Monday, April 27, 2009

Become An NRA Member

Become An NRA Member

I'm no gun nut. Sure, I've fired off a full auto machine gun and I've pulled the trigger to a tommy gun, but that doesn't mean I think that anyone has a justified reason for owning any sort of gun like that for home protection. But that wont stop me from getting something for free.

From their cold dead hands to your internet, the NRA is offering a free one-year membership in an attempt to boost their numbers and take advantage of the Obama freakout that is turning former patriotic Wingnuts into CSA citizens.

Check out these benefits!

* 24/7 Defense of Your Firearm Freedoms
* NRA's Freedom Times Monthly E-Letter
* Your NRA Membership Card and Decal
* Savings on Hotels, Rental Cars and More
* Invitations to Friends of NRA Dinners and Celebration of American Values Special Events


* Free Admission to NRA's Show With Over Five Acres of Guns, Gear and Outfitter Displays (with current membership) in Phoenix, 2009 - Charlotte, 2010 - Pittsburgh, 2011

I am signing up today (as a fake name of course) and so should you! Keep in mind they link to the USPS database, so you'll have to put a real address like a hotel or Wrigley Field. If you need any help with that, it's 1060 West Addison. Just pretend you're on a mission from god.

It's solely for home protection! Where's my rights to bare nuclear arms?!

I guess I never bothered looking into being an NRA member because.. well, because you people are fucking crazy. Who the hell needs to join a gun about rifles. You got some serious penis issues, man. This is just like joining the just for men hair club. Yeah, not needed and not something to brag about. I've shot a fully automatic gun in the desert once. Was it fun? Yeah, I guess it was a bit fun. A whole lot better than pissing my money away at the casinos. But not something I'd join to preserve my rights to.

When I came across this free offer I was a bit surprised by it actually. Not because it was free but because you mean to tell me that you previously had to pay to be a gun nut? I understand freedom isn't free, ZING! But paying to be a member of the NRA just cements that you're pretty fucking crazy.

I mean, 24/7 representation? it's 2am on Sunday morning, my gun rights are being threatened, who do I call? You open the window and sit on the sill, cradling your gun as suspiciously dark strangers approach your gated community

if you want to ambush the strangers, move to page 65 to put on your tactical pants
if you want to scare them away with a racist slur and a warning shot, move to page 45

If you want to see the quality piece of works you'll get from being a member, click here

Yeah..when I think about this shit, my thoughts are to not actually sign up. Sure the bumper sticker and ironicness of being a NRA member is tempting, but you don't want the NRA to have one more member to tell congress they represent. Even if the reason why hunting is still around is because it's one of the few things keeping rural towns alive after nafta moved all the local manufacturing jobs overseas. So that the only shit possible to make here is crap to blow shit up.

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