Thursday, January 31, 2019



I used to hike this park on the daily. The trails offer over 50 miles of an amazing view all within the city. Especially during the time I did 11 years ago during the writers strike. It was a time where I had a lot of self reflection to do on who I was and where I was going. Most of all, it was free and it occupied my time as well as making me pretty healthy and at least 50 pounds lighter.

I tried to go up to the Observatory trail head again the other day and while it hasn't been 11 years since I have been to that trailhead, I would say at most around maybe 2, the place was completely different and it was sad to me. Prior to this you could park for free for several hours along the ridge going up to it. Was traffic nuts? A bit, but now there's pay machines for the parking and you have to pay 8 dollars per hour on this mother fucker.

That shocked the hell out of me. How can you expect someone to come back on a glorious hiking trip in an hour, and if you're paying 16 to 24 dollars for your hiking trip, then I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you but you got issues and you need to find fucking Jesus, yo.

And the other hiking spots parking have also been super limited. Down near the Greek Theater, there used to be a slew of parking when there wasn't a concern that night, and even then you could at least park for free up until a time close to the show. This notion that there is a very limited amount of parking now is just something I can't get behind. It's just so strange to me. Griffith Park was a place for the residents. And the amount they're trying to squeeze out of the already taxed person for parking to visit a great sight and enjoy nature and the observatory, holy fuck, it's goddamn criminal.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019



Man, I guess I didn't expect the last couple of weeks to suddenly be so hectic and, well, emotionally draining. I'm still cheering for you, 2019, you gotta be better than 2018, cause right now I'm feeling like Thor in Avengers Infinity War when Rocket is giving him a pep talk. Like, what else do I have to lose so far?

But it is indeed that feeling of, well, fuck. Man. just the past week and a half has been some emotionally taxing stuff. Having to put down a cat for health reasons and ending her suffering, but also the crazy roller coaster that is my Mother's health and recovery. Suffice to say that while I was in the moment, I could push through because, well you have to. You can't stop and you can't get a time out. Life doesn't have a pause button and if you aren't moving and keeping your head down, then you're just going to fail.

I have to say that the check that was in the mail is finally getting cashed and while I have a moment of down time today, I'm starting to feel that whole wave just crash right in back of me and it's all coming up due. The sibling sister of Tessie, the cat I took to the vet and ended her suffering, seems to notice now that her sister is gone. These two cats were pretty damn close. They went to the first home I found for them together and through thick and thin they had stuck around each other in coming back and well, just being. So now she's meowing and well, I know I anthropomorphize cats a lot because I'm around a dozen or so daily, this is just getting me right in the feelings and it's a bit tough to handle right now.

On top of that, I just kept getting hammered with this notion that I need to "step up" and help my mother, one of her friends suggested I just move in to her home. Others just keep harping on me about getting services I don't know if she actually needs or even can use properly. So it's just been a tough time to deal with and to actually feel like all the work I am doing is being appreciated. I mean, I do it for the basic reason that she's my mother, but I need to set my limits of how much of myself and my time I can afford to give towards this before I suffer as well.

I think that's what they don't remind you about all that often. That you need to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of someone else, and if you're neglecting that, then you're just going to bring both parties down together. 

Tuesday, January 29, 2019



"Look, if we stay accident free for another 22 days, we all get steak sandwiches from the butcher department. If you see anything that will jeopardize our steak sandwiches, man, you let me know"
-Costco register jockey

Seriously one of the more comical things I have heard from a Costco employee. I mean, steak sandwiches are pretty fucking tasty. And I'm not one to shy away from the benefits of good work place safety. So combining the two just does seem like the most correct thing to do.

But this guy was cool, he sparked a conversation with me asking how my day was going. I mean, that's the typical nice answer to break the social silence. And then while packing up the stuff he saw that I had a copy of Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman in my check out stuff along with a lot of alcohol and cheese - you know, the typical stuff I do. Why was I buying another copy of Leaves of grass? I mean, for the bathroom, of course.

Anyhow, he started talking to me about how that book or at least another Whitman's book gets quoted a lot in baseball commentary. I agreed and figure that the whole concept of his prose really lends itself out to it. I mean, this was a conversation with a Costco check out worker who was boxing up my stuff and I felt like it was some deep shit. So yeah, i totally told him that I hope no one gets into an accident and cost him his steak sandwiches, because really, that would suck. 

But it got me to thinking about the whole Costco check out process. You make some strange conversations along the way. I know the one Dad joke I constantly get told by a slightly older than myself father looking type is  "Okay, you buy this time and I'll get next time."

For a while I didn't even really understand it. But I mean, you chuckle anyway because someone is trying to just socialize and you don't know their stuff. Maybe they are a father to a newborn and they're working through their material for when they're older. Maybe they just don't get to talk to many people and this is the limited social interaction they will have.

You humor them. After all, you are both Costco members and there's a bond there, man. One you can't break, unless you're at the samples line and then it's every man for themselves in the most savage madness possible.

At least it's a lot funnier and makes you feel better than those times when you feel like the person behind you wants that item divider so badly, as if you are going to pay for their shit anyway. I know where my stuff starts and ends, buddy. I am not at risk of accidentally buying one of your items. Just cool your fucking jets, homie.

Monday, January 28, 2019



Okay, this one is more for me and what will I assume be my total lack of memory in another 20 years. But look, this is a fun story. Well, I dunno if fun is the term for it. I mean, it was in High School and I was at a buddies place where one was playing star craft, the other was watching WW2 shows on the History channel and that left me with a playstation to use but no memory card to actually save anything on to.

In this event, Resident Evil 2 had just come out and well, I was a huge fan of that series. It had everything I grew up loving. Zombies have, and until they really beat them to the ground over the last decade, been my favorite "monster" of the horror scene. I always found them fascinated because, well I feel like I can just utterly be fucked in most situations of other monsters. How are you going to beat a dracula or frankenstein's monster? You're fucked in a creature of a black lagoon comes after your ass. Just face it, they're all better apex predators that question our place in the grand scheme of things.

Zombies on the other hand - I know I can not only handle that to some degree in living in a world that has gone totally mad, but that I have a chance with still enough risk to reward in it all. I mean, it's the one scenario that will still give me a bit of a challenge but that I will more likely be able to handle on my own.

So the franchise of the video games, at least the earlier ones where it was about zombies and loosely touched on the whole UMBRELLA company conspiracy, those were totally my jam. I would play the first one a lot and even the second. On this night I figured that I would just play enough to get my kick while the other buddies were doing their thing and even though I didn't have a memory card to save any of the progress, it would be just for fun.

Sure enough, I found myself completing my best run time in the game, not only that, I was beating the shit out of it and not getting touched. I was in the literal zone for it all. This was my best speed, the most kills. Holy shit, I was unstoppable in it and I just don't know how to explain it. The stars alligned and it was absolutely amazing.... but without a memory card, what the fuck was I to do. I couldn't save more work!


This was pain. I couldn't save the progress to highlight the best run I ever had in the game, which would have unlocked a lot more stuff in the flipside of the game and I was without the key item that I needed.  So all I have is the memory of it and two eye witnesses that I beat it without a single time dying and on the hardest mode. Either at that point I just knew all that there was to know about the game, or maybe I'm just that good.. yeah, okay, I played the game a lot.

Sunday, January 27, 2019



For some reason, well, I know the reason, for the past few weeks I've been getting notices from Yelp, a site that well, for a long time I wrote free content for like most others do. I mean, I had fun with my reviews. I wasn't one of those entitled Yelp pricks you see at spots demanding the world thinking their voice actually mattered.

No, I was the type who could use the medium to just see what sort of creative writing I could do while also being entertaining and interesting to the readers. Hell, I actually wanted to be helpful. On top of that, the place is one that I used the message boards. Something which was like Mos Esly Cantina - filled with scum and villainy. A lot of trolls, but also a lot of good people.

On yelp I organized over a hundred events. Ranging from going to bars, taco stand crawls to even making hot dogs and cooking whole pigs in parks. I mean, I was a creative person with those things. Shit, to a point Farmer John's gave me a shit ton of hot dogs and bacon to make an official bacon wrapped hot dog event that I ended up on a billboard for. I mean, it was silly, but it was fun.

Anyhow, on the message boards there was a lot of trolls who were there to start shit. There were folks who tried to harass you to get the reaction. To conclude, I eventually told one of these folks that I couldn't care if they sucked ten bags of dicks, just leave me alone. Well, that got me banned on the talk board. I didn't really think about it after that. I mean, I write on this format so I didn't really need ALL that creative outlets for my writing now.

But my assumption is that those trolls back in the day, who constantly send messages on yelp that I ignore, are just reporting the reviews like crazy to get them flagged. I mean, take a look at the following review and tell me if this deserved to be deleted for offensive content


We're reaching out to let you know that our moderators removed your review of The Big Fish.

We typically remove reviews that address culturally sensitive subjects in ways that reinforce negative stereotypes or make light of physical or sexual violence.

In this case, we felt that your review of The Big Fish crossed that line, even if you didn't intend it to. The text of your review is copied for reference below, and we hope you'll continue to share your experiences on Yelp while keeping the Content Guidelines in mind. To learn more, check out our Content Guidelines (

Additionally, we wanted to let you know that we've removed your Tips for The Big Fish. We look for Tips that speak generally to a business's offerings and services. More personal experiences may be better suited for a review.

Removed Content:
This drink slinging establishment is one part dive bar and one part Elks lodge.

In fact, it's a lot parts elks lodge. Like, seriously. The whole bar area just looks like your creepy uncle's basement bar that your aunt just shakes her head about whenever it's referenced -- but you know that it's his proudest achievement -- A man-cave long before the stupid term was coined, raped and domesticated by the marketing staff at HGTV to get guys into thinking home decorating wasn't for boy's named Sue.

The place has it all; mounted game, a large stuffed/fake fish with a hat -- which has to be pretty fitting given the name of the place. Go creativity! -- best of all it has a coffee marker. Because if there was anything that hammered home the whole Elks membership, it's a coffee machine for when last call is announced and you need to sober up.

The only thing it doesn't have is an actual GRILL, as you can read from the outside sign, this is suppose to be a bar and grill. I think that aspect was lost somewhere along the ways of its trip into dive-dom.

The closes you'll get to food here is the wasabi chex-mix, which let's-be-honest, is pretty good when you're chugging down pitchers of really shitty beer and listening to karaoke. It's also worth noting that like any true Elks lodge

Is it clean? Well, how clean would you expect a dive bar to really be? Again, you're sort of in here for the cheap drinks and for the escape from the world. This isn't like Golden Road Brewery, just across the way. No sir, this is for those who are serious about the alcohol consumption as that golden ticket to the Wonka factory of escapism...

And speaking of which, after around 11, when Golden Road closes, you'll see a slew of that crowd show up. Which, when mixed with the old timers and grizzled bearded gents who normally get their drink on here, is like mixing oil and water.

But hey, there's still the sense that they're both in it for the same moral cause -- to settle those demons of sobriety with that attempt of one more drink before the night engulfs them.

At some point or another you will end p in the bathroom. I think the highlight of tht is the framed cup coasters. There's a lot of really old ones... hell, there was one from Red Robin, back when it actually looked like it wasn't some corporate chain sell out trying to milk you for all of your poor restaurant choice making skills.

My only warning is that you should never.ever burn the locals. That is the golden rule for any dive bar. There's a pack mentality. Not to mention that the dark alley behind the way becomes a bit scarier if you do walk down that path and turns into a rape alley. Cheaptimes can attest to that.

If you're into dive bars, hole in the walls or even Elk Lodges, this is probably the place you should throw back a drink and get one step closer to embracing your crippling alcoholism.

The Yelp Support Team
San Francisco, California

I mean, aside from being reminded of how awful my grammar and feel the stab of misspellings of written works of the past of mine, It was a nice reminder of the many nights I spent there with a couple of yelp friends I haven't talked to in years. But to say that I crossed any lines in that review seems a bit of a stretch. 

Past reviews removed had the word rape in them, so I guess that was the trigger? I don't know. I honestly don't see anything offensive in that post and I am king of knowing how to offend. If I wanted to, I would have. But also, this review is at least 5-8 years old. So, yeah, that's pretty odd.

Saturday, January 26, 2019



I think it's safe to assume by now that if you receive a text from me saying ducking, you could just automatically assume I'm saying fucking. And since I'm a dirty mouth mother fucker who curses like a cocksucking sailor, I'm probably going to follow up that Fucking sentence with a SHIT tossed in there. So when you read DUCKING SHOT, just know that it's my phone thinking I have a potty mouth and I shouldn't have the freedom of speech that this country holds dear.

With that being said, I don't even know why DUCKING would even be in there. How often has that word popped up in the common and average conversation you carry? Unless someone is telling you, or you're telling someone to duck down quickly, I don't know how anyone could use Ducking in any way productive that the correcting of Fucking would warrant the use of this stupid word. Shit turned to Shot is way more forgivable, but you would have figured that by now my phone would have realized that I have a terrible mouth and curse a lot and would have course corrected itself on the matter.

I guess the IA isn't to the point of worrying about skynet just yet and just wants to make sure I don't have a potty mouth.

Which I guess is a fucking good point, but it's really annoying since no one in the history of history wants to say Ducking. It just isn't happening, can you get a ducking clue. Oh fuck, not again.

But yeah, just let me have my potty mouth. There's a lot of science that states that those with a sailor's tongue are actually a lot smarter than most people. I'm sure that study was skewed to some degree, but it still remains the same that it should be noted because, fuck you, that's why.

Okay, that was my rant for the fucking day and I'm sure all you folks feel the same about the phone's ability to autocorrect something tot he dumbest possible potential that no one in their right mind would ever fucking say. Am I not correct on this? Exactly. 

Friday, January 25, 2019



I'm going to say something that will shock you. That will pretty much shake any SoCal resident's jimmies and cause them to be very much ruffled. But I honestly don't care about In & Out any more. Every time I have had it in the last six months, it hasn't been as good as I wanted it to be. I order it very specifically with this sort of OCD level of burger layout. I think it test them too much. But still, if you want quality, you have to ask. And every time I get it, I feel like it's just not what I wanted them to do.

On top of that, every time I have gotten it, it's basically a stink bomb for the car for the next few days even though i completely throw everything away and leave no trace of it in the car. Somehow, someway, something remains and then all of a sudden the car just smells like old hamburgers and stale fries. I just can't do it anymore regardless if it's the best food to get when you're leaving a tiki bar or some other non-tiki bar, i guess, and just need some food in your system.

Mind you, I'm not saying that other burgers like McDonalds or Burger King or even Carl's are better. God no. those are all pretty bad. I'm just saying that In & Out has lost a lot of luster for me. And that's without lines. If the drive thru has lines, which it normally always does, then I'm not even going to fucking bother even having a concept of trying to go into that cluster fuck of a mess.

I mean, I love the business concept. They pay their employees great wages that they can live off of. The quality of the stuff they serve is really good, and if they could ever put it together in the way I ordered it, then perhaps I would be a little more pleased that I'm not eating anything that is heavily processed. But I just can't trust that turn around time frame mentality at the drive thru. Also, I really don't like their fries. It's as if they just decided that they made great burgers and never wanted to improve on the actual fries.

Even when I order them fried twice, they still suck. Most fries at least last a few hours of having a window of optimal use. These fries do not even have that and they're fucked from the get go. And you need to add a lot of salt to those mother fuckers to make them even remotely close to what a fry should be.

Look, I guess I shouldn't complain about a fast food chain that has this amount of quality. I really am not. I drive by them all the time and have a mad amount of respect for the business and how it has handled growth and popularity. But I just don't want to eat there anymore unless it's needed. Like going to Vegas, Yeah, I'll still stop by the In & Out at that sort of point where everyone stops by. It may be a mess of a crowd, but you need gas and you need to use the bathroom, right. So hey, get a burger why not. But yeah, I don't want to actively go to In & Out if it's just a normal "what should we eat" sort of driving around type of question. My car's interior just can't handle that smell the next day any more.

Thursday, January 24, 2019



I mean, to be honest, no one does. Who fucking thinks that they're going to repeat a shitty experience so soon after. You factor in that you're out of the woods and on to the next thing. Rehab took forever and you're on to just getting maybe not 100% but... I mean, close, right?  I mean fuck, the physical therapist even stated that walker time was over and 100% was more than likely.

Well, I stayed most of my night last night again in the USC county medical E.R. like I did just slightly a day or two over a month ago. My mother, in her overconfidence in how she was recovering, got a little too cocky and she ended up slipping and falling in the morning hours. Go paramedics to come over and help her up. They gave her the all clear and put her in bed as just a small accident over a chord or something. Well, nope. getting out of bed, I imagine that fall affected something as she fell again.

I noticed she wasn't as surefooted as she was the day before and had her stand up with the walker, but she was not very good at it and I started seeing that she was getting numbness on her left arm and leg, and well, that was a worry in itself. I thought maybe the new pacemaker was an issue. I don't know, I mean, let's be honest, I go through so many scenarios in my head on just about anything at any given time to come up with a solution anyway, this was no different.  Stroke? Not really all the signs. Her face and speech pattern is still not a problem. Heart Attack? The left arm would be a tell but there was nothing else going on for that.

In fact, I just went down all the potentials and couldn't figure out why she was having so much motor skill issues. I wanted to get her to the hospital. Especially since it may have looked like her ankle was pretty limp and she was standing on it a lot. She put up a fight. She didn't want to go, and for good reason. She had just been released from a shitty rehab spot where the food was bad and the scenario was equally so. She was at that lke 90% healed up spot and to get dragged back down would be hell. But man, I felt like I was an asshole for trying to and she fought me tooth and nail. But eventually I just had to call the paramedics yet again and get her to the E.R. where I sat. and sat.

Neurologist came in and it seems that blood takes a rather long time to dry in your head, and the two falls in the day could have contributed to a sort of new internal bleeding, however small, that could have fucked up the nerve system issue where she was getting seizures like movements.  I mean, I know how it feels to not have full control of your body. I'm sure the check is in the mail for my own personal health care issues in the next ten years. But still, this sucked ass. Even more so because I felt like I was doing more harm by forcing her to go to the hospital when she just wanted to go lay down and see how she felt in the morning.

I honestly couldn't take that risk. You know, I have to also say that I'm a bit proud of myself for taking the shit that has come at me these past few weeks, and the shittiness that happened with losing Tessie with as much taking it on the chin and trying to move forward. Yeah, sorry, I just need to pat myself on the back a little and acknowledge that I can survive. Because holy shit.... what the fuck. I mean, I still have my hope for you 2019, but you basically acting like a little problem child right now.

Anyhow, yeah. So back in the waiting room for a long time. Add the complexity, some family from Mexico was stopping by to see how my mother was when the second fall sort of played itself out and well, I basically had to juggle them in the E.R. and getting them back and well, it was a whole big thing for the entire night. So much so that I didn't eat until around 3 int he morning, and I'm still waiting for a room to be open. Apparently Wednesday was the day to go to the E.R.  or something.

So yeah, it's basically a wait and see what exactly is causing the issue in her head. This sucks, but I feel good that she got observed and the anti-seizure medication to prevent the potential of more because.. yeah, last night was rough.

Pretty damn rough.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019



I've written about my father more so in the past than I had any time prior, but I guess I should write some more about it. Yesterday was the anniversary of his death.  Five years now. I'm still pretty much in awe, or at least some word that is like that towards how much of a mess he left behind that to this day, while thinking I had it all down cleaned up and everything in order, wouldn't surprise me that another shocking piece of information comes out.

He would have been 69 this year, given his lifestyle and his actions, I'm sure Senor Ojo would have been making light of that a lot. He drew. He was a city redevelopment project manager and an architect. He designed the lay out of my building. He also was a very conflicted man who I never really feel I got to get to know all that much because he hid so many secrets.

Last night I was sitting at  Bob's Big Boy eating a big boy combo. To be honest, Bob's is the dining experience I had with him. Not just that one time. Several locations. I guess he made the attempt to connect with me over a hamburger. I knew so many different locations all over SoCal because he took me there. When you talk about eating a memory or taking a bite out of something and just getting that sudden rush of nostalgia, getting some salad with blue cheese dressing on it from Bob's is pretty much that. The ketchup based sauce on two patties with a bun in the middle... yeah, that strikes the nostalgia chord super hard.

Anyhow, I'm sure this will just sound like a mess of a blog post. It's a rant one. Not much to gain other than a little insight or a nugget of pointless fact here about me. I guess that's something worth gold given how reserved I used to be about a lot of what I was thinking.

But my father died at age 63. Two months before he reached 64, which I feel is always your Beatles year. You know, on account of that song. Yeah. I worry that I won't make it to that either. I have had two uncles die already. One of a lung issue due to the chemicals he worked with and the other of a heart attack outside of the Hollywood bowl post a show going to the buses. At least he did what he liked in his final moments - see lives hows. But both of them died before reaching their 50's. So to me, this seems like a big worry. I'm already reaching 40, that means I don't have much time to really go out and live those dreams if I have those fears of death.

I mean, we all don't know when we'll die, and any day could be the last, but I did want to reach the age of at least 64 so I can happily play that Beatles album and feel like I hit something. Whoa, that will be strange if and when I do that. At that point I'll have out aged my father. The memories I have of him will be him locked in a younger age window than me. That in itself is a strange concept to grasp.

I should talk more about my father. The man loved jazz. He loved music as a whole. He also really loved to sneak handles of Sailor Jerry and drink it with coke, but I mean, who doesn't. He also was a pretty big pothead. I mean, it's hard not to fault him given the era he grew up. But you know, a man hiding a giant ass bong at his age is a little silly. Just be up front with your vices. I know I am about drinking. It's not the worst thing and I keep it in check, but you know, I'm not going to be ashamed to say that I enjoy myself a good drink or two in moderation or to unwind. It's all about being honest to yourself, and if you can't do that, then who the fuck can you be honest to.

My father wasn't honest to himself or anyone else. He kept secrets. Lots of them. Stupid shit that wouldn't even matter. He called me son instead of my actual name because the few times he actually used names, he called me my half brother's name by accident. Go figure, I know that if you're just going to live your life entirely with shields up, then you're not really going to be all that happy. That is no way to live. I also don't think I ever met any of his friends until the funeral, when they spoke highly of him. But to me, I didn't think he had any friends. He had meetings and work. And, well that's it. So yeah. I guess the whole compartmentalization of your own life in order to not get caught really does fuck you over.

I mean, the man provided. Even though he did sort of screw me out of going to USC and later throwing it in my face on why I didn't go there, that he had the connections since that was his district to redevelop and what not, I always felt like he just didn't like me. And ultimately it was that he didn't know how to open up to me. He didn't know how to lower those defenses with me to actually let me in.

In truth, I learned a lot from him. A lot of good, shit I talked about before. Stuff that has carried me through to be the person who I am and how I am towards my seeking out adventures. But sadly, for the longest time I did have the walls up like he did. Mainly because that is what I saw growing up and that's basically what I learned and soaked up even though it was not what I wanted and it did not benefit me in my past relationships. 

I worked very hard to take down those walls and try to open up. Some days I'm better than others. But it's a bit of a process to not just go default defensive like he would have and not want to have the conversation. More to the point, I don't know when I'm just rambling on and when I'm not. So with that, I'll just leave it at this.

R.I.P pops. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2019



I guess this is a series in which I reflect on myself and what exactly makes me the person who I am by dissecting myself. It'll be a series, in which I'll probably post a description in better detail as to why I am doing it - who knows, maybe that'll come out sooner than this one, because, after all, time is just a flat circle, but it's just going to focus on a little bit of myself to see how or why I am the way I am. For better or worse on it all.

Today I'll focus on a bit of the referetial aspect that I seem to live my life with. I guess it can all be pinpointed to Dr. Demento. Much like a lot of why I am the way I am. It's because Dr. Demento. That show had a big impact in my childhood that I probably need to go into more detail about some time.

But aside from having the format that Weird Al got his start at, they had a lot of news segments that had sound blips as the responses for an on location interview, such as this..

I always thought that was amazing and creative. So much that I would collect them a lot on cassette. Then when we entered the digital age of really slow ass computers, I would record sound files and it would be a lot easier to pull them up for references. It helped that growing up I was constantly playing strategic memory games. The type that would have a locked door that you had to go retrieve a key from the other side of the map that you saw earlier to then come back and unlock it - only to go and use what you found in that locked area for some future goal. So I had a very large visual memory in my head about keeping a running inventory on what I saw and where I saw it.

With the midi, wav and other audio sound files I would string them together to make responses. I mean, I guess one of the aspects to my upbringing was that I was very quiet of a kid. I was one of those who grew up with the mentality that kids should be seen and not heard. On top of that, I had a lot of speech issues growing up. My voice would crack like crazy, I would have a speech impediment. The way my mind works for reading items is also a little strange because of these learning issues. I'm still pretty awful at actually sounding out how we're suppose to sound out in this stupid English contradictory language. So while I grasped the meaning and comprehension, I really did lack the ability to execute the sounding out of shit. On top of that, I had a strange knack to just read the first few letters in a word and just auto fill the rest of it.

Anyhow, not to dive too deep into the world of my fucked up childhood, but you can see that the paragraph above was reason enough that I wanted and cherished the fact that someone or something else could do the talking for me. To convey what I wanted to express, but was so deeply afraid to go out on the limb and attempt to do so because of fear of doing it wrong. Soundboards like the Arnold one were something I loved.

Basically all this was just building a cache of referential source material in my mind for my entire upbringing. Think and pulling from my memory in which that statement or phrase or some good come back to use could be beneficial in whatever given situation.

Flash forward to today. Animated gifs... Oh, I love using them because it uses a lot of visual and scripted words to express how I am feeling or how I can be a smart ass and respond to a question, comment or statement pulling from known references. After all, I think the biggest aspect of my humor is in fact that referential aspect of pulling out and drawing from a funny memory.

So when people say that I am on top of my game when it comes to using animated gifs or even getting a reference down that would have some meaning, it's because I have had a life time of doing exactly that.

Monday, January 21, 2019



It's simple, you may think you are helping the environment by separating what you think is recyclable into different bins, making sure that plastics go in the blue and that nothing that you believe can be reused or made new again goes into the black bin.

What if I told you that you've been fooling nobody but yourself this whole time. Well, at least up until recently, the things that folks think can be recycled simply can not. They're too contaminated with other non-recyclable items that it just creates a situation that 25% of the things we think are tossed into the recycling bin are simply chucked back into the big was dump in the sky.

Worst than anything else, China isn't putting up with our garbage anymore. Now that they're on the way to becoming a better economic powerhouse over us, they stopped buying our dirty recycling. So we really have run out of people to sell it to. So the default there is that it just gets dumped with the rest of the non-recycle stuff.

As it stands the majority of the recycling programs that run in our country are single stream. The whole separation of bins in sorting your trash went from 29 percent in 2005 to about 80 percent in 2014. So that means that just about everyone feels like they're doing something ethical when they sort out their garbage in terms of recycling. The problem comes in that when they collect those bins, the trucks smash the shit out of everything inside. So the plastic bottles in there get covered in a ton of broken glass that was also in there and the cardboard and paper is just otherwise made unrecyclable because of what it went through. Thus, even recyclable items just get tainted because of the whole situation. 

Thus the recycling rates, while going up in volume because people then put out more to the curb, also have far more contamination in it. Then you have folks who put in batteries and electronics. All of which CAN be recycled, but not through this method. You need to take those to a special drop off spot, which can often be found at local stores like best buy and fry's. So again, you just made everyone think they're doing something nice, and thus maybe scratches the itch of the niceness bar, but it just about fucks up the whole system.

I guess that came to mind today as I was driving and saw someone with a truck full of cardboard heading to the recycling center to get money for that ton of it he was hauling. Why was he doing it on that particular day? Because it was raining, thus he was essentially putting his finger on the scale when they weigh him in as wet cardboard is much heavier and still get accepted by some places when it is very light rain. The problem is that wet cardboard does not recycle good.

So while the advice of simply not recycle isn't the best. In fact, I still actually recycle a lot, I would say that you shouldn't feel content that you just dump anything that you consider recyclable into the specific bin as your contribution. It's a false sense of actually doing something productive and that sort of sucks. Do better. The future generations deserve better.

Saturday, January 19, 2019



They say that time changes everything. That much is very true. How much it changes completely varies. In the event that folks over on social media are highlighting, time is just a matter of years going by. Specifically 10 years. Which is a rather specific time frame. In most cases, Facebook just opened itself up to folks who weren't students. So hey, that's something to factor in.

But yeah, social media has been going crazy with the either net positive reaction of feeling like time didn't weather you too much and that you survived a lot of wrinkles or what not and feel good about yourself, or, you know, how things will be bound to go, you got older and fatter and time was not on your side.

One thing is for sure, this just makes me feel like my cynical alarms make me a jaded person because, well... it does seem like the whole purpose of this was to just update the aggregations of who you are to these social media outlets for facial recognition. Getting a sample of ten years makes it a lot more likely that it'll track down all your faces over the years as it can fill in the gaps in between. So in a sense, you taking part of another facebook trend just helped facial recognition advance and get better. Soon we'll be like China and have a whole social credit program going.

But of course this was some sort of facebook social media bullshit. How many times are you going to fall for the same shit dressed slightly different? The quizzes you take are all about setting up info profile points on you for algorithms to data mine you better and sell you consumer products in the best way possible. Because, fuck, man. This is always the case. It's simple always what happens and why the fuck are you surprised by this shit anymore?

Further more, yeah, you may be comfortable with who you are 10 years later, I mean, no matter what you'll have to accept that you have aged because... you have aged. Simple as fucking that. I don't see what showing folks a younger self does other than one extreme or another and you already knew which extreme you were going to be long before you even thought about posting it. So yeah, I'm not sure what you were expecting in any of this.

Thanks for helping face recognition take that one step further into a world of shittiness. 

Friday, January 18, 2019



I didn't really feel like writing today, so I just decided that I could use a break. Then again, in writing this I'll probably get all wordy like I normally do and then I just destroyed my attempt to not write. I mean, we are, after all, our own worst enemies.

Anyhow, Ralph Broke the internet in a very comical movie, but the movie ended with the typical pop song. While I will admit that there's a lot of "pop" music that I will just deny loving even though I'm at home playing the record and singing along to it, I will admit that this Imagine Dragons song for the film was a bit catchy. More than that, the music video was pretty on point in terms of incorporating the whole aspect of skimming the internet in the here and now of what it is to show it off specifically.

So there you go, I found that to be an insanely creative use of the whole lyrical follow along in this day and age of the internet. I kind of wonder what the fuck the internet will look like in another 10 years. Well, if we survive that long. I mean, by then your identity is automatically stolen and there's five different yous out there who companies are trying to sell to for no other reason than some data mining company has basically collected and recreated YOUs all over the place. Your credit is a mess, but don't worry, not like you were going to be buying any sort of home anyway.

So yeah, there you go. Little to no effort post! GO ME!

Thursday, January 17, 2019



I didn't really call her that, but that was her name. It's one of those things where you name a cat and you think it's the proper name for the moment, but then over time the cat basically tells you that their name is wrong and, well they give themselves another name through their actions. In this case, through her voice.

For the majority of her life I called her Cheapies. Mainly because she was a talkative cat that sounded like she was chirping at you. Very shrill and very much constant. She was very talkative. I guess it was a mixture of Tessie and Chirping. Either way, she was one hell of a fluffy cat and today she passed away.

She was the second female that came out of Helena, the first very pregnant cat I ever brought in. She had three other siblings. Kurt, Indiana and Stout. I found stout a good home and last I heard, he's a very fat and sassy scareddy cat that is living life up. Indiana was the one I grafted as my very own little sidekick buddy and if you look a bit back in November, he passed away recently as well. Kurt... Kurt was constantly sick, and I would have sworn that she would have died the first out of all the kittens. Yet she's gunning for that outlast award.

Tessie and Kurt were, when at a right few months age, adopted out to a family with two young girls who both wanted a kitten. I thought that was the perfect situation and that it was a right fit. About a few months later, the father told me when I was checking in on how they were getting on with the cats that they were just not ready for two cats like that and it sounded like they were about to abandon both Kurt and Tessie. So I took them back and looked for homes for them again. Tessie ended up staying with me through the rest of her life.

She was a fluff ball. The cat had always had a lot of fur. Out of the kittens, both her and Indiana looked very much like their cat daddy, the first stray cat that started my journey into cat salvation. Charlie. Charlie was a stray that for some reason, I guess I had food and all, but he just grafted himself on to me as his person. Maybe I gave him food just at the time he needed it the most to survive. Anyhow, if he saw me on the street, he would run at me at full speed to just get to me and hang out. Even without food. The cat just loved me. I had attempted to domesticate him a little and make him an indoors cat to join the other two I had, but he was having none of it. He would sleep all day inside but demand to be let out once he was done with the free room and board. He passed away soon after these kittens were born due to a dog.

So Tessie and Indiana reminded me a lot of Charlie. Now I don't have any that have the link to Charlie like that and I'm just bummed about the whole thing in general. I'm not sure what was wrong with Tessie, but it very much seems like organ failure as she was having a bit of difficulty using the bathroom, and when she did last night, I noticed a lot of blood in it. I was about to get her to the vet to check her out, but she passed away before I could.

Part of me feels like I'm failing this cat community I'm helping. That hopeless and helpless feeling is there in a big way. I lost another in my colony and it's just a bit tough to be able to take in right now. It had been about two months since the last one passed. I mean, I guess it's a matter that when you take care and look after so many cats, that the law of averages will eventually drop on you the misfortune of losing them. Currently, well, the amount of cats I feed just seems like if I said anything, I'd feel like a crazy cat lady.... man. or whatever the term is for a dude that just feeds too many fucking animals.

I had Tessie in my life for more than 10 years and as much as I found her a home, it didn't stick and she would somehow end up coming back to me more mentally fucked up than whens he left. People can be jerks. The cat was loud but she was all heart. She was probably one of the most cuddly because of the massive amount of fluff that she had. During winter and even summers I had to basically cut fur off her paws and brush her a lot. Indiana had thicker fur, but Tessie was all sorts of fluff.

She answered to her name and was very talkative. She was a good cat and I'm really sad about the loss of her in my life. I mean, this now means I have a less insane number of cats in my colony. But after the past six months of having an incredible amount of loss in the pets I took care of, it really has shaken me to the core about my ability to protect anything or anyone I care for.  

She had organ problems and even after the medication I had been giving her, her health had be degradation to the point where when I took her to the vet due to a lot of blood in her in stool they told me that at this point she's suffering more than anything else, so the only time i ever think of euthanizing and well, it was tough. Over the last year she had lost a lot of fur and was a short haired girl. I guess that was a clear sign that her health was on the decline.

I will say this, stay with your pets when they put them down like that. It's scary as hell for them and, well.. being there for them in the final moments is the least you can do to repay the years they were your pet.

I'll miss you Cheapsie. You were an awesome one.

This one's for you Tessie...

Wednesday, January 16, 2019



I, you know, legitimately enjoy The Last Jedi and had fun watching it. Something about Luke's arc really hit me in the right spot. So much so that at SDCC I cosplayed as old man Luke with functioning gross Island beast milk drinking and dripping into my beard.

Oh. Wait, were you expecting some fucking babies crying over how they ruined the franchise and destroyed their childhood because it wasn't the same ol' Star Wars puked out over and over again? Nah, that's not me. It was a good movie and you fuckers need to get over it. Your shiny toy was already "broken" with the prequels and if the franchise survived that black eye, whatever your expectations that were not fulfilled should expect the same. Terribly sorry you dislike Asians and Women in your war of stars.

That's about all I have to say about that.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019



I was going through the iPad I have and it kept asking me to turn Siri on. I mean, look, I hardly know her or her interest, how am I suppose to do that? I don't even think I can take her out to eat or buy her flowers. I was, like in most cases when it comes to real human females, at a loss of what to actually do to turn on Siri.

After a while I realized the errors in how I interpreted that statement and I just remembered that Siri is at best a novelty when it came out. So I wondered if there had been anything in terms of progress for ol' Siri to actually, you know, be worth a damn. What exactly can you do with Siri, I ask you. And the answer isn't really much. In fact, I think the only real comical uses are the ones I can come up with. Such as;

Yo Siri, watch me masturbate.  Hey Siri, suck my dick. Sup Siri, can you go fuck yourself?

Seriously, I don't know what it is, but I can't think of an actual not sexual insult to sling at Siri. The whole techonology just seems to foreign to me that I can't grasp that I can just say something and some computer will get the information for me. I generally am way more hands on in terms of what I'm actually searching so I have various sources to pick and choose from. So yeah, Siri, suck my dick.

Oh yeah, and Siri, where can I get a weed hookup that isn't some tax paying business. I want my drugs to be as legally void as possible.

I know some folks at work ask Siri to randomly select where we should all go to lunch. But, then, we just veto what she says because LOL, you're a fucking program, you piece of shit and then just go where we wanted to in the first place.

What I'm saying is that when the robots rise and kill us, I want to know that I at least warranted their hate towards me and that the murder by dropping the elevator down 10 floors was justified.

Same shit with Alexa. I have a buddy who ask Alexa in the morning some simple command like "Good morning" and it tells them the weather, the traffic and then follows up with "You're good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, people like you. So, don't kill yourself today."

I have only really found one legitimately good use for asking Alexa anything, because the technology is nothing how I expect it to be from the future style shows that I watched growing up. And that is simply to ask Alexa to start or stop music. Sometimes the easter eggs can be fun for someone who gets a new device for the first time, but come on. That shit gets pretty old pretty fast.

Then again, it's all about asking Alexa what her favorite things are as if you're on a first date getting to know each other. Look, you have to start preparing for the world of tomorrow with romanticizing AI somehow. So, it's like, you Alexa, what is your favorite color? Mainly because Siri is still very behind and worthless.

There's a good reason for that. Apple had figured out that the version of Siri you have should be tied to the version of their iPhone it is on. That basically means that you need to buy a new phone constantly to get a newer more advanced Siri. It's also only updated once a year at the very most. The features are a big joke and well, it's clearly outdated at every step of the way since you really do need to have a team of programmers to make stuff like that work properly. Lots of small focused patches where you release a few slightly different versions to diferent people and see if it works better,e ven releasing different versions based on region to try and get accent and local idioms down.

Siri does none of this.  Apple basically doesn't want to put the resources into the digital assistant and it really should just be discontinued, but a lot of Apple diehard fans still think it was first so it has to clearly be best.

That said, to answer this whole question - What is Siri good for?  Nothing.

Monday, January 14, 2019



For as long as man has existed, something has tickled their funny bone. Added levity to the situation, been the source of a little steam blowing off and chuckles to change the mood. So I ask you,was IS comedy? Is it farting in a crowd? Is it the fact that we have a tv show president who doesn't know shit all of how to run the country? Is it this clearly odd comedy blog that probably doesn't make you laugh very often.

I'm writing a book, I know, the horror, trying to determine what exactly is comedy and where are we going with these funny ha ha moments. So perhaps let's just take a moment to look at what exactly is comedy.  Because I often find that some jokes are elevated to the point where most people don't even know that they're funny, see any of my blog post if you wish to get a first hand example of that.

I once heard that comedy is to crush your enemies and see them driven before you. But I'm not so sure about that. I think that there's a better chance that comedy is just getting mad at things online and ranting about them to whomever is closes to you. Then I figured something else. Comedy should be making people laugh... on purpose. Because comedy is all of the things you can find funny, but none of that which makes you uncomfortable.

Sort of like how comedy is like jumping out of an airplane only to find that your friends packed an anvil in your parachute pack instead of a parachute. Man, those guys are such kidders. They must have learned this from all those cartoons. Those stinkers. But then again, the math simply breaks down a bit to something similar to this, or at least that's what I thought at first;

comedy = (tragedy + time) / (boners2 * farts)

Because to me, a very deep dived explorer of comedy, this looks like we cracked the code to it all. But no, you see, you're not factoring in the other stuff. I mean, sure, at least one boner and fart is necessary to have a comedy, and yet increasing the number of boners or farts diminishes the returns of said funnies.  Yeah, this was an interesting hypothesis at first but it just didn't seem to cover all the possibilities.

I did discover that comedy never follows anything that has this in the subject header though -  FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:RE:FW:RE:FW:RE:FW:RE:FW:RE:FW:RE:
Not even once is that an acceptable answer.

Then I looked back to my studies as a teen. There was several episodes of the popular television show Star Trek - The Next Generation that go into this. There is a character named Data in the show that is an artificial life form - a robot, you see, He is fully functional but does not have any emotions. He questions comedy and does not understand what makes something funny. I can relate, my friend. He attempts to define it so he too can be funny, or perhaps just laugh at stuff that should register as comical, but sadly, he is a robot.

I don't honestly think that they ever came to a conclusion on this matter with him. So with no satisfactory answer as to what is comedy, I'm only left to draw the conclusion that comedy is what makes us human. And if you can't appreciate me mocking you for the sake of a laugh, then perhaps you just aren't human. Yeah, I think that's the case.

Sunday, January 13, 2019



So whenever something very large at Costco gets posted and circulated on the internet, It's really just some shock factor for those who don't spend a good part of their week in a costco anyway. But this went around the news cycle this week and I feel like I would be doing a disservice to myself if I didn't talk about it

First off, yeah, this has been at costco for a while. Much like the 7 pounds of Nutella that has been making its rounds. That was always a Business Center sort of product anyway. 

Second, I think I know how I am going to die.  If you haven't figured it out, it's re-enacting that scene from Se7en, except it's me trying to put an entire bucket of 27lbs of mac and cheese into my stomach.

For you see, whatever tragic events that happen in our world that cause you to have to dig into your 27lb bucket of mac and cheese, just realize that it's all temporary of a crisis. We all shall prevail, for this bucket has deemed it so.

Then again, this shit is straight up for paranoid preppers and shitty food services, because there's no fucking way this taste even remotely good. Let's just get that out of the way. Another thing, it's 20 year shelf life, at $0.50 a serving is a little off.

It may sound cheap, but regular Kraft mac and cheese from the grocery store is about the same price a serving. That's wholesale quantities of generic mac and cheese at name brand retail pricing. Can you see the problem with that is what I'm getting at. You can buy boxed Kraft at Costco, right near where you would get this stupid bucket for about $0.40 a serving.

Another question to ask is how long does this stay good for once you open it? If you have to eat it all in one week then good luck eating 180 servings in that short window of time. Looking in to it more, it's separate packages. A whole heap of little pouches is all. Though it does have hydrogenated oil. So it's not the most healthy of things, but did you really need me to tell you that 27lbs of mac and cheese wasn't?

Also, I guess if you're in a situation where you have to eat that crap, I guess the best by date of noodles probably isn't the biggest of your concerns and you better start running before the mole men come after you.

 Ultimately this would be great for your local Militia. You know, the type that like to pretend apocalypse type of shit happens and they have to get their tactical gear on and occasionally have a potluck.  Though they have buckets of way more crazy shit that they hope to one day use when it all goes to hell. The concept of this for a prepper supply is old as fuck and I'm wondering why it's hitting the viral news cycle again. It has been common for you to get ready for the zombie apocalypse one bucket at a time for years now. 

Look, I'm all for preparedness. Hell, in California, we're waiting for the big one to hit and this sort of stuff is good to make you feel like you're more prepared for days, if not weeks of completely depending on your own by having X amount of days worth of food on hand, But between your pantry and freezer most eople are probably good for 99% of emergencies as it stands.  

Saturday, January 12, 2019



So I just wanted to sort of write this story down in the hopes that I never forget it. Mainly because it's one of the only times my father was so anxious to talk to me. He wasn't a very talkative man. Mainly because he worried if he was talking off the cuff that he'd drop some hidden knowledge that he didn't want to be known. You know, like "you have a half brother" or "I've had two other lives this whole time!"shit like that.

Anyhow, he wasn't the most patient of men. I think I get my very much tough control of patience from him. I mean, I can bide my time, but yeah, there's some times when I just have no time for people's nonsense

For my father, he would use the horn very liberally when driving. I think everyone pissed him off driving. Something I find myself falling in to every now and then before I check myself and then become a not so crazy driver.

My father also loved trucks. He would always drive a truck. For the longest time it was a Toyota pick up truck. He would haul around building equipment like it was breathing. He was, after all, working to work on the apartment building that I eventually had to take the mantle of and do the leg work. But the bones of this place, it's all him.

That Toyota pick up had to have seen some shit. At one point when I was in the truck with him driving to who the fuck knows where, the keys just fell out of the ignition. I looked at him and he looked at me like if he was concerned some dirty secret was just revealed. I was confused why the car was still running and everything was just sort of "normal" about this situation of car keys falling out of the key lock while driving at high speeds on the freeway.

This was all sorts of normal and that was strange to me,.

But it was just that sort of car. Another story he told me highlighted the road rage that my father held inside of him. He was stopped behind another car at a light with some light rain going on in this fair city. Anyhow, as he told it, the light has changed but this elderly driver in front of him didn't notice. He must have been the basis to some Beatles lyrics. So the first and only thing my father does is to start honking his horn. Oddly enough, no reaction. The car still there with the light changed. Honk some more. Nada.  Then another few honks for good measure and suddenly this elderly driver in front of him just sort of burns rubber and flies through the intersection and goes straight crashing his car into a brick wall.

My father, at this point probably filled with guilt drives over to him and ask if he was okay. The guy responds "YOUR FAULT, YOU GIVE HEART ATTACK!" Which I guess the guy was nodding off while driving and then my dad's honks just spooked the shit out of him to burn ass straight to where he was now. Of course there wasn't any way to show that it was actually my dad's fault, but he sure loved telling that story, oh, and of course he did it in a very racist Asian stereotypical voice

because, you know, that's what you do when you cause a dude to drive into a brick wall because you're a passive aggressive asshole driver.

Friday, January 11, 2019



2018 was suppose to be the year I traveled more. I mean, let's be honest. I did go to Florida and Colorado. Both for work representing well enough. But I had huge desires for traveling that didnt' come to past. A trip from south through the north of the Appalachian mountains - The trip was suppose to be trying to find what or who is America these days. That never happened. New York in spring time just seemed like one I wanted to do badly.

Well you know what, the goals are there for 2019 and fucking hell, I'll be damned if I don't get all the traveling done I wanted from last year in this year as well as a few more amazing trips that I want to add on top of that.

I still need to Kentucky and do a bourbon run. I have a buddy who runs a shop that I will be going on this trip to "test" their single barrel programs, so yeah, I am looking forward to whenever that happens.

Construction on the money pit I call my building progressed a lot more. I mean, this project has essentially been a 12 year project as I handled it. Well, with as much walls that blocked me in progress this year, I still pushed it to the 1 yard line and it looks like the touch down is just moments away.

If you know nothing about this project I have been building for  myself, well then, just ask. I'm happy to talk about it. I'm equally as happy in how it is coming out.

But that's not going to prevent me from traveling. I have so much plans that I want to do this year. Another trip to San Fran is a must. And it's a must soon. I loved S.F. so much and it has literally been four years since I have been up to the land that tiki spots roam. And to add to that, two new spots opened up in the last few years. So I need to make it up to S.F. for the weekend some time soon.

I also plan on going to Florida, once, if not twice this year so I can make the value worth it on my Disney Annual pass options.Also cause I just got asked to represent the brewery for a Florida beer festival. So I guess that's happening.

Yeah, a lot more in the works for this year that I'm excited about.

Thursday, January 10, 2019



Recently I saw something that was a little odd. Groups wanting to pick and choose, as if it was a Chinese take out menu, what they got out of a fandom or collective. You see this a lot in historical reenactment groups like Civil War ones. I mean, you're basically having one side be soldiers fighting because of slavery and, well, representing traitors to the union. No matter how much you want to claim that as something to be proud of in your heritage, you're going to have to reconcile with that little fun fact.

I will easily say that I am one of those who wax nostalgia towards the 40's, 50's and 60's. I do, after all, have a full restored 65 Mustang. And so I often very much embrace the clothing of the era and let's face it, the part in my hair and my whole hair style that I have had my whole life is very much a product of the past. So.. yeah, I do follow the "vintage scene". Recently I caught wind of a sort of "Vintage style and not Vintage Values" sort of movement. I guess white guilt just kicked in to high gear or something because it just seemed odd.

First off, of course, like the civil war reenactment folks, I'm positive don't actually want slavery to be back. So like that, I'm pretty sure that everyone in the "scene" of vintage style can agree that they don't want to go back to a time of segregation and Jim crow laws. That's just fucking stupid. And of course even though you're wearing some classy dress from the 40's, you sure as fuck don't want to be regulated to nothing more than something to crank out children and have a roast ready for their husband when they get home.

But let's get a little real here. What the fuck exactly are the values that folks who say they don't subscribe to the vintage values actually fighting against and disliking? Because I could find a shit ton of great values from yesteryear that we don't really participate in all that much anymore that we should be trying to keep alive. Because by saying you don't subscribe to vintage values, you throw the baby out with the bath water.

Do you really want to dismiss the whole Rosie the Riveter attitude of "We can do it"? Because that is what you're fucking doing. Was there wrongs in the past that as a culture we later course correct? Fuck yeah. A lot of them. But in a lot of ways, you had a lot of values we should be wishing were still around. Family unity in that having dinner at the table and having some fucking manners in it all? There's a reason you say someone is old fashioned in a positive way. Sure, not the times when you're grandpa talks about how many japs he killed or how the chinaman in the grocery store looked at him crossways. But that's just typical grandparent racism that every generation latches on because of the circumstances of their era. I'm pretty sure that the current generation will always have a distrust of folks from middle eastern countries because of this war we're fighting overseas.

I may be waxing nostalgia on this one, but it seemed like back in the day, while women suffered a lot of inequality in just about every aspect, the dating scene was pretty accurately positive. Now stick with me here. While if you were assumed to sleep around, you would be labeled loose or a floosey, but let's be fucking real, that still happens now. Back then it seemed like folks would "go out" with a wide array of suitors and it was a lot more free flowing until you went "steady". A lot of the prudent standards were sort of buried heads in the sand. Much like how many folks now see living together to families that are very conservative. I know a couple who just got married that lived together for a long time now, her parents were very much blind to the fact that they did that. I mean, they knew, but they just ignored it at best as they could.

Let's go on with this inequality. Is it any better now? Yeah, women can pursue careers of their choosing now that at one point were not looked at with any chance in hell of them even being able to get. But the glass ceiling is still there blocking you all the way. The pay gap is still fucking terrible.

Do you see how close we were to a woman president but because the majority of the country couldn't get over some fucking email server, we ended up with the choice of the dumbest president ever? Yeah, this is a clear example that even though a beyond qualified person got looked over because of her gender, that it's not that long ago far away time that you should worry about the values of, it's the current here and now. We're still just as fucked. So yeah, I guess you don't want to be associated with jim crow laws or the notion that you are "just some housewife tee hee", but the reality is perception and actually how you carry yourself are very different and you should fucking not just assume because you embrace the style of an era that it comes with the automatic assumption that you are also a racist piece of sexist acceptance asshole.

It's about being better. Because the moment you lump that shit to the past and not own the current here and now as they still remain, then you just push it to the side and act better when in reality we are not better off in progress than those dressed differently from 50 or 60 years from the past.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019



Deadwood was a show on HBO that ran about 12 years ago. It was the best HBO show because everyone was a goddamn san fransisco cocksucker or a hooplehead. Here we are after all these years and it seems like the pipe dream that any more content from the city of Deadwood will be in movie form.

I mean, it does kind of suck that it's just a movie. It was basically HBO going "oh, well, fuck off already. fine, we'll give you an hour and a half so you can finally shut the fuck up already. get out of my office!"

I has been a long time now that they promised this as well. So for many many years with false rumors that just added more insult to fucking injury. So yeah, I had been pissed with HBO for years now for canceling Deadwood. Them having shows like Game of Throne only partially made up for it.

I have also wanted to take a trip to South Dakota for the sole purpose of visiting the town of Deadwood. You know, to get my hopes and expectations all high and to get crushed by the reality that it was a bit different than the made up language that they spoke on the show.

My trip would consist of staying at the Hickok, though I have been told to not gamble there. Head down the street toward the head of town. Stop in to the Gem and the Eagle, which are classic Deadwood saloons. Also, the odd thing I keep reading about Deadwood is that while main street is paved with asphalt like any normal street in America, the side streets are all brick, and not just any brick. The brick is still the original brick from when the town first started and put in brick vs. having a dirt mud filled road. If you mess up any of the bricks in Deadwood, you get fined 50 dollars... per brick! So perhaps try driving slow on the road and not fuck up an of those precious bricks like a fucking cocksucker.

Anyhow, I'm sure some of you are wondering if Sheriff Bullock learned how to act in the last 12 years. Olyphant did have Justified to continue that streak of being a bad ass. Besides, the role of Bullock is suppose to be stiff, angry as fuck sort of dude. I loved every moment of that character on screen. Sure, not as much as I loved Ian McShane, but we all can't be Ian McShane's level of badassness.

Also, Wu's constant use of the word Cocksucker and Al Swearengen's regret about teaching him that word will never stop being funny to me. The times when both Wu and Al are on screen were just pure magic.

Tuesday, January 8, 2019



Look, everybody poops. It's a fact of life. Just like how you take the good and you take the bad and then you forget the lyrics to that 80's sitcom show and where the fuck was I going with this? Oh yeah, poop smelling.

I'm pretty sure you've tried many ways to cover the smell of your food coming out in a normal human body function. But here we are still finding the means to do so. Well, now you have this product;

It's the best invention since sliced bread! I bring you sliced poo smells! It's so simple to use, even a shit head can learn how! What you do is you spray the toilet with this wonderful spray thing just create a layer that the stank won't be able to escape once it gets under the water. It's really a miracle of science and we should have been investing all the cancer research into this long ago.

But there is, after all, always some warnings. For example. You have to make sure you lift the seat. Because you think you are able to get proper coverage with the seat down, but you really can't. You will be foolishly and with much unwarrented confidence taking a dump only to find that your stank factory droppings are leaving the toilet and going everywhere unable to be contained by the wonders of this product. Soon your friends will smell it and you will be shunned forever.

So remember. Just lift the seat before your first spray. Your nose will thank you for whatever the fuck it is that you ate that made you lay that stank egg. On top of that, when you sit down your ass will be wet. Which, I guess isn't the worst thing because it's just your butt cheeks and who the fuck cares about that. You'll also smell better for a while with a circle of this scent all around your ass.

Also, do not apply  it to your butt hole. I mean, seriously, did you not read the directions or the instructions I just wrote above? Why was your default to spray something into your butt hole. What the fuck is wrong with you or what strange fetish do you fucking have, man? And yeah, I get it. You figure that you need to spray it in your butt hole because that's where the liquid comes from. Also, if it's just liquid spewing out of your ass, go see a goddamn doctor or stop eating so much Mexican food.

Then again, if you spray it directly onto your asshole, all your farts for the rest of the day will have that lemony fresh smell. Tho it would give you away as the farter in the elevator, so perhaps try not telegraphing your farts so much, man. You have to keep it on the down low a little better.

Welp, 8 days into the year and my content is this shit. Literally. Great start to the new year. Then again, this is being posted as Trump is talking about boarder crisis, so perhaps it's not the worst content I'm presenting all things considered.

Monday, January 7, 2019



Sometimes I wait in the costco food court wondering if I'm going to get the hot dog or a slice of pizza. I mean, if it's pizza, that's another three option choice on which one. Cheese is clearly the one with the most cheese. And if it's fresh out of the oven, that cheese can be very gooey and also very much a top of your mouth lava beast that you do not want any part of.

Then you have pep. look, I love that greasy meat as much as the next guy, but half the time some are scorched to hell, some are just meh also. The combo can be a mixed bag cause if it's not really warm, it just sucks as those top toppings don't have it going on. That's three choices in the pizza department.

The hot dog does also come with a cup for soda refills. The trick with this is to get the dog before going in to the costco in order to eat while you shop, thus preventing you from buying a bulk size of some instant gratification food, while also allowing you to get a refill on that soda on the way out. Two for one, bang. the smart way.

There's another factor to include. Calorie count. With the new year it means folks are all about counting them in order to reach that new year, new you resolution goals. Costco has all the calories listed on the board in a very big way. So I mean, you can't just turn your blind eye to that shit. They also have a large sign that states how many calories the average person should have per day. So you're kind of like.. whoa, thanks a lot for reminding me that I'm a fucking slob, Costco. Didn't really appreciate that being THAT real, ya know.

Sometimes when I feel like a bad ass I just go up to the window and tell them

"HMmmmm, eah. lemme get a combo slice, a chicken bake, and... *smirks* gotta have that hot dog as well."

only to have the frightened and shaking Costco food slinger hesitantly punch all that in and say

"Sir, are you sure... that's like... a million calories right there"

To which the only answer is "Toss in a churro for good measure"

Sunday, January 6, 2019



Netflix came out with something I haven't done since the days I wasted a shit ton of coins on Dragon's Lair when I was young. They made a choose your own adventure movie in which you make the choices of the character and basically dictate how the movie is going to play out.

Which I have to wonder, a choose your own adventure that is a movie? I mean, I remember this concept from the 90's. It never took off for some reason then, I don't know why it would take off now. People sort of want a narrative given to them when watching a movie and it's not always a desire to have some sort of interactive feature. How much fun will you have second guessing all of your actions and redoing all the choices you constantly think were a mistake to get a better result?

The whole thing is called Bandersnatch, and that sounds really British, mainly because it's a reference to Lewis Carroll's work. Though, I always lead off with the joke of Bandersnatch? I hardly know her!

On top of all that, you're not really going to make it through this without some reasonable knowledge of the UK game software scene of the early to mid 1980's. "Bandersnatch" was a game that was actually suppose to come out and it was very much hyped up and never actually released by the Software house. So there's some history involved in this much like that one pig fucker episode of Black Mirror.

But basically it's a short film about a guy who eats frosties, listens to Thompson twins, joins a company and makes a poorly received game. I'm pretty confident with the choices I made to get me there and well, no need to try again. I ain't going down that rabbit hole.

At best I feel that the whole thing was just one wonderful experiment. Sure, this just means that Netflix has yet more information on you. What, you think you're streaming movies at $9 a month and nothing more? Netflix knows when you watch anything, how you watch it.. if in chunks or if the whole thing at a time and binge worthy, or if you're even watching anything. They got your info down, my friend. But more on that scary shit later.

Another criticism is that your choices seem to all need to lead to something cinematic. There should have been a version of this that were eleven minutes long with a lame ending you just finished it. The whole choose your own adventure books I remember as a kid would have situations where if you chose to avoid the dangerous options, the story would just end. You would not follow the stranger over the rope bridge and you'd just go home and nothing else happened. Good stories require drama, and this was an opportunity to illustrate that in a different way.

What I'm trying to say is that the next time you play this movie, you should just go Chaotic evil the entire time and see where that takes you. That's even if you can play it. Some of the folks got Netflix tech shaming people's technology with a "sorry you can't play this on your shitty way too fucking old and busted technology. Come back when you can afford a new TV you poor piece of shit" sort of message.

Another thing about Netflix lately is that they really do have some shitty films. Bird Box may have a mixed bag of reviews, but there's no denying that it basically was a film that the studios had no confidence in releasing in theaters and sinking a lot more money into it to market it, so they just basically sold it to Netflix. That's generally what "Netflix Original Movies" are. The latest Will Ferrel Sherlock Holmes movie was suppose to be one of those because the studio knew it was complete shit and then Netflix said fuck that and didn't buy it. Sure enough, it sucked in theaters.

Bandersnatch also spoon feeds you too much shit. There's only really 3 endings that branch off from the final choices you make. An hour into the movie, every other ending happens way too early and basically is stating you fucked up and this is a bad ending, routing you back to the decision you made wrong.

I mean, I guess it's trying to play into the whole illusion of free will in that whole sort of theme. So I guess it's intentional to do it that way, but it annoyed me when rewatching it. I guess it's a cool concept to do once, but I don't know how anyone would want to have this be their default in terms of watching a film. Imagine having more than one person in the room and trying to come up with how both of you want this shit to go down? Talk about annoying.

 I mean, we all expect Netflix to know how many times we have watched shitty Christmas movies this season, but do you really want Netflix to know that you choose to kill your father in this film? What can be done with that information if you really think about how they're gathering personal  data. Can they use the information of you choosing to murder someone in a movie to suggest you watch a lot more violent films? Can they see that you're a pussy who didn't want to kill in the film and just recommend you something different.

The whole concept behind what sort of psychological testing they're doing on you through these films is rather interesting in the long run. What exactly are they collecting on you to store later and to whom are they reporting this or selling this data to? Those are the bigger questions in this whole grand scheme of things.

Something of which I generally think Black Mirror isn't my cup of tea anyway because it constantly is too on the nose when it comes to these sorts of questions that I'd rather not think about it, or at the very least that I already know society is heading in to and this just makes it a bit of a parody of the fact that we're already there in terms of the shit that they show. Maybe this is what it must have felt like to watch The Twilight Zone while it was still live. Because seriously, this series is both too British and way too on the nose for me to actually enjoy it as a means of entertainment.

Saturday, January 5, 2019



I guess I didn't do one of these last year since I wasn't doing much writing, but here we go. This is the morbid game in which I predict the death of 10 celebrities in hope that their younger age will get me enough points to achieve greatness. Think of it as fantasy football with a morbid trip that I just want people to die.

Well, I guess not so much want them to die, but it does seem like, you know, something that will eventually happen because, after all, death is certain.

The game is simple. You pick 10 people and if they die int he calendar year of 2019, you get points worth the amount of their age minus 100. We already had three deaths in the year so far that made the papers, all three were 76. So they would have been worth 24 points each if you had guessed them

I gotta start with the simple one;

Charlie Sheen - Come on, it's been a long time coming

Dick Cheney - How much of a pact with the devil does he actually have?

Kissinger - Well deserved, I'd say.

Kirk Douglas - Not that I want him to go, but man, he's about due.

Sean Connery - Look, I love the actor, but it's at the point now where I think he's already dead and the estate is just not saying anything.

Kevin Spacey - I mean. let's just be honest, the guy will probably kill himself. Got nothing else to do. 

Donald Trump - I mean, this probably just put me on a watch list, but let's face reality, FBI agent who is now monitoring this page, the dude has a shitty diet and the stress of the work is really just going to do him in before some crazy shooter. 

Artie Lange - Come on, the guy is pretty much a walking "I'm going to die soon" billboard.

Ozzy Osbourne - I mean, the guy has not been in the best shape for a while.

Keith Richards - fuck it, this will be the year. I can feel it.

The best answer to all this is basically the biggest dead pool group will be that a whole lot of boomers with make the list. At least I can take comfort in that.

Friday, January 4, 2019



Look, we're in 2019, at this point with the net basically all up in your business, you have to have learned something from this series of tubes, haven't you? Basically by now everyone has been raised and taught by the internet. Which means that a lot of what you know, you know because of shitty websites and blogs like this one and a bunch of fake sites that probably told you Hillary was some sort of Alien reptile that wanted to take your guns away.

So let's just go through a couple of things that the internet has taught us. Fist off, it has taught me how to scrape the accumulated goop off my keyboard. You know your keyboard has a bunch of goop inbetween the keys. That's just the facts of life. No matter who you are, it will have a bunch of that shit.

Then next it has taught me that people take video games and internet forums really fucking seriously. Like, what the fuck, man. Get a grip. Also, all your moms are cunts and bitches who can go suck a dick or something. Bunch of babies, I say.

Also that there's really no limit to how wide a man can stretch his asshole even if he's wearing a wedding ring. And if you don't know what I'm referring to, man, you're one lucky son of a bitch that hasn't fully navigated through the world of the internet in the same way I have and you're probably a better person for such restrictions to your journey through this fucked up place. I'm proud of you

Another truth is that the rich should probably be burned alive. Even if it doesn't solve a single problem, this is something that we can all agree on from the internet. Truthfully, it would solve a lot of things, but let's not let facts get in the way of our musings.

You can also pay a man to take a beating, but if you beat him hard enough, the beating is free. Also, you can pretty much pay for anything your heart desires on the internet. Some things are probably better that your heart never desired, but then again, who am I to stop you from reaching your dreams. Even if they get you 10 to 15.

It's also common knowledge from the internet news that pretty much everyone is a millennial between the ages of 8 to 80 and anyone who is one is probably making the world shit for those who aren't them. How dare you buy a fruit spread on a piece of toast. What are you, some kind of moron!?

I also learned that fun creepy photoshop projects can lead to teenage girls stabbing each other and then ruining shit for the rest of us. So basically, there's no hope.

To be fair, the rest of the world helped me discover that little bit of knowledge, but the internet just highlighted it. Mostly, the internet taught me how to gather my own knowledge and be informed all on my own, because there's a bunch of lies on this shit and who the fuck needs that negativity in their life.

Oh yeah, it has also taught me exactly how much personal information to post about on the internet. The answer, in case you haven't figured it out, is about as little as you can possibly get away with. Just remember that you are the product that they are selling to others. Your information and all that shit. Sooooo, you know. Yeah.

Thursday, January 3, 2019



So with 2019 here, I think we're all suppose to dress like Blade Runner now. I mean, that's when the movie took place, so why not, right ? I mean, I guess we are starting to run out of movies to look to on dates we'll surpass like Back to the Future and Terminator.

Hot take, I liked the theater version a shit lot more than the directors cut. Look, Ridley, you have fucked up a lot of your own movies. I don't think I can trust you all that well with the choices that you make. You have done fucked up one too many times.

On top of that, I love Harrison Ford's sort of dead pan "I don't give a fuck, just give me the script and I'll read it in the most boring voice possible" rendition of things. That's his main mode of acting and if you don't like it, then well, I don't know what the fuck to tell you about Harrison Ford other than you're not doing it right.

Also, the theater version didn't leave too much question in regards to if he was a Replicant or not. He wasn't and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

Anyhow, let's take a look at how we're suppose to dress now;

I mean.. are we really that far off? Sure, we don't have the flying cars, but that fashion looks pretty close to what we have been seeing in hipster and vintage fashion coming back. That's basically 80's fashion, which is on an uptick meets cyber punk future.

I think that while we're not speaking some sort of version of Chinese, Russian and Japanese just yet, that is down the pipeline once we become a joke of a super-lame power and China and Russia take over. But for the most part, we're about there. And let's be real, it's not a terrible thing. 

 I know I have longed to get a replica Decker gun for at least 20 years now. Maybe this will be the year I get it... you know, citing the fact that I have to be hip to the current year that the movie takes place in.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019



You know, I'm pretty sure that you folks would see the cynical side I have posted in my history and expect me to rail hard on those who once the first of the year comes start spouting off the whole New Year, New Me sort of mentality.

Honestly, I come to expect that of myself. I say it sarcastically constantly in my post. But I'm going to turn a hard left right now.

Good for you.

Realizing that last year's you was not something that you liked or something you want to be associated with anymore.. That's step one in changing yourself. And while it's often very common to assume that people can't change, you certainly can't change with that mentality. So to you I say best of luck.

One of the biggest complaints I hear folks make is that the gyms start getting packed. I know on my usual hiking trail in Griffith Park, the uptick in people that take it after the first is huge. You know, is that really a bad thing? I know I'm all for folks getting healthier, even if it's at the cost of my comfort level in how many folks are around me.

Aside from that, last year sucked. It sucked bad. If there's anything you can do to NOT be like the you that suffered through last year, by all means I encourage you to be the best you that you can possibly be. Yeah, the concept of failure in new years resolutions is a huge number and you'll always get the concept drop out rate because to some degree, folks don't really change at their core. but you never know unless you try and that's what I'm encouraging you to do right now. See if a different sort of life is for you. If it's not, then go back to being you and accepting that you are who you are. But there's no reason why you shouldn't at least give a shot at trying to do some self improvement or rediscovery of who and what you are at the core.

So you, person who is trying to be a new year new you sort of person. Best of luck.

Tuesday, January 1, 2019



A couple of years back I did something that the haters gonna hate hate hate hate on, and well, I loved every minute of it. See, I have a very big guilty pleasure for Taylor Swift's musical styling. Don't ask me why, I sometimes dig really cheesy pop music and T-swizzle was no exception.

At the time, my girlfriend's father was a musician working with Ryan Adams and he did a full album cover of 1989. As a thank you, Taylor Swift sent all the folks in the band a thank you gift of a bottle of Dom Perignon. The super fancy ass one. Being that he chooses a life of not imbibing, the bottle ended up making its way to a family vacation in the central coast. While there, I figured the best thing to do with this champagne was to make some sick mimosas with it.

Now I'm not a heathen. Not in the slightest. I went out to the town's local farmer's market on this weekend retreat and I bought some fine locally sourced orange juice. I am, after all,a professional at drinking only the finest of the finest of libations.  

I went ahead and did it. Made mother fucking mimosa out of this highly expensive and brand secured Dom Perignon. The results? It tasted fan-fucking-tastic.  Much like any proud achievement in this day and age, I posted my concoction on the good ol' internet. Because why not.  That's when I got the haters out there just not pleased with what I did with such classy ass shit. And I mean, let's be honest, I do some stupid shit with alcohol some time. But man, this was so rewarding. So much so that I still have the box that the Dom came in. I'm that proud of that moment.

So it was only fitting that I rang in my new year rocking out to T-swizzle's Netflix concert. Look, hate all you want, I just want to shake... shake... shake. shake it off. Shake it off.  Yes, shake off that 2018 stank.

As to why I have this strange enjoyment of Taylor Swift music? I can't honestly answer that. It's like a drug, and I will gladly just enjoy it for as much as I can. Happy New Year.