Mother's Day

Mother's Day

I can't say I'm a fan of holidays. You know how I feel - I don't think you should just celebrate things once a year. Especially things like your mother. But sure enough you'll find yourself come Sunday taking your mom out to dinner or something. Yes, that's right. Mother's day is just a few days away

Going out on Mother's Day for dinner is really stupid, it's always a lame prefix menu that's "just okay", even at nice restaurants. Yeah, sure. Your mom deserves to be taken to a nice restaurant as she spent 9 months feeding you while she was carrying you in her belly. The least you could do is feed her for an hour or two, right?



But chances are you're not going somewhere nice. Chances are you're going to be at the Olive Garden. Better be calling them up right now. That bitch is going to be busy. Make your reservations now so you don't have to wait 45 minutes. I hope, for your sake, that they don't run out of unlimited salad and bread bowls.

Pfft, don't act like you aren't going to get your mom a stupid card and take her out to the Olive Garden.... or Spaghetti Warehouse or Chelino's or Red Lobster just like everyone else and if ou say you aren't, you're a cold stone liar.



The argument that she really shouldn't be celebrated for doing anything more than fulfilling the responsibility she assumed by selfishly, presumptuously inflicting existence on you. Not to mention inflicting your existence on all of us as well.

I also don't see how buying a meal in any way shows any sign of favor or gratitude to someone. People chastise parents for not spending time with their kids and just buying them things to make them happy. I don't see how the same can't be true when reversed. Kids, when capable, shouldn't think it's any better to just buy something for mom/dad on that day and expect it to have any significance.


As long as you aren't this dude, your mom is happy every day of the year.

It just ends up being a day to support hallmark. I'm sure that form of socialized commerce will prove to your mother that you are a good son. Why don't you just stock up on cards that say

"Happy Mother's/Father's day. Congratulations for not failing to raise a child you made the decision to create and assume responsibility for."

That way you're prepared for the many many holidays in the coming years. Maybe a good mother's day trip would be to go hang out at a strip club and look at all the people who had worse parents than you. Unless, of course, you work or actively visit strip clubs.



I think the nail in the coffin for me is the fact that the woman who pushed for mothers day to become a recognized holiday died fighting to revoke it, because even she realized that it has become a bullshit hallmark holiday. Don't believe me?

By the 1920s, Anna Jarvis had become soured by the commercialization of the holiday. She incorporated herself as the Mother’s Day International Association, trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and was once arrested for disturbing the peace. She and her sister Ellsinore spent their family inheritance campaigning against the holiday. Both died in poverty.

Yeah, if that doesn't tell you something. I mean, the guy who invented the atomic bomb regretted it after. Anna Jarvis was in that same vain. So hey, enjoy taking your mom out for the annual Olive Garden dinner you dumbass.

Fuck it, celebrate mother's day. Like I care. Here's one more song...

Ringing a Bell For Sebastien

Ringing a Bell For Sebastien

I shouldn't be surprised. I sort of prepared for this three years ago when our paths first crossed and I decided to give a stray cat some food. I should know better - the life expectancy of a feral cat that survives as a kitten is less than two years, while a house cat usually lives anywhere between 15 to 20 years. It's just realistic facts.

When I first came across 'Bastien I was already feeding another stray cat I named Charlie. Charlie looked like he was about two days away from death of starvation and roaming the streets. I just felt compelled to feed him. He got close to me because of that hunger. I guess Sebastien saw that one cat trusted me and he was getting food and he made his way towards begging for food as well.



He didn't look as starved, though he was a very fluffy cat, so I couldn't really tell. Poor little dude had a lot of hair. During the winter he would be tangled up with leaves and just about anything else. But they both sort of hung around and accepted each other and didn't fight or anything. They figure that there's enough food for both of them and just sort of chilled around the area come night time.

So I had these two cats. Sebastien already seemed like an adult cat. He must have been at least a year or two by the time he came into my world. Charlie looked younger.. or at least he looked more in need of help from food. I wanted to eventually see if they would be indoor cats so I could adopt them. Charlie liked sleeping and hanging out inside but once it got dark he was at the door and wanting to get out badly. Sebastien did not want to be inside at all. He freaked the hell out and did not like being an inside cat.


Charlie and Sebastien

My best guess was that he was traumatized somehow. He had to be someone's pet that they didn't want or they abused before as he could potentially be high maintenance to keep clean and all that. So I gave up on the idea of domesticating them. They were going to be feral and with that came the idea that something bad would happen to them causing their lives to be cut short.

One night I went out to put some food out and found Charlie dead from a dog mauling on the side walk. I was horrirfied. It was not a pretty sight and I had grown attached to the cats. I cleaned it up and buried Charlie in the island in the middle of the road near where he would always hang around. I tried to clean the blood off the floor with some water but later when Bastien showed up, he knew something was up. He sniffed the floor and I could tell he was shaken up. Even though he didn't see the body, he smelled the blood and I suppose scent and was on the ground. Bastien was rolling in it and was def. in some sort of angry mood as to what had happened.



I felt terrible because, as I've written about Charlie before, he was sort of MY cat in that he claimed ownership of me and followed me around. Having given them the chance to be indoor cats and them refusing, I didn't know what I could do. Sebastien took some time to come back to normal and was never really the same. Very hesitant and very scared towards people. Which was a good thing. Having me feed them really did make them trust people more and not everyone has their best interest.

Then there was times when he would go missing for a week or two. Off on some strange adventure or seeking a mate. I don't know. I would worry that he died somewhere but then a couple of days later he would come back. Often times injured. Often times with a limp or some cut. But he knew that he could count of the food always being there.



Eventually he got into better moods to how he was before Charlie died. He would roll over and expose his belly to get belly rubs and would squirm around all content like. Time was really showing on him. He had this ragged look on his face that matched how beat up he was. He was constantly walking with a limp. Though it seemed like he would hang out in the back of my place a lot. Just chilling there under all the brush.

I would occasionally break the night tradition and if I saw him during the day I would take him a can of cat food and he would be pretty damn happy about it. Sort of just had him around. If he wasn't going to be an indoor pet, I would at least make sure that he could have the freedom to do what he wanted without the concern on where his food was coming from.



So when I went outside to drive to work today and I saw a cat in the road... well, my heart sank like a stone. I've gotten this scare once before. A white-ish cat a couple of blocks down. I had to do at least a double take to see if it was Bastien before. This time I knew it was him from the matted fur. I have no idea why he would go out to the road. There was nothing that ever really caused him to cross the street, really.

I dropped everything, grabbed a shovel and picked him out of there. I tell myself that at least it was quick. I tell myself that he lived at least 3 years without the worry of who would feed him or finding food. Yeah, there was a couple of weeks when I didn't see him and I got it in my mind that he died somewhere. At least now I know. At least I know for sure what happened and I'm not going to be spending nights wondering if he's okay...



I buried him out in the back where I would always be able to see him during the day just lounging about. I figured it was the best thing to do. Really just feeling a bit down from all this. And yes, I did name him Sebastien because of the band. Piss off! I like the music and even if it makes me emo, I don't care. He just reminded me of the band or something.



It really doesn't help that it is Be Kind To Animals Week

Join the event that’s been celebrated every year since 1915 -- American Humane’s Be Kind to Animals Week. In this annual tradition, we commemorate the role animals play in our lives, promote ways to continue to treat them humanely, and encourage others, especially children, to do the same.

Be Kind to Animals Week is celebrated with shelter information and resources, special American Humane merchandise, and the annual Be Kind to Animals™ Kid Contest that recognizes children who go above and beyond to create a better world for animals.

Yeah.. make me feel better, why don't you, news article. Perhaps it should be common practice to celebrate and have the mentality to be kind to all animals every day of the year. Not just one week. I guess the idea that Sebastien did live a much longer life than the average street cat brings comfort. At least 3 and some years with me and who knows how long before that. He looked beyond beat up. Limping and his face was always in a state of raggedness.

I'll miss the little guy. It's not to say that there aren't plenty of other stray cats out there. Yeah, I seem to never run out of them to feed. But it's just a bit saddening to think that the second cat that I opened up to here has passed away. I knew this day would come since I started feeding them..

RIP
Sebastien
??? - 2010

Cinco De Mayo

Cinco De Mayo

First off, here's a little Cinco de Mayo message;


But that leads to another hot topic issue.. What to do about illegal aliens. Cause hey, we know that they sure as hell celebrate May 5th in Mexico... oh wait, no, they generally don't. It's one of those white people holidays to sell more beer and get Brad and Chad to eat a taco.

It is one of those useless holidays that seems to be pushed more so by the media to sell chips, salsa and other cliche gimmick shit. As well as provide an excuse for excess drinking and arrest towards those who are light weight drinkers that was to be cool and join in on the Mexican festivities. It's no better than St. Paddy's day. Kiss me, I'm brown!



Someone recently asked me if I can explain why illegal immigrants deserve amnesty. It's simple. If Capital can cross borders, so can we. NAFTA and similar trade agreements enable capital to freely cross borders, but places restrictions on labor doing the same thing, which necessarily grants more power to the owner of capital than to the producers of labor and encourages the stratification of wealth.

We also stand to gain more from taxing them as legal citizens than spending a large amount of money rounding them up and deporting them all. How much can be saved by not dealing with the massive construction of a wall separating the two sides as it is being discussed?

Even if we somehow did manage to deport all the illegal immigrants here, our economy would shrink noticeably. If you have to choose between having illegal immigrants living in fear, being exploited with no safeguards to their even basic human rights, and having them here as legal citizens, paying taxes and more easily being able to use social services, which would you choose?



What was the expression? Give me your tired, poor, wretched masses.. but only if you are a skilled laborer with a degree, or married to a lawful resident.

I find it comical and strange how the same people who harp on about the free market also believe that there is something wrong with jobs being done better and for less. Perhaps it's because the free market doesn't really exist. In reality, the free market is basically the best argument for 100% free and open borders.

It's counter productive to punish people, and spend a lot of money doing so, for helping your economy. Illegal aliens don't DESERVE amnesty, it's just the smart thing to do. Perhaps we should repeal the emergency Quota Act.

Go Green Or Go Home!

Go Green Or Go Home!

I think I already used the whole Kermit "It aint easy being green" witty title last year, so let's just roll with this one. A week and a half ago was Earth Day, if you actually care about that. What does that mean? Much like Mother's day (May 9th) you needed to call up Earth and thank it for letting you live on it. You need not send flowers, it grows its own.

So the question comes up as to what exactly you did to celebrate Earth Day. How exactly did you go green and what are you doing a week and some change later to maintain that green going? Me for example, I have being doing the following:

Showered in a low flow shower

Took a dump in a low flow toilet

Wore a green lantern shirt

Used a canvas bag while I shopped at the Farmer's Market.

All things that promote the whole greenness and what not. But perhaps we should think of more ways to help the environment in the future. It is all about thinking of new energy sources, right?



Oh.... so oil rigs today generally don't cause spills. That's good to know Mr. Obama. So what Sarah Palin has been saying all along about drilling for oil isn't too bad? Hmm I suppose I can live with tha..... what's this?

Eighteen days later, the Deepwater Horizon rig operated by BP America 41 miles of the Louisiana coast exploded. The giant spill has not yet reached the beaches of the Gulf Coast, and there is a chance the damage can be limited by setting some of the oil ablaze.

Obama’s claim that oil rigs did not cause any spills during Hurricane Katrina is simply false, as the Wonk Room reported in June, 2008, when Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and other conservatives made the same false claim:

quote:

Hurricanes Katrina and Rita Caused 124 Offshore Spills For A Total Of 743,700 Gallons. 554,400 gallons were crude oil and condensate from platforms, rigs and pipelines, and 189,000 gallons were refined products from platforms and rigs. [MMS, 1/22/07]

Hurricanes Katrina and Rita Caused Six Offshore Spills Of 42,000 Gallons Or Greater. The largest of these was 152,250 gallons, well over the 100,000 gallon threshhold considered a “major spill.” [MMS, 5/1/06]P

On April 23, three days after the rig caught fire, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said Obama’s support for offshore drilling was unchanged.

Now I'm fully aware that Sarah Palin and other republicans are far worse with the Drill, Baby, Drill mentality, but I just need to focus on this because Obama has been our "hope that we could believe". In this matter, Obama lied, Dolphins died!


Oh yeah, just put more water on the oil...

Not more than 2 weeks after saying drilling for oil is not dangerous to the environment we get a massive oil spill that has pretty much spelled doom for the Gulf Coast. Though, I suppose we are all at fault here. If we didn't have such a chemical dependency on oil to drive our society, it wouldn't have much of a need to crank out so much oil.

Major blame can go towards BOP as it didn't work. Which is a multi-million dollar piece of kit at the bottom of the ocean that's designed as a pair of hydraulic plates to close off the well by cutting the drill pipe if necessary. They pressed the big red button and nothing happened. Which in regulatory terms means that the 'oh shit' button of last resort can be as unreliable for unknown reasons as the system itself. Which is always a great piece of mind to have.



So now they have to drill down a side wall starting three thousand feet below sea level, pour concrete in and hope they can close off the oil leakage. Oh, it'll only take two months or so, no biggie.

As a friendly reminder that no one gives a shit. Remember that a jury hit Exxon Mobil with billions in punitive damages for the valdez spill, and then after a decade of appeals the supreme court reduced it to a tiny fraction of quarterly revenue. BP quarterly revenue is right around 10 billion right now. There will be no meaningful consequences to this whole mess.

As much as I would like this incident to at least bring awareness to the American people to their senses regarding offshore drilling and sustainability, literally nobody gives a shit. You could serve fried chunks of burnt pipe in a drilling fluid sauce as an appetizer at Razzoos and nobody would fucking care.



But for those who do, here's some boring numbers, please just scroll by if you're not a math professor:

- 50% of shrimp catch comes from the affected area.

- 70% of north American migratory waterfowl species use this as a prime wintering spot; now is also peak migration for neotropical birds landing from across the golfo de mexicanico. so about 25 million birds are going plip plop into the oil each daily

- The exploded rig is one of about 4000 off the coast of Louisiana, about 4000 of which don't have emergency shutoff gear / equip slots (or are affected by class restrictions) so, odds are passing fair that this may happen again

- At least 2 presidents have publicly underestimated/downplayed the volume of this spill; the organizations they chair range in acronym length from "BP" to "USA". coincidentally this is the number of presidents who are stinky jerks

Especially tragic is that emergency shrimping season opened to allow a final over harvesting before poison wipes out the remnants of shrimp culture as we know it. BP stock fell 2 whole percent when the news came out and should be dropping faster than the rock they plan to put over the hole. So at least the market is meting out justice...

I'm not gonna compare this to rape because that's not very feminist like, but it does conjure a metaphor of the forced penetration of mother earth (personified). Suffice to say, the Gulf Coast is pretty much fucked and Florida could be really screwed over considering the way the water flows there.



So far 9 million barrels have already spilled covering 6000 square km, so if the entire 3 billion barrels this well holds, it will cover the whole gulf of Mexico, which is 1.6 million square km. The perfect storm, and frankly, as much as I like people, I have to side with mother nature on this one.... I just hope that a hurricane comes, lifts up the oil soaked water and at the same time of it being rained down on America, gets lit on fire. How else would we know of the coming Ragnarok?

I'm sure I'll write more about this in the future. I just want to say one thing.. BAD AMERICA! BAD! Fuck you Sarah Palin. Fuck you Big Oil. Fuck this world.

Huzzah! - Ren Faire Fun!

Huzzah! - Ren Faire Fun!

It's been about five years since I posted this piece, but since it's Monday, and my view point towards this day fall along party lines of a certain Lasagna eating Cat, I'm just going to be a lazy ass and post this. Besides, it's pertinent given that I know one friend who did go to the Ren Faire this past weekend. So I updated it a little and felt lazy so didn't write a whole new blog. Enjoy

For those of you who are like me, living a sad, trivial existence revolving around what sort of Hot Pocket you will be consuming on a particular evening and watching reruns of House while organizing my comic collection - The Renaissance festival is the most exciting event of the entire year. Well, besides comic con, of course. It's a melting of history and fantasy enthusiasts all coming together from and crawling out from their black lighted basements to partake in the merry festivities where the air is filled with laughter, the smell of dung, and the ring of cash registers. Many of those dressing up see the festival as an outlet to express themselves through frilly clothing and horrible British accents. You have to remember that while there are those who go to Ren Faires in normal modern street clothes, such as myself, these places swarm with people who dress in full Renaissance regalia and whose primary concern while within the confines of the faire is to purchase more accessories for their Renaissance regalia.

The large motley rabbles of pseudo-historical exhibitionists freely roam the grounds of the fair, losing themselves in the atmosphere of wonder and awe. Indeed most of the festival-goers are fairly ignorant of any real history of the age, and as such think that 14th century England was a cheerful wonderland of dancing and dwarf tossing. There's no mention of war, diseases, poverty, and death. Yes, it was a great time for all, even with the infant mortality rate at a healthy 50%, and goblins eating all the May Day pudding. You could walk down the street and be sassed from all directions for not spending money on games like "throw the piglet in the bucket", or watching a knight in his shiny armor seductively eating a corn dog the size of a turkey leg before the big joust. But there are many other highlights to the Renaissance as well that are located directly under this paragraph you are currently reading. Use your mystical modern day scroll button, you idiot.

Crowds
Nothing is better for getting into the spirit of the Renaissance festival than looking for a parking space for 2 hours and then wading through a sea of blubbery wenches, 90lb nerds in studded leather, and baby carriages filled with bawling feather-capped snotlings just to get to the ticket booth. By the time I actually get inside the festival, I'm ready to go home and hide from the brutal reality of stupid, fat hobbits, Last year I couldn't find a parking spot on the roped off, never-ending grassy field of cars, so I was forced to park near some apartment building with a bunch of other angry folks. Those angry folks being the apartment tenants who had to deal with a Ren-faire set up next door. After I was all blustery and sweaty from the day's events. I returned to my car with my arms full of useless tickets only to find that I was taken away by Ye Olde Tow Shoppe, and I was totally screwed, along with all the other fools that shared my fate. In the Renaissance days, stealing a man's horse would warrant a trip to the King's gallows, and the victim was even given a complementary hen for their troubles, but now you have to pick up your car for an outrageous fee and then give a hand job to the tow truck owner because you spent all your money at the festival. They call this progress? Also, I think every obese person should be issued a Rascal scooter by the U.S. government to keep a steady flow of Pedestrian traffic.

Spending Money
If you plan to fully enjoy the Renaissance festival experience, I recommend that you mortgage your house and sell your plasma for at least 6 months so you'll have the necessary funds for your enjoyment. This includes parking, price of admission, food, drinks, and the multitude of homemade crafts that are marked up 300% because they're made by authentic nerds in a tent. Something funny happens to you once you get to the festival and see all the crap that's for sale, and that 6th ale starts kicking in. I saw a ratty leather coat today that might have gone for a hundred to a hundred fifty bucks at a novelty clothing store. At the faire, it was priced at nine hundred dollars. Nine hundred dollars.

I've been on this planet for a little more than thirty years, and I have never spent nine hundred dollars on any single purchase ever. I should make it clear that I have been in possession of no less than four cars in that time, and I can still say I've never spent nine hundred dollars on anything. Use that to give you some perspective. Nonetheless, there are hordes of people who shell out their life savings to buy incredibly expensive clothing that they only wear to go to other Ren faires for the sole purpose of buying more incredibly expensive clothing. Clearly, this is not an environment inhabited by people with all their cylinders firing properly. It's no wonder that most of the common citizens of this age were crippled with poverty when a mere sausage costs $3 and a public flogging costs $5. I need to get a piece of this action and learn how to make wooden mugs or some shit.



Sass
The one thing that is most abundant at a Renaissance festival is unbridled sass. If there is a history lesson to be learned here is that everybody back must have teased each other mercilessly, probably because there was no TV yet or something. Every hired drama student/sandwich artist that works at the festival belts out personal insults at the passerby so they feel like they are really living in the Renaissance. I know if I spend $25 to get in, I expect a thorough sassing and will demand a refund unless I get called a "scrawny rapscallion" at least 5 times during the course of the day. Words were harsher in those times, and it toughened your hide so you could withstand arrows and vampire bites. Feelings are for 21st century wimps.

Bread Bowl
Step 1: Buy soup served in bowl made entirely out of bread.
Step 2: Consume soup.
Step 3. Are you ready for this? EAT THE FUCKING BOWL!

The bread bowl is the greatest invention known to man and the cornerstone of civilization. If I could find a local bakery that made bread bowls, I would never have to do dishes again. This is right up there with the giant turkey leg. No mess to clean up later. Well, besides the mess that is left on your clothing. Now if only they made some sort of chewable beer stein you could consume after drinking your ale. Trust me, glass does not go down easy.

Sponsorship
One would assume that any historical accurate festival like this that shows the youth how it was to live without their PSwii: 360 would pull in some real sponsors. Not for this Ren-fair. You only need thank Blizzard Entertainment for bringing you the ren-fair this year. If you weren't aware they are the makers of World Of Warcraft which is a Mass Multiplayer Online Game. I don't know about you, but when I think about outdoor events and socializing with strangers, I think about WoW. I may not recall my high school history that well and I'm sure I was trying to think of a way to ask Marisol out on a date while they taught us this. But it seems that during the time period, the king was known for passing out free demo cd-roms for their game about Elves and Orcs.



Jousting
Many think the highlight of the festival is the knights reenacting the most chivalrous sport of the era: jousting. Freud once said that "jousting is a metaphor for men that suffer from extreme penis envy, and have an innate desire to knock other men off horses with their penises." I don't know if I agree, but one thing is for sure, the fake jousting at the festival is really boring. I have a feeling that these guys don't have insurance, and are extremely overcautious when jousting. If you were an insurance company would you have a knight policy to cover these guys whose job is getting knocked off a horse with a large stick all day? So it always ends up with the two knights coming about five feet from each other and then running away. Watching my nephew play the Nintendo game Joust is more exciting than watching a couple clowns on horses just pass each other for an hour.

Normies
There are those who just go to enjoy the humorous accents and lively performances, but choose to stay firmly rooted in their own time period. These people can be distinguished by their T-shirts, blue jeans, cellular telephones, and vaguely detached smirks. They tend to make up a good portion of the crowd and are often seen as easy targets for performers looking to score some cheap laughs.

Renaissance Goths
Ren faires are typically bright, happy affairs. However, the Renaissance goths know that the Renaissance was only a time of joy and prosperity for a privileged few. The lower classes lived in squalor and servitude, fighting for survival against a constant onslaught of famine, cruelty, and plague. It was a black time for all, and dammit, somebody has to represent the truth! That's why the Renaissance goths will dress in only the blackest of medieval clothing, including capes made out of a cut up pleather trench-coat and genuine sixteenth century boots from Hot Topic. The Renaissance goths will generally find one another and brood together upon the bleakness of life somewhere near the food court, while the rest of the people enjoy the experience that twenty-five bucks for.



The Hardcores
The hardcore Ren faire patrons are the ones dressed better than the paid professional Renaissance actors. They've spent the last fifteen years perfecting the ultimate costume - the right tunic, the right chain mail, the right bracers, the right boots, the right headgear, the right crest, the right sword, the right plastic elf ears. Over the years, their obsession unites them, creating couples who then start coming in matched outfits. IF and when they manage to successfully spawn offspring, they will bring them along and dress them up as well. Beware of toddlers running around in authentic Renaissance outfits that cost more than your entire wardrobe.

I think that it may be precisely that reason that people who would not normally go anyplace public feel that the Ren faire is the perfect place to go. They figure, nobody there has any concept of what is normal and sensible to functional society, so who are they to judge how strange I am? That is why your average Ren faire attracts the most bizarre people on Earth. First you've got the ones who are just physically weird. These events call out the most oddly proportioned people you will ever see in one place in your life, with the possible exception of the Republican National Convention (see that? I'm lazy and topical!).

Sure, there are your typical skinny guys and fat people, but only at a Ren faire can you see a nine foot tall woman in a bustier with breasts that register on the radar of overhead aircraft. Due to the peculiar nature of the clothing worn by so many Renaissance enthusiasts, every ounce of fat on many of these people is squeezed into one section of their bodies, creating all sorts of strange, undulated bulges. And as a rule, we're talking about a good number of fat people here. Let's put it this way, I saw two separate women who were so morbidly obese that they couldn't move without the aid of ye olde electric wheelchairs. On an average day, I don't see any people who are too fat to sustain their own locomotion. Today I saw two. And one of them was wearing a corset, although I'm not sure if you can really call it a corset at that point. Your typical corset contracts the wearer's waist, forcing the chestral region upwards and outwards, creating the appearance of a large and heaving bosom. This particular garment wasn't contracting shit, and if it was, I can only assume that without the corset, this woman would have been so large that the light currently emanating from your computer screen would be sucked into her gravitational field.

Some of you may be asking "Hey Javi, why do you go to this event every year if you hate it so much? You are a stupid faggot." Well that is a valid point. I must admit that I have the memory of a goldfish and always buy a ticket without remembering what a horrible time I had the year before. Also, I can't stand to have money and will automatically spend all my hard earned savings on any shiny bauble or trinket that happens to strike my fancy. Like I said, all I have in life is watching Hiro save the cheerleader and likewise the world with his confident Japanese spunk and that ended earlier this week! The festival is all I have left, and nobody can take it from me.

Not-So-Happy-Meals

Not-So-Happy-Meals

Santa Clara County Bans Toys from Fast Food Restaurants... And really, I couldn't give a shit about it. I haven't gone to McDonalds for some time now and I'm sort of glad about it. I don't like their food and maybe the L.A. Times has a point -

It’s a sad day for Happy Meals in Santa Clara County

County officials vote to ban toys and other promotions that restaurants offer with high-calorie children’s meals.


By Sharon Bernstein, Los Angeles Times

April 28, 2010


Happy Meal toys and other promotions that come with high-calorie children's meals will soon be banned in parts of Santa Clara County unless the restaurants meet nutritional guidelines approved Tuesday by the county Board of Supervisors.

"This ordinance prevents restaurants from preying on children's' love of toys" to sell high-calorie, unhealthful food, said Supervisor Ken Yeager, who sponsored the measure. "This ordinance breaks the link between unhealthy food and prizes."

Voting against the measure was Supervisor Donald Gage, who said parents should be responsible for their children.

"If you can't control a 3-year-old child for a toy, God save you when they get to be teenagers," he said. Gage, who is overweight, said he was a living example of how obese children can become obese adults.

But he questioned the role of fast-food toys. "When I was growing up in Gilroy 65 years ago, there were no fast-food restaurants," Gage said.

The board, whose jurisdiction extends only to the unincorporated parts of the county, including much of Silicon Valley, voted 3 to 2 in favor of the ban after a contentious meeting that included more than an hour of testimony on both sides.

In favor of the item were public health administrators, parents and doctors; opposed were fast-food franchisees, other parents, and fans of fast-food toys who said the promotions are often used to provide Christmas presents for poor children.

Dr. Dan Delgado, director of a county program that targets childhood obesity, said the toys are a powerful lure for children, encouraging them to eat unhealthy food, which then helps cause obesity.

Delgado told the supervisors that parents who come into his clinic say they often buy Happy Meals and other fast food for their children because of the toys that are included. Delgado said that the obese children coming into his clinic include a 5-year-old with Type-2 diabetes.

But Steve Peat, who owns seven McDonald's franchises in Santa Clara and Santa Cruz counties, said he and his wife work hard to promote healthy lifestyles for children through their restaurants. Peat said that they have donated funds for children's sports and other activities, and recently won an award for community service from the McDonald's Corp.

The toys won't disappear right away.

As a compromise to win majority support, the five-member board agreed to put off implementing the measure for 90 days, to give the fast-food industry time to come up with a voluntary program for improving the nutritional value of children's meals.

My main thought here is that Santa Clara rules. Then again, I doubt this will do anything but whatever, fuck McDonalds. I was at a gas station/McDonalds one time to get gas and it was "Teachers day" which apparently means "make teachers stand behind the counter and hand out free unhealthy food to hordes of fat children". It was pretty sad when I thought about it pumping my gas.



It's surprising to think that it takes cheap trinkets to get people to eat fatty, calorie laden food. Usually that's the human impulse by default. And don't start calling McDonalds a restaurant. Restaurants bring food to your table. McDoanlds is just an assembly line, no more a culinary master than your local car factory line worker is a Engineer.

But then again, Kids want Happy Meals because they like crappy food, not just because it comes with a toy. I think that's just the icing on the mother fucking cake in this situation. Oh goodie, a toy from a show that has been marketed the fuck to my young demographics! How will I ever live with out it?

The main problem here is that we need much more comprehensive health and personal nutrition education in the school system. Unfortunately that kinda takes a back burner to necessities when you starve the fuck out of schools because 25% of your budget is spent on killing brown foreigners.



The Government food programs for schools was only initiated because the military that wants to kill browns said that the students coming out of public schools were too pussy to fight. So they wanted to toughen them up and put some meat on those bones. You went a little far, wouldn't you agree?

Then the may bad food so cheap. But hey, Poor people who just got off work want a big fucking bucket of fried chicken. Because this is America, and they have a right to. What other reasons does one need? Do you have a problem with that? Huh, buddy?

If you haven't watched Food Inc or read the Omnivore's dilemma, just stop reading this blog post and get the fuck over to some place you can watch and read that. Even though Omnivores is a bit Bougie-snobbery for my taste, it's still a good book with a fair amount of policy slant.



You know if I was in charge, I would ban food from having a brand identifiable container. Standardize containers and only have them say what it is and how many calories it is. Imagine, no more big macs, just 780 CALORIE HAMBURGER on the menu. What a glorious future that would be. Then again, calorie count is not really a great way to gauge the health effects of food. Maybe we should just force-feed everyone kale.

People just don't seem to look at nutrition facts. Most people don't even care what's in the ingredients or how many calories it is. I want how many calories in front of what the food is, the same size font or bigger than the name of the product itself. Like USDA commodity foods but with a huge fucking FATTY CALORIE COUNT in front, Stuff that just say BEANS and the like of which on the cans themselves.

In short, Fuck McDonalds.

Sonic Screw Driver

Sonic Screw Driver

It should come to no surprise to anyone that I am a nerd. Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a huge nerd. It's not like this is a shocking after all. I've already done a couple of post about Doctor Who with the premiere of the new season last month. And with that came new everything for the doctor... especially toys. Yes, if it was no surprise to see the reboot of the series in a sorts, it's easy to tell from the fact that there's a new Sonic Screw Driver and, well, I now have my own.

What's a sonic screw driver? and who would need one? Well, let's let the 9th Doctor answer that one.



Yes, it's the answer to any problem. A plot device for writers to both abuse and conveniently ignore when they need to. It can do it all. From make space whales throw up to pick a simple door... unless it was dead locked or something.

I was a pretty big fan of the 9th and 10th doctor's sonic screw driver. Enough so that I have my own pen that looks like it. Even writes inferred ink and junk. So what do I think of the new Sonic Screw Driver? I like it! It's neat, but it's a lot bigger than the past one. Yes, I enjoyed how compact the old one was, but there's something to be said with the new one that it actually looks like a prop you'd see on the show.



I've got now and I'm not sure what I will do with it. If the past sonic screw drivers are any indication, I'll just point it at things and make the noise sound effect. It wont do anything but it'll make me feel like I'm 5 years old again or something. Even if it's much bigger than the other screwdriver models, even the Master's Laser screwdriver, which I remember thinking was chunky looking at the time.

I did come up with a pretty good mix drink for Doctor Who. You go down to Sonic's and get an Orange Slush Float - Mix in some Vodka and you got yourself a Sonic Screw Driver. Make sure to put potato Vodka in it for that Scottish companion that is Amy and you got yourself some good times. It'll at least make Sonic's tolerable.. maybe.

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And before you say it, I will. It does look a little bit too phallic, right? Well, I guess that would be true if your penis has four prongs that spring open at the end... Oh wait, doesn't everyone? Oh, don't act like Doctor Who is innocent. You're telling me you didn't giggle a little when you first heard the Doctor describe the Tardis?

"Oh Doctor, it feels soo much bigger on the inside!"

Though this isn't the first time Doctor Who gets a little sexual. I had a blog post about Amy being too sexy a bit back. But come on, can we take a moment and look back at Love & Monsters? What a terrible terrible episode. I think the basic premise was pretty good. Focusing on a fairly ordinary person/group who encounters the Doctor and tries to find out more about him over time, showing a different perspective on previous events, and eventually stumbling into trouble of their own that ends with them finally getting to meet the Doctor. That could make for a good episode.. but it didn't. And since it's been done already, it never will.

But that wasn't the worse part about it. No, the worst part was the paving-brick blowjobs. That thing I just said, let's call it a distant second place. I can honestly say that I never wanted or even thought about a blow job from a chunk of sidewalk. Just imagine Torchwood got a hold of this story....



Actually don't. Ever

I'm really really liking the 11th Doctor thus far, but I'm finding it absolutely hilarious how quickly Moffat is distancing himself from RTD's run if you over analyze the hell out of it.
- Amy can't remember anything that happened during RTD times
- Moffat run has 'one ship survives' which fucks over EVERYTHING to do with Journey's End wiping them out (Yes yes I know the Daleks will always be about as a nemsis)
- The Dalek spaceship doesn't recognise RTD Daleks as 'pure' Daleks.
- Moffat Daleks disintegrate RTD Daleks.

It may be a bit looking too deep into it, but it's funny if you take a moment and think about it. In fact, the only thing that seems to have stayed the same was the monsters that Moffat created. The Weeping angels are one hell of a scary monster for the Doctor to face. But it's not like we haven't seen them before.. Just look at this Weeping Cat...



This week we finally get the resolution of the Weeping Angels two parter. I'm not even going to touch River Song cause, well.. I'm not sure how I feel about her and the smug satisfaction she has when she says "Spoilers". I'm hoping that eventually she isn't so smug. I mean, their meetings are out of order, so perhaps the more she appears, the less she will know.

But for those looking for those "Spoilers!", just click the following youtube links for a preview of the next episode.







BRING OUT the comfy chairs! and let's get some new Doctor Who playing. Booyah!