Friday, December 26, 2008

Happy Kwanzaa? Bring on Boxing Day!

Happy Kwanzaa? Bring on Boxing Day!

Wait. Does anyone even care about this shit anymore?
All I know, it is a holiday where a bunch of black people put on a dashiki and sit around a circle playing the drums. And I dont need an excuse to wear a dashiki.

Kwanzaa is just another example of reverse racism. Why is there a black christmas but not a white one. When will Bing Crosby's vision of equality finally be realized. I know, I know. I'm brown. Why should I care? Might as well stuff my mouth with more Tamales and call it a day. But I say to you, good sir, NO THANK YOU! I ate enough Tamales to kill a small elephant already.

When it comes to Holidays it really should be said that you were more than likely taking a piss when they passed out celebrations if you're stuck with Kwanzaa. As best as I can figure out, it was created in 1966 and it was a seven day celebration for very generic reasons such as family, culture blah blah blah. Seriously, Festivus was created around the same time and you don't see the big movement to make it anything more than some circus side show of a celebration.

And yet Festivus causes bigger news than Kwanzaa
In the world of the TV sitcom "Seinfeld," Festivus is a goofy, high-tension Christmas substitute dreamt up by George Costanza's angry dad. Revelers gathered around an aluminum pole and couldn't leave until someone pinned the head of the household to the floor.

Festivus is still good for a laugh among "Seinfeld" loyalists, even 11 years after the episode was first broadcast.

Funny, but nobody's laughing much about the Festivus pole that popped up under the dome of the Illinois Capitol this week.

"I think it's a mockery," said Dan Zanoza, chairman of the Springfield Nativity Scene Committee.

"If the state's going to create a forum for religion at this time of year, which we do not approve of, this is what's going to happen," said Annie Laurie Gaylor of the Freedom from Religion Foundation.

Even the 18-year-old who created the pole isn't laughing much. State workers, he gripes, set it up too far out of the way for anyone to see.

"I'm halfway thinking about complaining about the location," Michael Tennenhouse said.

Nathan Maddox, senior legal adviser with the Illinois Secretary of State's office, says the state couldn't legally deny Tennenhouse's right to free expression.
Ha! Now that's a Holiday that if I didn't already blog about, I would do so just in honor of it making news in such a troll like fashion. But since it's already over you're going to have to wait till next year to celebrate Festivus.

What does that leave you trying to get out of work for the 26th? Well, don't bother with Kwanzaa. You'll spend half the day off trying to figure out what it even means or what you do on it. You're better off sticking with Saturnalia. A whole week of eating tons of food and worshiping Saturn sounds pretty boss. You can also say you're from across the pond and are celebrating Boxing day.

It's like Soccer in that the world celebrates it but it never caught on in the states unless you slightly alter it. To make the football/futball comparison, it's simply Christmas a day later without all the Jesus allegories. While we're out there returning gifts, they're going out and getting them.

So Happy Boxing Day. I won't even recognize Kwanzaa till Festivus gets a national holiday out of it. Sure, I don't want my banks to be closed yet another day in December, but it's all about being an equal holiday distributor in this world of ours.

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