Monday, May 31, 2010

Dennis Hopper... R.I.P

Dennis Hopper... R.I.P

Dennis Hopper is dead.. and the world is not the same. No, he need not be idealized or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life: to be remembered simply as a good and decent man, who saw PBR and tried to drink it, saw anything that moved and tried to fuck it, saw gas and tried to huff it.

Here's a great interview with him from the Los Angeles Times
What went down behind those corrugated steel walls of Dennis Hopper's Venice fortress as he lay dying at age 74?

He was divorcing his fifth wife after 18 years together, obtaining an "emergency restraining order" to keep her at a 10-foot distance. They battled over his valuable artworks. She also filed complaints about him keeping marijuana joints throughout his compound, ready to provide quick relief from pain, and loaded guns in strategic locations, ready to provide quick resolutions.

If a person's manner of dying is a distillation of his life, then Hopper's death seemed a revisit of the same stories about a man once called the "patron saint of the deranged." Never an easy rider.

But the private Dennis I spent a decade alongside, working on his biography, had a different persona. The artist I came to know was a serious careerist calculating his return from illegality and literal madness, tenaciously managing his sobriety.
I wonder if Hopper saw his exit as a last movie? Or a final chance to play the lead in a Shakespeare tragedy? Or, perhaps, while dying he looked up at a teddy bear on a shelf — the one handmade by his mother. The mother he had violent sex fantasies about, "though I never acted on them," he told me back in 1985.

That was the year I began to notice a ghostly figure nervously hovering at Westside art openings. It was difficult to recognize the manic performer I'd admired in Francis Ford Coppola's "Apocalypse Now" and Wim Wenders' "The American Friend." That outrageous hipster of "Easy Rider"? Nowhere to be found in this anxious loser.

I soon discovered that the gallery crasher was Hopper, that he'd fled his Taos, N.M., home of more than a decade, attended a minimum of three Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous meetings a day, and narrowly escaped being institutionalized while straitjacketed in a psychiatric ward. And he was broke — at that time, Hollywood considered him unemployable.

Seemed like a potential story for my then-employer, the Los Angeles Herald-Examiner daily newspaper.

Upon visiting Hopper for that story: "Uh, like, man, sorry, you gotta come in through the garage." His limp handshake trembled. His paranoid eyes avoided mine. A washer and dryer stood at the foot of the stairs to his Venice studio. Hopper stooped to ponder the dryer's crammed contents. "Know anything about these things?"

"Not much." I felt his laundry: wet. "Check the lint trap?"

"Lint trap? What's a lint trap?"

"It allows hot air to circulate." The lint trap wouldn't budge. I pried at its edge with my keys until the trap cracked loose. I scraped out the crusted lint.

"Wow, man," Hopper gasped. "Thanks so much, man."

I was actually glad to see his death got a bigger response from my facebook friends than Ronnie James Dio because Hopper has contributed way more culturally and politically to society than some heavy metal singer or some midget. But I have to ask, what the fuck was the deal with him being a Republican? I never got that. I mean, did you see Easy Rider or any of the other films he was in? I would not have expected him to be a republican and no matter if he voted for Obama, that shit is still very confusing.

Regardless of that oversight, Blue Velvet rules, David Lynch rules, Dennis Hopper ruled. I read an interview where Lynch was asked why he used "fuck" so many times and he said, "Well, for every 'fuck' I put in the script, Dennis added four or five."

Sure, there was the duds. But even those have some justification as Dennis Hopper was quoted saying
My son, who's now 18 years old, was 6 or 7 when I did that movie, and he came up to me after he saw it and he said, "Daddy, I think you're probably a really good actor, but why did you play King Koopa?" And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Well he's such a bad guy, why did you want to play him?" And I said, "Well, so you can have shoes." And he said, "I don't need shoes."
Both Hopper and Legazamo were in Super Mario Brothers as well as Land of the Dead. I would like to consider Land of the Dead to be an unofficial sequel to that plumber video game movie. By god, I'm going to miss you.

"My mother had an incredible body."
- Dennis Hopper

Rest in Peace, you beautiful bastard!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Flight.. of the Kiwi's

Flight.. of the Kiwi's

New Zealand seems to have popped up in the news lately. You remember those California Milk ads with the California cows? Well, the magic is over.. you see, those Cows are mother fuckin' Kiwi's.

Remember those cute commercials showing cows auditioning American Idol-style to be the next "face" of Real California Milk? Too bad they were all shot in New Zealand, and not California.

There's been a backlash movement (moooooo-vement?) and as a result, the state legislators have come down with some new guidelines, explains an opinion piece in the LA Times. Showbiz labor unions objected to the commercials being shot in New Zealand, "prompting the Assembly on Monday to approve a bill requiring state agencies, commissions or departments that promote California products using public funds to keep their productions in-state."

But you know even though that Kiwi milk may not taste the same, I'm not mad... I'm just disappointed that I had no idea till now. But that's not to say I dislike Kiwi's. In fact, let's look at what's New Zealand's top export Flight of the Conchords

It could have easily been a scene from their much-loved HBO series as the receptionist in the Glasgow hotel struggled to find the name of Jemaine Clement, one half of the comic duo Flight of the Conchords. "Who? Can you spell it?" she pleaded.

If only Murray, their inept but enthusiastic manager on the show, was there to brag how Flight of the Conchords is one of New Zealand's top exports — right behind lamb, wool and making avatars.

While the second season of the series wrapped last year and Clement and his cohort Bret McKenzie decided to nix the third season, the two have been touring sold-out venues in Europe for the last month before playing their only L.A. gig at the Hollywood Bowl on Sunday.

You hear that, mother bitches! Flight of the Conchords will be in town. Let's just go buck wild with some FotC videos.

Awww yeah.

Saturday, May 29, 2010



Okay, so I picked on the girls down there. How about the guys. Can we actually call these humans guys?

No, they are not men. They are some scientific robotic group boy band made to appeal to women and expel the same shit that the patriarchy has come up with. Bring down the system. Burn down the establishments and their terrible use of this. Take that bottle out of your mouth, put a cloth in it, light it and throw it at the establishment!

Or just enjoy a really gay sounding song lip sung by a really gay looking boy band.

Friday, May 28, 2010



Can anyone make any sense of this and what it teaches the youth of today?

Because I sure as hell can't. Though I'm sure when I'm looking for a trophy wife in another 10 years, I should be thankful to this sort of entertainment shown to girls, right?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Life After Trimming Those Nine Inch Nails..

Life After Trimming Those Nine Inch Nails..

Nine Inch Nails is done with. The last tour echoed the final run that NIN was going to perform for a long time. What's left is.. well, Trent Reznor doing things. You know the guy, he can't keep still for more than a few months without making some sort of noise.

He already has a new band called - How To Destroy Angels with a new music video for a song called The Space In Between. It's up on Pitchfork, but here, let me embed it.

This seems to be a side group consisting of Trent Reznor, Mariqueen Maandig Reznor and Alan Moulder. There's a 6 track EP slated to be released sometime in the summer, because when I think dark brooding music, I think summer.

The first single, A Drowning, can be found here or if you want to download it, here for $0.99 or here if you are from the UK So far the rumored track list is

1. The Space In Between (3:34)
2. Parasite (5:04)
3. Fur-Lined (4:00)
4. BBB (3:31)
5. The Believers (5:35)
6. A Drowning (7:03)

Here's another sampling of what's in store - The Believers

The site has a few teaser videos on it.

Everybody seems to have forgotten about this, but the release was on track so if you can't wait for that or you want your taste of classic NIN, on the 26th, the soundtrack to Tetsuo III was released in Japan. Tetsuo is probably the most industrial feature-length movie ever made, so it only makes sense. The final track is by Trent and is credited to Nine Inch Nails

Disc 1
1. Scla (0:58)
2. Sparky (4:06)
3. Sand I (1:57)
4. Shizuka I (0:53)
5. Double I (2:58)
6. Run (1:19)
7. Shizuka II (2:08)
8. Born I (0:48)
9. Born II (0:55)
10. Re Born (0:55)
11. Depth (4:21)
12. Zinc (1:43)
13. Block (2:45)
14. Regeneration (1:19)
15. Double II (1:20)
16. Sand II (3:22)
17. Theme For Tetsuo The Bullet Man (5:33)

And if you want to bring up my happy childhood, T Rez may do the Doom 4 soundtrack? This is like the 3rd time they've tried to get him back since Quake, but now that he's sobered up and NIN is supposedly on hiatus, maybe it'll actually happen.

So there you go, the day the world went away may be something to sing about, but Trent Reznor sure as shit isn't..

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Summer Douche Bags on a Boat

Summer Douche Bags on a Boat

Today I'm going to rant about summer. Actually, not about summer in general, but what the lack of cold weather brings out in terms of human garbage. My god, did I just say human garbage? Yes. Yes I did. And it's true. There's really some people who are nothing more than human garbage for many reasons, to be honest, but mainly, and in this situation one reason alone... decadence.

Take a look at this product.

Would you look at that. Oh, what? You think it's just a plastic inflated tube being pulled by a boat? Hmm, let me put some context into it with something else in the picture. Maybe a hot chick in little amounts of clothing.

Yes, now you get it. It's a magic swim, an inflatable pool that you drag behind your yacht. How wonderful is that? Look at how happy they seem with the new found ability to go swimming when they're out in the ocean!

Who the fuck comes up with these products? You're out with a shit ton of water, why do you need a fucking pool to drag behind your boat? I just don't get it. Is the ocean just not good enough for your body to be covered in?

Maybe it's just trying to predict the future of the ocean when it's completely polluted. They should have the selling put that taps into your childhood memories. Now you too can swim in the gulf o Mexico just like you did as a kid!

I thought if you had enough money to own a yacht, you'd also have enough taste to not own things like this. This isn't classy. This is just fucking stupid. But hey, let's say goodbye to these two and allow them to enjoy their sanitized pool side adventure.

Fuck this gay earth.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Meating Peta

Meating Peta

Here's a fun fact - a lot of firefighters apparently cannot stand pork meat because the smell of burning human meat is apparently very similar to that of pork. Hmm, who would have thought. Maybe if PETA used that fact first, they'd get a better reaction. I'm sure Americans would still not give a shit about animal rights, but at least that'll make them stop for a second before they put some bacon in their mouth. To be honest, I'm there with them. Check out Peta's latest adventure in trying to scare us into not eating meat.
I missed yesterday's PETA's anti-meat demonstration on the Country Club Plaza, but the animal rights organization sent over a few photos of nearly naked women wrapped in cellophane on a tray ... just like a KC strip.

Something is wrong with those girls. I mean, they look hot as hell. And I don't mean as a form of objectification. I mean, seriously. Look at them. That must be hard to do in such harsh sunlight. But now that I mention it, for being dead, their hair looks terrific!

I hear erotic asphyxiation is making a come back these days and is the bees knees. I wonder if there's room for two in there? Oh, what am I talking about. That meat should be gutted, dehaired and irradiated before I'll allow myself to heat it in the microwave and slowly thrust my cock into it so I can watch the lukewarm juices drip down my leg... I mean.. whaaaaaaa?

Oh! You better cover that titty, girl. Don't want to be too controversial now. I mean, really. If you're going to get naked and put into a comically over sized meat package covered in blood and sit out in the sun for all to see, don't cover your boobs with your arm and think you have preserved anything resembling dignity. You haven't. You might as well let those girls fly out free... just like nature intended. Let 'em hang out. Be proud. You are woman, show me your titties.

I mean, naked chicks under saran wrap.. that's like the basis of a joke created some time prior to 1959. Way to be part of the patriarchy. The asshole in me thinks that if I saw this in person, I would be buying a sack full of fast food burgers for me and my friends to eat standing over and ogling at them. I mean come on, let's not go waaaah waaaah waaah and baaaw baaaaw baaaaw over some dumb animals.

I'm not sure I get the point of this. Someone should tell Peta we aren't cannibals. Though now that they bring it up, maybe I would like to try some cannibalism. Maybe it's just to guilt you into thinking about how you're killing animal families.

I hope you sit down and think real hard, mister. Just think about how that chicken you had for dinner last night was some other chicken's daughter! Then again.. the green beans I ate it with had parents too... I'm a monster! Maybe that's why I eat chicken and eggs together. So that I'm not leaving orphans.

I mean, what do they really want? Should we give animals rights? Maybe we should just so I can vote a dog into office. I can't wait to see the presses now; President Rex defecated in Putin's office today during a meeting for nuclear disarmament, further straining US-Russia relations. Possibly the worse is when people force their vegetarianism on their pets. Now that's gotta be the dumbest thing I have ever heard of. Then again, we know PETA's motto.
"animals aren't objects, but women are" - PETA

I mean, why does Peta need to get so crazy for anyway, what the average American consume thinking is meat is mostly corn filler and entrails anyway. It's equal to eating a tofurkey. So why bother doing it? Does this make anyone not want to eat meat? Doubtful. If anything it just makes folks not want to have period sex.

Monday, May 24, 2010

24 - All Out Of Time

24 - All Out Of Time

The bombs have been found, the president has been saved and our nation is at peace. It looks like Jack Bauer is out of a job and is joining the many who are on unemployment right now starting tomorrow. 24 - You're all out of time.

Yes, that's right. 24 SERIES Finale is tonight.. what ever are you going to do? I'm sure you're still shocked and stunned by the series finale of LOST yesterday. This is just TV's way of adding insult to injury, isn't it? You can even say that this is some kind of torture...

Speaking of which, with Jack Bauer gone, who will be handling all that? Did you see this past season? Jack Bauer tortured someone this past season and I must say, tortured him badly. Jack pulled out a piece of flesh out of his abdomen with pliers, Then cuts him several times in the same area with a serrated knife. Afterward he sprays acid into the wounds, and burns them with a blowtorch. When Jack discovers the man has swallowed a sim containing contact numbers, Jack cuts open the prisoner's stomach and watches him die while he searches his guts...

I mean, how quickly would a sim card make its way down the esophagus anyway? Was this more of 24 playing fast and loose like they did with LA Traffic when it was set here? Just imagine the torture then. Oh No! Whoops, the sim card isn't in the stomach yet, I better cut all the way up from the stomach to the throat just to find this thing. Yes, that right there is quality Television that didn't get enough ratings to warrant coming back. Let's look back at the kill count...

In another situation Jack Bauer captures a suspect. She gives him a recording implicating her associates. Jack Bauer then shoots her several times at close range. I think he needed to lighten the load he was carrying and bullets seemed to be the easiest thing to drop. He's also shot Starbuck and then tortured that Russian dude, then killed the Russian diplomat and now he's going after the Russian president.

I realize a lot of people find nothing morally, ethically, or politically wrong with torture, even when used on American citizens, on the grounds of "If it can save American lives, then the ends justify the means!" but He's not even American!

The second season of 24 is literally oil companies attempting to detonate a nuke in LA (which it does go off in the desert over near Magic Mountain) and framing the middle east to instigate a war for oil profits. All the while this TV series has been nothing more than hilarious endorsement of the patriot acts.

24 essentially was the most effective piece of far-right propaganda the world has seen since Goebbels died. If Goebbels could watch 24, he would do so in stunned silence. A single tear rolling down his cheek. We nee to start taking responsibility for the media we consume. Inoculate yourself with propaganda of your own choosing if you will, I suppose that's the reason I stopped watching, or at least just watch in stunned horror that anyone could actually support Jack Bauer and praise him as a hero. While Kiefer Sutherland is a great guy and I had a god chuckle with him in my day.. Jack Bauer is a terrible character and nothing like the fun loving drunker that Kiefer is...

And this is a bit of a shock considering I own a couple of 24 stuff. I have a couple of CTU shirts, though I have them in that sort of Ironic way. The same way you wear a "I'm with stupid" shirt or put a "my other car is a light cycle" bumper sticker on your car.

Maybe I just feel some guilt because I worked on this show back in the early seasons and I would see the scripts and see how Pro-conservative agenda they were and just sort of feel a little sick as to what sort of image we were portraying about the state of the nation. How it was beyond stupid that no one got the fact that the majority of the villains in these shows, and I mean the REAL bad guy, were our elected officials and those in power. I.E. The White Guy at the top of a corporation. And yet people still rallied around the idea that we can't trust Browns.

24.. you had a um.. "good" run? No, I can't even say that. After season 3 they were limping to the barn. The last season even had a lot of the writers come out and say they had no fucking idea what to do next because all of the ideas they could come up with are just rehashed old 24 scripts.

I guess I should stand by my convictions and get rid of my 24 Jack bag, right? But I'll tell you, even if it looks pretty gay to carry one, the fact that it has a CTU metal pin I got from my seasons working on the show, I'll not even watch the show tonight. I mean, who really needs to see one man kill 266+ people in 7 days 22 hours?

How will it all end? Well, my guess is that it'll end with Jack Bauer shaking hands and hugging all the people he's killed in slow motion in a church while sappy music plays and nothing is resolved.

Also, with the stupid image of a clock

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Get Lost, Lost

Get Lost, Lost

After six long seasons it's finally over. It's finally done with. Your major case of blue balls from unanswered questions getting addressed with even more questions is finally over. So in honor of it, let's let the good clips roll!


Top 10 spoilers for Lost

This mash up seems about right..

This is the real question I want answered..

Lost - censorship

Well, there we have it. East Coast is getting the feed now.. and so is the rest of the world.. well, minus the west coast and.. you know, Hawaii.. the place where this was all filmed. I'm wagging my finger at that shit.

As for the final predictions... I'm guessing that the Man in Locke will end up destroying the island, creative a massive rift in the ocean floor. A gigantic claw will erupt from the depths

Cut to black

Cloverfield 2

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Vote Dale Peterson For Alabama Agriculture Commissioner

Vote Dale Peterson For Alabama Agriculture Commissioner

I don't live in Alabama, nor would I really ever want to... though with ad campaigns like this, I'm getting really tempted to set up a voting record there so I can vote for this fine American right here...

It's really when he brings out the gun for no reason that it gets bumped into satire. Let's go down the check list of things in this sucker.









I think I almost got whiplash from all those jump cuts. I'm serious when I say this.. let's just vote for this guy as President 2012. Just think about it. I was sort of expecting him to do a jump cut to a close up and have him saying
"If somebody tries to steal ARE ag money..."
Jump cut to a close up
"I'll fuckin' shoot'em!"
I do have to wonder about some of the republican talking points and cliches that I didn't see. Where's the pickup truck? Where's the beard wife/kids that are the products of a fake, loveless marriage? Then again, Horse > Pickup truck. Only way it could have been better is if he had put a saddle on Ben Franklin. This was some serious old spice style politics.

I'm just going to assume that whomever wins the Republican primary will run unopposed in all of these races because, hey, who's dumb enough to sink any money into running as a Democrat in Alabama?

Alabama has a track record of just being insane when it comes to politics. I have to wonder if any Republicans in Alabama recorded anything remotely close to being non-ridiculous campaign commercials. I guess it's just a matter of what I consider "non-ridiculous". Maybe if it's just "standard republican talking points" as non-ridiculous, it'll make a lot more sense.

Just take a look at all these other campaign ads.

"funny name, serious leadership"

Man, you can rape a lot of children in ninety days, uh, or so I'm told. Anyway, the point is, sex offenders should have to register with the state every ninety seconds. Some people say this would "inconvenience" the state clerks who record sex offenders, but I'm unemployed.

I think the best thing to take away from all these is that there's clearly a guide to how you run your campaign. Want to know the secret? Here it is..

How to Make an Alabama Political Ad in Six Easy Steps

1. Open with the story of how you grew up poor and made ends meet by picking cotton/working in a mill/farming. If you grew up rich, substitute video of yourself on a horse.

2. If you are a lawyer, talk about how you will "Stand up for the common man." If you are a business person, repeat that fact as many times as possible. If you are neither, what the hell are you doing in Alabama politics?

3. Short video of yourself leaving church/playing the piano in church/praying. (If way too many people know what you're really like to pull this off convincingly, you may insert video of yourself hunting instead.)

4. Video of you shaking hands with or talking to a black person.

5. Video of yourself surrounded by your spouse and kids. (If you are divorced and/or your kids can't stand you, substitute video of yourself in an impressive office.)

6. Close with a snappy slogan that sounds clever the first time you hear it, but becomes increasingly annoying over time.

Now you know.. and knowing is half the battle. Vote early and vote often! And vote for this dude... for the school board!

Friday, May 21, 2010

What's The Best Way To Kill Barack Obama?

What's The Best Way To Kill Barack Obama?

Now that I got the FBI's attention, let's talk about this guy and what he said to a classroom of math students.

And for those of you who don't want to click on the youtube link, it went down like this:
The teacher was appar­ently teaching his geometry students about parallel lines and angles, officials said. He used the example of where to stand and aim if shooting Obama.

"He was talking about angles and said, 'If you're in this building, you would need to take this angle to shoot the president,'" said Joseph Brown, a senior in the geometry class.
Another student said: "We were going over a test and getting reviewed for our finals and were going over tangency. A student walked in and said, 'Well, if you shoot the president...' and the teacher picked up on it and said, 'OK, if you shoot off his ear, that is a point of tangency.'"
Malia Drummond, a student in Harrison's class during the lesson, defended him as an conscientious teacher who didn't deserve to be fired. She told Birmingham News: "Yeah, the comment was probably inappropriate, but who in America hasn't make a joke about Obama?

Well now, I guess columbine paranoia has died down a bit, wasn't so long ago that a student even mentioned anything about shooting or bombs would send up alarms and they'll get expelled and questioned by the police. Here I thought the teacher was just trying to educate them on the world of angles.

Math teachers in general are pretty creepy though. I think it's all the time spent with numbers that just drives them off the deep end. As well as figuring out that we're simply insignificant numbers in the grand scheme of things. But come on. The baby who squealed on him needs to be punched into oblivion. Don't they know that snitches get stitches?

I mean, did you know that it was illegal? That suggesting or even saying you will kill the president can get you into some real deep trouble? It's something you should know cause, I mean.. it is one of those things you would think is in your freedom of speech rights but isn't. I mean, ask this guy. He'll give you the skinny.

Ha ha ha ha.. but no. Seriously all joking aside, how do we kill the president? I'm putting the FBI spotlight on you, people. How would you kill the president?

Ice pick to the bilderberg receiver in the back?

Carnivorous teleprompter?

Poisoning his breakfast with 50,000 barrels of crude oil each day

With Kindness?

I hear that he's allergic to coherent policy and keeping campaign promises, so the surest way would probably be making him do something related to those.

Most importantly, Where's the death certificate?

I'm sure someone seriously reported this blog post to the secret service and they're gonna have to investigate all threats to the president no matter how stupid and ridiculous it sounds. Even if it's full of sarcasm and black comedy. And if they're not on the case, perhaps I should expand it out to world leaders on a whole. What's the best way to kill Margaret Thatcher? I imagine jumping out and shouting "BOO" would probably do the trick.

Or I could be like those Ring Wingers who are quoting a bible verse that means "Go kill a black democrat" and expressing this view through bumper stickers. it's just perfect, if you think about it. I mean, what the bible verse is saying is may he die quickly. That surely isn't inciting violence in your prayer, right? I wonder if you can incite god to violence and does it fall under the freedom of/for religion? I guess that's how this teacher should have played it out.

I remember my youth with English teachers making joke about the death of the Pope. Ah yes, my drunk English teacher in catholic school was pretty cool.. and drunk. Perhaps this all could have been avoided if the Math teacher used Hitler as the example as no one cares if we kill him off in our words and imagination. It should be like that in all text books because kids love that sort of shit.

With this blog I am not encouraging or inciting anyone to make any physical and mental harm on our president. Nor am I making any threat to our president or any president of our rich American history. Though Lincoln kind of had it coming.

See you guys in Gitmo!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Oil Solutions?

Oil Solutions?

Over the weekend BP finally claimed victory in the war against their fucked up oil pipe. You see, they plugged it in with a 4 inch pipe and are now collecting oil as it spills out of the bottom of the ocean. Here, take a look at the pipe before BP's success;

now compare that to how it was flowing out now with the new pipe on it....

What a difference a day makes! Ha. Fuck this gay planet. I mean, seriously. If I wasn't laughing right now I would be crying because I really don't know what to tell you. How could anyone claim that is a success when it looks exactly the same as it did before. Oh wait, I know what it is that makes this a success, they're finally collecting it.

Yup, the results: Hey guys, we're collecting oil again! Doesn't look like we've made a goddamn difference in the hole in the ground spewing up deadly ocean toxin and making your Gulf Coast look like a Sonic the Hedgehog level, but now we can sell you some of it in the future! Wooohoo, go us!

Let's just bring about the colossal shit storm of dead sea life and oil washing up on shores all along the Eastern seaboard as this sucker gets caught up in the loop current. I want oil blobs in those cat 4 Hurricanes to rain down upon the ignorant masses that shrug away this shit.

I just don't seem to care anymore. No wait, it's not that otherwise I wouldn't be writing this piece here. I guess I just don't expect anything to change. Of course those idiots will keep shrugging this shit away and blame Obama and the Dems for it all while electing another Republican into office who will line their pockets with big oil's money and scream about how we should Drill, baby, drill! I just want to see some natural justice rain down on these assholes. Crying faces on TV as their cities are covered in gunk, car accidents everywhere on roads slicked to the extreme. Fires rage with no end in sight as the rain itself comes down in flames.

Yes, I want to taste this destruction. I want to breath in smoke. I want it all to burn down because we really don't deserve anything nice anymore. We're children who don't know how to play with their toys and we just end up breaking it and crying when it's too late. C3PO's arm can't be glued back.

Why am I so bitter right now? Oh, let me bring you into my world of darkness. You see, there's a cap to how much an oil company has to pay out in damages to those whose lives it ruined. They've been trying to increase this cap from 75,000 to 10 billion. It's only fair, right? You ruin an entire eco system and destroy the way of life of people and a community around you, you should pay... Well, that would be if our politicians weren't so fucking corrupt or had any balls. Ours don't.
Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma used procedural move to stop the bill from coming to the Senate floor, saying that raising the cap would hurt smaller drillers.

"Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.

Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma used procedural move to stop the bill from coming to the Senate floor, saying that raising the cap would hurt smaller drillers. "Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.

Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma used procedural move to stop the bill from coming to the Senate floor, saying that raising the cap would hurt smaller drillers. "Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.

Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma used procedural move to stop the bill from coming to the Senate floor, saying that raising the cap would hurt smaller drillers. "Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.

Republican Sen. James Inhofe of Oklahoma used procedural move to stop the bill from coming to the Senate floor, saying that raising the cap would hurt smaller drillers. "Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.

Baw-ha ha ha ha ha ha... I fucking love this country. I mean, I seriously can't stop laughing at this shit. Really? REALLY?! I just wonder why our country is so god damn blinded from seeing how clear this is. I mean, I must sound like a raving mad man on this subject, but there's logic to my insanity. Let's take a look at the this guy's campaign contributions.

Campaign contributions

In the 2008 election cycle, Senator Inhofe’s largest campaign donors represented the oil and gas ($446,900 in donations), leadership pacs ($316,720) and electric utilities ($221,654) industries/categories.[48]
In 2010, his largest donors represented the oil and gas ($429,950) and electric utilities ($206,654).

"Big Oil would love to have these caps up there so they can shut out all the independents," he said.


Yes, struggling mom and pop oilrigs would suffer if we increased these caps.. Waaaaaaah wwaaaaaaaah. I sure know that I have the god given right to use the money I have saved working as a cashier at the Gap to build my own oil platform! Why are you people against the American dream?

Who the fuck is this mom and pop oil rigging business that they're trying to protect? Even assuming this bullshit is true, isn't it still the responsible and logical conclusion to have an effective cap in place? You know.. just in case shit happens. I have auto insurance for the event that my car gets crashed into, why not make sure that these places are insured?

Not to mention that if you can't afford to pay the damages for a disaster that ruins an entire ecosystem, maybe you shouldn't be drilling and you should just get your mom and pop ass back to main street so that the nearest Wal*Mart closes you out.

If Obama wasn't a nutless coward on this subject he could handle this. It's very easy when you think about it. He just needs to tell Inhofe that the federal government wants its ten billion dollars and if inhofe wants to suck off the oil companies that bad, he could tell him that the feds will refuse to grant authorization to any new drilling in Oklahoma. The EPA and MMS is also about to get protological on every well in the state until he caves or the federal government gets its 10 billion dollars. When it comes to these companies it's the money that talks. Be it in saving some or spreading it around a little to cover up their shit storm like some cheating husband buying his gal a new ring. You see their latest token gift?
BP Awards Tourism Grants to Gulf States

BP announced grants to each of the states of Florida, Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana to help their Governors promote tourism around the shores of the Gulf of Mexico over the coming months.

This is part of our ongoing commitment to help mitigate the economic impact of the oil spill.

BP is providing $25 million to Florida and $15 million each to Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana.

"The Gulf Coast is our home too. We are doing everything we can to plug the leak, contain the spill offshore and protect the shoreline. With the deployment of the riser insertion tool yesterday, we made important progress in containing the spill, and that will further strengthen our ability to keep oil off the shore," said Tony Hayward, BP's Group Chief Executive.

"We understand the Governors' concerns for the impact on the tourism industry, and are making funds available so that they can support the industry's efforts to provide accurate information about the state of the beaches across the region."

These grants are in addition to the $25 million grants BP announced May 5 to help each of the four states accelerate the implementation of Area Contingency Plans. The grants announced today are for the Governors to distribute as they see fit to promote tourism.

The grants BP has made to the four states do not affect BP's response to the Deepwater Horizon incident or existing claims process, but are supplemental to them.

I mean, really. What the fuck? Oh yes, let's encourage tourism to see the shores of slickness along the beaches. What kind of idiotic shit is this and who comes up with this crap? Who's going to want to visit these beaches now? They're going to be covered with oil and the slick is going to be shiny. It's not going to encourage tourism other than hippies coming here to help clean up some of the poor sea animals.

Oh, then there's the country clubs that are worried about the oil on the Keys. Just check out what these Bourgeois mother fuckers are hearing about the effects of this BP disaster on the Keys.
Dear Member,
As media coverage of the Gulf oil leak continues, you have likely heard reports of oil entering the loop current and approaching or arriving in the Florida Keys. On the evening of Monday, May 17, twenty tar balls ranging from 3 to 8-inches in diameter were found on the shores of Fort Zachary Taylor Park in Key West, a little more than 100 miles southwest of [REDACTED].

It is important to keep in mind that scientists have yet to form a consensus on whether oil has in fact reached the loop current, the amount of oil that could reach the Florida Keys or its potential affect on the Keys' marine environment. Similarly, the US Coast Guard has yet to identify the source of the tar balls found in Key West. A laboratory analysis is underway, which should confirm whether or not the tar balls derived from the Gulf oil spill. The Coast Guard will also conduct a series of shoreline and aerial surveys throughout the day to determine if additional tar balls are present in Key West.
In the event that oil does reach our area, all Club and Associates stand ready to assist in cleanup efforts. Regular meetings reviewing operational contingencies are held with both organizations as information evolves.
[REDACTED] continues to monitor the situation closely.
Yeah this might fuck up a bunch of rich Republicans but I don't care about them the reef and mangroves in the keys are a national treasure and... fffffffffffuck! You know what, I'm not even going to sweat it. I mean, really, don't sweat it guys. I got this....

I guess I shouldn't talk shit about dove. At least they actually donate all the soap to be used for animal clean up and it was found to be the best (and really only) good choice after a lot of experiments conducted by animal rescue groups. So that's not really just capital bullshit as usual.

Of course for the purpose, it's diluted to 1% so it takes only a few hundred of thousand little bottles a year so they're not really breaking the bank, but occasional, small gestures of decency from a company are a little better than the nothing done by the rest. At least they're not like the oil company who is drilling into vast pockets of stuff that could cause a mass extinction event.. but don't worry, it's totally cool. I swear.
The vast deepwater methane hydrate deposits of the Gulf of Mexico are an open secret in big energy circles. They represent the most tantalizing new frontier of unconventional energy — a potential source of hydrocarbon fuel thought to be twice as large as all the petroleum deposits ever known.

For the oil and gas industry, the substances are also known to be the primary hazard when drilling for deepwater oil.

Methane hydrates are volatile compounds — natural gas compressed into molecular cages of ice. They are stable in the extreme cold and crushing weight of deepwater, but are extremely dangerous when they build up inside the drill column of a well. If destabilized by heat or a decrease in pressure, methane hydrates can quickly expand to 164 times their volume.

Survivors of the BP rig explosion told interviewers that right before the April 20 blast, workers had decreased the pressure in the drill column and applied heat to set the cement seal around the wellhead. Then a quickly expanding bubble of methane gas shot up the drill column before exploding on the platform on the ocean's surface.

Even a solid steel pipe has little chance against a 164-fold expansion of volume — something that would render a man six feet six inches tall suddenly the height of the Eiffel Tower.

Scientists are well aware of the awesome power of these strange hydrocarbons. A sudden large scale release of methane hydrates is believed to have caused a mass extinction 55 million years ago. Among planners concerned with mega-disasters, their sudden escape is considered to be a threat comparable to an asteroid strike or nuclear war. The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory, a Livermore, Ca.-based weapons design center, reports that when released on a large scale, methane hydrates can even cause tsunamis.

From what I know, which isn't a whole lot, methane hydrate eruptions like that are one of the short list of things that mass extinction groupies blame their favorite extinctions on. I know I've read something about the PT extinction being partly blamed on that. So with every pump into your tank you're playing Russian roulette with the lives of every living soul on the planet. Way to go.

Even if you strip out the doomsday elements of that article, I'm imagining that even the safer release of large amounts of methane gas from offshore drilling has got to be absolutely terrible for the greenhouse effect. You know, seeing as methane is much worse than carbon dioxide in terms of it's global warming potential. So it's pretty clear that this would be catastrophic.

And if that idea wasn't enough, remember that large amounts of methane ice is now thawing inb the arctic, and Greenland is melting at an insane rate, it melted 15 feet this year. The Arctic passage is open, We are at the point where we must kill oil companies for the planet to survive. I'll just leave you with this video.. cause really, in the long run, we're all dead. Sadly we're making sure that long run becomes a short run..

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Avengers Day

Avengers Day

Today is Avengers Day. So what is Avengers Day?
The Earth’s Mightiest Retailers assemble on May 19th for the inaugural, first-annual, Avengers Day! This historic event marks an all new era for Marvel’s greatest heroes as the Avengers come together to usher in The Heroic Age. Mark your calendars and be the first person on your block to score great Avengers Day commemorative items like exclusive limited edition print featuring John Romita Jr.’s “I Am An Avenger” images, door hangers, mini-posters and more! Plus, fans can’t miss the chance to add their own heroes to the Avengers roster by sketching on the Avengers #1 I Am An Avenger Blank Variant and purchase the stunning Avengers Poster by John Romita Jr!
In short, it's what Valentine's Day is to Hallmark. An excuse to sell some funny books. Well.. it's a marketing gimmick mostly, but if you're into comic books, today is the day when the newest Avengers book gets released. I suppose I should add it to my list.

My List
Save the World
Punch Norman in the Face
Have a Beer
Buy new Avengers book

This whole story arc is the start of the Heroic age for Marvel. What that means is that for the longest time Marvel has been a pretty gritty place. Villains were in charge.. aliens invaded the world and actually were in charge making executive choices. The whole idea was to make the heroes the bad guys and keep them as the underdog for a while. Well, they finally get back to the status quo.

The bad guys are the bad guys and the good guys are the good guys and just in time! We need to restore the balance before next year when we get one step closer to an Avengers movie when we get a Thor flick and a Captain America movie. Two more components to assembling them Avengers.

Now the biggest surprise in the future Avengers film is that Joss Whedon is directing it
Marvel Studios recently announced that Joss Whedon has been hired to direct "The Avengers" and that he has already started re-writing the script. Many fans are confidant in Whedon's writing skills, but what about his work behind the camera?

During yesterday's conference call to promote an episode of "Glee," which he directed, Whedon admitted that he still has a lot to learn about helming. "I have no directing skills," he said.

Whedon hasn't directed much outside of television ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Angel," "Dollhouse"). His only feature film credit is for "Serenity," a big screen adaptation of the "Firefly" show. So while he is a great writer and has a relationship with Marvel, maybe it was too early to hand him the biggest superhero franchise. It looks like even Whedon thinks so.
You know what this means, right? Well it means you'll be seeing a lot more Whedonverse actors show up as Avengers. Hell, the first one was signed on recently with Nathan Fillion being cast in the role of Hank Pym. Yes, that's right. Captain Tight Pants is going to be a scientist who beats his shrinking wife and controls ants as... Ant-Man.

Some part of me wants to see an Ant-Man film by Edgar Wright more than ever now because of this. I mean, just think of Castle riding an ant! It'll be just as fun as watching Iron Man. And don't say you haven't watched or enjoyed anything from Joss Whedon. From Buffy to Angel to Firefly to Dollhouse to.. hell, if you enjoyed Glee yesterday, that was Joss Whedon directing ol' Neil Patrick Harris singing.

I guess the real question is when is Alan Tudyk going to get signed on to play Hawkeye? But back to the comics for a second. It's Bendis as writer on this newest Heroic age Avengers book. Which is a good thing considering he's been behind the last few years of Marvel's general direction. What I don't like though is the art direction.

I know it's a very unpopular view point but I cant' stand JRJR. His art looks god awful. Just take a look at this stuff. All his characters look blocky beyond belief. It sort of looks like a god damn Marvel Adventure coloring book

I'm not sure how I'll make it through this next story arc or two with JRJR as the artist. Here's hoping Mark Millar is writing another Kick-Ass movie/book so that JRJR could go back to that shit. Cause really, I'm liking the variant cover to Avengers #1 a whole lot more.

Another bad aspect ot the book is that they're making the terrible kids movie Avengers Next and putting them into the comic world. But hey, at least they're putting nerds in their books now.. right?
Date: 5/17/10

To: Average internet comic reading nerd
From: Jarvis, Edwin
Re: Application Status

Congratulations True Believer!

After careful consideration we are pleased to announce that you have been chosen to join the ranks of Earth's Mightiest Heroes, THE AVENGERS!

To celebrate this momentous occasion, the photo you submitted will be featured in: AVENGERS #1

Yes, that's right. It looks like the Avengers are scrapping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to candidates for who can join the Avengers. What next? A black man gonna rob Iron Man's suit? No wonder Tony Stark shoots water melons.

So what's the future of the Marvel Universe? Well, there's a shadow blah blah story arc coming up, but I guess they're going to roll with the status being quo for a while. Well, except Steve Rogers will no longer be Captain America. Frankly, I'm actually really happy about that as Bucky Barnes has been really good in the position.

Steve Rogers is also taking up the role of Jack Bauer of the Marvel Universe, only with some higher moral standing and ethical principals involved in the matter. I mean, 24 is a pretty shitty show which no one should look up to Jack.. because he's a pretty big pile of shit to the rest of human kind all in the name of right-wing conservationism.

But hey, as long as he's still alive I guess it'll be alright for some of the comic reading world. So there you have it. Hope you enjoy your Avengers day. Go get your books and get your read on.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

You See/ Cop Sees

You See/ Cop Sees

It's really a tragic misunderstanding when law officers and civilians clash because they both saw an event through different eyes. It's very often a complaint from cops and cop apologists that people never see things from the officer's point of view. Just look at this clip of old Michael Moore stuff back before he went crazy and was just slightly off his rocker.

It's pretty clear that cops are suffering from a case of not really telling things apart very well. Perhaps I should shed some light and show you what goes on in the eyes of the officer on an everyday basis. In order to better understand this, I've put together a series of images that best illustrate the differences in how cops and citizens perceive the world around them.

You see:

Cop Sees:

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You see

Cop Sees

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Cop Sees:

I hope this has been educational and gives you a better sense of what our law enforcement sees in our world around us.