Let's Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

Let's Do It Like They Do On The Discovery Channel

Yesterdays hostage situation on at the Discovery Channel is a clear sign that something is wrong with humanity.

The problem is that people don't know how to do a proper hostage situation! I mean, come on. This guy was too much of a treehugger and spent far too much time on hippie websites and not enough time on bomb making websites. What a total failure. Then again, his message was just as insane as he was, but he sure wanted to get it across.

On the surface it just seems like the film Airheads come to life and instead of a demo tape, it's an ecological message. Only I wish that Adam Sandler got shot at the end of Airheads instead of getting the hot big boobed chick.



Anyhow, the dude died in the hostage situation, so maybe you should take a moment to see his absurd manifesto and break it down. You'll be amazed at what you'll learn from reading the mind of a maniac. Besides, this will be a good primer before we get next week's headline of a man gunning down a kindergarten class after delivering his manifesto based on Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:

The Discovery Channel MUST broadcast to the world their commitment to save the planet and to do the following IMMEDIATELY:

1. The Discovery Channel and it's affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn's "My Ishmael" pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other's inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs' places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

3. All programs promoting War and the technology behind those must cease. There is no sense in advertising weapons of mass-destruction anymore. Instead, talk about ways to disassemble civilization and concentrate the message in finding SOLUTIONS to solving global military mechanized conflict. Again, solutions solutions instead of just repeating the same old wars with newer weapons. Also, keep out the fraudulent peace movements. They are liars and fakes and had no real intention of ending the wars. ALL OF THEM ARE FAKE! On one hand, they claim they want the wars to end, on the other, they are demanding the human population increase. World War II had 2 Billion humans and after that war, the people decided that tripling the population would assure peace. WTF??? STUPIDITY! MORE HUMANS EQUALS MORE WAR!

4. Civilization must be exposed for the filth it is. That, and all its disgusting religious-cultural roots and greed. Broadcast this message until the pollution in the planet is reversed and the human population goes down! This is your obligation. If you think it isn't, then get hell off the planet! Breathe Oil! It is the moral obligation of everyone living otherwise what good are they??

He's right, you know. Discovery channel is such shit.

At this point let's take a little half time to soak in what he's saying. Don't think this is over with cause the man sure knew how to write on, but let's focus on some of his current points.

I wonder what Kate, from the hit show "Kate Plus Eight" has to say about this whole situation. In a way it's a good thing that Kate stuck around and Jon left because I don't think a show called Jon's Octagon would have the same marketability.

I guess I could always use this when my girlfriend eventually drops the baby talk on me. That much like this captain of ecology industry, speaking from a moral point of view, I'd rather have a tiger than a human baby because there are too few tigers and too plentiful people. Some people just don't get it.

I'm a bit confused about the hatred towards the weapon porn shows. If you hate humanity and feel like we're a plague on this green earth, weapon porn would be great. It encourages more dead people. If anything this dude should be thrilled if we have more wars. More opportunity to decrease our numbers and leave this planet at peace.

More humans may equal more wars. But more wars equals less humans. Think about it, man! Humanity may be filth but I'm sure taking a cable network hostage isn't going to fix it. Most people who do go green don't generally watch tv and would most certainly not be watching Discovery to begin with.

In fact, the only people you'll be getting by taking over the air waves is the lazy asses you hate so much and you wont be changing their minds in the slightest. Okay, let's move on to some of his other points.

5. Immigration: Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that. Find solutions to stopping it. Call for people in the world to develop solutions to stop it completely and permanently. Find solutions FOR these countries so they stop sending their breeding populations to the US and the world to seek jobs and therefore breed more unwanted pollution babies. FIND SOLUTIONS FOR THEM TO STOP THEIR HUMAN GROWTH AND THE EXPORTATION OF THAT DISGUSTING FILTH! (The first world is feeding the population growth of the Third World and those human families are going to where the food is! They must stop procreating new humans looking for nonexistant jobs!)

6. Find solutions for Global Warming, Automotive pollution, International Trade, factory pollution, and the whole blasted human economy. Find ways so that people don't build more housing pollution which destroys the environment to make way for more human filth! Find solutions so that people stop breeding as well as stopping using Oil in order to REVERSE Global warming and the destruction of the planet!

7. Develop shows that mention the Malthusian sciences about how food production leads to the overpopulation of the Human race. Talk about Evolution. Talk about Malthus and Darwin until it sinks into the stupid people's brains until they get it!!

8. Saving the Planet means saving what's left of the non-human Wildlife by decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies! You're the media, you can reach enough people. It's your resposibility because you reach so many minds!!!

9. Develop shows that will correct and dismantle the dangerous US world economy. Find solutions for their disasterous Ponzi-Casino economy before they take the world to another nuclear war.

Woah, woah woah. You had me till you talked about anchor babies. Did you really just go on about anchor babies as a problem? They should have called in the broad from The Closer to handle this hostage situation. Five minutes of listening to her and I'd blow my brains out for sure. But seriously, you're raging about anchor babies?

Here's another little intermission. Don't worry, we're almost to the end. Trust me, it's juicy stuff worth reading about.

I hate to break it to the guy but there's really no way to reverse global warming. You can't just refreeze those ice burgs, lower the ocean levels and patch up the hole in the ozone. Just can't be done so don't bother trying. Best you can do is stop the bleeding, and even then it's a case of the ball is already rolling. Many scientist have already said that we're past the point of no return already.

And while this guy is insane, I still love the line in #9 where he says "solutions for their disasterous Ponzi-Casino economy..." That line is awesome and I'm stealing it from him. It's not like he's going to notice anyway given the fact that he's dead and all.

The best hope for the planet really is for every person to kill someone else, then themselves. I'm not even speaking ironically. Just kill yourself, folks. Death is certain after all. Okay, back to the action!

10. Stop all shows glorifying human birthing on all your channels and on TLC. Stop Future Weapons shows or replace the dialogue condemning the people behind these developments so that the shows become exposes rather than advertisements of Arms sales and development!

11. You're also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing. All these unemployed people makes me think the US is headed toward more war.

Humans are the most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what's left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture.

For every human born, ACRES of wildlife forests must be turned into farmland in order to feed that new addition over the course of 60 to 100 YEARS of that new human's lifespan! THIS IS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE FOREST CREATURES!!!! All human procreation and farming must cease!

It is the responsiblity of everyone to preserve the planet they live on by not breeding any more children who will continue their filthy practices. Children represent FUTURE catastrophic pollution whereas their parents are current pollution. NO MORE BABIES! Population growth is a real crisis. Even one child born in the US will use 30 to a thousand times more resources than a Third World child. It's like a couple are having 30 babies even though it's just one! If the US goes in this direction maybe other countries will too!

Also, war must be halted. Not because it's morally wrong, but because of the catastrophic environmental damage modern weapons cause to other creatures. FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!

The world needs TV shows that DEVELOP solutions to the problems that humans are causing, not stupify the people into destroying the world. Not encouraging them to breed more environmentally harmful humans.

Saving the environment and the remaning species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.

The humans? The planet does not need humans.

You MUST KNOW the human population is behind all the pollution and problems in the world, and YET you encourage the exact opposite instead of discouraging human growth and procreation. Surely you MUST ALREADY KNOW this!

I want Discovery Communications to broadcast on their channels to the world their new program lineup and I want proof they are doing so. I want the new shows started by asking the public for inventive solution ideas to save the planet and the remaining wildlife on it.

Before we move on I would like to point out that every good list of demands will from here on out HAVE to include the word "Froggies" in it somewhere. If my demand is not met, I will... fuck. Well, I won't do anything but I would hope that if you're crazy enough to take hostages, you'd be crazy enough to include such a silly demand in there.

If you're wondering who pulled the trigger, it was Mike Rowe of course. Hey it is a Dirty Job after all. Just in time for sweeps we get a very special dirty jobs where Mike goes behind the scenes with a Swat team on a hostage situation.

There was already a death on Deadliest Catch, so that one doesn't need another one in this short of a time period. I like how this guy expects the discovery channel to research solutions to unemployment and homelessness but at the same time hates all human beings and wishes for them to die off.

Then again, while I'm not cheering for this guy. In fact I think folks who are cheering for him (no one that I know of) would be hypocrites by default because they have not killed themselves. I suppose the bible passage of Matthew 26:41 comes to mind "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak".



Let me talk about the whole hostage idea for a minute though. I have to wonder how the hostage taker expected this to turn out? Walking into a building with a gun and fake explosives attached to his persons. Did he expect them to continue fulfilling those demands after he was taken into custody or was he planning on continuing the hostage situation for the whole fall season?

Negotiators usually do not offer anything solid other than something that can be delivered right here and right now. Stuff like a jet or a chopper or a telephone call or money. Something fairly small and easily obtained. So of course they were going to stall for time.

Remember that the goal is not to give the guy what he wants, it's to steer him off his current rage and get him on some sort of common ground with the negotiator where the negotiator can deliver things that he wants in the short term. You also have to remember that everything a police negotiator says during the pre-arraignment stages of this crime being committed can be and are most likely a lie. They could lie through their teeth and tell the guy anything he wants to get him to peacefully give up, which could include telling a Discovery rep to promise this guy in writing that they'll change their programming to his demands.. and then never do so.

So the whole concept that he would get the network to change their programing by taking them by gun point - Yeah, that's a Myth Busted.

In the end all James J. Lee wanted was that all humans on the earth be gone. But what ended up happening was that this situation only resulted in one preventing one person from destroying this earth... himself. One down, 7,999,999,999 to go.