Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Fools Come Out All Day

Fools Come Out All Day

Well today is the day. The day we celebrate being an idiot. Happy April fools. Get it out of your system cause I don't want any of that shit near my birthday. It's bad enough it always has to be seven days apart from it.

I'm not much for April fools day. I have the same mentality on this festive holiday as I do Valentines day. Why do something on a day EVERYONE is expecting it done? Isn't the element of surprise a big factor in most any prank? I used to be a pretty good prankster in my day. I would really get people good. Oh man, I was pretty fucking evil. But those days are behind me.

It's also good to know who you're pranking. A little word of advice, don't pull a prank on your boss. You would like to keep you job. Likewise don't pull one over on your significant other. You don't want to have the joke come back to you in the form of no sex.

Since I know you fuckers aren't very creative, here's some helpful advice on pranks you can pull on others.

- Salt on toothbrush.
I'm a sucker for the classics. This will offer a little burn if they don't take care of their gums and even if they do, it wont be a good feeling.

- Get over the counter mouth numbing agent and mix it with the filling of Oreo Cookies
This is a good way to see who is eating all your Oreos at work and a nice way to fuck with them. It'll also numb their mouth so they wont be able to talk for the next hour or so.

I'm not even sure what this adds up to but I really want to see the prank in action

- Set the autocorrect on office to replace '.' with ', bitch.'

- Slip some methylene blue into the coffee of a coworker
Every time they go take a piss it'll be blue. You also wont kill them, so that's a bonus.

- Keep it simple and use a rubber band to lock a kitchen sink sprayer hose on.
Oh the fun to bad had when they turn on the faucet and the water comes right at them. Bonus points if they're wearing a white shirt.

Save this as the desktop of your friends computer.

-Take a crap in the kitty liter box and wait for someone to find it.
Add to the laugh factor by eating corn the day prior. Confusion all around.

- Get a Doe-in-heat and Fox Urine stuff they have in the hunting section at Wal-Mart.
Replace it with your buddies cologne or aftershave.. Instant success.

- Tell your significant other that you are pregnant.
Ok, it only will confuse mine if I told them that but if I was a woman I would so fake a pregnancy.

You can always do the flower/hairdryer trick

Ah yes, a classic

-Stage your own murder.
I'm going to stage my own murder, but let it "accidentally" slip to my co-workers and friends such that they think that they're on to my prank. Then, on April fools day, they'll find the murder scene of me lying dead, walk up and poke at me, laugh and such, and then figure out very slowly that I'm really dead.

The prank will get better as police ask questions as to why they screwed with a crime scene, and why they didn't report it if they had hints of my impending murder. If I do this right, I can plant evidence on one of them beforehand and get them on trial for my "murder."

And for the best possible prank ever pulled....

- Every year, I spend about 2 months telling my friends, family and co-workers about how April fool's is my favorite day of the year since it's the start of MY month. I make comments on how I have the perfect prank for the year, and how certain people are really going to be screwed. When the day finally arrives, I do nothing at all. It's awesome seeing everyone I know on edge and watching their back for a whole day expecting me to screw them over.

So the prank is nothing. Nothing at all but the manufacturing of fear.

So there you go. Some ideas on what to do for this stupid holiday that shadows over my special day. Fuck you, April fools.

Well whatever you decide to do, don't do it to me. Remember, I gave you these ideas just imagine what I can come up or holding back.

Balls in your court, punk.

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