This isn't coming from any bitter position. I've actually had a lot of Valentines dates in my days, I'm even in a loving very happy relationship right now. It's just that the whole reasoning and even the logic behind Valentine's day is just silly and it doesn't really represent much in the long term. It's simply me pointing out the clear ways that Valentine's day is such a stupid holiday. It's one of those that most guys believe they need to take part of, not because they actually care, but because they believe that in order to continue getting laid they need to make reservations in an overcrowded restaurant, get a dozen roses, a cheap Hallmark card and perhaps buy a bottle of champagne.
This is mostly an act. They don't really care, if they did, you wouldn't have to tell them to get you any one of those things on a specific day, they would get you them anyway. Flowers? Not only are they ten times more expensive on Valentines day, but it's such a cliche. Though I did already cover that aspect of it in the blog post of a couple of days ago. But think about it for a second. Do you really want something that is forced?
What does that say about the person who is with you? Wouldn't it mean a whole lot more getting them on a day that doesn't have everyone else receiving the same gift? If you actually believe you need to go through the motions on Valentines day and buy that shit then I feel bad for you. Ugh, that is not for me.
If you have to wine and dine them, give them foot rubs, massage them, shower them with flowers and gifts, spend a lot of money on them or any of those other admissions to get "in the door" then how worth it is it really? It's pretty clear that they're not really sexually attracted to you. "I can't have sex with you unless you wine and dine me." or something like "I'm not going to have sex with you till you rub my back." is utterly depressing to hear as a man and you shouldn't have to listen to that. That's a person's way of trying to delay the inevitable.
What they are saying in that is that they don't actually want to, or at least don't like to have sex with you. That in itself there is really very little enjoyment out of it that you need to barter with them into exchanging something they do actually enjoy, a back massage, for what you enjoy.. them laying there with their legs open waiting for you to finish already.
That in itself is a pretty big red flag that you should be noticing and getting the fuck out of that relationship. Would you rather take someone to a baseball game that will enjoy the game, pay attention to the score and get pumped when your team wins or would you rather take someone who is just going to sit there and wait for it to end? Exactly, life is more fun when you are sharing a common interest and if someone wouldn't do something you want (in this example sex) then what's the point of being with them?
So for any of you who are in a relationship where you feel like you're bargaining for sex.. or for anything that you need -be it flowers every once in a while or a gesture that you're beautiful still- Get out now! Why waste time with someone who is going through the motions when you can find someone else who will be more than happy to enjoy said motions (or whatever it is) with you?
What the hell is Valentines day anyway? It's yet another Christian piggy backing on a Pagan holiday. In this case it's the pagan fertility festival called Lupercalia. This celebration was marked in a subtly different way in those early days before the religious right took it over. According to National Geographic, in ancient Rome the 13th, 14th and 15th of February would have this celebration where young men would strip naked and use goat or dog-skin whips to spank the asses of young women in order to improve their fertility.
Then like it typically happens, the Christians latched themselves onto the party like some loser friend that just tags along to whatever cool event you are going to. In this case they used the deaths of two guys named Valentine to justify their whole deal. First off, Valentine of Terni who was martyred in the reign of Emperor Aurelian. Little is know about his life other than he was made a Bishop of Interamna (now Terni) and died not too long after he was imprisoned, tortured and beheaded on the Via Flaminia in Rome for his Christianity by the order of a Roman prefect.
Then another Christian, Valentine of Rome, who was also martyred, but this time under Emperor Claudius. He was arrested for giving aid to prisoners. While in jail, he is said to have converted his jailer by healing his blind daughter's sight. And according to another another version of this story he fell in love with the daughter, sending her a note saying "From your Valentine". Hall mark clearly ran with this one.
The most absurd of the stories is that Claudius was claimed to have banned young men from marrying, so that they would make better soldiers, and Valentine was arrested for secretly carrying out weddings. He was also killed and like the previous Valentine of Rome, he supposedly died on February 14th.
In AD 496 Pope Gelasius declared it to be St. Valentine's Day. A day for Christians to feast and enjoy.. which is clearly just him figuring out that the only way to beat them was to join them as Lupercalia was still popular at the time. And that's how we have Valentine's Day. Hardly any of those non-pagan ones sound even remotely romantic. Neither of which really calls for going out to eat for a high price. Which gets me to the whole eating out on this day.
Reservations to a favorite restaurant? What's the point? Restaurants already know that every rube comes out on Valentines day and so they can set up a pre-fixed menu that you're limited in selecting at a far greater price than if you went there any other day of the year. Not to mention that you'll be around a lot of people who don't normally eat out and don't have extremely high expectations out of their once-a-year outing. Do you want to experience your wait staff stressed out by that?
Then there's the gifts. Generally girls don't give guys a gift anyway. They usually use the excuse of sex as what they're giving them and like I said above, if you're gift is getting sex, what's so special about it considering you should be getting sex in a committed relationship anyway. If you aren't having sex than you should get out. So then what does one get the male for the day?
We all know that women are looking forward to the flowers, the jewelry, the chocolates and all that jazz, what do you get a guy for Valentine's day? I mean, it's a two way street, right? You really can't expect them to show you their affection without exchanging it in return. I guess this one falls back to being difficult to shop for. I typically get this asked;
"I want to buy you something you wouldn't buy yourself"... Um, if I wouldn't buy for myself then why would I want it. See, this is what I don't like.. the lack of thought. I think if you're going to get someone something, just take that leap of faith at the store on what you think they may like and go for it. Isn't that what the whole purpose of giving someone something? The thought that counts...
So on this Valentine's Day.. I wish you nothing more than Happy Chinese New Years.