Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Day After Earth Day

The Day After Earth Day

Well, it's done with. Earth day is a thing of yesterday. You can actually go back to your wasteful ways now. I mean, it's not like Earth day was partially created by a murderer. The fella's name is Ira Einhorn and he's laying claim to helping found the whole concept behind Earth day.

I say we stop telling people to save this fucking planet, we're doomed, people are generally worthless and don't deserve to survive beyond what we're heading to. We're only making it so that the time humans survive on this planet gets shorter and shorter. So maybe it is a good thing that we have a holiday to teach the kids how to take care of the planet. But what will the listen to?

Oh yeah, TV. Kids love that shit. They sit in front of the boob tube and watch cartoons all day. Back in my day we had Captain Planet. But Captain Planet was horrible TV. You had terribly characters calling for the planet's power to save them when they were in trouble. Way to pass the buck there. Constantly fighting with a pollution rat trying to get pollution down to zero. How is that sharing this planet with everyone?

Then again now in retrospect the entire cast of characters were gross stereotypes and it attempted to be 'diverse' by just stereotyping everyone and everything in its path, regardless of color. I love how the South American had a goofy "mystic" power that was completely useless and was basically the retarded sidekick of the American.

Dr. Blight is my favorite eco-villain. She always seemed so enthusiastic about things and wasn't as gross as that rat guy.

*She develops a laser to turn the spirit of earth into a homeless person*
*She cuts down the Tree of Life, turning a reservation into a superfund site in the process*
*She goes back in time and sells nukes to Hitler*

Surprisingly, eco-villainy was just her back-up career. She used to test nerve gas on humans, but quit after accidental exposure horrifically scarred the left side of her face.

Perhaps the best Captain Planet episode was the one where the American brought peace to Northern Ireland. I think half of Belfast is blown up in the episode or something.

Yeah, good luck with that peace shit, homie.

I guess no one has considered that Captain Planet is almost singlehandedly responsible for the resistance towards widespread nuclear power.

Besides, it's not like people were actually afraid of nuclear power if it wasn't for such hate done by Captain Planet. Sure, the China syndrome may have freaked some people out but the fact that I have to explain the China syndrome right now means it wasn't THAT big of a shit. What the China syndrome calls for is that it'll eat through the fuckin' earth and create a hole all the way to china.

Has anyone thought of the negative attention caused by Earth day. All those stupid conservatives that declare that they will leave all their lights on all day and idel their car for hours and crank their heat and their A/C up all to be counter culture.

Normally, those of us with sanity sit Earth Day out, while schools frighten kids with apocalyptic tales of the earth being destroyed, because we enjoy a high standard of living. Nothing escapes blame -- the cars we drive, the kind of light bulbs we use, or even the kind of bags we shop with.

Don't make this Indian cry.

While it's nice to not be wasteful when shopping, I doubt the reusable shopping bags have that much of an impact. In fact, I doubt we are looking at ourselves a bit to proudly in thinking that we have the power to destroy this planet. We have done a lot to save the people of earth. That's about it. Long after we are dead the planet will be here. Be it a bit warmer because the sun is closer. But it'll be here in its pure form.

Earth day is not about saving the planet. It's about keeping rent control in place. If we screw around with the environment then it'll create a difficult system that we'll live in. The recycling and all the reusing of materials is great for the sole purpose of keeping things better. So when trying to educate your children about Earth day, focus on aspiring greatness in keeping that status quo, those cooler temps and the ice caps to a level that we can live on. To continue the legacy of having animals not go extinct.

This one, I suppose you can make cry.

No comments: