Monday, February 1, 2010

What's The Deal With Sex Tapes?

What's The Deal With Sex Tapes?

Oh John Edwards, what a piece of work you are.. Did you here the latest? Not only did he admit to being the father, but he also has some video sex tape out.
Sources have told us that, in the throes of their affair, John Edwards and Rielle Hunter made a sex tape that contains "several sex acts." And that his aide, Andrew Young found it on an unmarked DVD.

The tape, say both our sources, is explicit and reveals that Edwards "is physically very striking, in a certain area. Everyone who sees it says 'whoa'. She's behind the camera at first."

When rumors of the affair first broke Young was so loyal to Edwards that he pretended that he was the father of Hunter's daughter Frances Quinn, now 2. But part of Young's disillusionment with the 2004 vice presidential candidate and 2008 candidate came one day as he went through a stack of DVDs at Rielle Hunter's house.

It was this betrayal that prompted Young to write his tell-all book, The Politician, out February 2. Background: The New York Daily News reported last June that Young mentioned the existence of the tape in his book proposal. It's expected that he'll reveal further details in that story, and in the 20/20 interview to promote it, to air on Friday. "It [the tape] was kind of the last straw for people who had sacrificed savings and jobs to lie for John," said one of our sources. "You should expect to see plenty more stories about him coming out of the woodwork when more people realize how... complicated... his motivations were."

Up until he discovered the DVD, says one of our sources, Young's devotion was typical of the "cultish" fervor Edwards brought out in his staffers. This is why, says our source, who is close to Hunter, major media organizations could not stand up the affair story despite well-intentioned efforts. "They [staffers] would do anything to stop it coming out — they lied, they bullied, they called reporters' editors and bad-mouthed them, they exchanged access."

We haven't seen the tape ourselves, so if anyone has a copy they'd like to share, please get in touch.
John Edwards had a bastard child due to unprotected sex. If only that CVS had had a 10-gallon jimmy hat! Most of all, if you're John Edwards why would you think it's a good idea to just leave a sex tape sitting around in the boxes your assistant is organizing? I'm surprised he wasn't elected. It's pretty clear that he's a normal idiot just like you and me! Even more so than Mr. Scott "I have a pick-up truck" Brown.

I just wonder if having a huge dick makes you more or less electable? I suppose I shouldn't be surprise that Edwards has a sex tape. His mistress was a videographer, so it does make sense. But still, I never had the urge to film myself. yeah, it's sometimes a turn on to watch myself while fucking in the mirror, the reflection of the window or maybe their open compact on the dresser and I'll be like "Heh, who is that handsome man plowing a woman he doesn't love? Oh yeah, that's right. It's me!" Booooyah! But I'm not getting the camera any time soon.

"Big Dick" Edwards hints at the national endowment...

"Help is on the way"

Since we're in the first day of Black History month.. which is overshadowed by some stupid corporate holiday in the middle of the month, I should point out before Valentines day that sex tapes are stupid. Sex tapes are really retarded and there's nothing erotic about the idea. Why the fuck do people make them? How else am I suppose to share the moment of conception with my children when they are older?

It's not even like you can tape yourself having sex and have it come up in any positive situation. You're not going to enjoy watching them with the family. You're not going to look back at it when it's a cold night and your lover is on the high seas or away protecting our freedoms. There's really no reason for a sex tape to exist.

How big?

"Famous people" probably aren't any more likely than non-famous people to get an urge to film themselves. It's just that when famous people do it, the media makes you aware of it. God only knows how many million people have filmed themselves fucking since the invention of the personal video camera and the ease that cameras have been added to our phones. Nothing like seeing poor quality home made porn on your iPhone.

Maybe these stars are so used to having cameras in their faces that they can't perform without it. I really don't see any other reason why you would need a sex tape of yourself around or a camera for when you're fucking. To get a real good camera angle you need a third person and from personal experience, having people watch you fuck is always a little awkward. Otherwise you're just going to have some really unattractive stand still shot of, like, your balls. At which point, it could be anyone's ass hole and balls meeting in a clapping manner.

In fact, there's really only one reason to make and keep a sex tape and that's so you can potentially fuck over your ex if the break up goes bad. But really, that's the only reason and naked pictures of yourself seem to be the much simpler example of that. Lots of people film themselves having sex, usually because you know it is going to end some day and you want to keep a tape as blackmail/ to masturbate over.

It's clear that men like to have leverage over women and since everyone calls women in sex tapes sluts and stuff, they use it as a shame-based bargaining chip. At this point, if you haven't filmed yourself having sex and put it on the internet yet, then stop reading this at once, go do that. I'm sure you'll realize how much shame it brings you via that action.

Maybe you would film yourself for proof. Like if you're with a really really hot chick that you know your buddies wont believe you if you told them you were fucking this girl. I suppose that would make some sense. Then again, you would have to figure out how to fool the girl into actually letting you film the sex, right?

But for someone like John Edwards was getting into a tall-tale challenge with some friends of his and he was like "Well once I had sex with another woman while my wife was out of commission with Cancer" and they're like "Oh no way man, no way you did that, that shit is awful" and then he's like "No that's the real deal look I got this unmarked DVD to prove it". That's what I thought..

Then again, how many people are famous because they made a sex tape. I'm pretty sure that we know the Hilton name because of the Hotel chain, not because some thin as paper slut decided to make a green lit porno that you have to be morbid to jerk off to. What are you into, martians? Why can't there be cool sex tapes? Where the hell is my Kat Perry sex tape. How can we get a John Edwards sex tape and not have a Katty Perry one?

If you want to stop sleeping, watch any part of Tonya Harding's sex tape. The complete lack of expression on the dude's face at any time in the film is horrifying and you have to wonder if he's simply in utter pain while having sex with her. Either that or trying to set his fantasy football team roster.

Either way, I'm not sure how to close this article off but with the simple logic on why you should never ever make a home made porn/sex tape. Just take a look on google for home made porn. Endless amounts of faces of girls with no names sucking and taking on faceless cocks.. Yeah, it's pretty much the future of your poorly done sex tape. Is there a benefit to this whole action? Hmm. I dunno. Maybe it will turn you on with the idea that there's hidden eyes watching you. Maybe not. But for fucks sake don't leave your sex tape/dirty pictures laying around. What kind of moron are you?

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