Saturday, February 6, 2010

That Time of The Month? Get Yourself an iPad

That Time of The Month? Get Yourself an iPad

Well, it's been announced and to be honest, there hasn't been this much hype about a tablet since Moses came down with what he believed was some words from god. But here we are now worshiping something that Steve Jobs is now declaring the holy bible of electronics. The iPad. So what will the iPad do? Let's see;

- Will cause rich white Americans to wait in line for multiple days so that they can give Apple money for another tech boondoggle

- Will be a source of "employment" for poor Chinese girls

- The cultural effects will be vastly overstated

- Will be replaced with a newer, slightly better version in 1.5 years

I mean, finally, the impaired functionality of an MP3 player with all the inconvenience of a laptop without a keyboard! Why didn't I think of that? American ingenuity: Let's make something bigger and call it improved! Not to mention the name itself. I dislike the name. Mainly because it sounds way to close to iPod so I'm catching myself saying iPod when I'm talking about the iPad.

My friend put everything he had into Apple stock back in March last year when it crashed to $84. I thought it would be years before it bounced back but here we are, 10 months later, and it is going to hit $225 today. Unfuckingbelievable. So who knows what it will be in another 6 months.

The problem with apple is that they throw a lot of shit at the wall, mot of which falls off. But what does stick ends up fossilized and resistant to the sharpest chisel. We won't really know until it kicks around in the wild for a few months and legions of greedy iPhone junkies scramble for a fresh application market to take a share of to see if they're actually hit on something not immediately obvious or if it's another fad item.

Even Pee-Wee has got in on the action on the iPad
I'm sure there will be an alternative device that is cheaper and does everything better, same with every apple product. Or at the very least I'm going to wait 2 years and buy one with triple the storage and it will be 5x faster. For the most part, Apple products are for people that don't know how to use computers all that well. Once they switched to Foxcoon and intel, they lost any reason to buy them.

I just don't understand why I would want a tablet computer. So you can touch it with your fingers? I guess most nerds will enjoy that since no women will ever allow any of us to do. Who am I kidding, I want an iphone. The phone I have currently is one I bought used after the one Verizon gave me broke.

So perhaps this is a good thing. Nothing like a new product so everyone who has an iPhone who wants a shiny new toy will make the value of them sought after iPhones to go down. Besides that, I could wait it out. Like I said, I'm on Verizon and as much as I hate the service, it's still a lot better coverage. I'm sure that AT&T will give up their hold on the iPhones, especially since technology is growing at a faster speed and the newer phones seem to make the old iPhone look out dated. Which makes my phone look like dirt.

But it does seem like a new iPhone is set to release this summer and AT&T hasn't renewed its contract. So maybe.. just maybe. It's only a matter of time before I see people walking around with iPads next to their ears listening to new music..

What's this mean? You'll see long ass lines in front of Apple stores. Usually I avoid the apple store unless my ipod is completely busted. But then again, that's technology for you. It'll just be easier to avoid those morons who are walking around with a big electronic tablet. I mean, how much of an asshole do you have to be? Want a huge thing like that? Just get a laptop. Oooh, I'm sorry, your lamp is too warm.. Poor baby!

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