Monday, August 10, 2009

Defending The Twilight

Defending The Twilight

I have to say that I hate the fandom of Twilight. It's like a mixture of Titanic and Star Wars. Only not the original trilogy Star Wars. More like the prequels. In that it was fun for those new to the franchise and young at the time type of people, but everyone else really hated it. Which makes sense. I mean, there is a nerd hierarchy in place here. What the current standings are, I do not know. All I know is that I paid my dues and I out rank most of them. Yup, king of the mountain on this empire of shit.

I'll admit it. I watched the first Twilight movie. It was about vampires, I figured why not. It also helped that I watched the Riftrax version of it. Which is the fine folks from Mystery Science Theater 3000 making fun of the movie the whole way through. In all honesty, that was the only way I would be able to make it through the entire thing without killing myself.

God, what an awful movie. It was poorly directed, poorly written, poorly acted. The vampire mythos really got a stake driven into its heart because of it. Glittery vampires in the sun instead of burning up? What the hell?! What is this gay shit?

I mean, I can't say that Anne Rice's Vampire stories were any more manlier. They had gay vampires and did you see Brad Pitt in that film? He must have been taking it up the kiester right there and then! But at least they don't glitter and sparkle in the sunlight. What the hell is up with that bullshit? Vampires should burn in the sun. Not be a case where they look like they got into a fight with an arts and crafts basket. That's the biggest downfall to this whole Twilight thing, the future of Vampires will be determined by these tweens.

Which will be soon as there's a new Twilight movie coming out. I could research WHEN it does come out, but since I don't give a fuck and I'll more than likely realize it when the lines start forming around the block at a local theater for it, I'll just say within some time in the future. To witness how poorly acted this one will be, here's a little snippet from Comic con

That was some terrible acting. And what is up with the teenage ripping off his shirt every chance he gets. I suppose if I had a set of wash board abs and peaks that never stop, I would be showing it off to everyone as well. And while I can't complain about the romance between human/freak creature in these films because I am a fan of buffy and she not only hooked up with one but two vamppires, I'm sure she would have some self control and not date Edward. I suppose that leaves it up to Dawn to date Eddie before they split it off and he went to a different city where he opened up a P.I. Business. Right?

But then I'm reminded of the nerd food chain again by none other than Kevin Smith.

Who makes a valid point. While I may not enjoy any of these fruits of labor from the nerd pilgrimage of new vampire fans that spawn from Twilight.. What with their potential leather and gothy latex fetish when they become of legal age, I suppose I can thank the nerd works of Joss Whedon for what I have today. Thanks Joss! I'm sure I'll high five you the next time I see you.. which I think has been overdue for a while. Last time was at the Serenity screening.

It's true though. These sorts of films may be god awful, but they plant the seeds of nerdom in the youth and that's a good thing. Yes, it may be something I look down to right now, but unlike pot, this is a gate way drug into the nerd world. So I'll welcome Twilight with a hand shake into the world of Comic con. It may have ruined the show for anyone trying to get into Hall H and I'll never make the mistake of seeing any of the films from the franchise, it still introduces new nerds into the fold here. Much like Chris Rock on the whole O.J. Simpson situation, I'm not saying I would watch this shit... but I can understand.

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