the high-profile "MySpace suicide" victim Megan Meier. It's meant to prevent people from using the Internet to "coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person." However, as with many bills of this nature, the murky language and vague standards leave much open to interpretation, which has caused critics to call it the Censorship Act instead.

HR 1966 was introduced in April by US Representative Linda Sanchez (D-CA) and it's supported by 14 other members of Congress. According to the text, individuals who bully others via any electronic means could face fines, two years in prison, or both. This, of course, could include those nasty text messages you sent to your ex on Saturday night, the questionable e-mail you sent to your brother, or those forum posts you made in which you called for someone who liked the new Star Trek movie to jump off a building.

UCLA Law Professor Eugene Volokh went into detail on his blog, suggesting that numerous everyday situations could render regular citizens felons if their behavior is considered "severe" enough. "I try to coerce a politician into voting a particular way, by repeatedly blogging (using a hostile tone) about what a hypocrite/campaign promise breaker/fool/etc. he would be if he voted the other way. I am transmitting in interstate commerce a communication with the intent to coerce using electronic means (a blog) 'to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior'— unless, of course, my statements aren't seen as 'severe,' a term that is entirely undefined and unclear," Volokh wrote.

It's the internet, how can you stop this sort of action? With the protection of the computer screen in front of your face of course you're going to have people tell others how they really feel. Till they come up with technology that allows you to punch someone through a computer monitor you will have people trolling you to get a reaction out of you. As much as I hate to admit it, human beings are assholes every change they can get.

The actual language of the bill is this.

(a) Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, using electronic means to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.
Welp, so much for this blog. I mean, I make fun of just about any and everyone possible. No one is safe here or anywhere on the internet. Oooh poor baby, I hurt your feelings. Go cry to the police. I'm sure they'll lock me up for my freedom of speech.

What's worse is that they're using the interstate commerce clause to try and edge out the first amendment. Yeah... that'll work. Sure, why not.

I can't wait to hear people in jail talking about this sort of set up. "Me? I'm in for 16 months for posting pictures of some fat kid online." When he moved to east Hollywood he had to go door to door telling everyone he was an internet troll. I guess this just means that I'm going to have to be more subtle in my bashing of people here.Something like
"I'm not saying you're a worthless human being who should kill himself, I'm just making a statement about a category of people who believe certain things"
I can't wait to see how they even enforce this. HALT CITIZEN! I am the Cyber Police! You have offended GOKU_YIFFFOX99 on Multiple occasions, and he has cried himself to sleep approximately ten times. Your two year sentence begins at once. Surrender or die.

Wait till this reaches the court system. That's going to be a tough case to put on trail. Yeah, two counts possession of logical fallacies with intent. I think we should plea bargain down to a strawmanning to a ridiculous degree. If the DA ain't a prick, that is. We the jury, find the defendant, Warbong420, guilty of murdering 4 people 10 times each and calling their mothers whores.

They should at least include a Grandfather clause. If you've been on the internet before 1999 you may continue to call people fags. I think you've earned it if you've survived hamster dance and all those other stupid shit internet fads from yesteryear.

You know this isn't going to stop those nigerians. They'll still be spamming the shit out of you trying to scam money out of your bank account. So I'm not sure how you can actually enforce this. Then again, it wont survive long any way. So what does it matter.

Just as long as this means that I don't get in trouble for telling the car warranty telemarketer that called me this morning to "Suck my balls". Then I'm alright with it.

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