Pass It Fwrd

How many times do you get this sort of shit in your mail.

"Your true love will surprise you by midnight tonight....."
"Hot chicks will rock your cock....."
"You will have good luck for the rest of the day...."
"Your enemies will bow before your glorious might...."

Wow, those are amazing events that I would like to live out. Who doesn't want to smite their enemies in public? Well, much like any good beer, the buzz fades quickly and you wake up in a tub full of ice and a missing organ. In this case, it goes away when you realize that the end of those phrases usually say ".....If you pass this on to ten people"

Oh man, what a thrill kill. I'm going to have to do something in order to get this? At times like this I would love to live my life more towards the motto of If I wasn't so Lethargic, I would be more apathetic. It doesn't sound like such a task. I simply have to send this e-mail to ten people and then all my dreams and fantasies will come true? On paper it does sound like a fair trade. Though you then realize what that means.

What if those ten people I send it to already received it? Would my initial one person I was getting credit for still count? What if I'm socially inept that I don't even have ten people to send it to? Should I not be entitled to such promises then? How do I know they even got it? This shit is sounding harder and harder as I think about it. Do I really want to bother someone else? What if they send it back to me. This can lead to a never ending cycle of either great luck or total frustration.

Fuck that shit. I don't need the stress. Do I look like I need ulcers? I'd rather let my enemies not bow down to me if it means I get to relax and not have to take on all this worthless stress. What good is spiting them if in turn, they are spiting you by making you do all this work?

Then how long is the turn around for this sort of service? Should I expect my enemies to bow down before me the next day? Or will it be like one of those mail in rebates where I'm sitting by the mail box for 6-8 weeks. Don't even get me started on how long I waited for cereal mail in toys. I really can't afford to spend that amount of time sitting next to the mail box in the rain and this cold anymore. What if it's not as advertised? Do they know my enemies? Is it a one size fits all sort of thing? So many questions and so little answered.

The moral of the story is don't send me stupid fwd's that offer false promises. They shatter my heart in places I haven't felt because it has been cold and black for so many years.