A Cat's Life

A Cat's Life

Time to get all deep and what not.



Then there's a part 2



Yes.. such hardship

Coking It Up Kosher Style

Coking It Up Kosher Style

We're in the passover season and there's something wrong. Something missing... Yes, in fact the last time I was at the local Pico Ralph's in the Jewish side of town, I noticed that something was missing. Indeed, Kosher Coke is not out there.

Kosher for Passover Coca-Cola has been barred from California.

California’s new state laws on toxic chemicals are keeping kosher for Passover Coke out of the state, a company spokesman told the San Gabriel Valley Tribune.

Coke was required to change the way it manufactures caramel due to the high levels of the chemical 4-methylimidazole, or 4-MEI, which California has listed as a carcinogen under its new guidelines. The manufacturing changes in California affected the kosher for Passover status of the cola, according to reports.

The company expects to offer the kosher for Passover variety of Coke in California by 2013, the newspaper reported, citing the company spokesman.

The Passover version of Coke uses sugar in place of corn syrup, which is not kosher for Passover for Ashkenazi Jews.

Some kosher stores in California carried limited amounts of kosher for Passover Coke, which bears a yellow cap, that was imported from other states.

What. The. Fuck!? This one hit close to home when I was in the market looking for some Kosher Coke. And it's not that I'm actually a practicing Jew. In fact, I have no Jewishness in me. I have none of that blood in me and the closes thing that I can get to in terms of being Jewish is that I'm Jewish on job applications.

But even though I don't have any Jew in me doesn't mean that I don't like to keep kosher. Who doesn't want some kosher salt? But anyhow, I love me Kosher coke because of one thing - the pure cane sugar that is used in it.

But yeah, you could normally find this in any place that sold kosher shit for them Jew folks and I couldn't find any.. FUCK THAT! Cancer causing shit. What the fuck is this shit. My non-existent people didn't survive in the desert for 40 years to put up with this bullshit.

You mean to tell me that the oil lasted for eight goddamn days but we can't get some mother fuckin' Kosher Coke all up in this bitch? Come on now! This is such bullshit!

LET MY PEOPLE* ENJOY SOME COKE!



*not really MY people

The Future - Well, Fuck That Shit..

The Future - Well, Fuck That Shit..

It was just a couple of weeks ago that I finally joined the 21st century and got myself a smart phone and just when I thought I was caught up with the rest of society, google has to go out and make a fucking Smart phone glasses thing.



Well FUCK! I already have enough trouble ignoring every phone call and email I get. If this is the future, it's fucking hell. Those glasses are like "They Live":, only taken to its extreme opposite conclusion.

It's like a propaganda piece to push the killing of hipsters. No thanks. I'd rather not have this. Then again, considering that viewing the video made the flash on chrome crash, I shouldn't worry that this future will come to pass any time soon.

But still, advanced technology indistinguishable from sorcery from a generation ago shouldn't shock me that it's going to be used primarily to make idle bourgeois lives of consumption more efficiently. Though I'll be surprised if anyone will be able to afford that when it's out. Unless, you know, it'll probably sell for $250 with a 2 year wireless contract.

But again, this device looks literally hellish. Why yes, glasses, show me directions to twenty feet from where I am standing in this tiny bookstore. What the fucker in the video should have done was open a window for "How to pronounce french", you rich dumb fuck!

It's not like you can't already do most of that, the only difference is having to hold your phone in front of you instead of wearing glasses. They're also banking on the current trend of manufacturing process shrinkage to continue indefinitely and, welp, researchers came out today saying that for flash they reach a critical failure point in read/write errors at around 6.5nm which is supposed to happen around 2024, assuming Obamacare hasn't annihilated the planet by then.

"john is: starving in a ditch, 402 ft, turn left at the next intersection"

And can I talk for a minute about the dude checking in? Yeah man, hold on a second, guy. I gotta check in my four square location at this fucking food truck..

This Shitstain just checked in at A Fucking Food Truck, Are You Serious!? with Foursquare!

Man, if this is what the future is, then it's filled with such big pussies.

"Uh oh, Jessica's calling! Music off computer!"

Ha. Does that actually mean he was listening to that lame ass elevator music the entire time he was meeting up with his nondescript hipster friend? God, he's such a pussy.

Note added: You're such a pussy.

Not to mention the whole "That a Ukulele?" God, I want to kill Jessica. Let's be real with what the future holds for our enslaved selves 10 years into the future;

Hyosho tweeted: Mined 16 tons of He3 today! I can almost taste that new hairstyle for my avatar! #norealtastebuds

Not to mention that I can't wait to glance at a QR code on an advertisement poster and then get blinded by pop-up ads











I think if google really wants to get the most out of these interactive glasses, they shouldn't just display messages to the wearer. Sure, I want to see literally where my friends are at all times and their absolute distance from me in relation to feet, meters and spans (Wheel of time fans out there?) But I think it would also be neat if Pizza Hut could pay me thirty cents an hour to have my glasses display glaringly bright images of their greasy slop to everyone who interacts with me. Who says these suckers only have to send information one way?

I'll tell you who. fascists

I got a lot of shit for not having a smartphone for ages until just a few weeks ago. I sure as shit can't wait till people think I'm a loser because I don't want to have advertisement in my retinas 24/7 and I'll just stick with my outdated iPhone. Though, if they made a model with transitions lenses I may have to reconsider. There's no way I can pass up simultaneously look like a total poindexter and a serial killer at once.

Then again, it's going to be bad when you're stuck clearing your parents' glasses of 14 toolbars before they walk into the path of a bus. "No dear, I need that recipe widget. Where can I find it?"

In short, fuck the future.

The Stand Your Ground Defense Rest

The Stand Your Ground Defense Rest

Fun Fact: George Zimmerman will never, ever be arrested.

Prove me wrong, society. Prove me fucking wrong. But until I'm a liar, society is going to prove to me that everything they do is fucking pussy shit and they won't bother with this. I mean, he may "fall" down some stairs, and I guess that's something in itself, but he won't be prosecuted to anything above a slap on the wrist.. if even that.

I'm a strong believer that Zimmerman should receive full and proper justice at the hands of the appropriate authorities..... and by appropriate authorities I mean the black panthers. Oh, okay, I shouldn't wish that. But how can I really hold myself back. Have you've seen what the defense is going with now?

They trying to suggest that "Shaken Baby Syndrome" will be used in defense of Trayvon Martin's killer. I hold my hand to God (that doesn't exist) that I'm not making this shit up.

Hal Uhrig, a lawyer and former Gainesville, Florida, police officer who recently joined Zimmerman's defense team, cited in a TV interview the brain damage that can seriously injure or kill an infant.

His point, which has been made before, was that Zimmerman contends he shot Martin in self defense and feared for his life after the 17-year-old attacked him and began pounding his head into the concrete pavement of a gated community on a rainy evening in Sanford on February 26.

But Uhrig's choice of words, and use of a recognized sign of child abuse to defend a 28-year-old man who killed a kid, seemed likely to raise more than just a few eyebrows.

"We're familiar with the Shaken Baby Syndrome," said Uhrig on the CBS This Morning program. "You shake a baby, the brain shakes around inside the skull. You can die when someone's pounding your head into the ground."

Apart from saying his client suffered a broken nose, Uhrig did not elaborate on the extent of any injuries Zimmerman actually suffered. But characteristic injuries associated with SBS, as Shaken Baby Syndrome is known, include bleeding in the brain. There are often no visible external signs such injuries have occurred.

George Zimmerman is literally a shaken baby. For fuck's sake, this is beyond enraging. This is just flat out sad. I can't even get disappointed anymore about any of this. They aren't even trying to make a defense for this whole incident. I had to shoot him, yer honor. You see I have the brain of an infant and a soft pliable skull and well, he jostled me.

Stay tuned next week for our "Words can hit as hard as a fist" defense. Or maybe the Zimmerman's defense team will next claim that their client was possessed by a racist ghost. The "Bag of Bones" defense.



What next, George Zimmerman is going to show us on live national television that he could not have killed Trayvon Martin by holding a gun in his hands and attempting to pull the trigger, but the gun will slip out of his hands and he'll juggle it while making "WOOP WOOP WOOP" sounds like a Three Stooges gag.

"Your honor, I am simply too Vaudevillian to have done what I am accused of."
*Doffs top hat and Charlestons offstage*

Because seriously, look at that tagging on the wall proclaiming that Long Live Zimmerman. Some idiot college kid spray painting a building is going to be investigated and prosecuted more quickly and more effectively than a murder of a child. And really, that's just fucking sad. Goddamn America.



Especially since the state attorney decided against sending Martin case to grand jury, charging zimmerman now completely up to her

I mean, I was seriously not expecting this. Or more accurately I was expecting it but was expecting it to be way more subtle about it. Now in the absence of a federal case which is about guaranteed to be kept far the fuck away from by the holder DOJ Zimmerman actually has a chance to duck the charge entirely.

So this basically means that there may not be any federal charges at all. How exactly can that happen? The simple answer - This is America. And in America now the federal case hinges on the Department of Justice, run by Obama appointee Eric Holder, seeing the rank incompetence of the Sanford police and Florida courts and stepping in to do the job that locals/stateys SHOULD have done, but didn't and apparently aren't going to.

And the latest? Well, the fucker has come out and is showing his ass to the world with THE REAL GEORGE ZIMMERMAN DOT COM

Yes, it is actually Zimmerman's website. And oh my god, he posted a picture of the long live Zimmerman graffiti on his own website.



Oh my god.

Then he goes on about is job attainability. "My forced inability to maintain employment" Which is weird that people fire you when you are a rent a cop who goes nuts and beats up people. Even weirder that they wont hire you after you execute a kid in the street. Who would have thunk it? Forced inability indeed. But hey, finally "randomly killing black people" has become a business model for private citizens, I wonder when he'll do an IPO.

But what really got me from that website is that fucking American Flag template background.



Then the Zimmerna's family sent a letter to Holder about this.

"Strangely enough this case has a lot of parallels to those of Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’” the letter to Attorney General Holder read. “George Zimmerman has been treated much like Tom Robinson was, chastised for not being the right (or wrong) color and found guilty based on race factors.

“You have the opportunity to act as Atticus [Finch] and do the right thing. Your boss would refer to this as a ‘teachable moment.’”

What the fucking fuck fuck FUCK!

Can someone just fucking kill Zimmerman already? But again, I shouldn't even suggest that as he'd be a martyr and the cycle will simply continue. Then again, neither him nor his demise are that relevant to the cycle.

The family member believes the reason Holder hasn't made those arrests is because he, like the members of the New Black Panther, is black.

“I am writing you to ask you why, when the law of the land is crystal clear, is your office not arresting the New Black Panthers for hate crimes?”

the family member wrote to Holder. Fuck!

“I would surmise that, based on your own definition of a hate crime, you have chosen not to arrest these individuals based solely on your race,”

Arrest this fucker at once. UGH!

Then Zimmerman's lawyer, who totally knew that Zimmerman had badly injured the back of his head, never met him in person and they only talked over the phone. George Zimmerman could have gotten away with executing a kid in the street, instead he made up an insane story about getting his head bashed in, started a website where he posted a picture of a vandalized black culture center, spoke to Sean Hannity, and then hired a lawyer equivalent to a public defender.

"Him setting up his own web site is fine," Sonner said. "I wish he would have told me.” HA! It's pretty clear to me now that George Zimmerman is living in a discarded Twilight Zone episode where he can't go to prison no matter how badly he sabotages himself.

That episode is called White Privilege.

I'm Old Gregg

I'm Old Gregg

This is one of those lazy post.. You know, when I'm too hung over to just write anything. It's a classic one, and if you've known me and haven't seen it, then perhaps you just got lucky..



Rather old, but the new kiddies need to enjoy what Old Gregg is.

Reagan

Reagan

You know what, I can never get enough Ronald Reagan hate. With me turning 32 now, I figure there's no better time than to renew my hatred towards this mother fucker than with a video...



I'm... not sure, but does that really end with the implied threat of a whole bunch of white guys beating up a black guy with clubs? Man.. Reagan sneered and drew his 9 iron...

I guess it's just a matter of all of the problems America is in can be fixed if there was some kind of wall-mountable chart had been made available for navigation.

It'll be much better than when Obama sings some LMFAO..



I just feel bad for the person who had to watch this much Obama footage and make it sync up with LMFAO.. Cause by now they surely must have gone mad.

The Walking Eggs

The Walking Eggs

The tragic thing about having a birthday in the beginning of April is that every few years it lands on or near Easter. Growing up this leads one to grow a distinct hatred towards bunnies, pastel colors and eggs.

This year I got one gift that was extremely holiday centric and I have to admit, I loved it. The creativity behind it and the level of awesomeness behind the thought and execution of it won flooded me.

I present to you, the walking eggs;



What better way to celebrate Christian Zombie day than with some egg versions of the walking dead characters? But what's a gift without a pretty package?

At first I saw the box, which is a reference to a story arc in the comics and for some reason the show felt the need to not include;



Once you opened those flaps, the inside held egg versions of the characters



A picture says a thousand words, so I'll cut mine down to a very few.



Welp, I guess we found Sophia.. It only took half of a season to look 20 feet.



I'm not sure how long it'll take for the egg version of Shane to crack up.



Glenn and Daryl both looking really well done and yet so simple.



Check out Dale and Andrea



Let's take one more view of the group



Wait, where's Carl?! He's not in the carton....



Oh, there he is. I guess I should have known that he'd find a way out of the egg carton.

Yeah, one of the best gifts ever.