Thursday, December 25, 2008

The night Santa went crazy

The Night Santa Went Crazy

When it was just grandma that got run over by his reindeer I assumed it was an accident and this jolly ol' saint Nick wasn't actually evil. That viewpoint changed with the news today showing that Santa Killed 3 and then himself.

A man dressed as Santa Claus opened fire at a Christmas Eve party in a suburban Los Angeles home that subsequently caught fire, leaving three people dead, police said.

The man arrived at the party in Covina late Wednesday and immediately opened fire with a handgun, police Lt. Pat Buchanan said.

Buchanan says three bodies were found after the fire was put out. He could not say how the fire started or how the three people died.

Buchanan says three other people were injured. A woman in her 20s and an 8-year-old girl had gunshot wounds that were not life-threatening, and a third person had a broken ankle.

Police are seeking a man they are calling a person of interest, 45-year-old Bruce Jeffrey Pardo. Buchanan said Pardo is the estranged husband of a person who may have been at the party.

Police received several 911 calls with reports of shots fired at 11:30 p.m. Wednesday night, and were still hearing gunshots after they arrived and found the house in flames, Buchanan said.
When Fox news said that there was a war on Christmas I should have listened. The alternative titles to this article would have been Santa Clause is gunning you down, Merry Christmas not Scary Christmas, Spreading that Holiday Fear and Ho Ho Holy shit that man has a gun! But since it's the Holidays I'll hold back on the terrible puns... ok, so I wont. But I'll attempt to curb it.

Baldwin Park and West Covina are mostly shitholes..but Covina itself? It really only recently started getting shitty. When the ghetto keeps expanding it's eventually going to consume the surrounding areas -hungry for more souls. And let's not forget the wonderful circus of lost souls and shattered dreams that is the canyon city of Azusa. It's only a matter of time before some crazy dude dresses as the Easter Bunny and slaughters countless.

The suspect in question for such a killing spree shoved a coal up his stocking and offed himself. It's going to be tough to explain to the kids next year that Santa killed himself. Just make sure to explain that it wasn't because little Timmy and Jenny asked for way too much and Santa couldn't handle the stress.

Maybe we're looking at this all wrong. What if it turns out the people he killed... were terrorists? What then? Perhaps we should be treating this man like a hero. A Jack Bauer of the Holiday world. Nah, the dude was certified insane. As anyone would be if they've been working with elves all year creating toys for all the boys and girls. It was only a matter of time before that big fat man went to far! Santa needs to be stopped!

If it's not because of this random murders that he happens to commit every couple of years, it's because the whole idea of a fat man in a suit being allowed into your home without any question as to safety should not be allowed! Think of what it teaches the children. As well as create expectations to kids that anything the want they can get simply by putting it on a Christmas list. Oh sure, they have to be good. But who's to say what's behaving good and what counts as being bad? What if Santa's standards for good and bad change. We can't trust the moral compass of a man who goes on a killing spree every couple of years.

Oh what the hell, one more picture of the jolly old fat crazy bastard!

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