Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Mystery Inc. Retro

The Mystery Inc. Team Gone Retro

Now that we're in the end of the month of October, it's time to get a little spooky. Though sometimes normality can be even scarier than something freaky. Take for example this redressing of the Mystery Inc. gang into a sort of 1950's style.

Talk about spooky shit right there.

then again, it's that sort of "everything is too normal" level of freaky. In a way, it's sort of cool. All sorts of Cabin in the Woods stuff going on here. You have the slut...

The jock

the stoner

And the virgin

I have to say, they look pretty cool - though they all better fucking die in order to keep the elder gods locked away. I mean, seriously now.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Losing The East Coast Isn't That Bad of a Loss

Losing The East Coast Isn't That Bad of a Loss

If you're a regular reader of this blog you'll know that I have no love for New York. The place is dirty and full of assholes that don't give two shits about anyone who is outside of New York. In fact, just remember this when L.A. gets an earthquake. You'll hear people constantly saying "Dats whats joos get for living in Lwwas Angeles! Nothin' but a'bunch of fruits, nuts and flakes there!"

If I had a nickel for every time a Naaaaawwww Yooorker has said that Los Angeles don't have no culture, I'd have no money worries at all. I'll be like a NYSE worker who, let's face it, robbed America blind with the mortgage crisis. New York can fucking suck a dick.But sure enough, notice how this storm effects the entire East Coast, but it's New York that is getting more of the attention.

CNN is covering all sorts of New York parks that are flooded, even though New Jersey is getting completely swept away. Then again, no loss there. It's just God trying to cleanse the land since that show tainted it for six seasons.

So far there's been about six confirmed casualties from this Hurricane in the city. Ranging from a dude tucked up safely in his house getting flattened by a falling tree, to morons who are outdoors getting fucked by falling power lines. It should go without saying that you should stay the fuck inside during these sorts of things.

Oh yeah, and there's the whole notion that in 2 hospitals needed to do emergency transport of people because they suffered complete generator failure. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "complete generator failure" in a hospital kind of a huge fucking deal? You sort of need that in order to maintain a hospital.

For some beacon of culture and the center of the world, that's some pretty fucked up shit. So losing such mega pricks wouldn't be the end of the world or anything. Let's see how your public transit treats you today when it's all covered in water.

Disney's Part of Your World in 2011

Disney's Part of Your Halloween

Well, if it's the 11th hour and you're wondering what the fuck you should go as for Halloween, perhaps you should reach into your childhood and get some inspiration from Disney? What girl WOULDN'T want to fulfill that dream of being a Disney Princess?

It's just a matter of taking those costumes and making them happen in the real world. Which, you know, shouldn't be too difficult. Just look at these examples;

Sure, this wouldn't be my type of blog if I didn't just toss in some really morbid facts about all this. I mean, perhaps we should just start with Pocahontas;

Man, what a really strange film. Pocahontas was one of those strange ones because of the hook-nosed governor, barefoot savages, blonde and blue eyed heroes, and how literally the first thing the whites do when they land in Jamestown is start blowing up the forest and sleep with the local women. It's also odd because the little bit about her talking to forest spirits and how they both speak the same language thanks to voodoo magic.

Snow White is pretty much a great costume that folks love to slut up. I mean, who doesn't want seven little midgets to serve your every need? Just watch out for bobbing for apples. Okay, let's see. We know there's always the "Sexy" version of the costume, but perhaps you should just take it the other direction and make it all horrorfied.

The little mermaid... Yeah, I wouldn't be opposed for more red heads on this all hallows eve. Not to mention a clam shell bikini top.. Mmmm, I'm not going to complain.

Eh, Cinderella isn't that great of a costume - even with the Halloween themed pumpkin ride and all. But hey, why not just be an IRONIC Princess...

Other costumes.. Well, Tangled was pretty cute of a movie and could make a decent costume. Just avoid Aladdin since his kingdom was literally Palestine. Yeah, not really the best subject lately.
"Merchant: Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment. And the finest merchandise this side of the river Jordan! On sale today! Come on down. "

Yeeeeah, besides, Jasmine is an awfully lazy costume as it needs very little to be turned "sexy". Come folks, get a bit more creative, will you?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Paul Ryan... Yeeeeah

Paul Ryan..... Yeeeeeeah

Don't get me wrong. I know that Joe Biden is one dude who would probably be caught washing his Trans AM outside on the driveway of the white house. But does anyone want this douche bag looking nozzle as a Vice President? I mean, just look at him..

  "working those bicamerals babe"

Listen, your form is all wrong, brah. You gotta prevent the poor from living.

He has got to be the goofiest looking dude. You'd think a professional photoshoot could capture a couple less hilarious expressions. So it's curious as to why a potential VP of the United States looks like a Nintendo advertisement from 1991.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Holy Shit! I'm Soooo Drunk

Holy Shit! I'm Soooo Drunk

Oh man, it's the day after the Saturday closest to Halloween.. You know what happened last night. Heavy drinking - more heavy drinking - and some more heavy drinking.

I'm pretty much paying for it now. Clearly no human being should contain this much alcohol...

Please, god, help. I'm hungover and drunk at the same time.

This is unconscionable.

I must have drank ALL of the Vodka.

And I mean every last ounce of it.

You may think that I clearly didn't, as the store must have some more.

You must be mistaken as I definitely drank all of it.

Cause you know when you wake up and find the bottle you were drinking from and it's completely empty....


Or, maybe it's something more along the lines of  "How is all of this in my body!?"

 Oh cat, give that wine back! You don't even know how to open a bottle!

So currently I've reached the bit where everything seems too hard to do so you sit in a chair staring blankly at the screen and realize you've just managed to scroll through a thread without actually understanding a single word you read.

Oh, the long road to recovery begins here.

By that, I mean that the very short road to more liquor is closer.

This reminds me of that one time I woke up in my friends bed with a can of fosters or whatever shitty big can of beer next to me, and my friend made some joke about it being my breakfast and unfortunately when someone jokingly tells me to do things I get very set on the concept and so I downed loads of it and it had to be the worst beer ever.

Wait, I have no idea where this thought is going. Sorry, I es drunk... and hungover at the same time.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dexter's Lab of Shit

Dexter's Lab of Shit

A new season of Dexter means that I have plenty to complain about. Let's be honest, the show test your endurance for illogical bullshit. Take the episode that aired this past week.

Adding into the realm of Dexter plot point implausibility. A Minotaur Man killer who previously was on Dexter's hit list, but was removed when he handed him over to Deb - who Minotaur Man tried killing. Well, his case gets tossed out on account of not agreeing to his Miranda rights.

Anyhow, Minotaur Man gets off on a technicality and goes immediately back to work at a grave yard, you know, having just tried to kill off a lieutenant at Miami Metro, having an evidence sweep gathered at his personal mortuary of madness and then there isn't a follow-up tail in sight nor did the cemetery owners decide to fire him for being a bit bat shit insane? Yeah, after all this, I think the fact that he tried to kill a cop would have hit the papers.

NOPE! Why not let Minotaur Man keep the keys to the cremation room. He's a good guy, just misunderstanding, is all. Trying to kill a cop and successfully killing a bartender aside is just a phase. He should really have the keys to earth moving equipment and continued parking and living arrangements of his Killebago on cemetery property.

Then we get on to the show in general with the new season essentially pressing a hard reset. You have everyone who was introduced last season wrapped up and taken care of. The actual only competent detective gets killed so oddly in the first episode in an unrelated shooting that is the foundation of the Mobsters story. Then you have the douche intern who was fucking with Dexter get killed off by the Mobsters because they find him on Dexter's boat. Best of all, you have Harrison, Dexter's son and the last bit linking Rita into the story - welp, he's gone to visit Aster and Cody in Orlando never to be seen or heard of again.

Way to go, Dexter's writing staff. You essentially just did a hard reset on the show and got Dexter free and clear of all that bullshit.

Now, if only you'll lead us into the season finale a lot sooner because the name of the episode being  "Surprise, Mother fucker!" Has only the potential to be the best thing possible. I'm hoping Santa brings us a "RoboDoakes", who is part robot and part badass cop.

Yes, writing staff, you know what you must do now. 

Friday, October 26, 2012

Fuck the NFL and Los Angeles

Fuck the NFL and Los Angeles

Seriously now. Can we, Los Angeles residents, just drop this dream of having not only one but two professional foot ball teams based in Los Angeles? The whole AEG Farmer's Field idea is a couple of steps away from being all but a faded fart because the NFL league of teams has decided that it wants more more more.. 
Several league sources expressed doubt that the would-be buyers of AEG — the entertainment giant is for sale and could fetch upwards of $10 billion — would be willing to pour massive amounts of money into the downtown project, as the current deal for prospective funding required AEG to do. A change of ownership at AEG could also lead to a more viable agreement at that site, some inside the effort to build in Los Angeles suggested, though there remain significant issues regarding parking and infrastructure in this area.
Areas around Dodger Stadium, where parking and space is abundant, are highly desirable to the league, sources said, and discussions in that regard are ongoing. This site has not received the national attention of others, but is very logical, particularly if the Dodgers were to move downtown. I asked commissioner Roger Goodell about the area around Dodger Stadium during his post-meeting press conference, and he called it “a terrific site” and seemed enthused about the possibility. One highly-connected source maintained that Dodger Stadium has been and still is “the preferred choice” of all the current options.
Mas Putas! So now, because AEG is not budging on the agreed upon amount to actually not have the tax payers of the city pay so much for them to make a buck on the construction, they're deciding that the whole project, which several millions have already been used to grease the wheels for, is just not something they can do anymore.

So what do they want? Dodger Stadium?
Chavez Ravine, currently the home of Dodger Stadium and the Los Angeles Dodgers, is on the mind of the team's new owners as a potential home for an NFL team. A league source recently told The L.A.Times that the buyers had preliminary discussions with the NFL about just that
   FUCK YOU!  We;re still left with the question of who the fuck will pay for this. Besides, doesn't NOT having a team in L.A. work better for the league of teams? They always use the threat of moving their team to Los Angeles as a threat to whatever city they are in to fix or give them a new stadium or they'll leave.

Bunch of fuck'n drama queens. Fuck them in the ass. We don't need a football team. We're a city filled with
transplants who already come equipped with their own favorite teams to cheer for. We don't need to piss away tax dollars to put into the pockets of some rich football team owner. Nor do we need to fuck up historic landmarks like Dodger stadium.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Wild Wild DC Nation

Wild Wild DC Nation

With Halloween just a couple of days away, perhaps we should take a moment and make you reconsider your Halloween costume. For instance, how about you dress as an alternative universe costumed character? Check out these Denis Medri's Wild Western Justice League Re-Designs and perhaps you'll change up your costume..

Yeah, completely badass.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I....AM.... IRON...MAN....3

I....AM.... IRON...MAN....3

So it's Wednesday which typically means that new comic books roll out on the shelves of America. This week in particular let's talk about some comic book flick stuff. Namely the released trailer for Iron Man 3.

Okay, I guess we should first address that there was actually a trailer for the trailer;

Then on Tuesday the full trailer was released. I have to say, it's really something else.

Okay, I'm a little bummed that they went with Iron Patriot's reactor as being a painted star shaped above the core reactor opposed to just making the core reactor fully be a star. And the Mandarin... I'm a little surprised they went for the full on Rasputin look for him. I fully expected him to just a in a suit like the comics version wears now in IIM

I'm also... well, I have no idea what accent he's doing. I guess that with the Avengers and Thor, they opened up the world enough for Hem to go full comic book in terms of designs. I can only hope that this leads to a potential MODOK. Come on, Marvel, it needs to happen.

Still, that accent. I guess he's doing an over the top accent, which is generally what you expect Kingsley to do in any film. It will be interesting to see if Iron Man 3 decides to actually follow up with what it puts out in the trailer, mainly Stark and America trying to deal with a terrorist attacks. But who knows. The New York incident may refer to the stuff that happened in Avengers. Or maybe Iron Patriot is being manipulated by Mandarin

Either way, it'll be another good year for Marvel Comics. Man, DC really needs to get on the ball and try to catch up.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I'm Jack,The Pumpkin Keg

I'm Jack,The Pumpkin Keg

So I was cruising the interwebs and I came across this super neat idea that will make you the life of any Halloween party you decided to go to this spooky season! It's a pumpkin keg!

Okay, maybe that's being too kind on this thing. I mean.. it's nothing more than making a six pack you brought to the party look a lot cooler than just giving six people the ability to drink.Not to mention that a hallowed out pumpkin does not a keg make. It's a punch bowl. Which, you probably are better off making a Halloween themed punch bowl drink and putting it in there.

And does the video need such a lame music behind it? I mean, it's not a terrible idea. I guess the problem here is that the teacher is so inept. But hey, thanks for the seed planting to a better idea than using an Oktoberfest beer.. you know, one that the Oktoberfest festivities ended a couple of weeks ago, to sit in a pumpkin.

So The Last Debate Took Place

So The Last Debate Took Place

And I'm sure you're wondering who won. The answer - no one. No one won. how could anyone win with two windbags like Romney and Obama up there. It's like arguing the same side of the coin. Especially when it comes to foreign policy, which this debate is all about. Both of them feel that their foreign plans are simple - Kill brown people.

So hey, let's get into it. How's this quote fit on you  "Al Quedas core leadership has been decimated". It's odd because I didn't know that Pakistani children were the higher ups in Al Queda. Though I have to admit that Obama laid down some sick burns on the Romnester. That was some hardcore stuff, O-dawg.

Still, the amount and the density of the lies that both candidates were spewing last night was fucking incredible. I can't quiet articulate what's wrong with what they were saying as fast as it was pour out of their mouths. I had to take a 15 minute break and watch Adventure Time.

It seriously was like watching Emperor Palpatine and Darth Vader debating how to best conquer the galaxy. No wait, that's wrong. Both of these fuckers are Palpatine, because neither of them will be redeemed at the end. Where the fuck do Obama and Romney even differ on foreign policy?

Obama uses drones and Mitt is one. More on that later, cause they actually talked about drones. Spoiler alert, both fuckers will be using them like they're hot wheels.
Romney talks about and keeps on asking what about our navy and that it's really low. After all, America only has 12 of the world's 20 aircraft carriers... Clearly something must be done about this! Don't they know that British frigates could be coming over the horizon at any moment, dammit! Though again, both of these fuckers are shooting for increasing something. Obama wants to make sure that we can handle more than one conflict at a time. 
"We can only be in one conflict at a time!"
God forbid we be in only a single war. But then the conversation got serious as we got into the Iran shit. Oh yeah, Obama laid down some sick burns on Iran. Oh yeah, check yourself, Iran. Your economy is crippled, WHAT NOW?! We ruined their economy, fuck, your people are probably starving or some shit. That's the leadership I promised you as a president, beeeeyatches.

Yup, there are people in Iran who have the same aspirations as people in the rest of the world.  It's just that we're starving them, and their children... intentionally... Yup. Great foreign policy, dontcha think? Look t all your children... that I killed.

Anyhow, so their policies are very similar that it's pointless to think that they're any different when voting for either of these fuckers come election day.

The closing arguments were just spewing of horse shit that I really don't want to think about it. Obama basically saying that he'll fight for your families by murdering other people's families.

I did hear in the aftermath of it all with the pundits the phrase stating 
"If God had a vote, he would vote for Romney" 
That's all nice, too bad god doesn't have a state issued ID

Monday, October 22, 2012

Halloween Lip Syncing

Halloween Lip Syncing

How about some content free posting! In honor of Halloween, let's check out something really scary - Twilight. Oh, don't worry, this is dubbed over so at the very least it's entertaining.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Monsanto - Comically Evil

Monsanto - Comically Evil

So this happened last month, but since we are in the month that is full of horror, I figure this was as good as any a time to talk about it. But did you know that Monsanto's poisoned corn has been banned in Russia after results from test showed that GMO corn causes tumors. 

The study is pretty awesome and the first thing I noticed was that the 90 day testing duration on the USDA corn showed no tumors. But at 120 days, the rats started to become loaded with tumors. I would put money on a scientist being paid under the table and lobbied for the shorter testing frame knowing full well what would happened if they ran the studies up till the 120 time frame.

Just goes to show that Monsanto is truly living up to their incredibly evil sounding name, more and more each day. Perhaps we should just kill 'em all and let Gaia sort the cunts out.

Though, there's a lot of processing that goes on once the crop has left the building. It's not as easy as pointing out that the RoundUP they put on the crop reaches us at human consumption at all. That isn't to say that we should be ignorant of it's effects but rather than Monsanto is a bad company and capitalism makes bad practices, I suppose.

Also in their defense, rats are kind of tumor mills anyway. Most of the rats that are used for testing are also predisposed to getting them at a higher natural rate of cancer than regular rats. But then again, back to hating on them, it's pretty awesome all around because Monsanto loses a massive production market for a product, but I'm not sure that the GMO vs Organic thing is all that conclusive.

I also side with organic foods because there's less reliance on chemical and industrial farming methods. And because regulations in capitalism are fucking awful and they really don't care if hundreds of us die from their shit. 

And while lab rats are very often interbred beyond the point of genetics crap shoot, causing a susceptibility to cancer in itself, the study is just saying what we already know. I think the study is good because it will hopefully make people think critically about the productive process and what sort of contaminants are in your food.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

How Much Is That Human Rights In The Window?

How Much Is That Human Rights In The Window? 

So I was roaming the webs of the inter and I came across this little correction in my travels. I thought it was well worth note to point it out for all to see...

Then again, I guess it makes as much sense to link him to interior design, if you really think about it. You know, since any member of a Bureau of "Human rights" in the U.S. department of state is really nothing more than just some window dressing.

Friday, October 19, 2012

A Little Loopy

A Little Loopy

If I could go back in time and stop myself from watching Looper, would I? Well, at the very least I wouldn't shotgun blast myself before it. No ma'am, for you see, that will just fuck me up in the future in this film's rather silly time travel laws....

No, wait. Strike that. That's the problem I have with this film - it has no laws that it needs to stick with. And while you may think that having an undefined set of rules for a science fiction based story may be a good thing and I'm thinking too hard on it, perhaps you mistake what I'm saying in all this.

When I walked out of the theater after it had ended, I had the same sort of feeling I had after I watched Source Code. That the movie was competently made and the actors were fairly good in their roles, but that the ending had to be the worst part of the whole mess.

The problem is that the thing is filled with so many plot holes, you could fill them in with trucks. To start off, I didn't understand or buy the rational behind the whole concept of loopers. We're told at the beginning that the whole reason for their existence is that it's way too complicated and messy to kill someone in the future because it's hard to get rid of a body and there is genetic trackers or whatever. Yet it's totally cool for people to suddenly disappear from the face of the earth in their time stream?

The way they are killed in the past is with a shotgun and their body is dumped into an incinerator. So why exactly can this not be done in the future? Did they somehow outlaw incinerators? I'm pretty sure a billion degree heat will destroy any genetic tracker. Or maybe they're just harder to fashion in the future black market than a goddamn time machine.

Not to mention that in the future we're shown Joe kill people in drive-bys in broad daylight. Later in the film we see the mob kill someone in a residential neighborhood without batting an eye. What do they do with her body and why bother sending Old Joe back in time if they already killed his wife with ease?

 Then you have the paradoxes that come with the concept of time travel, which are so bare and nagging that I really couldn't help but be a little sperg about some of them, as they did take me out of the film. Since time travel is so fraught with unworkable paradoxes in itself, the only way to make a movie reality where you can accept it is to cover it up with layers and layers of obfuscation and trickery that you're never the wiser that the shit is so unworkable.

That's why films like Primer and Timecrimes work so well. It actually takes a moment to establish rules and it follows its own logic, and it throws so much information at you that it seems actually plausible that you buy it. Looper just doesn't even bother with that. It actually tells you numerous times to not think about its main gimmick too much. You can't do that, and then base so much of your plot on the very mechanic you're asking your audience not to question.

The mutilation scenes are a good example of how Looper does this. The scene asks you to accept that mutilating a younger version of yourself would change your appearance in your future self if you happened to travel back in time, suggesting a single connected timeline. The bizarre justification for this, for not outright killing himself, is that it would be too drastic of a paradox. It doesn't take long to see the complete lack of logic in all this.You know, how or when the first time travel paradox actually happened to result in all this if you can't break out of this circle you're going around with. 
It's just a mess in the time travel department and not establishing and sticking with set laws just makes me want to not care as they'll just be pulling out any reasoning as to why things are the way they are or fix things. 
Another note, while I like JGL, he is mostly just trying to act though prosthetics and trying to mimic Bruce Willis through it all. Which is not really something I care for as the last thing that this movie needed is another Bruce Willis. The tragedy of all this is that the scenes they both are together are the stronger scenes of the film, which of course means that there is about 5 minutes worth of them.

It's also strange how the Chinese wife had zero lines, which was strange because we're supposed to understand that she's the reason why Bruce Willis has to murder children. So not establishing that well enough didn't help this film all that much.  
In the end, it's not a very thought out time travel film and since that's the foundation for this gimmick, it suffers because of it.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Defending Sarah Palin

Defending Sarah Palin 

I can't believe I'm actually going to be doing this. I mean, seriously, this is just odd but it seems that every so often the enemy of my enemy becomes my friend for an unholy alliance. It's as if G.I.Joe and Cobra joined up to fight an even bigger threat.

Anyway, I'm really floored by this facebook update/image. I mean, of all the reasons to criticize Sarah Palin.. this has got to be the worst one.

Can I ask what exactly is the big deal here? I guess it's that Sarah Palin is dressed wrong for an errand run, apparently. I mean, this is really stupid, but sure enough the inane comments keep rolling in...

Yes, that's right, ladies and males. It's the patriarchy hard at work. I guess it wouldn't be so blatant if it wasn't for the fact that you can so clearly picture the way that'd gone if she'd been dressed "frumpy" What also gets me is that they're comparing her to a prostitute for wearing an outfit that covers 85% of her skin. Which is especially ironic given the fact that it's almost time for Halloween and your average female will be wearing something like "Sexy" Bert or "Sexy" Ernie as a costume with their cleavage hanging out.

Yes, sadly those two costumes are actually a thing. Horrific, I know. And while I may not have been very kind about Sarah Palin in the past, it was never because of what she wore. There's plenty of reasons to dislike this lady. For one thing, coming to California and telling us that if only we "drill, baby, drill" in Alaska, we wouldn't have such an oil crisis where we're paying over $4 per gallon at the pump.

But to mock her because she's dressed, in my opinion, far better than what I have seen at your average SoCal grocery stores is rather silly. I mean, it's a whole lot better than wearing your PJ's. You know. And I have seen far too many people in this area go shopping like that.

My god, folks. Stop making me side with people I once called out for their stupidity. This whole defending Sarah is making my head hurt.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Poll Dancing

Poll Dancing

I'm not referring to THAT type of poll dancing. I'm talking about politics..

Oh, come on. Don't walk away so quickly. I swear it won't be as boring as the term Politics implies it will be. But it's something we really need to talk about. Because, seriously, this shit is annoying. As it stands the polls are talking about how this Presidential race is neck and neck, at least as reported by polls in the weeks before the election... Just like in 2008, 2004 and 2000...


It really makes you ponder the purpose of why we do pre-election polls other than to give TV gasbags something to talk about. I can't think of a single positive reason for them to exist and about a dozen for why they should be outlawed altogether.

Giving those fare weather fans a reason to jump ship to the "winning" side, for one thing is a great reason why we should just banish them. The better reason though, is because they're all full of shit and have no real scientific baring as they can be tampered with so easily and mean so little. It's sad because you can make arguments, really bad ones, for lots of things in our electoral system. But I just can't thin of even a bad argument that would justify these polls existence as a benefit to the people other than it's insta-narrative to work with in a low content news hour.

I guess it saves journalist from actually going out and talking to people. Now every think tank asshole can just sit in a studio and read the polling tea-leaves and how X event will play in middle America. It's all horse race bullshit that should have no part in our election process. It adds nothing in making a judgement about whether X or Y policy is any good or bad for the average American. They can just yap on about how it's perceived and what the political fallout will be. All due to the cable news being so ex-political beltway types that either pretend they still are inside the system or wishing they were inside the system and so everything turns into gamesmanship and insider-speak and polls are at the center of it all.

Is Obama-care good or bad? Who the fuck cares, too hard! Let's just look at some polls at where Obama is in the race.

Then there's debate coverage, which has to be the worst fucking thing in the world. 

Well, here we are Jason Bell and Susan Obregan for a post debate round up. Well Jim, I think Romney won by a small margin because he had the dreamiest steely gaze while he spat unmitigated bullshit left and right into the nation's face. Oh, I concur Susan. Might I add that he really had great posture while detailing his plans to march on a road of bones through Main street America? However, I think we can both agree that Obama should have bucked up a bit while delivering his own smattering pile of inane half-truth bullshit and straight outright lies. 

Did Obama blink too much during the debate? We go to Harold Douchnozle from the Washington instittue to see how this will play in Ohio. We now turn to Hank Tuggywuggy to mangle some sports metaphors to no great effect. Can't forget to include those who are stuck in the sports zone. 

Thanks Bob! I really think Obama was playing clutch defense tonight. No long balls and no hail mary's to speak of. Just a sure tight hold on his position. Now if you look right here on the replay, he's keeping a tight pocket and running down the clock while Romney is just pitching elbows all over the court. Mittey-boy is just swinging for the fences right there while Barry needed to call in his clean up crew before he got completely skunked and that trick downtown pop fly dfslkaklfjalk;;dljlfasljl;kdakl; kf Fuuuuuuuuuuck

Forget what they said. It's not our jobs. HA! Coming up next, seven hours straight of Lockup. Good night and go fuck yourself, America!      

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Next Presidential Debate

The Next Presidential Debate

I wanted to drop this blog post before the next Presidential debate started because it's good to know why the biggest reason for the debates becoming such a pile of shit aside from the candidates we have to choose from. It's because it's pretty much run by a corporation -non partisan democrat and republican venture - that has a whole crazy list of rules and requirements that pretty much guarantee that it will be a shit debate by the two most boring presidential candidates around.

Taken from here, but the 'rules' exclude among other things
  • challenging questions
  • assertive moderators
  • follow-up questions
  • candidate-to-candidate questioning
  • rebuttals and surrebuttals

So yeah, it's no wonder these debates do nothing to let us know anything about anything when it comes to our choice of bad and worse.

Monday, October 15, 2012

And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU!

And The Nobel Prize Goes To.... EU! 

Wait, WHAT?! Is the Nobel peace prize comity really actually doing this? Did they just realize that Time did this with Youtube (YOU) being the Time person of the year and just figure, why the fuck not copy that same model? Because really, this is pretty fucking silly.

Perhaps we need to back up a little here and explain. The Nobel Peace Prize this year was awarded to the European Union. 
The European Union has won the Nobel Peace Prize, despite a year marked by riots on streets of many capitals and the looming prospect of an acrimonious break up amid an economic crisis caused by the euro.

Chin up, America. Maybe next year the Pentagon will win it. "This year's Peace Prize goes to...... WHITE PEOPLE! You earned it, fellas'. Live it up!"

Okay, so what exactly happened here? Because every time I try to make some sense of the 21st century world of politics and the pieces start to fit together, this kind of shit just happens and completely breaks my mind. This seriously cannot be real. 
Geir Lundestad, the Nobel committee secretary, has long wanted to give the EU the peace prize on the basis of post-war Franco-German reconciliation, because it “helped to consolidate democracy in Southern Europe” after the end of fascist regimes in Spain and Portugal and for its role in helping the transition in eastern Europe after the collapse of Communism.
Gee, thanks for advancing Neo-liberal capitalism increasingly in everything you've done since the 1950's. We do in fact have a medal and jackets. Yes sir, today the Nobel Peace Prize was given to the concept of a treaty. Though, considering Obama received his Nobel Peace Prize, it's only fitting that the irony levels this is awarded to keeps on going.

Congrats to everyone in the EU, good job all around. I can't wait till next time when Peace will win the Nobel Peace Prize. Or is it Death? Yea, Death might win it as well. I would have suggested that it was "Given to the school of the Americas, but then I realized that Kissinger had already won it. I mean, what's next? Will Monsanto win the Nobel prize for medicine and physiology?
"Peace" wins Nobel peace prize, celebrates by buying four horses
By now I'm just going off the assumption that Alfred Nobel isn't actually dead. He's just a vampire that survives by drinking irony. Otherwise how do you explain this? Sure, "no longer being at war" is, in itself a very technical way of look at "peace", but this just seems very strange.

I'm pretty sure that by now, all you E.U. citizens are just graciously accepting this happily and waiting on where your share of the prize money is.

I can tell you, and I hope no one forgets these little facts, that the accompanying cash prize of one million Euros equates to 1/40000th of the amount made by EU member nations in arm sales in 2009 alone. Arms export licenses from EU countries equaled a record €40.3 billion in 2009. Which was up 20% since the 2008 numbers. And with  €9.6 billion in sales going to regimes in the middle wast which subsequently used them to brutally suppress demonstrators during the Arb Spring, this whole thing somehow equals a nice shiny Peace Prize.

Don't forget, Sweden is also the number one weapon exporter per capita, selling weapons for around €1,5 billion in 2010. But maybe it'll be different this time. I mean, they give the prize to Obama and he bombs more people than ever before. Now that the EU wins, the only correct ironic conclusion is that World War 3 will happen soon. How again is this considered a 'Peace Prize'? 

Well, to be fair, we all should've seen this coming back when they named the prize after someone who invented dynamite. Naive of the guy sure, because dynamite's original purpose was so you could build more tunnels through rock and stuff like that. But then again, it was also supposed to be the weapon to end all weapons that no one dare use like the atom bomb! 

Either way, this is all just that last exit for gas sign before a long trip. We're very quickly approaching a singularity in which the polarities of irony will shift. Causing The Onion to become real life and vise versa. 

In fact, it's pretty much this that we may see that it already happened.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The Dead, They Walk!

The Dead, They Walk!

Well, it may not be Breaking Bad time on AMC till next July, but at least we have a reason to turn on to that American Movie Channel once again tonight as that ever so frustrating television show, The Walking Dead, comes back tonight.

With a new season beginning, it renews my hope that somehow, someway... Lori will die. Hopefully she'll die with Carl and both of them dying will somehow bring Shane back. Because even if he was a prick, he was a shit ton better than Lori.

Can you blame me for hoping that? The previews have been interesting, in that Lori looks like an even bigger pent up bitch than ever and for a second I thought Carl was sporting facial hair. I wonder how many times this season someone will say "Shane was right."

So yeah, we can only hope Lori dies this season. Because last season was really strange. At one point she is all but telling Rick that Shane needed to go and get killed, and then when she finds out he's dead, she flips out. It's like, bitch! You were telling me not just yesterday that the mofo had to die.

It makes you feel like she was playing them both. And hopefully that's the case, but I sort of doubt that the show is that smart. Especially the way it played out. It seemed like there was some confusion as to what Lori actually wanted as a character.

But with the new season comes the most important thing about this show. The return of T-dawg. If you missed it last season, they actually did give out his name. Theodore Douglas. Why does it matter? Because he was regulated as a stand in background extra last season. And according to the Wiki article I read, "Glen Mazzara stated on his twitter account that there are bigger plans for T-Dog in season 3.
"In a recent interview, IronE Singleton mentioned that in Season 3 there will be "more T-Dog."
Awww yeah. The man who couldn't die. Looks like things are looking up for everyone's favorite character.

At least it should be America's favorite character.        

Saturday, October 13, 2012



Welp, that's it for humanity. Last person out the door needs to flip the switch cause we're done. Don't believe me? Well here's proof.

XARM - or extreme Arm wrestling. Yes, that's right. There's an extreme version of that now. I really don't know what to say - what could be said. Other than humanity has seen it's last glimmer of hope and it has been snuffed out completely.

It was a fun run, folks. We deserved to get completely wiped off existence now.

Friday, October 12, 2012

It's Always Sunny....

It's Always Sunny....

So It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia returned last night. Man, does it feel like a long time since the last season ended. Plenty of things happened since. 

The shocking, or at least to me, thing to happen is that Danny DeVito and Rhea Pearlman have decided to split. Let me tell you, if there was one celebrity couple - hell, if there was one couple anywhere in the world that gave me hope in thinking that two people were better suited to be with each other, it was those two.

One is a freakishly small troll and the other is... well, a freakishly small troll.

They were made for each other.... but I guess after 31 years of marriage later, they apparently aren't. Who would have thought that union would be one to break.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. It's pretty common knowledge that Danny is a fucking horn dog. I recall the time on set that he pretty much hit on everything that moved. It's sort of tough not to be so hung up on pussy when you're that small. He's practically at eye level with it all day. So it's no shock that he'd want to grab at it all the time.

I guess we should just accept it. Marriage is dead.

Thanks, always sunny. If you weren't so popular, Danny wouldn't have the slightest idea that he could do better.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Whiskey On Your Plate - Why So Blue?

Whiskey On Your Plate - Why So Blue?

In case you're wondering, I guess I haven't touched on the most sacred of sacred whiskey. The famed Johnny Walker Blue Label. I bet you're wondering if it's just marketing hype or what?

In short, yes. it's a lot of hype and, at best, a luxurious image thing. It's to whiskey what Armand de Brignac is to champagne. It's alright, but you can do so much better for far much less. In fact, I would prefer a shit lot different whiskeys than the blue label.

Try some Gold and Double Black. It's far easier to drink and far less on your wallet. Hell, for that much you may as well go for the real good stuff. The Highland Park 18. Oh yes, that is great stuff. I love me some 12 year old and the 18 is far more nuanced and interesting as far as single malts go.

So now that we talked about the aged stuff.. let's talk about the white lightning.. I feel like spending any real amount of money on unaged whiskey is just.. I mean.. let's be honest here, a sucker's bet. I mean, it's unaged. It's white lightning, yo. There's none that are really particularly palatable. I mean, Makers Mark white whiskey wasn't gross, but I can't see why you would want to drink the stuff outside of a whiskey tasting, let alone pay $30 or more for a bottle.

In fact, the whole trend of using the term "Moonshine" as a marketing term is pretty retarded, but I'll be lying if I told you I haven't tried 100 proof clear corn whiskey billed as moonshine and sold with cherries soaked in it and I must say, it was not bad at all. The brand is Midnight Moon and they do have an Apple Pie version, which once Justified comes back, I know I'll be buying some of it - in spite of it being 100 proof, I could drink it neat quite easily. The actual taste of the apple pie was great.
 It's also only $22 a handle, so that in itself makes it a little easier on the mind. There's also Howling Moon at around $25 a handle. But once you get into the turf where you're paying $30+ for a handle of Troy and Sons.. fuck that. Heaven Hills makes a Georgia Moon which is only $12. Again, it's better if unaged whiskey is just dirt cheap. Otherwise it's a bit of a rip off.
The only comfort you should have in buying white whiskey is knowing that you're supporting a new distillery and maybe one day they'll crank out a good barrel aged version with their profits.  

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Bondage By Target

Bondage By Target

It couldn't be October without Halloween. And it couldn't be Halloween without me mentioning slutty costumes. Ooooh yeah.Take a look at this Halloween Costume found at Target

Okay, to be fair, it seems that Target decided to pull the product because this story spread like a wild fire. But even if  Target took it off the market, you could still the top picture of it and wonder what the hell Target was thinking!?

Yeah, I'm not sure what else can be said about that. I'm a little surprised that they're even bothering. Where's the religious groups uprising against this tainting of their cherished target stores? I'm just as surprised as anyone else that someone at the company would okay this to be sold... and I'm not a prude. It's just not common sense.    

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The Obama Campaign Brought to you by the letter F and U

The Obama Campaign Brought to you by the letter F and U

You can tell that the Obama campaign, only a couple weeks out from the election, is a bit worried. How can you tell? Well, take a look at this ad that came out poking fun of Mitt and the whole Big Bird rants..

From FDL
This is an amusing ad by the Obama campaign, poking fun at Mitt Romney’s comment in the first debate about eliminating funding for PBS and Big Bird. President Obama has been getting good traction on the stump with the line about Romney looking out for Wall Street while fighting Sesame Street, and so they turned it into ad form. This was perhaps the most memorable line of the debate, and it came from Romney. Obama may have had a bad debate performance, but he gave the Romney campaign few quotable lines to work with. So it’s the Romney lines that get highlighted in ads.

There’s only one thing that sticks out to me about this ad, though the casual viewer probably won’t notice it. Let’s look at that litany of Wall Street “criminals” and “gluttons of greed,” which later get juxtaposed with Big Bird. You have Bernie Madoff, Ken Lay and Dennis Kozlowski. So two CEOs prosecuted and convicted by George W. Bush’s Justice Department, and Madoff, whose son turned him in before Obama took office, in December 2008, and who pleaded guilty.

So the Obama campaign could not fill a list of three Wall Street criminals that the Obama Justice Department actually sent to jail. Heck, they couldn’t fill a list of one! 

 And it's true. I mean, Obama hasn't gone after those who brought down our economy. But hey, he brought down those responsible for 9/11. Which, I guess isn't something to forget, but the bigger issue is that even though no high rises came down, those wallstreet criminals did damages to our economy far greater than any terrorist from distant lands.

But hey, it looks like even the person getting picked on doesn't want this sort of help. Apparently the Sesame Workshop has asked Obama's campaign to take down the ad that uses Big Bird.
Sesame Workshop is a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization and we do not endorse candidates or participate in political campaigns. We have approved no campaign ads, and, as is our general practice, have requested that both campaigns remove Sesame Street characters and trademarks from their campaign materials.

Whoops. I guess that was a boner. Not even the organization that is potentially getting fucked over in all this wants Obama's help in the matter. Ha! Maybe PBS and Sesame Workshop doesn't want the help because unlike Romney saying he would cut PBS, Obama actually did do that. Yet no one is talking about that. It really is pretty sad when you think about it. Even if you word it as Obama just trimming the budget where Romney would flat out eliminate it. Incremental changes, I suppose.

Now then, can we go back to talking about how 15% of America needs to starve to death so we can solve the debt crisis?

The Bums Lost, Lebowski! Stopping Unemployment

The Bums Lost, Lebowski! Stopping Unemployment

This news piece is a little dated, but I finally got around to finishing up all the loose ends to this, so here you go. In case you didn't hear, we extended the Bush tax cuts and decided that cutting unemployment benefits was somehow a good thing...
Washington (CNN) -- Senate Republicans promised Wednesday to block legislative action on every issue being considered by the lame-duck Congress until the dispute over extending the Bush-era tax cuts is resolved and an extension of current government funding is approved.

All 42 Senate Republicans signed a letter to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nevada, vowing to prevent a vote on "any legislative item until the Senate has acted to fund the government and we have prevented the tax increase that is currently awaiting all American taxpayers."

"With little time left in this congressional session, legislative scheduling should be focused on these critical priorities. While there are other items that might ultimately be worthy of the Senate's attention, we cannot agree to prioritize any matters above the critical issues of funding the government and preventing a job-killing tax hike," the letter said.

The 2001 and 2003 tax cuts enacted by former President George W. Bush will expire after December 31 if Congress fails to reach an agreement on their extension. Top Democrats and Republicans disagree sharply over whether the current tax rates should be extended just for families earning $250,000 or under per year or for everyone regardless of income.

Republicans contend that a failure to extend all of the tax cuts would hamper an already-sluggish economy. President Barack Obama and Democratic congressional leaders argue that the roughly $700 billion price tag attached to an extension of the tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans would be fiscally irresponsible.

White House and congressional tax negotiators began deliberations Wednesday morning. Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner characterized the initial talks as "very civil" and said that while everything was discussed, there were no surprises.

House Democrats, meanwhile, announced their intention to move forward with a vote Thursday to permanently extend the breaks only for families earning $250,000 or less.

On the spending side, a continuing resolution responsible for funding the government is scheduled to expire Friday.

Democrats are trying to pass several pieces of legislation before a more Republican Congress is sworn in in January, including the START nuclear arms treaty with Russia, a repeal of the ban on gays and lesbians serving openly in the military, and the so-called DREAM Act, which would create a path to citizenship for young illegal immigrants.

Reid blasted the GOP letter on the Senate floor Wednesday morning, calling it part of a "cynical" and transparent" Republican strategy to "obstruct" and "delay" legislative progress while blaming the Democrats for failing to effectively govern.

"Last month, the American people issued their verdict on the Democrat's priorities," replied Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky. "We need to show the American people that we care more about them and their ability to pay their bills than we do about the special interests' legislative Christmas-list."
Wow. Just fucking wow. But hey, I love the framing in this article:
Top Democrats and Republicans disagree sharply over whether the current tax rates should be extended just for families earning $250,000 or under per year or for everyone regardless of income.
Makes you wonder if we should give tax cuts to just the selfish few earning below 250k? Or should we be fair here, people? How about we just should have let all the tax cuts expire as they were meant to under the original legislation? If they were meant to be permanent then Bush would have made them so.

Then again, they were probably designed to be permanent but engineered to bite the ass of the democratic president that followed Bush. So good job, I guess.

It's pretty impressive stuff here. That the republicans could potentially cut off 2 million people off unemployment, then the temporary retail hires from the Christmas consumerist season all get shitcanned, then there's going to be a massive economic catastrophe happening almost simultaneously with the republican congress taking control. That's like, what, at least 2% of the individual income of the country being destroyed over a month?

My goodness. I can't even get excited about this anymore. Life is no fun when the worst things always happen, we need some variety to keep it up, know what I'm saying? You know the situation is pretty desperate when you have a guy that thinks the soviet union would have ever launched a first strike is railing about CEOs.

Then again, I think we're past desperate at this point. But hey, just look at what Michigan is up to.
LANSING, Mich. (AP) -- Michigan says it will stop taking new extended unemployment benefit applications after Saturday because Congress has failed to renew the program.

The state Department of Energy, Labor and Economic Growth says about 162,000 Michiganians exhausted their jobless benefits from January through November and about 181,500 will exhaust their unemployment benefits from this December through April 2011, barring an extension by Congress.

Gov. Jennifer Granholm wrote congressional leaders last week, asking for extension of the federal Emergency Unemployment Compensation program.

Michigan Unemployment Insurance Agency Director Stephen Geskey says the state's own unemployment benefit program will continue to provide up to 26 weeks of benefits for the newly jobless.
My goodness, the tax breaks let people keep more of what they've earned, unemployment benefits lets people collect money that they haven't earned.

I, however, do not care about tax cuts because they ain't spending. 250k isn't even that much, I seriously mean that, why should that be the threshold? I mean, 500 sounds more reasonable. It's not like 250k income is 5 times higher than the median household income in the country or anything.

I know people who just got rejected for an entry-level job after two rounds of interviews, three rounds of testing/assessment, and two six-hour sessions of unpaid training; for failing the credit check....

The twist in all that? They were interviewing for their old job back - and at a 22% pay cut. Even more so, they asked if he could pass out some flyers to his friends, as they were hiring a lot of people this season...

Yeah, I have to say that it's been pretty entertaining watching all the news outlets finally lose every last bit of hope from 2008. The sooner we lose all hope, the sooner we can try to rebuild. It makes you really wish you would have taken that job with the CIA. You know, so you could just get paid for flying heroin all over south east Asia.

It's pretty simple folks, Tax cuts generate government revenue, tax increases decrease it. That's basic college education, right?

The thing you should really come to realize is that unemployment payments are keeping, like, 800,000 people employed. If we end a lot of those then you can kiss that off, I guess. Just go back to the tax cuts and hope that rich people hire poor people despite not needing any extra capacity because demand is plummeting as no one has any money.

In the end, it's pretty simple - This recession was basically caused by some rich people and the government, so to not extend unemployment benefits is really hideous..... um.. geez, am I turning into a libertarian? What is happening to my brain?!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Am I A Muppet?

Am I A Muppet? 

Quick question. Which Muppet lives in a trash can and has no money or no home? In a couple of months, all of them!

After last week's first presidential debate, one thing is certain. Mitt Romney simple does not care about felt people. Forget the fact that Jim Leher got shitted on in the worst way possible. As one of my good friends put it so nicely;
Romney: I like you, Jim. So I'm going to smile to your face as I tell you I'd gut PBS, and purge everything you've worked to build at NewsHour over your 40 years with the network, extinguishing all legacy you possibly lay claim to in the field of broadcast journalism. I'd kill Big Bird, too.
Leher: ..
Romney: I do not respect you as a man.
Romney: Now give me the final word.
Leher: Ok.
I mean, let's be honest, Leher was a shitty moderator and couldn't reign in these two assclowns to actually answer a single question. Not to mention, just let them walk all over him. But still, the real victim here is that the muppets that live on Sesame Street may not be on Wall Street, nor on Main Street. But if Romney wins, they'll be put out to the side of the curb.

Oh how I wish Mister Rogers was still around.

It's appalling that they even consider gutting PBS of any funding. It's very important to the future of America as well as any hope for getting children started off right in education. Romney may boast about how the private sector can take care of their own, but considering how little the amount Public Broadcast actually cost and the long lasting effect it has on the viewers who grow up with it, this issue alone could be a nail in Romney's coffin.


 How exactly did PBS become public enemy #1 of austerity? I mean, how is this even possible? Well, it looks like that terrorist cell decided to release a public response to being put on blast at the debate.
 ARLINGTON, VA – October 4, 2012 – We are very disappointed that PBS became a political target in the Presidential debate last night. Governor Romney does not understand the value the American people place on public broadcasting and the outstanding return on investment the system delivers to our nation. We think it is important to set the record straight and let the facts speak for themselves.

The federal investment in public broadcasting equals about one one-hundredth of one percent of the federal budget. Elimination of funding would have virtually no impact on the nation’s debt. Yet the loss to the American public would be devastating.

A national survey by the bipartisan research firms of Hart Research and American Viewpoint in 2011 found that over two-thirds of American voters (69%) oppose proposals to eliminate government funding of public broadcasting, with Americans across the political spectrum against such a cut.

As a stated supporter of education, Governor Romney should be a champion of public broadcasting, yet he is willing to wipe out services that reach the vast majority of Americans, including underserved audiences, such as children who cannot attend preschool and citizens living in rural areas.

For more than 40 years, Big Bird has embodied the public broadcasting mission – harnessing the power of media for the good of every citizen, regardless of where they live or their ability to pay. Our system serves as a universally accessible resource for education, history, science, arts and civil discourse.

Over the course of a year, 91% of all U.S. television households tune in to their local PBS station. In fact, our service is watched by 81% of all children between the ages of 2-8.

Each day, the American public receives an enduring and daily return on investment that is heard, seen, read and experienced in public media broadcasts, apps, podcasts and online – all for the cost of about $1.35 per person per year.

Earlier in 2012, a Harris Interactive poll confirmed that Americans consider PBS the most trusted public institution and the second most valuable use of public funds, behind only national defense, for the 9th consecutive year.

A key thing to remember is that public television and radio stations are locally owned and community focused and they are experts in working efficiently to make limited resources produce results. In fact, for every $1.00 of federal funding invested, they raise an additional $6.00 on their own – a highly effective public-private partnership.

Numerous studies -- including one requested by Congress earlier this year -- have stated categorically that while the federal investment in public broadcasting is relatively modest, the absence of this critical seed money would cripple the system and bring its services to an end.
I mean, I know Romney is so addicted to downsizing and dismantling corporations he buys out. But killing Big Bird? Now that's too much!

When you think about it, cutting PBS funding is one of those propositions that's so cartoonishly evil that I still have trouble comprehending that a real person is even suggesting such a thing. But then I have to remember that a big chunk of the republican base literally think that PBS is a tool for communist propaganda. So I guess it's never really about the money that is used for it. I really wish it was a communist propaganda tool.

1, ah ah ah ah! 2, ah ah ah ah! 3! 3 Bankers against the wall! Ah ah ah ah!

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Sensiable Ideas On How To Fix What Can Not Be Fixed - Our Economy

Sensiable Ideas On How To Fix What Can Not Be Fixed - Our Economy

In an effort to actually do something instead of just always complaining about others NOT doing so, here it is. The politicians obviously don't know what they're doing. So perhaps it's time that we toss in a few ideas on how to get businesses growing again and get the economy back on track! If enough of us do this, then perhaps we can chug chug chug that economy along to a bigger and brighter future!

- Give tax breaks to businesses who provide on site sleeping accommodation for employees. This would save people the hassle of having to commute and encourage businesses to look after their workers better!

- Remove mandatory paid overtime, but replace it with 'bonus time' card system where employees can earn points from extra hours which increase their attractiveness to potential employers when applying for new jobs. As well as increasing productivity, this could encourage some healthy 'can do' competitive spirit in our dispirited workforce!

- Promote scientific advancement by liberalising experimentation rules and proceedures, my friend was paid for some human experimentation done on him once and he was fine AND he bought a new car! Accelerating scientific advancement and putting money back in the economy (and unlocking latent psionic powers!?), I'm suprised no government has done this already

- Encourage bankers to 'adopt' and sponsor orphaned and disadvantaged children by building a large monument which records and honours every banker who does and hold a yearly TV award show!?

- make a list of every rich person in order of richeness and visit each one in turn with a mob of armed anarchy teenagers.

- Introduce a ghost tax, legalize ghosts and tax them!

The last idea would work great in combination with the plan right before it. Essentially it would be killing the rich and then billing them for the bullets.

What we really need to do in order to turn this economy around is to fire every politician ever. And by that I mean get every politician ever and light them on fire.

Come on folks, when's the last time socialism worked at all? It's time to face the grim reality of it all. I mean, the radical perspective is kind of cute, but come on now. Cuba is around, sure, but it's entering the post-Castro era. Liberalism has won, and with it comes the spoils to the victors. Perhaps the one thing that needs to happen will save everyone;

Nationalizing Walmart

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Who's Doctoring?

Who's Doctoring? 

Well, you know. I guess I couldn't leave well enough alone considering that we're here on another Saturday and there is just no Doctor Who on. I guess let's retouch the departure of the Williams. You know, now that I'm sure everyone has seen it by now.

Let's go back to Rory and Amy and how they ended... Rory died and Amy lived on after him for a good six years without her family and friends, never being able to have another child, the Doctor being unable to visit her without risking New York's safety... and really, who gives a shit about New York, anyway?

In the grand scheme of things, they had a daughter that they couldn't raise and resulted in them being unable to have any other children and were transported to a generally awful time to be, isolated from the lives and loved ones they left behind. In the grand scheme of things, the more I think about it, the more Rory and Amy's fate seems just plain awful.

Rose? Here's your mom your dad and a Blow-Up Doctor.
Martha? You're in UNIT now! Congrats!
Donna? You forgot your adventures with the Doctor, but at least you get a husband, a caring father and a winning lottery ticket.
Amy and Rory? ... Well, you've got each other.

They didn't even get to say goodbye to Brian. That's the harsh truth of the matter. Though I guess Amy and Rory both have magical cellular phones that work across space and time. So maybe they could just call Brian anytime they want and talk to him. Though, they'll have to find an adapter that will let them charge their phones in 1938....

It's also too bad that Rory left his charger in Henry the VIII's bedroom.... And that, my friends, is how you wrap everything up in a nice little bow.

When you think about it, there's a pretty extensive history with the Doctor stealing away companions and difficult things happening and leaving behind some sort of father-figure to deal with the aftermath. What I'm getting at is that there needs to be a special with The Doctor, Brian and Wilf

Friday, October 5, 2012

Cooking Under Economic Hardship Part 5

Cooking Under Economic Hardship Part 5

If you're still hungry and not in the proper mindset of really cooking for yourself under these tough times - but first, let's go on to the psychology of eating poor.

If this is your first experience being a Poor, well... welcome to you. However, you are probably going to experience some push back in your brain. Eating as a poor is a lot like going on a crash diet for the first time - If you restrict yourself too much, eventually you're going to snap and find yourself in a KFC drive through spending two weeks worth of grocery money and you won't remember how you got there.

Allow yourself a couple food luxuries, it really help keep you on budget and does a world of good for your mental health. My luxury is a real butter. $2.50 for 4 sticks vs a $1 jumbo tub of generic margarine doesn't seem like a deal, but it tastes so much better and you end up using less overall.

Second off, learn how to fucking bake. Sugar makes your brain feel good and you're going to crave it sooner rather than later. You can make a couple dozen tasty cookies for the amount of money you'd spend on a pack of Keebler's crap - even less! If you discover you enjoy baking, you can also save a ton of money on holiday gifts by spending a day in the kitchen and making some crazy brownies or whatever.

Making cooking and eating a communal thing, you probably don't have the cash to go out to eat with friends at this point, so perhaps you should invite them over, have people bring a dish or ingredient and everyone can hang out and smoke you up while you make dinner.

You can also buy a 12 packs of soda on EBT and then dump them out and take the cans back for enough to get you a 40oz of Steel Reserve. Ration the Steel Reserve so it will last a month - Problem.fuckin.solved.

But again, stick to real butter. I know plenty who survived on 2 meals of generic plain pasta and margarine a day, who would give their left nut and sold an organ for some real butter.

Remember - REAL.BUTTER!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The Presidential Debate

The Presidential Debate

Okay, was it me or did I just watch something of a satire on television in the Presidential debate last night. First off, it seemed like the whole thing was moderated with the power of stupidity. It just kept going in circles and it sure as fuck didn't seem like there was no one leading this cluster of a fuck.

It was pretty sad seeing the moderator ineffectually try to get any of these fucktards to actually answer a single question. I also can't believe that there are people who watched this and cheered at the things that were being said. It's just sad entirely.

Tax cuts.. oh hey, how can a tax cut NOT add to the deficit? Romney's statement about not cutting 5 trillion dollars in taxes, I just want to cut 4.95 trillion dollars. Look, I got five kids, man!
Mitt Romney: I say, your three cent titanium tax goes too far!

Barack Obama: And I say, your three cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough!
Though, I should have known better. There's going to be a separate debate on foreign policy issues. That's typically the fun stuff. This is just back and forth on "Taxes ain't no good, braw". We may have made this debt, but why the fuck should we be the ones to pay for it? I mean, come on!

If there's anything I've learned, it's that to Never Pay Debts! We borrow money from China to pay for PBS... yes, that's actually something said in earnest by a potential president.

It's pretty comical that Obama was complaining about class sizes and outdated textbooks only a week after his Chi-town boy Mayor Rahm tried to crush the Chicago teachers union.

I'm also confused by how Romney jumped in favor of breaking up big banks. It's strange, but when did Romney become an anti-bank populist? The rhetoric used, even on something as mainstream as a presidential debate. You can see the wheels turning but never quite getting there. Like Obame is listing all the things that leads to the economic crisis, hmmm, it's almost like it's systematic. 

Then again, the GOP candidate is appearing more moderate in the Presidential debate compared to the GOP primaries? Well then, I never! 

It should be noted that the affordable care act was sabotaged by Republicans refusing to go along with anything Obama proposed and filibustering everything to make sure he would be a one term president even though it was the most flaccid, feeble attempt at reform imaginable.

The affordable care act was sabotaged by Republicans refusing to go along with anything Obama proposed and filibustering everything to make sure he would be a one term president even though it was the most flacid, feeble attempt at reform imaginable. Can we also agree that Clean Coal is a fucking stupid term. That's like saying we all should drink some dry water.

In the very end, at the very least they both have some nice tasteful American flag pins. Though I just noticed that Romney's is 3x the size of Obama's. I bet he had an aide with a suitcase full of them bring the one that was clearly bigger, but not "Sarah Palin big". 

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Carmageddon - Not So Scary

Carmageddon - Not So Scary

The 405 can be a scary place. Well, it can be a slow place. A very, very slow place. A location that will rob you of your extra time and can feel like getting to the valley from the west side is a stretch into forever. Though it can be said that it's a needed evil. Without you would have to drive all the way around the Santa Monica mountains in either direction. That in itself would be more difficult.

Where am I going with this? Well, clearly to talk about Carmageddon. The event that closing the 405 made everyone believe that the end of Los Angeles car community would be brought about with. The doom and gloom that was spouted off for the six or seven weeks leading up to it was just comical, at best, and far above and beyond the scare that Y2K brought about.

Now that we're on the other side of it, not to be one of those to say I told you so, but you're sure as fucking right I said I told you that not a goddamn thing was going to be a problem with it. Now the Mayor came out and proclaimed the whole thing as a success...
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa on Sunday called ‘‘Carmageddon II,’’ the sequel to last year’s shutdown of one of the nation’s busiest freeways, a success and thanked drivers for staying off the road and keeping the weekend traffic unusually light.

Bridgework that forced the closure of Interstate 405 was completed and lanes of the freeway through the Sepulveda Pass began reopening Sunday night, hours ahead of a planned reopening for the Monday morning commute.
The connector ramps to Interstate 10 were opened first, followed by the northbound lanes and the on-ramps, police Det. Gus Villanueva said. The process will be repeated for southbound lanes.
Boy howdy, if there isn't a photo op that this douche bag hasn't taken the chance to stick his nose into. What an asshole. I sure hate him with a fucking passion. But hey, at least he's willing to admit that he was wrong... no wait, that's not what the did. He thanked folks for not being on the road. Which seems a little strange as that wasn't the message being presented to motorist for the last two months.

The stupidity of it all just repeated itself. People freaked the fuck out and decided not to go out at all. The last time this happened, even though there was an increased number of public transportation offerings, as well as free bus lines, ridership was lower than on most Sundays. Which just tells you that people stayed in and didn't go out at all. Which, in a sense, is good for people like me who are tired of crowds. But on the flip side, it's bad for consumer spending.

Though, I have to admit that as a driver it was probably the best days to drive in Los Angeles since the days when roads weren't covered in cars. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that perhaps we should do this more often. While it may not be great for the folks who live near the freeway on a driver, it'll be a lot better for their health concerns. You see, last year when they pulled the act of closing down the freeway for the weekend, the air quality went up 83%
The reprieve lasted for only one weekend, but UCLA researchers say that last year's Carmageddon closure of the 405 Freeway rid Los Angeles of both traffic and another notorious problem: pollution.
Air quality near the closed 10-mile portion of the freeway reached levels 83% better than typical weekends, according to research released Friday by a team at UCLA's Institute of the Environment and Sustainability.
More striking, the researchers say, air quality also improved 75% in parts of West Los Angeles and Santa Monica, suggesting that whole swaths of residents stayed off the road in those areas. Overall, air quality across the region was 25% better than normal.
Wow. I have to say, I know I'm not one to take to public transportation, thus I'm part of the problem. I know I sure do need to use my bike more often. But if just closing down a highway for one weekend can get this much better air quality, there should be some sort of indicator, or at least some sort of attempt to encourage more folks to get off the road more often.

In the end, Carmageddon had no teeth. Why am I not surprised that the panic is far larger than the actual reality of things.