Sunday, November 30, 2008

Public Radio Killed The Radio Star

Public Radio Killed The Radio Star

This past weekend two long time influencal radio shows came to an end. KCRW's night time programing of Metropolis (7:30-10pm) hosted by Jason Bentley and his weekend moonlighting gig at KROQ Saturdays from midnight to 3am both came to an end.

KCRW promoted him to music director when current music director superstar and Morning becomes eclectic host Nic harcourt stepped down from his role at KCRW causing all sorts of schedule changes. Many aren't that pleased with this move. Metropolis was a soundscape that resembles the L.A. evening skyline: angular, futuristic and pulsing with nocturnal energy. Mixed with a rich trance/electronic/club mix. Morning becomes eclectic is good to start your day with. It's mellow and nonthreatening. You'll hear indie bands there but you'll also get your know favorites like Beck, Travis and Moby.

For the past 13 years I've been listening to Jason Bentley on KROQ. I've been a fan of him on KCRW for the past 15 of the 16 years he hosted Metropolis. To say that he hasn't been influential on how my music interest was shaped would be an understatement. It's bittersweet. I don't listen to morning becomes eclectic much. Mainly because I'm far from a morning person. But since it is an entirely different beast, I don't expect to hear Underworld, Chemical brothers or Daft Punk in the morning slot.

This weekend a part of me... I wouldn't say died, but I would say that there's a lot of change coming around the corner. I grasped on to radio for a long time because unlike others, I saw that there was good music still there hiding behind the mainstream pop sound. My avenues are shrinking as to where I can find good music that I enjoy.

It's not the end of the world. I remember my favorite KROQ DJ Doug The Slug/Sluggo/ Roberts packed it up and left for New York leaving Carson Daily to replace him during weekday nights. It was awful. He later came back and does random shifts now. It's the nature of the beast. People move to different towns or different stations to climb the ladder. I fully understand.

The only down fall is that it seems that more and more of my radio attention in the car is now focused on Talk Radio. Perhaps I'm getting old. Perhaps I just don't find 90% of the music played on most radio stations even remotely interesting anymore. It could very well be all those above. Either way, it's hard to see Jason Bentley go to the morning hours but I wish him the best of luck. Hopefully they wont castrate him too much considering I'm already hearing mocking tones from those pretentious ones wanting to change the name to Morning Becomes Monotonous ...

For all endings to have a new beginning.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Obama New Policies to Ban Pianos!!! All Pianos Must Go!!!

Obama New Policies to Ban Pianos!!! All Pianos Must Go!!!

By now you've seen all the right wing wackos rant and rave about putting a black man into the white house. It's common to hear them toss around the idea that once Obama is in the oval office, he'll be banning all guns. Which had folks go out in masses to get themselves a shiny pretty bang bang thing.

Forget all that fear mongering, I know one way to one up that sort of mentality. Much like George Bush don't care about black people, you might as well start a chant that Obama don't care about Pianos.

Yamaha, Baldwin and many other brands of used grand pianos offered by piano technician who is retiring after 30 years in business. Uncertain of how the economic policies of President Elect Obama will affect small business this business owner is calling it quits. Every piano will be sold by Dec. 31. This is truly wholesale to the dealers please. The best deals will go first so hurry. Contact by phone only 704-644-0212 7am - 9pm. If voicemail please leave message and someone will return your call promplty.
Oh the wonders of craigslist. I know what you're thinking. This seems like good news if you're in the market for a piano. But think again. What about Joe the Pianodealer? What will he do? First Christmas and now pianos? What will those godless liberals stop at ruining for true blooded pro-Americans?

Like guns, Obama will clearly ban all pianos and subsidize 80's casio synths in efforts to bring back real hip hop. When Pianos are outlawed, only outlaws will have pianos. The choom gang will be brought back together. Where can a simple small town pro-American call his home? If I recall correctly, that Chevy truck ad said that this was ARE COUNTRY! Not some Piano and gun hating liberal tree hugger!

I'm just curious as to why this guy isn't aware or sure on what Obama's policies are going to be towards small business despite them being clearly laid out on his website. Then again, this was from the Charlotte craigslist which also has this fine ad..

Anybody here know how to fry quail? - 47 (union county)

Me and a buddy shot a nice mess of birds yesterday and how tasty they'd be fried up with some thick brown gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits, and washed down with some sweet iced tea. Hopefully there are still a few practical uses for a good iron skillet beyond creasing the hat or parting the hair of a wayward husband, boyfriend, or otherwise significant other...

Of course it wouldn't hurt either if you were somewhat angelic to look at and filled out a pair of jeans the way levis, lee, wrangler, etc, intended. I doubt if I'd kick up much of a fuss about an angel with one wing smoldering, jeans that require a deep breath to button, or a halo with some slight tarnishing either. Those are the keepers. The ones every fella wants but only one can have...

Happy Thanksgiving!
So you can see the demographics here.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The 10 movies you should watch online

The 10 Movies You Shouldn't Watch Online

If you were one of the lucky ones to not get tramped to death in a Wal*mart black Friday sale for a $300 piece of shit laptop, then perhaps you have something to be thankful for. One.. your life. Two... a new laptop. But the real question is what will you do with that new laptop? Sure you can just watch porn on it or do your taxes or play solitaire on it. You certainly aren't going to want to watch films on it, right?

Because Yahoo released a list of films that you SHOULDN'T watch on your computer. My question to that is.. Um.. what? Why? Is there any film that you specifically want to watch on a smaller screen opposed to a bigger screen? This should apply to ALL films. Watch them as big as you can.

I have an Video iPod and I can't recall a single time that I sat through a whole movie on that small screen. Then I realize how big monitors are getting these days. Some are trumping most TVs. Hell, my monitors are bigger than one of my TVs. Wait, why do I have more than one TV? Maybe I just explained the name of the blog. Who knows.

So this is the list of movies you simply SHOULDN'T see on your computer. As if you're just looking for stuff to watch on your monitor besides porn and youtube videos.

1. Lawrence of Arabia - Because seeing a desert on a small screen makes ol' 'rence (As I call him) look like a tiny ant.

2, Last of the Mohicans - Killing Indians shouldn't be limited to a tiny screen.. Wait, what?

3. Jaws - We're gonna need a bigger screen.

4. North By northwest - Has anyone seen more of this film besides that scene with Cary Grant being chased by the plane? Didn't think so.

5. Star Wars - I don't get this one. Wouldn't it be convenient to be a mouse click away to complaining how much Lucas has raped your childhood in changing the original?

6. WarGames - Ok, this is their description as to why this one can't be seen on your computer.

There isn't anything so cinematic about this 1983 thriller starring Matthew Broderick . But watching a movie about Cold War -era paranoia in which a computer threatens to bomb the world might cause you to panic out of distrust for all things computerized and throw your laptop out the window.
What. the. fuck? What retard wrote this? Serious shit. I already don't trust my computer.. or at least the Nigerian prince who reside on the internet.. Besides, Matthew Broderick is only known for ONE role... I speak of course

7. Barry Lyndon - Meh, I'd really like to see Kubrick's 2001 as the one to see on the bigger scren.

8. Raiders of the Lost Ark - Unlike Crystal Skull, this one is a must see just about anywhere.

9. The Third Man - This is not Rick Astley. So anyone reading this won't ever see this nor ever care to..

10. You Got Mail - Wait.. what? This movie just begs for you to find your one true romance on eHarmony or craigslist.

Yahoo has it all wrong in suggesting which films NOT to watch. I can't think of many films that you'd want to first experience on a small screen. Then again, most laptops are bigger than most TVs I've ever owned. The important thing to remember is that you should enjoy films to the fullest however method you want to. At the very least make sure you see half of the list of films there. I know many people who never even seen Raiders of the Lost Ark. FOR SHAME! Both on Yahoo and those who haven't had the pleasure of watching great films. Oh yeah, sucks for that one dude who got killed but you knew the risk before you took the chance. Right.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gas Prices Are Back Down, Time To Stop Worrying About The Environment

Gas Prices Are Back Down, Time To Stop Worrying About The Environment.... again

HOLY SHIT! I just filled up for $1.84 a gallon. Then again, just less than a week ago I drove over 700 miles with another couple hundred in the next few days. Perhaps I shouldn't think of the carbonl footprint involved in that. To say the least, I used up a ton of gas in a short time. At least I'm not driving an SUV, now am I? There's places offering 2 for 1 deals on them. How can something so affordable be so wrong?

Why do people like suvs anyway I thought smaller cars were the way of the future but apparently consumers are morons. You really have to ask why bourgeoisie American consumers enjoy driving in a giant ass platform that puts them 10 feet off the ground and smashes through conventionally sized cars.

I realize that some people need them because they live in the middle of nowhere and the roads go to shit. Normal cars and anything without a hemi get stuck and ridiculed because you're not driving a man's man car, but for most people it's just so they can hold a lot of groceries, I guess. SUVs are conspicuous symbols of consumerism and can be justified that (conventional reasoning) they're safer than smaller cars

Backstory on this? Dumbass in a Hummer can't see past their inflated sense of self worth; rear ends a school bus?

I also wonder about all those assholes who bought into dodge's deal where you get gas at a locked price when it just seemed to go up and up. What was it? Around $2.99 a gallon. How stupid must they feel. You know, all 12 of them.

It's certainly not caring about the environment that people stopped buying SUVs. It was because of the price of oil and how much it takes to fill your tank. With the price coming down again I wonder if people are just going to go back to buying those large unruly pieces of shit cars. Hammering home that no one cares about going green as long as they are just going.

Nothing says this more than the act of recycling your cans and bottles. Recycling is such a pain in the ass. I tried it the other day by going down to one of those recycling centers next to the grocery store and I just had to drive away with my car filled with smelly old alcohol containers because the line was so god damn long. This may sound racist, but every time I even attempt to go to recycle my cans there's always about five Asians with a collected amount of cans that could be converted to an Army Tank. Making it so that you have to wait at least an hour before they're done with their recycling.

I get the idea of a CRV. You pay up front and bank on the point that people wont be recycling to get back that 5 cent deposit back. The state makes a mint on those not redeemed. But you're going to have to bump up the price to make me have to wait in any sort of line to recycle. It's me waiting in line to get rid of fake metal. I mean, come on! there should be a fast lane. Anyone who isn't a hobo with collecting cans only. The equivalent of a 10 items or less line.

Here's something else that'll get you to go green... The fine folks at The Inconvenient Bag want to beat it into your head that you should GO GREEN all year round. As if you didn't hear it enough in April during Earth Day, but add in a dash of Thanksgiving charity and you have yourself a way to make Thanksgiving Dinner go completely green.

1) Instead of paper invitations, people could contact each other via email (or Evite). If invitations are needed there are recycled paper invitations and even paper with seeds embedded in it so when it decomposes, new life is set in motion. Seed paper is usually handmade and decorated just as beautifully as ordinary cards.

Do people really invite each other via letters for Thanksgiving? I would imagine a phone would be better for the environment.

2) Turkey is a staple for Thanksgiving. You don’t have to go as far as my hero, Ed Begley Jr., who will probably be cooking his turkey in his solar oven! However, make sure that many people are over and that one (or each) turkey satisfies as many people as possible. Hence, the energy consumed is for many people (along the same lines, everyone could watch the football games on one energy-star TV instead of their own - watching football is better with others anyway). Side dishes could be organic, if possible, or have organic ingredients. Take your canvas bag and walk to your local farmers’ market to buy the best, freshest and tastiest organic foods and buy locally grown flowers for décor (guys you can shop with a canvas bag also, its not a purse!). Additionally, there are many new tasty organic and eco-friendly drinks and liquors.

So this tip is simply "Invite more folks so you can finish your meal" I mean, will people throw away left overs anyway? I usually have Turkey sandwiches for at least a week after.

3) Use dishes instead of plastic and paper. When finished fill the sink up and wash all the dishes at once. The less waste, the better. As a Japanese-American growing up, my mother taught me “Mottainai!” which in Japanese means “Don’t waste!”. There are now corn-based or post-consumer recycled goods that could be used if disposable products are needed, i.e., utensils, plates, trash liners, etc. Keep all water bottles, cans and glass for recycling. Moreover, try to use the same utensils over and over instead of a new plate, a new fork, etc. I have found that a great way to clean off my dinner fork for desert is to lick it!

F-it, instead of a nice glass of wine in a crystal glass, just drink your 40 straight out of the paper bag... scratch that, out of the canvas bag that you bought it with at your local 5-inch thick bullet proof glass liquor mart.

You might as well forget dishes altogether. Everyone just share one fork and pick at the turkey like the vultures you are till the carcass is picked clean to the bone.

4) Thanksgiving is family time, so have everyone over. Instead of scattered family celebrations, have one large Thanksgiving party where everyone could be at one location, possibly carpool and pitch in. Invite those people who have family out of the area. This would reduce the use of energy to one location while increasing the festivity! Also, you could get others to help clean up the place! For those of us who refuse to cook, there are many green options. My friend, Allan of Cater Green (, has a green solution for every catering need, including cleaning up and an awesome “zero waste” plan.

Again, I can one up that. Just don't cook. Go to your local Chinese joint, may I recommend WON KOK, and enjoy a big meal and stimulate the economy.

5) Green Cleanup: Besides setting up separate bins for recyclable goods, there are other forms of green cleanup. There are a multitude of green cleaning solutions available in your local stores, i.e., Begley’s Best, organic cleaning solutions, chemical free, etc. If a dish washer is to be used, make sure it is full and hopefully energy-star certified (or just have your favorite guest hand wash the dishes! See #3 above.). Furthermore, extra food could be donated to a shelter for others to enjoy - Mottainai! Those of you who go the extra step could compost earth-friendly waste for your own organic gardens.

Is this even a tip? Give your left overs to shelters? How about donating your time or some non-half eaten food? I donated a box full of food to shelters this year and I don't think I'm doing anything out of the ordinary. Everyone deserves a Holiday that doesn't suck. This "helpful" tip is all over the place. Yeah, make sure your washer is completely filled.. no shit, sherlock.

Over all, those to were a waste of space. Thankfully it's not printed on any sort of piece of paper and placed up at your local trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Because if they were, then the irony will be really thick.

There's always one way to stay perfectly green and in this final piece it goes to show that it's possibly the oldest "going green" possible. Some old ass weed
Ottawa — Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.

The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly “cultivated for psychoactive purposes,” rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.

The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.
That's some old stink weed, yo. With that I'll leave you with wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have something to be thankful about. Perhaps you don't show it as often as you should. Enjoy it folks.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

And Now For Something Completely Different

And Now For Something Completely Different

Monty Python has had a little bit of a problem. You see, they are tired of having their videos up on Youtube in such piss poor quality. This isn't anything new as you may recall Youtube making a contest for a GOOD youtube video to be made.

In any event, this is the only way to enjoy the much loved BBC series is to purchase all the goods and services that one can purchase from these fine chaps. But for those of you who are piss broke, let's not over look your enjoyment at laughing.

So what is the answer to all this? Monty Python shall be putting up all their videos in higher quality and all for the low low price of nothing. Yes, that's correct. Nothing. You get this all free. Monty Python clips on Youtube for free? You where lucky! In my day we had t' work 25-hours a day, 7 days a week to afford 10 seconds of a sketch. And that's only when we didn't buy any food y'know

So in an effort to abuse whatever right they have given us to play their videos, here's some of my favorite Monty Python sketches.

If you didn't enjoy that, perhaps you should be sacked.

Silly Walking is clearly silly

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok!

This is Olympics worth watching


Two from the Holiest of Holy grails


back in my day we didn't have Youtube to watch ball kicking movies

This is the best guide to how not to be seen

Oh the Grand ol' Cheese Shop

This blog shall be no more!

Nobody expected this....

Perhaps now you'll run out and get the 16 ton collection of Monty Python. I could sit at home all day and watch these. Hell, I may very well make a special meal out of it. But no spam.. cause I don't like spam.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Three Gun Salute To The Sheild

Three Gun Salute To The Sheild

Just Press Play and Read On

The Rampart Scandal in the 1990's was a series of LAPD corruption cases in the Rampart district, which isn't the nicest part of town, to say the least. So when Shawn Ryan brought the idea to the Fox cable channel FX in 2002, which much like the rest of basic-cable programming, was limited bland procedurals and adventure shows. They took it and ran with it. Since 2002 there has not been a bad season. Not one. All of them have been works of wonder.

It's now 2008. My NDA is finally done with seeing that the show is finally over and there's nothing left under the sun to spoil about this show. So it's a moot point to say the least. The Shield represents something close to my heart. It was the first location filming that I did in this grand industry. I was a PA, but it was fun. Most of all, it had a connection to me in a sense that it was filmed around the areas I grew up. At one point I was literally 5 blocks away from where I lived to where they were filming. It was the shortest commute to work ever. I could have walked there.

Then again, perhaps saying that I lived near the areas that the show runners wanted to represent in the series about corrupt cops in the East LA/South LA area is a good thing, it was just a thing none the less. A little more about the show is that without it, you wouldn't see shows like Rescue Me, damages, Mad Men, Nip/Tuck and all the rest is because of shows like the shield that pushed the envelop. That lured the big names to the small screen of basic cable. Before its airing in 2002, F/X and basic cable was a wasteland.

Michael Chiklis, for his role as Vic Mackey, has gone far beyond the whole role as the Commish. He brought such a corrupt and morally bankrupt character to life. Not to mention he's a really stand up guy in person. But through all these seven years there has not been a bad moment that didn't keep you on the edge of your feet on the show. And with tonights showing, that's it. It's finally over.

So what about the Finale? It ended with the shoe dropping for the sins of the characters over the past seven years. Their corruption. Their bad deeds. Their fall from grace of being anything but remotely honest and upstanding police officers is finally paid off in spades. Taken after the CRASH unit in the Rampart division of Los Angeles, this is gritty and real in all aspects. Many of those same Rampart division officers were arrested or charged. Many got away Scott free because of a lack of evidence, which only had them fight their own personal demons on the matter of what they did.

Since the show was based on a fictitious location in Los Angeles, it still had some grounded reality based on the South and East side of town. I know a lot of places that it was filmed at and I was on set when they filmed a lot of it. Considering the show was originally going to be named RAMPART, it does have those roots to that sort of urban community. It was later changed because of the LAPD wanting to not shine the light on the whole corruption thing, the fact that this show is real and gritty, unlike any other crime show before it means a lot.

So how true is it? Sure there was the Rampart corruption case. But considering that recently Los Angeles was ranked 158th in terms of crime maybe that means that the streets are cleaned up more with even corrupt cops out there. I'm one that always feels that the ends justify the means. So if you have to plant some evidence or take down a bust or two while also feeding the system. . So perhaps corrupt cops is what we need to keep the peace. Besides, not all the police officers are smart enough to pull huge amounts of crime while on the clock. Hell, some of them just end up shooting themselves.

In the end, The Shield was ahead of its time and was beyond gritty. Both in the look of the show using grainier cameras as well as highlighting the urban decay as a supporting character. It taught me a lot about the industry and helped me move up in it as well. You've made my Tuesday's entertaining for the last 7 years.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Seasons of Mists

To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil hisdue

(Click 4 Bigger)

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Cum, Again?

Cum, Again?

Who reads these days? I mean, what's the point when all the good books are turned into movies you no longer have to sneak the purchase of twilight out of barnes and noble anymore when you can easily sneak into a theater and watch the full story.

But there's somethings books are good for. Cooking. Cook books are a great way to discover that you can't cook for shit. Try as you may, even the simple recipes will have you utterly failing in replicate the dish on the page. But you try anyway. Like a moth to the flame. Fly, little one.. Fly fly! Wait.. what?

There's an old saying that states the best things are made from scratch. A little elbow grease and some spit and you got yourself some magic in your hands. So when I came across this self published book I did a double take. This was too much to swallow. I was surprised, shocked, confused and then surprised again. Either way, this truly gives new meaning to making things from scratch... or should I say making things by rubbing..

A Collection of Semen Based Recipes

Yup. that's right. You too can provide your own ingredients to the dish and be a
connoisseur of fine spirits and semen. The best part of that book was not the fact that you were going to be a cum guzzler -it was the reactions and reviews to the book.

Even though I've not yet read this book, from looking at the preview I can say that I already feel a bit offended.

To treat semen like it's some kind of topping, condiment or simply a flavor enhancer does a disservice to what semen has to offer. It’s sort of analogous to sprinkling a tablespoon of filet mignon shavings on your potatoes and then singing the praises of that meat. To relegate semen to the role of “supporting actor” is like asking Tobey Macguire to play an extra in a film for 3 to 15 seconds. Semen is more than a little residue on my napkin after whipping my chin Photenhauer! - semen should fill! Quantity (great quantity) of semen is paramount on any plate it has a role in! It is the star!

Furthermore, because of that, because of what it has to offer and because of the manpower exhausted in its extraction and processing, semen is hard to afford and should be! Which leads to Photenhauer’s second unseemly literary crime – exploitation of the poor. Not only does this book sadly sell semen short, but it sells semen on the backs of the poor by suggesting that those with low incomes can enjoy semen too. Photenhauer not only brings semen down by suggesting to those not yet acquainted with semen’s goodness that semen can be enjoyed in such scant proportions but justifies this denigration of semen (and thereby his book) by practically suggesting that every tongue, rich and poor, can be laden with semen should the craving for a snack arise at 1 in the morning. Tragic and mean. Why not just give a poor child a thimble-sized ice-cream cone with Hagen-Daaz and pat yourself on the back Photenhauer! See what I mean? You seem mean.

Make your own choice though.
Now that's more than a mouthful.
This book is like a godsend for our family. Two months ago we lost our house to the bank and we are as good as broke. All of us live in a trailer now. That's me, my wife and seven kids... plus my wife's parents. Food is expensive and before I got this book we were eating canned dog food four times a week to cut the cost of living.

BUT... thankfully we began to eat cum! It's been three weeks that all the boys including my father in-law, the old codger, deliver top-notch daily drainings of fresh ball sap. My wife and my mother in-law collect the milky distillate straight from our stiff meat into glass jars and store these in the fridge. Every Sunday they turn the scrumptious gook into lip-smacking cum recipes!

It's good that even with an economic downturn families can still be upbeat about the situation. Pure comedy.

I bought this book the second I heard about it. I had been shooting my scrotal milk into all of my friends dishes without them knowing for years, since I got this all have been requesting my brew in their food.
Still, I don't think I'm ok with my mom eating my gonad glazed goodies but she says it tastes pretty good.
Also makes for easy transition from breast milk to solid food for babies. Plus they're still used to the nipple so they do most of the work.
That's one concoction I don't think I'd try.
When I was in college, my roomate used to jizz inthe ice cube trays. I thought it was the foulest thing I had ever seen --- until he made me a white russian 'on the rocks' on night. All I can say is wow, man-goo is for me! Since that blissful night, I have been back at the well many time for the spunk. I have ordered the book, since I've never cooked with the goo. I do love it in it's natural state, straight from the tap. I have made my own (man)cream-filled doughnuts before - "Time to make the doughnuts" was every time I chubbed up. Filling you

Carl's Jr. went to far in their "if it don't get
all over the place, it don't belong in your face" ad

Talk about a master stroke of a review
These recipes are easy to make, even for cooking "new comers."
The Tossed Salad was a big hit at our Mens' Club Meeting. A slathering of Creamy Cucumber dressing really made the flavors pop.
Thank you reviews, thank you. Content already provided for me!
The Choked Chicken recipe is by far my favorite, hands down.
Some others I've tried and enjoyed are the Creamy Homemade Fudge, Weinerschnitzel, and Creamed Spinach. The Cumin Rub is also good to marinate your meat.
See. This is what Sundays are all about. Little to no work.. ok, not for me. But for the rest of you rubes out there. Little to no work and relaxing. Why not just rub one out and head to the kitchen.
I recently served the Flan to some of my neighbors, they tried and tried but just could not guess what that zest was.

Wrong kind of beef to jerk!

BRAVO... BRAVO! Now I know all these comments have to be from like minded persons. But this just had to be shared. Way to go civilization. You salt of the earth people who use the phrase waste not, want not to all the possibilities imaginable. Either that or you're just trying to convince your girlfriends to swallow cum one way or another. I'm sure she'll spit the food out once you tell her what's in it.

At $24.99, this will make a great Holiday stocking stuffer. It'll be sure to fill you up right... Just be careful. I'm sure it can get all over the place and a little messy.

Chinese Democracy? More like Chinese Supremacy

Chinese Democracy? More like Chinese Supremacy

Duke Nukem is going to be a little lonely today on the shelf of the Vapor ware section. Why, do you ask? Well the new Guns N Roses album 14 years in the making finally hits stores. Let's restate that. 13 years. 13 FUCKING YEARS. That's 15 more years than the last time Guns N Roses was relevant.

Albums completely vapor ware... or just pure shit

This is months after it was leaked on the internet and panned terribly which kicked off a lawsuit which no one cares and really. Who gives a shit about this band anymore? Does anyone really care? Hey, at least it's not some Wal*Mart exclusive like AC/DC's latest attempt in making news.
The only benefit of this not being vapor ware anymore is the saving grace on what it's providing us in benefits from our Doctors. Our Dr. Pepper that is.

Doctor Doctor, give me the news. The upside to the album being released is that we all get a free Dr. Pepper. Yes, that's right! One free bottle of Dr. Pepper. I actually think that it's the only reason why Axle even finished this god awful album.

On Sunday Dr. Pepper's website will allow you to register for a free bottle of soda. I'm sure it'll be an E-mail based coupon. So start creating a ton of e-mail addresses to register for free soda. Don't worry about ethics. If you were smart and pirated the cd already, you would have saved yourself the ten bucks and the time you spent listening to that piece of shit. So weigh in the ethics of multiple e-mails against pirating music. Yeah, didn't think it added up to bad.

While you drink your Dr. Pepper and place your burned album into the microwave to nuke it, you should really be more focused on the real story here. That is what lies in the name. Chinese Democracy. More importantly what happened in those 13 years that past since Axle came up with that title. China has grown wide and expanded greatly.

Yup. I know. I just shit my pants also. It's game over America. Game FUCK'N over. The People's Republic of China looks like a RTS where someone turned on the money cheats. Look at that. Just look at those pictures. If that's what socialism looks like than I'm all for welcoming a new socialist President. If pictures weren't a thousand words here's some food for thought on the roads they built so quickly.
The Expressway Network of the People's Republic of China is one of the longest in the world. The network is also known as National Trunk Highway System (NTHS). The total length of China's expressways is 53,600 km at the end of 2007, the world's second longest only after the United States and roughly equals that in Canada, Germany, and France combined. In 2007, 8,300 km expressways were added to the network.
that's about 12% of the US Interstate Highway system built in one year by the way.
Expressways in China are a fairly recent addition to a complicated network of roads. China did not have an inch of expressways before 1988. Until 1993, very few expressways existed. One of the earliest expressways nationwide was the Jingshi Expressway between Beijing and Shijiazhuang in Hebei province. This expressway now forms part of the Jingzhu Expressway, currently the longest expressway nationwide at over 2,000 km.
Welp pack it up Western Culture, we got our asses handed to us. Shit, we're still struggling to see if Prop 1A will survive all the lawsuits from NIMBY's. So we get a bullet train from Los Angeles to S.F. China built in a longer time frame than China takes to build their highway infrastructure.

We might as well cash in our chips and convert our cash into whatever crazy coins those Chinese use since they'll be our super power soon. It's not all that bad. If they can put into place all those highways in that short amount of time, I'm willing to bet that the pot hole in the road down the block will be fixed quickly.

So Axle, your witty album title is clearly outdated. I'm sure when you do the Chinese leg of the tour you'll realize that your new overlords will not look kindly on being mocked upon 13 years ago. I'm sure they just progressed in that time simply to spit you.

But hey, thanks for the Dr. Pepper. Shame that your album just flat out sucks.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The World's Craziest TV Screen Caps

The World's Craziest TV Screen Caps

Just pretend you're watching this on Fox or Spike for a moment. You'll see some random show with a voice over actor highlighting some terrible clips that will make you feel better as a Television viewer. It's TV's Funniest Screen Caps. These are moments when you do a spit take with whatever you're drinking and look at the screen again to make sure you didn't just imagine it.

Around here I stick close to the motto that a picture says a thousand words. Usually those words don't sound like some drunk hillbilly. In this case, they probably do. Hopefully that'll be funny to you. Add in that when I do these types of post I can easily just look through a random folder of images and throw them against the wall to see what sticks. It saves a whole lot of time on actual content. Consider it the Best Of..., only it never was shown on this blog before. Either way, this just proves the whole laziness in my profile description. Enjoy these terrible clips!

The graphics guy was killed typing this in.




The next few are just a series of photos from the local news. Nice advetisements scrolling on the lower third area.

It's a constantly expanding business... Wait, what?

This one is stretching it a bit..

h4xOr3d teh Gibson
God, I'm going to throw up after typing that sentence. Ugh!

This one doesn't suck...

Should have gone with Apple...


Comedy options as the pic matches the text

WHOOP WHOOP. Holla at yo boi.

Reaching the prime demographics.

Wait, didn't I make this joke already? F. U. INTERNET!

Did someone order some extra large sausage?

New meaning to the Jersey turnpike.

Don't share that box of love with me.

Thanks for the description, News 9!

There's no kissing in Baseball!

Tell me what he had for lunch as well. Please.

Gotta nuke something. I seriously loved OLD Simpsons.

You said it, brother!

I hear your outcry, man.

Nothing funny here besides House. What a joker!

I just like Buffy.. Ok? More so I found her E.T.
like neck scary as all fuck! Quick Buffy, stab her!

Irony points for the glared picture.

And that's the end of this filler post. I'm sure I have enough to post part 2, 3 and eventually the prequel where it's all about the craziest radio broadcast. I'm looking your way, H.G. WELLS!