Thursday, April 2, 2009

Good Bye To Hummers!

Good Bye To Hummers!

Today GM was suppose to make a decision on if the Hummer brand name lives on (through another company buying out a lemon) or dies and gets discontinued.

DETROIT -- General Motors is postponing a decision on the fate of its Hummer brand for a "few weeks" as it works to complete a sale.

On Feb. 17, former CEO Rick Wagoner said GM would decide Hummer's future by today. Clarke told dealers that GM would have a final announcement on Hummer "in the next few weeks rather than months." CEO Fritz Henderson reiterated that timetable in a press conference today.

What can I say and good riddance to the hummer-brand vehicle, though its mostly a symbolic death anyways since they're all just re-sheet-metaled Tahoes. Yeah, yeah. I know. "If you hate hummers you hate America." whatever. I hate them. They're too big, thus making you a terrible driver on the road. If the H2 was the most American car out there, then I'll gladly be seen driving my unsafe little eurobox.

Here's hoping that no one buys it and the Hummer brand becomes a huge symbol of failure like the Edsel, only the failure involved isn't incompetence but wastefulness and conspicuous consumption

Why rationalize ever buying a Hummer? Some housewives think it's better for safety...
With the Hummer, Dr. Rapaille said: ''People told me, 'I can protect my family. If someone bumps into me, they're dead.' People love this feeling.'' One female H2 buyer told him: ''I have three kids in the car with me and no one is going to look at me as a soccer mom.''
This is simply saying that you like your car because it can kill people. How about this idea, DON'T DRIVE LIKE A FUCKIN' MORON! If you want an actual tough vehicle with ground clearance and solid build, you get an ugly-ass H1 to take your kids to soccer practice. But if you want to be a horrible upper-middle-class turd with a status symbol that barely fits in one of your 4 garage stalls, you get an H2/H3. Honestly what about the H2/H3 doesn't scream "soccer mom" or "white collar scum"


For that matter, they weren't that much safer than any other car anyway. Just because the Army uses them doesn't mean shit in terms of its safety record. They are used in wars and are suppose to be light cargo vehicles/troop transports, which they do as well as most other vehicles of that role.

They're not, however, supposed to be combat vehicles. Despite this, a fellow by the name of Rumsfeld seems to think they're adequate for that task and uses them anyway. A high school buddy of mine went into the army and said that it was a pain in the ass to park his Hummer. Every time he would have to park it he would rather put a wheel chock under the tire and an oil pan under the engine as this was easier than getting them to not pop out of park or leak oil.

They are pieces of garbage and are completely unreliable, high-maintenance and overly complex, perfect for the US military.

I guess it shouldn't come to any surprise that this piece of shit is finally going to be put out its misery. It's like saying that plaid suit sales plummet. No shit they would. Only morons would want to wear one of those... just like only morons drive hummers.

I had a friend who worked covering the detroit auto show for a taping said all the Hummer reps were assholes in brown leather jackets with punchable faces. I can believe it.

I still don't get the appeal of riding in a limo. Let alone a piece of shit Hummer limo. What the fuck is the point. I wont even get into a regular stretched limo. Not even for a wedding or funeral, to begin with. Unless I was really drunk and drugged up. Otherwise I would feel like a real asshole.

I'm not on My Super Sweet Sixteen, so I don't need that flash to feel the need that I'm important. I already know I'm not important. No need for that flash. I can't even imagine the gas milage of the limo version of this crap.


The connection to military power, jingoism and supporting American imperialism fascinates me. Thus it's doubly ironious that as US imperial might diminishes, Americans are hoping the Chinese will save their Hummers. Since that is what will need to happen if the Hummer has even a prayer to stay around.

They weren't even good for the whole off road purpose. Not like anyone who owns one ever took it off the pavement anyway. They offered a false sense of security. Like walking around with a gun. You feel like a big man then. Only to find out your gun has no bullets. That's when you get fucked. That's when I laugh my ass off at you.

Shit like this just makes me laugh

It should be titled America.avi

What with the Hummer on its deathbed it makes me hope that I get a hummer on my deathbed. It'll be a lot cooler than ever owning a gas guzzling piece of shit.

Whenever I see a Hummer I have been humming this song:

I drive a Hummer; yeah, my cock's real small
Girls wonder if it's even - there at all
I drive a Hummer.. yeeeeeeeeah
Compensation, the American way

When I think of Hummers I think of that Simpsons piece. It's the sum of what all those over compensating drivers make me think. Like the short guy who buys the really tall car or that balding 50 year old who picks up the sports car to impress "the ladiez". All those cars may over shadow my little Honda but at least I'm getting good gas millage.

MPG (city)
MPG (highway)
MPG (combined)

This is not something you should brag about. The fuel economy on these pieces of shit are beyond awful.

In the most ironic twist of all, it seems the same stupid mentality is carried over to the newly free countries, such as Iraq. Maybe they should sell it to Iraqi's. It seems they're more than willing and able to carry on the legacy.
“I just knew there’d be a huge demand for this in Baghdad,” he said. Now Mr. Hilli and his brother Dhafir run a car dealership specializing in Hummers. It is called, in English, “Al Sultan for Trading Cars.”

An American diplomat declared that it was the biggest Hummer dealership outside of the United States, a fact that seemed too good to check. Unfortunately, Mr. Hilli has checked. “It’s the biggest one in Baghdad, though, that’s for sure,” he said.

Never mind that General Motors, Hummer’s struggling parent company, may scrap the brand or sell it to someone else.

“Iraqis love them because they’re really a symbol of power,” said Mr. Hilli, a chubby 37-year-old who could not stop chuckling. Nonetheless, he spoke with authority, since he was his own first customer.

Oh the Irony. So enjoy your patriotic symbol before it becomes something "the terrorist" latch onto.

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