Thursday, December 4, 2008

Getting Off On A Technicality

Getting Off On A Technicality

I keep hearing that relationship/romance blogging is where it's at these days when you want to get hits. Perhaps I should shake off the cob webs and get on with it that sort of writing again. Yeah, you may consider it whoring myself out, but I consider it selling out to the man. What? Don't look at me like that, as you'll read, everyone else is doing it. Why can't I?

American teenagers are so strange when it comes to sex as you can see from this epidemic big enough that a book could be written about it. .
There's an epidemic going on in schools today that has to be addressed. Lots of grown-ups are afraid to talk about it because it just seems too freaky. But I'm not one of them. If we want to get real with ourselves and our God we have to get real about sex. We can't keep on lying to ourselves as if that makes everything okay, because it doesn't. Why are more and more "technical virgins" having more and more sexual encounters? And what does God think about the "technical virgin" anyway? Is he all excited that you found a loophole? Is he happy you are having fun and doing what your body feels like doing? Let's take a logical look at sex and find out if we are going wrong, where we are going wrong, and how to get back on track.

There's a strange situation where people WANT to be virgins. Which confuses me because when I was young and in school, we would all lie about NOT being one. So the idea to be a technical virgin is foreign and confusing. Not to mention it also answers the question on if you're up for anal. Which I suppose saves everyone the awkward conversation.

Not to mention that if it's all for the loophole of getting into heaven or being a good religious follower.. don't you fail already? Whenever I try to find a loophole to get out of doing something it doesn't look all that good on paper for me. Loophole for getting out of paying taxes means I'm going to get boned by the I.R.S. The very idea of a loophole means you're trying to weasel your way out of a situation. If you don't want to be a virgin, then have sex. If you want the title then you're going to have to not give it up. Sticking feathers up your ass does not make you a chicken.

I'm also a little confused on how these kids got to this point. When I was young I had ability to talk to women. Perhaps Aladdin's subliminal message that "Good teenagers take off their clothes" really did work. You evil bastards at Disney. Why couldn't you have released that film earlier? Perhaps I need some guidance.. a book, perhaps? Oh look, if only I had a 9 year old come to my rescue and teach me the pick up artist ways

Add Image
I would be willing to bet that I've slept with at least 2 more women than him

Why look, a 9 year old writes a book on how to talk to girls. Color me shocked. Not that he wrote a book, kids these days are very talented. But that he actually talks to girls. When I was 9 I wouldn't touch a girl in fear that I would get a dreaded case of the cooties and not be able to play for a week. But let's see what his story is all about:
He's only 9, but this pint-sized pickup artist already knows plenty about pleasing the ladies.

So much, in fact, that Alec Greven's dating primer, "How to Talk to Girls" - which began as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair - hit the shelves nationwide last week.

The fourth-grader from Castle Rock, Colo., advises Lothario wannabes to stop showing off, go easy on the compliments to avoid looking desperate - and be wary of "pretty girls."

"It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry," he writes in Chapter Three.

"Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil."
Oh how misogyny is so cute these days. I would say that if you're picking up a book written by a 9 year old on how to talk to women, you're already looking pretty desperate. I suppose I should just say how cute this is, but it's leading up to more of those stupid PUA techniques and the world doesn't need more of that shit. It may be cute and all, but this should be common sense. Saying Hi to someone shouldn't be a pick up trick. It' a simple matter of saying hello to someone.

I wrote a lot of stupid shit when I was a kid. Hell, my friend wrote a ten part epic long story based on a Star Wars Tie-Fighter toy I lent him. And this was in High school. I don't see him nor I getting a book deal out of it. The twist here is that the kids parents had pull and got him the book deal. Way to go Mom and Pop, you just turned your son into VH1's Mystery Jr. I'm sure he'll be missing out in high school on all those technical virgins because they're hip to his game and see that he treats women like cars.

How can you look at this douche and not laugh?

After all these PUA technique bullshit taught by both the young and old, I'm sure you're going to need to get checked out before too long. What with the health industry in the position it's in and most of you without any health care, you'll need some help with that. Aren't you in luck since you can simply ask for a Planned Parenthood Gift Card for Christmas.

Gift Certificates for Birth control? Foes say bah!

At the planned Parenthood of Indiana, 'tis the season of giving health care and contraception. But it's a sentiment that opponents of abortion and artificial birth control say denigrates the holiday season. The network of 35 clinics across the state announced it is offering holiday vouchers for basic health car services "or the recipient's choice of birth control method."

The organization decided to offer the vouchers because so many people are uninsured or are putting off health care because of prohibitive costs, said Betty Cockrum, president and CEO of Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Nearly 800,000 Indiana residents don't have health insurance, she said. Planned Parenthood's annual exams for women, which include Pap tests and breast exams, typically cost $58. The vouchers can be used for the exams, but also for insurance copays and for medication.

Opponents of abortion said Planned Parenthood was making a "mockery" of the holiday season. "The tragedy is that almost 6,000 fewer children will be celebrating a first Christmas this year because they were aborted in Planned Parenthood's Indiana clinics," said Mike Fichter, president and CEO of Indiana Right to Life.

Planned Parenthood of Indiana operates abortion clinics in Indianapolis, Merrillville and Bloomington. "They deserve coal in their stocking, not money for lethal gift certificates," said Sister Diane Carollo, director of the Office for Pro-Life Ministry for the Catholic Archdiocese of Indianapolis. But Cockrum said the vouchers were about giving basic health care, and potentially lifesaving care.

Birth control, it's the gift that keeps on giving.. I know what I'm taking to the white elephant exchange at work. When it comes to practical gifts, I suppose this one is up there. It's certainly no tube socks or a sweater made by your grandmother. After unwrapping a lot of packages, I suppose getting tested would be high on the priority list. ZING! Who needs a Best Buy gift card for DVDs when you can just get a pap smear? Even those technical virgins still have to worry about VD and I don't mean Valentines Day. All in all, people are going to have sex.. or not have sex. I'm not really sure anymore. Perhaps by giving them a key to getting checked out and staying on top of their health, it may actually encourage responsibility. I'm willing to bet it's a better gift than a fruit cake.

No comments: