Friday, May 24, 2019



I'm just going to start this off by saying I generally don't see the point of myself watching any live action Disney movie remake of their animated projects. Why? Because it was never really targeted to me, someone who watched the animated version when it was released.

This is just a way to reintroduce their property to a new generation in theaters and that's fine. What isn't fine is that these live actions feel like I just wasted time watching an inferior version of the film that I remember. Then again, that's mostly due to nostalgia and all that bullshit.

Let's get started with the critiquing. The Genie played by Will Smith is... I mean, it's sometimes alright and then it's sometimes just crosses the line of all human decency and makes you wonder what the fuck were they thinking. I do have history with the man as I was almost run over by him on the studio lot this one time. So clearly he has been trying to kill me in one way or another for a long time coming now.  So from hell's heart I stab at thy.

in mecca saudi arabia born and raised

in the desert is where I spent most of my days

wishing out, lamping, relaxing all cool

and rubbin' on the lamp up inside of the tomb

when a dude named iago was up to no good

started makin trouble in the kingdomhood

I granted one little wish and aladdin got scared

and said "no more wishing on the blue genie we got here"

Now the more that I think about it, this film isn't really bad enough to warrant any hate. It's just a by-the-numbers, overly focus-grouped, unncecessary Disney live-action remake of a better movie. Nothing really offensive happens. Nothing interesting happens as well. It's like going to see folks sing karaoke. Not really seeing the real thing, but you get the idea.  It's ultimately forgettable.

 I'm Javier and I'll see you in the isle!

Thursday, May 23, 2019



Okay, so one of the themed drinks you can buy at Galaxies Edge is the famous Blue Milk Luke grew up drinking and the green milk he... well... he rather enjoyed in his final days on that island.

Oh man, what the fuck. I loved that seen so much, but it was strange....

Can't wait! Hope I can squeeze it out of the teat.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019



As a child I loved Zorro in my early years. He was great and I had this sort of obsession for all that. So seeing these old videos that Disneyland had Zorro just doing his thing, that just makes my heart smile.

Can we get that sort of thing back, Disney?

Saturday, May 18, 2019



A couple of weeks ago, good ol' T-swizzle dropped a banger and, well, I can't hide my feelings for it.

Look, maybe Swift is playing to my demographic - that is the demo that got out of a really long term relationship just a bit over a year ago. So, you know, I'm easily a target for her usual songs about heart scorn. But I don't even think that is it. No, you see, the music video had a color scheme that was so amazingly awesome that I wanted so much more. The pastel colors really worked with me and the outfit changes were well designed. Had a very Pushing Daisies sort of feel to it, which I do miss as a show.

Besides, the message is pretty solid that one feels when they're jilted that one will never find someone out there like themselves. I mean, that could be taken two ways that if you wanted to get away from someone that you felt was toxic, I guess that's good you'll never find another like oneself. But I mean, it's pretty clear the message of this one is I'm fucking awesome, fuck you. And well, I can get behind on that with ease.

Cause you know there ain't no I in team, but you can't spell awesome without me.

I ain't better, fuck you.

Friday, May 17, 2019



A dogs journey is a movie about the soul of a dog continues to come back to their own over and over and over again in their life time because we're so fucking full of ourselves in thinking that we're the center of the fucking world and souls are attached to one self.

Guess what, they're not.

All the pets that you had and died on you are not connected to one another. Who the fuck knows what happens to a "soul" when you die, but the notion that a pet's soul is so fucking infatuated with you is so bad that you shouldn't entertain such stupid fucking notions. JUST STOP.

I mean, it sort of feels like the only way you could show compassion to a creature you own is by assuming that it has a link to a previous creature you have owned? It really cheapens the new creature and the old for their worth and individuality. How about loving the new little fella for the sole reason that you have a heart and not because he has this fake established history that you're filling out in your head. He's not the fucking Doctor, he didn't just regenerate just for the sole purpose that you can't start a new with your relationship with another living creature. So how about knocking this shit off?

Thursday, May 16, 2019



Apparently on May 30th, the CBS All Access or whatever the fuck it's called, will have all the latest season's Twilight Zone episodes in.. get this... Black and fucking white.

Yeah, because that's what it was. That was why this show suffered so much of shitty writing and shitty premise and goddamn shitty execution. because it wasn't in black and fucking white.

Get the fuck out of here. At this point I'm pretty confident many of the writers have never seen most of the Twilight Zone original show and wrote most of the episodes off a mind-map that included the words "morals, politics" "sci-fi fantasy" and "scary"

Because I absolutely can't believe that they would do a remake of Twilight Zone without realizing that the writers are the most important aspect to the show and needs to be actually fucking A game level in the whole thing. When they said they were remaking the Twilight Zone with Jordan Peele, I assumed Peele would be writing most of the episodes or at least having head creative on it like Rod Serling did. As far as I can tell, he only partially wrote Nightmare at 30k and that is it. I mean, what the fucking shit? How much more interesting would it have been if the kid could manipulate minds and basically brought everyone under his spell.But JohnCho is trying to prevent the worst of his impulses? I just can't believe they think "It's trump, but he's a little kid? Do you get it? HUH, HUH? WELL, DO YOU?" is good writing on any level.  And this is from someone who hates Trump. It just wasn't good and so hamfisted in your face that it just was so lame.

Completely seriously though, it has absolutely no thorough understanding of what Twilight Zone was. Which is going to be a point of criticism when you take the name The Twilight Zone and slap it on your brand of "stay woke" dog shit bullshit nonsense.

But yeah, let's see if just making it black and white will change anything on that shitty story telling.

Monday, May 13, 2019



Okay, I guess I have to just talk about it because, holy fuck.... what the hell?  I'm really impressed. Completely impressed in fact. Like, you thought the complaints were going to be hitting rock bottom last episode, don't you worry, hold GoT's beere.

It's seriously impressive that Dany went from "I'm kind of irritated at some of these Northerners question my royalty" to "BURN THEM FUCKING DOWN!"  in, like, a couple of episodes. Again, I'm sure this is probably where the story was going to go from the get go, because that's so very G.R.R. Martin, but it took her father years to go from normal to total mass murdering maniac and he didn't even burn down the fucking city like tht. The crazy bitch burned down a city of a million people while her own army was still inside of it.

Can we also ask hot the hell there's still any Dothraki? We really haven't gotten any no sense of scale for these battles, the armies involved, the losses and all that shit. The night king battle looked like it wiped the fucking floor with all of them.

Also, the whole after the episode is also hilariously bad. Listening to the two fools try to ham fit explain why the fucked this all up is really comical. "See, when Dany says let it be fear, that means she is going to do something unpleasant... you see, foreshadowed!"  I'm pretty sure that they thought the white horse scene after all the carnage was really deep and artistic. I read somewhere that the show runners were offered 10 episodes by HBO or the season, but they said "Nah, we can wrap it up in 6" and here we afre.

It's pretty clear that Rhaegal was killed off so moronically for budget reasons alone. Drogon vs Ships could have been a good scene, but the writing that set it all up made it so fucking cheesy and stupid instead of triumphant.

It should have been Viserion and Rhaegel battling each other to the death in the battle with the Night King, so that when Dany came down to Kings Landing, she would have already been on her last dragon, instead they pissed away one dragon to show how bad ass and scary those scorpion bows were when in reality they weren't so bad and just sort of got glossed over anyway because who the fuck cares anymore.

Ultimately my biggest problem with this season isn't with any of the plot elements present to us. All of those actually make a lot of sense and I'm comfortable with them in itself. The Mad Queen emerging, the Night King being killed by Arya, Euron fighting Jaime in the lamest battle for some love situation. That's all fine and dandy.

It's a fucking issue in all this stuff is that how we have gotten from Point A to point B has made NO Goddamn sense what-so-ever. This has been a rush job of the highest order on every possible plot point and level. Logic has flown out the window and it's not coming back. They just are arranging plot events in a row and then forcing them together without the proper setup to get you there.

I love how they took Cersei to the levels of being a monster that was needing a good death or revenge for all the actions she has done over the past 8 seasons, to just dropping some fucking bricks on her where no-one can see her as the punishment to this crime.

By the way, thanks for the heads up about all this shit, Bran. 

If this show doesn't want to get serious with this story telling, why should I? I think it's safe to say that we can all agree that the peasants got what they bloody well deserved.  If you didn't want to be burned by a fucking dragon then you would have voted for someone different than Cersi, am I right? You have only yourself to blame for your socioeconomically situation in Kings Landing

You also have to wonder if Jon simply lied to Dany and said he'd want to keep getting down with the get down, would she have gone and burned everything to the ground because she still has his love? Sure, an awkward time to bring that up when you just roasted one of your high council members, that can effect a man's sex drive greatly, but still, this is something I simply wonder.

On a final note - I'm wondering about all the people who literally did their best to make Daenerys into a moral Princess Leia, breaker of chains and all that jazz. So much so that Daenerys was a popular name in the realm of parents choice of a name for their child. I wonder if now that she committed white genocide, if it's going to get awkward cosplaying her at conventions.  Especially since she just finished turning the folks of Kings landing into a BBQ... All those mothers and children burned to char. Not to mention that it was all done on Mother's day.

But hey, she lost everything. The North will never love her, they killed her dragon, they killed her slave translator, and then both Jon and her Hand betrayed her through the lens of her mentality. Adding insult to injury, Jon refused to fuck her.... and the only thing remaining for her was that "mercy towards future generations, who will never again be held hostage by a tyrant."   Yeah... it's no wonder she snapped.

Friday, May 10, 2019



Even though Mad Men had a huge amount of misogynistic craziness because the era was full of misogynistic womanizing bullshit, and Roger Sterling was one of those highly offending factors in all this, there is some  wisdom that he can impart. He's sort of like your grandpa. You love the man even though he can have some of the most offensive things to say on account of being from a different era so you sort of have to excuse him a bit...

Wednesday, May 8, 2019



Basically, I don't know why but I really want to see this movie, so here's this just to pump you up a little more...

That was just all sorts of an hour and a half of goodness. Little cute bugger!

Friday, May 3, 2019



I mean, they're not wrong. You gotta feel those feels.

The new unhappy meal is, well, a nice take on the whole thing and well, I enjoy this marketing campaign for what it is. Even though boomers will just say that the youth today is just a bunch of snowflakes.

Thursday, May 2, 2019



So a school adapted Alien to a school play and well, here is it.

I'm still lazy

Wednesday, May 1, 2019



Just another 30 days and we get to finally, FINALLY, after more than 10 fucking years, see another Dead Wood episode and I can't fucking believe that this shit is finally here. So many teasing, so much hope and so much crushing reality that it wasn't going to happen for all this fucking time.

This new trailer just makes me so happy.