Monday, December 22, 2008

Hanukkah: A Celebration of Endurance

Hanukkah: A Celebration of Endurance

Todays two blogs were a bit of a bummer. We need some good news, I say! I can't think of better news than a good deal, which brings us to Hanukkah. The grand ol' candle lighting started last night and this bad boy aint stopping till all eight are lit up! to break it down, it's a holiday about getting a bargain. Above all else though, Hanukkah is more about celebrating endurance. During Hanukkah there's always a series of endurances that the Jewish people must go through;
  • Correcting the way people butcher and spell Hanukkah.
  • Explaining the yarmulke and asking people not to call it a Jew beanie.
  • Putting up with endless hours of Christmas programming
  • Working on Christmas day as those who celebrate it want the day off.
  • Having to turn down Christmas ham and Christmas shrimp
  • Explaining that whole dradle thing.
  • Enduring the looks as you don't take part in the gift exchange
  • 8 days of dealing with family. Ouch! I can barely handle one.
That's a lot to endure if you ask me.. But before we get into the further ways the Jewish people have been pushed let's get into history first. The story of Hanukkah is rich with both finding a good bargain and going green. After the Maccabees revolted more than 2,000 years ago, the Jewish people only had enough oil to last them one night for the redediction of the Temple in Jerusalem. To their surprise, eight days later they were saying "What's with this candle? 8 days and it hasn't called its mother? You know she worries about you!" It makes more sense than "A 'virgin' had a baby in a barn, he needs gifts!" but hey, that's just me.

As if making one days candle oil last 8 days wasn't enough to brag about, modern Jews are constantly pushing the envelope in terms of how to make Hanukkah less about dradles and more about breaking records!

Worshipers of the Temple Isaiah in New Port beach gathered around a giant solar oven cooking a potato pancake. Mmm, latka goodness! Still, was there ever a reason to make a potato pancake 3 feet across? Other than to hopefully break a record as "the world's largest cook potato pancake by a solar oven." Which is a strange, very niche Guinness record as it is. When you put such speculations on records like that then just about anything can become a new Guinness record. I'm going to shoot for "Largest amount of Jewish content on the internet in this specific blog."

Across town in Riverside, one temple's Hanukkah display was a menorah made of recycled wood, succulent plants, roses and other flowers. Did I mention it was giant? Oh yeah. Which is more attune to the whole Tikkun olam mentality which simply means "Make perfect." Scientist are currently looking for applications as to how they can replace the hole in the ozone with a giant litka to no avail.

If there's anything you can take away from this it's that Jews really like to break records or make something last. Have you've been to Canter's? Now that's a huge Matzo ball! Thing will last you hours and hours. I once went to Canter's and my buddies ordered while I was in the restroom. I came back and told them "Oh don't worry about me, I'll just sit here and starve." Sure enough, a Matzo ball came out the size of a house!

To address the elephant in the room. Yes, Jews control Hollywood. Can you blame them? In the thirties basically every Jew with creative talent came over from Europe to work in Hollywood. It's only natural that it'll happen this way. Is it a bad thing? Nope, I say! I have a job. Sure it may have been due to the whole Jewish nose thing I have going on, but I like to think that me and the Jewish community go well together. I really like the sense of humor. Jews are the funniest you see, it comes from dealing with the war.

Now go call your mother, she worries about you! Nothing fills the holiday spirit better than Jewish guilt!

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